Weekly Questions 4/29

purplg8r · April 2019

What questions do you have this week?

emqbee · April 2019

FTM’s, just curious, are your partners doing anything for mother’s day that you know of? Or are you doing something for yourself?

I had a second question and I’ve completely forgotten it in the span of about 17 seconds ughhh....

Ooh Oh! I remember...
STM’s(or more) When did you notice the nesting syndrome(if you can call it that)?

sourlemon · April 2019

I was due 2 weeks after mothers day with DD1. We did nothing for mothers day except see my mom and call his mom...so nothing for me.

I was nesting with this kid the moment we decided to start TTC (a few months later). Now its just a matter of finding the motivation to do everything. I like to get everything done far ahead of time because the last few weeks are miserable and for me, no amount of nesting urges motivated me to clean all day!

aecm · April 2019

@emqbee - I wasn’t pregnant with my first during Mother’s Day, but I was for Father’s Day...and we didn’t do anything special for DH...just a dinner with his parents, which we would have done no matter what.

Also...I never got the “nesting” urge with my first. But it’s kind of in my personality to prep for things well in advance, so maybe everything was already done by the time I should have been feeling it 😂

wabash15 · May 2019

@emqbee with the twins I probably started "nesting" around 30 weeks.... I don't think I really nested with the last one... DH is big into celebrating Mothers day/fathers day so we celebrated when pregnant.

mkrel · May 2019

I think a FTM deserves to be celebrated on Mother's Day! It is not easy carrying a child emotionally or physically and you become a mom and have all of the love and worry as soon as you become pregnant. I was about a month away from my due date last time. My husband got me a card and flowers, which is all I would ever want/ask for generally for an occasion. It is just nice to feel appreciated and my parents and ILs also called to wish me a happy Mother's Day.

That being said,I think it is a day that many pregnant women are disappointed on, so know your partner and set your expectations accordingly!

heml · May 2019

@emqbee FTM here. I just made a reservation for brunch and told MH I AM HAVING A MIMOSA AND I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS. Ha. Not sure if he’s planning to do anything else. I already scheduled a night away the sat night before Father’s Day because we have a free Hyatt night.

olivemomma · May 2019

I was just finishing up my first trimester for mother’s day the first go around. DH took me out for breakfast and then we announced we were expecting.

as for nesting, I think I started around 25 weeks or so with my first. However, the nesting instinct didn’t set in that much with number 2 and definitely hasn’t hit this time yet either

wanderlustsoul · May 2019

My H said he has something planned but I’m not actually here for mother’s day. I’ll be in Canada. I have no idea what so I guess I’ll find out. He’s good at surprises.

elizabeth_1985 · May 2019

For me, nesting started as soon as the nausea ended. Or just the ability to clean my house in general. Ha

MamaK225 · May 2019

@heml - YESSSSSS! Thank you for reminding me to buy some champagne mini-bottles! #mimosasFTW

I was almost into my 3rd trimester with DD1 for my first Mother's Day. Given all the money, drugs, and travel we did to get to that point, I was most definitely celebrated (as was DH on Father's Day). DH made me a frame with 3-pictures: a picture of DD1 as an embryo from our FET day, an ultrasound of her from a week or so before, and then a blank one that said "I can't wait to meet my mommy - Baby A." I pretty much cried for 2 days over that thing, it was so sweet.

As far as nesting, I have ZERO nesting bones in my body. And DH even complained at one point saying "shouldn't you be nesting by now?" (Don't worry, he survived the fallout) For me, it really didn't happen until after - though it was a part/symptom of my PPA. Being overly-clean and mindful of EVERYTHING and everything in it's place always. This time, I plan to go on meds

If it IS gonna kick in this time, I would like for it to be soon, while I still have the energy and ability. I mean, the nursery hasn't even been started ...

mrosek91 · May 2019

We don't celebrate Mother's day at all, and it did not occur when I was pregnant with DS#1 (March baby), but I do remember that DH bought me a necklace that said Mom in a heart when we found out I was pregnant. I was so mad at him, I told him he was going to jinx the baby. I kept that necklace in my nightstand draw right next the positive pregnancy test, and refused to touch it until I gave birth. Now it's one of my favorite necklaces.

