Childcare

LJMoon6 · April 2019

I know, as a FTM, I have a LOT of questions about childcare.

Let’s talk about the different options there are: SAHM, nanny, in-home daycare, daycare center. Pos and cons of each. Things to consider when choosing. How to find a reputable provider. Any advice from STMs. Anything else you can think of.

kgg2241 · April 2019

I think you all know my annoyance with the daycare situation. I started looking at 11 weeks and I was way too late for my area. It definitely depends on where you live, but I would recommend looking now even if you don't live in such a high demand area. We did get on the wait list for a nice daycare, so it all worked out, but it wasn't one of my top choices (specifically because of the location).

A few things that I considered and asked about: sick policy, late/early pickup policy, overall learning philosophy (we wanted a Montessori or Waldorf inspired curriculum), discipline philosophy, amount of time spent outdoors, vaccination requirements, age group separation and when will they graduate to new classes... I'm sure I'll think of other things later!

Excuse any grammar errors or typos -- I'm posting on the run!

LJMoon6 · April 2019

I would love to hear some pros and cons of in-home daycare vs a daycare center (being a SAHM and having a nanny are out of the equation for us). We are leaning (very much so) towards a center but we just called our top pick and they are $400/week. Ya, that’s not happening. There are a few other centers around that we can check but some of them are attached to churches that we’re considering… but we’re not very religious ourselves. I wouldn’t mind at all, they will learn great morals and later LO can decide if they believe or not on their own. I’m just worried about getting weird looks since we’re not affiliated with any church. I’m thinking a home daycare will be the cheapest financially but there’s so many things that make me uneasy about that option. Maybe some of you can persuade me otherwise.

The other option we’re considering is the daycare at my work. It would be super convenient to run over on my breaks to breast feed and spend time with LO. But… they have an 18 month wait list. And, even if we did get in, the center is an hour from our house. What if I’m out of town and DH has to drive LO to daycare. That’s an hour there, an hour back to get to his work, and then the same thing when he gets done. I’m not sure the convenience of having him near me while working is worth it. Thoughts?

@kgg2241 Those are all great things to take into consideration. I wouldn't of thought of half of those.

nomangos23 · April 2019

I'm so glad you posted this @ljmoon6

I've been considering a nanny but in my recent research, they're soooo expensive and gosh it just so tricky to figure out if they're good or not, unless its a personal recommendation. I'm starting to look at care.com and just joined a mommy group in my area, hoping this will lead to some options.

I'm not closed to the idea of daycare or in-home day care. Would love to hear other's opinions on pros and cons of each

supermom34482 · April 2019

I use an at home daycare and absolutely love it...what exactly are youy concerns about that option?

nomangos23 · April 2019

@supermom34482 My concerns would be the cleanliness of the home, how many other children / ages of children in the home, what to do if the care giver goes on vacation or is sick and quality of care... Basically the same concerns that I have with every other child care service

MsBeachNJ · April 2019

STM here. We are fortunate that we split childcare between my inlaws, who come 3 days a week to my home to watch my daughter, and a nanny that comes another 2 days. The nanny option is expensive but for me it was really the only way I could get over my anxiety of leaving her with anyone. I have Nest cams throughout my entire house, so I know everything that goes on all day long, and I have 0 questions about my daughters well being and safety at all times.

Cameras at any place of childcare would be my #1 requirement. My concerns with an in home day care, versus a center, is that many in home day cares don't provide cameras and I would just be too anxious to not be able to check in and have 0 clue what was going on during my child's day. That may be overkill to some, but I suffer from anxiety - and this is what gives me peace of mind.

lillywonderland · April 2019

We currently send DS (nearly 2) to a Montessori daycare/school 2 days a week (and my MIL does the other 3 days), but they are no longer accepting infants. I love the Montessori method, but they just don’t have any infant programs in my area. Everything Montessori-related is for 2 and up.

I have another daycare center in mind - I don’t love it, but we’re not gonna have a choice because there is no way in heck we’re gonna split up the kiddos (waaaaay too much of a headache). Both kids are gonna go 3 days (and my MIL will do the other 2).

