Sh!t my husband (and kid!) says

nomangos23 · May 2019

Not sure if there's any interest or if this will take off but.

I thought it might be fun to document all of the ridiculous things our husbands say about our pregnancies / do with our babies! OR, ridiculous things our kids are saying about our pregnancy / their future sibling.

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/1BeVfIHt5TzQlSzCJ2/giphy.gif

nomangos23 · May 2019

Anndddd of course, I'll go first.

Me: Did you know the baby can hear now?
DH: *rolls over to my belly as if to whisper something sweet to his unborn son*
Me: *heart begins to melt*
DH: "Don't say f*ck. F*ck is a bad word"

dinosaur · May 2019

I'm laughing so hard right now

mamaber2204 · May 2019

@nomangos23 OMG that's so funny. And not. But so funny. I actually laughed out loud in my office.

blitzybee · May 2019

😂😂😂 @nomangos23

at at the beginning of pregnancy he said not to worry about people thinking i was pregnant, I just looked chubby 🤦🏻‍♀️ Thanks for that reassurance!

Now his thing is all that he complains about. How exhausted he is, how much weight he’s gained, his sore back... who’s pregnant!? 🤨🙄

I think we should also consider another thread of things kids say! My son has had some good 1 liners about this pregnancy and the mysterious baby in my belly!

nomangos23 · May 2019

@blitzybee I love that idea! I'll update the headline!

threes_companypu · May 2019

My kid keeps saying the baby is in my “boobies” not my belly lol
@blitzybee my husband is the same way. It’s always a game of who has it worse!

zuuls_mom · May 2019

*me talking to my 2.5 yr old DS*

”Are you excited to meet your baby sister?”

DS: “I’m excited to eat her!!”

😳😬

monkeysmom80 · May 2019

My son says he is going to burp and fart the baby.

I told him that sometimes babies cry because they have gas and you need to move their legs and stuff to help pass the gas and this where the fart part came from

blitzybee · May 2019

My almost 4 year old son spun around one time impersonating the baby with eyes closed and said “hey it’s dark! How do I get out of here!?”

He points at my belly button and says the baby will come out of there (I’ll go with that for now!)

One time he cuddled up to me and farted on my belly and laughed for about 10 minutes for farting on the baby.

Every once in a while, he tells me, “mom, I don’t want to go in your belly!” To which I respond-I don’t want you in my belly either!

When we asked him what the baby’s name should be, he said “sister.” Well kiddo, you’re getting a brother and I don’t think he would appreciate that name!

cammie0526 · May 2019

I don’t have any good ones of my own yet, but my boss’s wife is also pregnant. Any time they ask their 3 yr old son “do you want a brother, or a sister?” he says “Nope!” and walks away

blitzybee · May 2019

@duewithpu2 oh my gosh, my son pats my boobs sometimes thinking it’s the baby😳😳😳

kiddiesandkitties · May 2019

We are delivering with midwives. There will be 3 attending the birth - specifically designated one 'for mom' one 'for baby' and one 'extra' (primarily to take such roles in case of emergency).
Husband: 'what do you think the third is expected to do during labor/delivery? What do you anticipate them doing? Just hang back and wait, out of the way? Perhaps they can rub my back.'

WTH?!!?!? NO ONE is going to be rubbing YOUR BACK when I'M pushing out a baby, H. SMH.

LJMoon6 · May 2019

I was getting ready for work this morning, about to jump in the shower…

DH: Damn! Look at those nips.

Me: (looks down and sees absolutely nothing different about them) What are you talking about.

DH: They’re so pointy! I can’t wait to milk them!

SMH. WTF dude.

I should add that there’s a running joke between us about milking me. When MH told his supervisor that we’re expecting, he excitedly told MH that he needs to try my breast milk. Apparently his supervisor, who has like 12 kids, likes to drink his wife’s BM straight from the nip during foreplay. What!? That’s not really a thing… is it!?

RedBreast35 · May 2019

LOL @LJMoon6 I don't know if it's a "thing" or not, but it sure doesn't seem like a "thing" you share with one of your employees!!
disgusted liar liar GIF

kiddiesandkitties · May 2019

@LJMoon6 I'm just over here jealous of your perky pointy nips. I have recently graduated from small cute normal looking boobs to out of control flying saucer nips the size of XL slices of bologna. Seriously not cute.

MsBeachNJ · May 2019

I have a few cute ones from my daughter.

The first night we told her that she was going to be a big sister, she was like nonchalant about it, so I said, "do you have any questions sweetheart?" and she said, "I do!" "Ok hunny, ask me anything" and she proceeds with "its about Dinosaurs..." (Kill the sweet moment!)

The morning after we told her about the baby she lifted the blanket off me in bed and looking at my belly asks "Is the baby here yet?" (We're going to hear this a lot over the next 4 months!)

After telling her that the baby can hear her voice and will know that she is her big sister, "I"m going to talk to the baby, I'm going to ask what its name is" "OK, you let me know what the baby says" after putting her ear to my belly, "It's name is Baby Huck" (We have no idea where this came from, but figure the nickname could be worse, so we're not correcting her.)