As for nesting, I remember when we were at the birthing class the instructor was talking about third-tri symptoms and discussed nesting, at the time I had never heard of it before, so I turned to DH and said, "that's why I'm suddenly buying more than I usually do," and he was like "yeah, duh, how have you never heard of nesting before?" (In much nicer words.) So anyway I don't remember the exact week, but I think it was beginning of third-tri. For me it mainly manifested as buying stuff, we were in a rental, and couldn't decorate, and I am not a cleaner.

peachy0709 · May 2019

I had already delivered my first when Mother's Day rolled around. DH got me a necklace with DD1's initial on it. It was bunny shaped, and now that DD1 is 5, she wears that necklace sometimes.

I've never really had the nesting urge the way I see it described by others (ie the strong desire to clean, etc).

Avrilmai · May 2019

I don't know that we're doing anything to celebrate me as a mother, we alternate years with our moms, so my mom is this year. I'm hoping next year we can do our own thing same for Father's Day, but I get the feeling that is not a realistic option.

I feel like I'm already nesting, but maybe I'm not sure what the real urge is like. I just want to get. stuff. done. and be ready. We still need to paint the room and the crib was delivered, but it is just sitting in the box. The urge to clean is never really there for me, but I do have moments and when I do look out.

emqbee · May 2019

Loving all the responses! I doubt we’ll do anything major for mother’s day. I would like to do a little something with my mom. We’re close and I think it would be special to spend the day with her while preggo. I doubt husband and I will do much of anything. I might get a “good morning and happy mother’s day!” And I’m ok with that.

I feel like I’ve had random urges to nest here lately. It’s coming in the form of organizing and purging clutter. The room I want to use for the nursery is already a color I like so we just have to get the furniture out of there. I have to refinish the crib we’re using and find a dresser. And I’ve found that I Have the energy to do it all while at work and then I’m pooped at home and on the weekend. Very frustrating.

MamaK225 · May 2019

@emqbee - Organization & purging *definitely* fall into the "nesting" category. Also, I'm jealous you are experiencing that ... I feel so behind. (And also a very sweet thought of you and your mom spending MD together)

emqbee · May 2019

@MamaK225 that’s kind of what I was thinking! I’m embracing it. That’s one part I’ve been really looking forward to. The drive to just...get sh!t done!! I feel a little behind too because I stayed so sick..much past when I thought I’d start feeling human again. It’s definitely overwhelming to think of everything I still want/need to do but on such a limited time frame. It’ll happen...must *organize* priorities!

purplg8r · May 2019

I go back and forth on wanting to celebrate Mother’s Day. On one hand, I think I’ll be really disappointed if H doesn’t do anything but on the other hand, I’m still afraid to jinx everything.

Also, if I could get some of that nesting instinct, that would be great. I still haven’t touched all the boxes and things that need to be cleaned out of the nursery.

emqbee · May 2019

@purplg8r I don’t know your specific situation so take this with a grain of salt.... don’t be afraid to jinx it! You’re pregnant, you’re growing a beautiful life. Celebrate it if you want to! Celebrate yourself for the awesome you’re doing. And if you want your husband to do something, communicate it to him. He’d probably rather know ahead of time than to learn why you’re disappointed afterwards.

olivemomma · May 2019

For the ladies not nesting - I’ve learned it’s not as necessary as some moms think. I was in such a hurry to get my nursery completed before the baby came and I barely touched it for 4 months (save my rocker which I lived in but that could have been anywhere!)

thirdtimesacharm2019 · May 2019

RE: Mother’s Day... I’ve tried to “opt out” every year since I lost my mom, but DH requires I let the kids make it a special day for me... so we will likely have that power struggle again this year 🙄.

cato99 · May 2019

I gave birth like 3ish days before Mother’s Day with DD and we had just gotten home from the hospital, so the day was very special and I had a nice present from DH (which was my “yay you gave birth” present). I think if I had still been pregnant I would have wanted some acknowledgment!

I really enjoyed my nesting last time, which started around maybe early 3rd tri? It was mainly decluttering and sprucing up lots of spaces in the house.