When I go on mat. leave in August we’re gonna pull DS from school (to save some $$) and he’ll go back to school (with new baby) once I go back to work.

kgg2241 · April 2019

That's a good point, @MsBeachNJ. Cameras were also important to me. The one we found also has an app where they record every pee, poop, feeding, etc. That made me super happy.

LJMoon6 · April 2019

I think my biggest thing with in-home is a trust issue. I’m mostly just concerned with not knowing if the person is doing what they say they are doing. Just because they are licensed doesn’t mean anything. I feel like a center has more accountability. @nomangos23 and @MsBeachNJ brought up some concerns I also have. I’d also be concerned that if the care giver had their own children, how much more priority is given to their children over my own. Also who comes by to visit during the day? Neighbors, boyfriends, drug dealers lol.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m very naive about in-home daycare. So if anyone has some compelling arguments to make, please make them!

cmdesigner · April 2019

I literally just started reaching out to daycares today. We are going to need full time care and I am so stressed about it. Honestly, it's the #1 reason we waited this long to have a kid (and probably why we will only have one.) My first stop is a recommendation for a in home daycare literally 2 houses down from ours. My MIL knows the owner and swears she's very lovely and attentive so I am hoping it works out. I've reached out to some other places as well but this is my BIGGEST stressor right now.

cammie0526 · April 2019

We’re very lucky that a good family friend operates an in-home daycare (who I personally happened to go to back in the day) and will have an infant opening when I’ll be going back to work.

A few things I’ve learned from her about in-home recently:
-Make sure they’re licensed and registered with the county/state
-Find out how many spots per age they’re allowed (assuming they’re licensed and regulated)
-Ask about their daily and annual schedule: how early can you drop off? Do they always take a week’s vacation in July or around Christmas, or does it change year to year?
-Ask who else lives at their home (spouse, teenage kids, etc.) and Google/ Facebook stalk/ do a full on background check if you want on each of them
-Get a million recommendations. Ask neighbors, friends, coworkers who they’ve used. Once you find a place you think you like, ask the owner to provide recommendations of past and current clients (if privacy laws allow), and take a few minutes to actually reach out to those people to get their experiences

kraane · April 2019

We have our 3 year old in a home daycare. She is my coworkers wife. She started it up last year. She has a max of 4 kids. Now she’s got her 8 month old son plus max of 3. Basically she’s doing it so she can be at home with her son. One day a week she only has my daughter and her son where they will bake or something.
I pack her lunch and she provides morning and afternoon snacks. She has theme weeks and rotates the toys.
I am so glad I have her I feel because I can’t be home then this is the next best thing.
I’m a teacher so I get summers off and she is closed during all the teacher holidays so then we are saving a bit not have to pay to save the spot.
The plan is she will take baby and DD after my mat leave (1 year) 4 days a week as I’m hoping to go back at 80%

RedBreast35 · April 2019

DS (18 mo) is in a daycare center and has been in the same one since he was 3 mo. I wasn't really thrilled with the idea of a center when we started looking, but we're not really well established in the area (no local friends for recommendations, no family close by, etc) so we really didn't think we had much of a choice.
We toured 4 of them, and found we didn't really have too many questions after the tours if the director (or whoever) gave a really good tour. Because we looked at centers, the regulations, class size/ratios, and a lot of the policies were all the same. When it came down to it, we just went with our gut. We actually felt bad about the one we chose at the time, because it was the second least expensive, but we just got a much better feeling from the director and classroom staff than at the others. (We love them now!!)
Some benefits of a center (IMO) are that you don't have to worry about the teacher getting sick or going on vacation or whatever, because there is plenty of staff to cover; there is an established schedule, so you know well in advance when they'll be closed for holidays or breaks; longer hours (our is open 7-7); cameras and security (we have 3 different personalized codes we need to enter to unlock the entry doors); internet based reporting programs (so you can log into an app or the website and see feedings, naps, diaper changes, etc); lots of programming and activities for the kids when they get older; meals are provided so it saves packing lunches every day; and I personally like that DS is in a class with all kids his own age so the class activities are always oriented to all of them. (My coworker has her kids in an in home daycare, and says that her oldest often complains about being bored because the provider is always spending more time with the babies.)
There are definitely some negatives too. At our center, you pay by the month and that doesn't change- even if we take him out for a week to go on vacation, we still have to pay for that week. They aren't allowed to be as flexible because regulations are regulations and they need to follow them. Stupid fundraisers all.the.damn.time. And they can be hard to get into and you don't know if you really like it until your kid is there, and then it's too late to change.
Sorry, that was a book!!