She tells EVERYONE that she sees that she is going to be a big sister, which is amazing, and also makes me SO grateful that we waited until after 20+ weeks to tell her (after we told work, family, friends, etc.!)

nomangos23 · May 2019

@ljmoon6

I'm DYING! My husband is complete opposite and wants me to ask at the next appointment when the milk comes in so he knows when to stop touching my boobies. lol

LJMoon6 · May 2019

@RedBreast35 I think the only explanation I have to give is that he works in a factory. He's surrounded by immature, uneducated men. You do not want to know the shit they talk about.

dinosaur · May 2019

NBR but still funny.

My 19 month old son just learned the word hot. So, last night as we were getting ready for bed he points at the heater in his room and goes "hot!". I say "that right, heaters are hot. That's why we don't touch them". Then he walks over to the heater and blows on it. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

LJMoon6 · May 2019

@nomangos23 Oh MH is completely joking. He would never taste my BM either. Lol at YH wanting you to ask your doctor.

zuuls_mom · May 2019

@LJMoon6 my face reading that last lil tidbit:

confused parks and recreation GIF

blitzybee · May 2019

@LJMoon6 aaaaand in the health care field, BM is bowel movement... so I definitely read that wrong the first time

mamaber2204 · May 2019

@blitzybee We're on the same page! I can't use BM as an acronym. MH will ask if I want BM for dinner....meaning Boston Market....and I'm like, well, not now! Haha! Also, @LJMoon6 I cut DH off from boob access (any touching) somewhere around the midpoint of pregnancy 1 and he hasn't regained it since I just stopped nursing and am halfway through pregnancy 2! They're just too sensitive.

LJMoon6 · May 2019

@blitzybee Oh god. I want to go back and change it so bad now (but I wont cause it's hilarious). I will never see "BM" the same lol.

kiddiesandkitties · May 2019

@mamaber2204 oh lord! I couldn’t go with that acronym even before. It would totally register Bowel Movement for me. 🤣🤣

kgg2241 · May 2019

@LJMoon6 😂😂😂 thank you for that. I seriously just lost it reading that to DH. We both agree that it isn't a thing...At least hopefully not!

lillywonderland · May 2019

DH had an interesting proposition for me last night and I’m 95% sure he was joking. He wants to fully take over all the parenting responsibilities for DS, and then let me have all the parenting responsibilities for DD(in utero currently) and then we would compare them at 25 to see who was “more successful”.

I kid you not.

sunshine2417 · May 2019

@lillywonderland DO IT!!!!!! Except that also sounds exhausting...

lillywonderland · June 2019

Resurrecting this because...

Last night DS was giving my belly hugs and kisses. He wanted to “see” baby sister so he lifted my shirt up off my belly. When he was done “seeing” her he put my shirt down and said “night night!!” 🥰

blitzybee · June 2019

@lillywonderland that’s so cute! My son does that too, and it usually comes with a belly button poke.

a couple days ago, he tried to reveal the baby to a new (male) doctor... and he thought the baby was in my boobs. Holy heck that was embarrassing!!! 😳😳😳

mamaber2204 · June 2019

@blitzybee Haha oh no! My son seems to get confused about whether the baby is in my belly or boobs, too, but thankfully hasn't yet pulled that stunt!

sunshine2417 · June 2019

This morning I woke up, looked in the mirror while getting ready, and exclaimed “Hey hunni, I think baby girl must have repositioned herself. Don’t you think my bump looks a little smaller today?!?”

He replies, “hmmm... no, you definitely don’t look any smaller”

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Just tell me I’m pretty and agree with anything I say, even if it’s ridiculous pleaaaase and thank you!

And for the record dear husband, I finally poo-ed yesterday, SO I AM SMALLER TODAY! Hahahaha Ohhhh pregnancy joys...

RedBreast35 · June 2019

LOL @sunshine2417 so much yes to the bump changing sizes due to bowel movements (or lack thereof)!! When people comment on size, it's so hard not to say "But half of it is poo!!"

zuuls_mom · June 2019

This is TMI, but I have been soooo gassy lately that I literally farted myself awake like three times last night. Each time I looked over at H and he seemed like he was sleeping. Well, apparently he heard them because this morning when he walked out of the bathroom from showering the first words out of his mouth were "Oh my god, Sasser. Fart much!?". I almost died laughing not only because of the perfect timing (we had very recently seen that episode of HIMYM during our current re-watch), but also because of this group and our Pineapple connection. It was just perfect.

blitzybee · June 2019

@zuuls_mom 🤣🤣🤣🤣

We gave my son a kid’s digital camera for his birthday, and today he announced “mommy, I took a picture of my penis!”

cue frantic mother figuring out how to delete that... what the heeeeeeeeeck!!!? Is this normal!!!? Kid is gonna get me arrested one of these days with the crazy stunts he pulls!!!

swamplass · June 2019

@blitzybee 😂 dying laughing over here! So innocent and cute. He's going to be an artist!

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