But the really weird/hormonal/pathological nesting was when I was in labor and I was feverishly limping around my house doing totally irrelevant tasks—like, I was unpacking a random makeup mirror and crawling under a desk trying to plug it in and my mom is like “awww you poor nesting laboring child, chill out” (apparently she had done the same in her labors).

mrosek91 · May 2019

So I know I said in the breast pump thread that I loved my Medela PIS, and was going to get it again. But after everyone was talking about how great the Spectra was, I decided to see if it was covered by my insurance. The S2 is covered. I discussed it with DH, and his feelings were that I still had a PIS in perfectly good shape, I was getting a second for convenience, and it was free, so why not try something new. The down-side is I do need to visit clients, and you never know what the pumping options are going to be there, so not having a battery option would be difficult, but I could just take the PIS to the clients.
I went to finally order it, and there is a new option. I can still get the S2 completely covered by insurance, or I can "upgrade" to the S1 for $65. I know this is still a great deal compared to how much it would cost without insurance, but it blows up my "It's free, so why not?" argument. I'm still really tempted to do it.
Anyone switch from PIS to Spectra? Do you regret it?
Anyone have the S2? Do you wish you had gone for the S1?
Any other general advise?

emqbee · May 2019

Does anyone have suggestions on good online birth classes? Or where I can find something Bradley based for H and I to watch together? It's not likely we'll be able to do a full blown in person 12wk in person class with our work schedules/exhaustion level.

cato99 · May 2019

@mrosek91 I heard the battery option decreases the intensity of the pump so it's not quite as close to hospital-grade. Since you already have a travel option with the PIS, I would go with the fully free version, and you can still justify the "free" part!

jmesue1030 · May 2019

@emqbee have you read the Bradley method book, husband coached childbirth? We did the whole in person class last time but plan to just review by skimming the book this time. I have a friend who just read the book with her first and said that was enough for her to feel confident with her unmedicated childbirth

lovelikestardust · May 2019

Does anyone have experience flying in the third trimester? I'm flying out to California for a shower in early June (I'll be 30 weeks), and was careful about making sure I don't have flights that are too long, but booked a redeye for the way home without even thinking about it. My MIL is worried that's a bad idea since I might be more tired but still have to get up frequently to walk around, and now I'm freaking out about whether I need to change the flight. Any thoughts?

My other travel question is whether anyone has recommendations for comfy maternity travel clothes for cross-country flights. I've never liked traveling in leggings, so I'm trying to avoid that, but any advice would be appreciated!

mrosek91 · May 2019

@lovelikestardust we flew from MD to CA when I was 33 weeks pregnant with DS#1, there actually ended up being a huge snowstorm in MD and our flight home was cancelled, we finally got a flight home the day before my last day to travel.
It was not a big deal. I took an aisle seat, and needed to go the bathroom enough that I walked more often than they say you have to. They were both day flights, but I don't think a red eye would change things significantly. (Unless you're an amazing sleeper on flights, I feel like between general airplane discomfort, and bladder needs, you would walk more than enough.)
I always travel in a Maxi skirt. Motherhood has a really nice one that I'm basically living in these days.

Allycat11 · May 2019

I think Mother's Day is worth celebrating when you are pregnant. I am aware that DH never makes a big deal about birthdays, valentines day or mothers day so I just try to set my expectations as low as possible.

Nesting usually hits for me around mid 2nd tri. Right now I am stressing because I feel like crap still, DH is working a ton and we have what feels like a million projects to get done. Stuff inside the house is getting put on the back burner as we are trying to get outside projects done.

wanderlustsoul · May 2019

@lovelikestardust, not in 3rd tri but I’ve been on 10 flights since I got pregnant and have 2 more next week. Due to where I go, 90% have been overnight flights. I book an aisle seat. With having to pee, you’ll be getting up frequently enough so just turn it into a quick walk around. I wear compression socks. I wore leggings for my flights because I get cold but you could also wear a maxi dress, which would be comfortable. I may actually wear a body con dress next week for my flight since it’s comfy and soft and I can layer so I won’t be cold. I feel like a flight can’t be that long (4 hours?) so it really shouldn’t be a big deal but I’m used to 8+ hour flights so 4 hours is so little to me haha. Bring an extra mini pillow for the seat and drink lots of water!

BigBadWolf12 · May 2019

@lovelikestardust
Last pregnancy I flew from Europe to Canada (5 hours followed by 4 hours on the plane with a 1hr layover at small airport) at 28 weeks and back again at 32 weeks. This time we are making the trip at 31 and 35 and a half weeks. No worries here.