monkeysmom80 · April 2019

We use a center. The state of michigan has a site that you can review all the reports for licensed daycares and that is in home or a center. I suggest finding out if your state does this as well. It is very informative. Goes over the license renewal and what the center was doing that doesn't comply with licensing and corrective actions. Also if there was a report against the center is goes over the investigation.

rms924 · April 2019

I have a nanny. With 2 kids and the cost of daycare here around 2500/month/kid for 8:30-5:30 coverage, it doesn’t make sense. Now with #3 on the way, I am really happy I have my nanny.

Childcare is a huge stressor for me. It’s the difference between being able to focus at work or underperforming bc I am worried about what’s going on at home. I used to use Au pairs, because it’s such a savings but then you have someone living in your house (which is really hard) and they are not always great w the kids. Cue the panic. Childcare is an area where I know later on I can scale back but when they are young, it’s worth it for my peace of mind to pay up.

That said, we did send #1 to daycare for a little bit and he had a good experience. Our kids have chronic health problems so it just didn’t work from a value perspective ie. I constantly had to take time off to take care of him. But he loved it and got a lot out of it.

I am planning on staying in the workforce, so this is just an investment in my career that I hope pays off later on.

I think you have to go to go with your gut and stay flexible. For ex. I noticed w both kids that by 15-16 months, they were bored at home w the same person, so preschool is something we threw into the mix. Just keep re evaluating and make sure whatever option you choose is reliable! (And that is why we don’t involve family in this kind of stuff anymore. )

supermom34482 · April 2019

nomangos23 Our in home daycare is amazing and I never once think the kids are in danger or anything like that. She has no more than 5 kids. 2 of them are almost 5 and leaving next year for Kindergarten, the other is 3 and then 2 2 year olds. She rarely has all 5 at 1 time. I feel like at home daycares are much more flexible with changing schedules and what not. They always close for 2 weeks for vacation but always give us those days very far in advance. She's closed the typical holidays. If she is sick one day it is what it is. It has only happened 2x to use the almost 5 years I have been using her. She only charges me $50 for the entire day and provides breakfast and lunch. I know she is not the typical provider but she has been so good to us and rolls with our crazy schedule. I can text her at 9 pm to see if my kids can come the next day and only 1 time she has said no, and we do this a lot. I would say look into a home daycare and see if you can tour it. Ask everyone and anyone for recommendations. This is how I found this daycare we use. Honestly if the person doesn't give you a good vide or feeling don't use them. I tried care.com and other sites and felt so impersonal and like any creeper out there could apply to be on those sites.
Sorry for the novel hope it helps anyone who needs it.

Childcare for our little ones is truly one of the scariest things.

nomangos23 · April 2019

@supermom34482 Honestly, this was very helpful! Thank you very much! Did you notice your little ones getting sick a ton? I know its inevitable but am wondering if a smaller environment will help keep sickness at bay.

Stolen from August - a good list of questions to ask a childcare provider!

What is the ratio of teachers to kids

What is included in price

What does your wait list look like

How many are trained in CPR

Are all infants on the same schedule or do they adjust with each infant

How often do they change diapers

If you live somewhere where there is snow: what's the snow day policy

What is the policy for bringing in breast milk and or formula

Once they are a year old what is provided in terms of milk and solid food (ie. breakfast, do you have to pack a lunch) and if food is provided do they offer allergen-free options if needed.

In addition to above - what kinds of foods (if you don't want your kid to have sugary things, will that be difficult)

Do they require vaccination

Do they have a quiet nap room

Do they cloth diaper (if your interested in that)

Can they sleep in swings/bouncers (which are not safe for sleep)

If they send the child home and you have a doctors note for an infectious reason they can't be at daycare do they credit you for that time?