- compression socks and aisle seat were the only real "differences" to how I normally travel.
- I usually don't wear jeans flying but I wore my maternity stretchy jeans so my compression socks would be hidden.

I joked to a friend the other day that getting the compression socks on at 32 weeks was harder than the actual flight 😂

I also had supporting documentation from my midwife saying it was safe to travel and my due date was X. Was never asked for it but will definitely bring it again this time.

wabash15 · May 2019

@mrosek91 I used the medella symphony with the twins (rented hospital grade) and then got the S1 through insurance... the $65 was worth every penny. I LOVED the battery option that lasts days. (seriously I plugged it in once a week) and I was a heavy duty pumper. IT was so nice not to have to find a plug every time. I did not see a difference between production with the hospital grade symphony and the S1.

mkrel · May 2019

Question for you TTMs that breastfed. Did your milk come in faster with your second baby?

Allycat11 · May 2019

@mkrel mine came in much faster the second time. However he latched better from day 1, and the hospital staff left us alone to do our thing. With DD a wenchy nurse informed me I was starving my baby by trying to breasfeed. She had me only letting DD nurse for 10 minutes then had to pull her off and supplement. With DS we just did our thing and never once did he have a drop of formula. No idea how much those first couple days effected milk production.

MamaK225 · May 2019

@wabash15 - Thank you for your input, I'm looking for a good quality/strong pump because I produce a lot and - apparently - have fast-flow nipples

DD1 is/was a fast eater so it worked out, but I'm worried with DD2 if she has any issues with reflux or being able to eat so quickly. I felt that my Medela Freestyle started losing suction really early/quickly (like 12 weeks) so it pushed out the time it required me to pump ... and with #2, that's really not an option if I'm to continue as long as I would like to do.

Allycat11 · May 2019

If you were having a c-section and knew it was your last baby, would you have them tie your tubess. Why or why not?

Right now the plan is a vaginal delivery. My other 2 were vaginal but DD had shoulder dystocia and was a rough delivery. Thankfully she was okay but in a matter of seconds things could have ended very differently. We have discussed that if I have similar warning signs this time we may opt for a c-section before putting baby and myself at risk. The OB today asked about tube tying and my initial response was no but now I am not sure and need to do more research.

wabash15 · May 2019

@MamaK225 any time! also if you do start loosing suction check your valves, the rubber can wear out and sometimes needs replacing. also you can get conversion pieces so you can still use your medella storage bottles. The only thing I had to replace was the tubing because it would eventually start sliding off the pieces. I also have a super strong let down, which has its pros and cons.
@mkrel my milk came in faster with dd2.

sourlemon · May 2019

My milk came in faster with dd2 with assistance of the pump.

I am not getting my tubes tied even though this will be a c section and we are done done done having babies. DH is getting his tubes tied instead. His turn to contribute to the birth control in the house.

MamaK225 · May 2019

@wabash15 - They have the S2 as an option with insurance this time, I'm going to see if I can upgrade to the S1, but will have to wait until 7/15 for them to even talk to me

I wish they'd go ahead and get all the info and then I just call them on that date to confirm everything's still going well and they send it. Grrrr. (That's a very, very busy time for me at work so I'd like to have all the details ironed out now, while I have some brain capacity)

lovelikestardust · May 2019

@mrosek91 @AKuzReve @BigBadWolf12 Thanks for the reassurance ladies! I'll stick with the redeye and make sure I have an aisle seat, which I usually do anyway. The longest leg of the redeye is five hours, and I never sleep that long on planes anyway, so hopefully I can find compression socks I like and all will be well. DH looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I was going to keep the redeye flight (he won't be with me), and basically said, well yeah, we're used to longer flights and won't you need to get up to pee like every 30 seconds anyway? 😂 Stupid pregnancy brain making me freak out all the time...

mkrel · May 2019

@Allycat11 The only way I would have my tubes tied is if it were during a c-section. From my understanding it doesn't really change the recovery time or difficulty. I would not, however, get my tubes tied in general outside of already being in there doing something else (having a baby). Since the plan is a vaginal delivery, my husband will be getting a vasectomy. It is not a decision I would want to make at the last minute.

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