What kind of communication do they have with the parent?

Do they take pictures?

Do they go outside to play - what are the temperature restrictions etc.

Can you watch them on a camera

What are the rules and regs for people picking up children

How closely is access into the facility monitored? (ie is there someone at the front desk? a special code? or can you just walk in and walk out with a kid and not have hardly a question asked?)

How often are toys cleaned

How do they handle discipline

What types of things do I need to bring on the first day (Crib sheet, change of clothes, diapers, wipes, etc.)

Can parents/grandparents come visit during the day (take the child for lunch/dr appt/stop in to breast feed etc)

What are your sick policies

how are allergies handled? (do they have polices in place, etc?)

How is potty training handled

Someone suggested: also I would just show up for a tour, that way you can see what is really going on and not something they have spruced up.

lillywonderland · April 2019

Also, something to remember: make sure to go on a tour when it is NOT naptime. Because literally all the kids (minus the teeny tiny infants who do what the f*ck they want when they want) are sleeping so you don’t get to see any teacher/child interactions.

zuuls_mom · April 2019

lillywonderland said:

Also, something to remember: make sure to go on a tour when it is NOT naptime. Because literally all the kids (minus the teeny tiny infants who do what the f*ck they want when they want) are sleeping so you don’t get to see any teacher/child interactions.

^THIS!! Touring a daycare at naptime is night and day to say lunch time when it is pure pandemonium lol. I toured a great daycare center once and on paper it was perfect and once I was there and heard the front desk girl gossiping with another person about how "someone else had quit" and saw a teacher being shitty to a child (mocking him for crying) I noped right out of there. I know that no place will truly be perfect, but I needed to know that my child(ren) will be in a good place I feel comfortable with.

I ended up choosing a center over in home because I knew we wanted a structured curriculum that would prepare him for school even at a really young age, age appropriate activities, teachers that are focused on specific age groups, etc. I just didn't get that vibe from in-home places. It all just depends on what you feel comfortable with/are looking for in childcare.

satuttle1014 · April 2019

I like the list of questions that @nomangos23 listed.

I ended up becoming a SAHM after my first. I was living in the DC at the time and my salary would barely cover daycare, let alone a nanny. It’s tough but I’m glad to be at home now this being my 3rd.

If I needed to get childcare I would have preferred a nanny but that’s just me but they are expensive. Childcare is no joke, the only advice I can give is yuse your instincts. Tour a bunch of places and go with your gut on if you like a place or not and of course make sure they are licensed.

LJMoon6 · April 2019

So I think we have a daycare center pick out!! It's in the opposite direction from work but not too bad. It's about $100 cheaper a week than all the others we found. It's family owned and christian based with an emphasis on outdoor play/loving nature. We're going to tour it on Friday. They have openings for infants for Jan but I did find out that they have a 2 year wait list for all other ages. Holy yikes! They have such good reviews. I'm super excited!
I am still trying to look around for an in home provider since I know it will be cheaper and I just want to exhaust all my options so I know we're picking the right place. But the few places I've found have set hours of 7-4:30. Is this typical? At only 9.5 hours this will not work for us. I commute about 1 hour each way so I need at least 10.5 and MH works swing shift and wouldn't be able to make this work either. Should I abandon the in home provider idea or is it worth to keep searching and hope I find someone with longer hours? I feel like we’re SOL.

kiddiesandkitties · April 2019

@LJMoon6 7 - 4:30?? That seems crazy to me. 95% of parents work till 5pm... Every place we've ever used (centers, in homes, nanny/babysitters) has offered rolling 'drop off and pick up' hours generally ranging from sometime in the 6's to sometimes in the 6's. You can use whatever block of time you need within that range. I've never heard of a childcare provider requiring pickup by 4:30pm!

mommyshark13 · April 2019

I am a SAHM and have been since our first was born. Growing up, I was in and out of day care and with relatives bc my mom worked two jobs. MIL was a SAHM. So basically we planned from the beginning that I would do that and we saved accordingly. Now it's just second nature. It is difficult to only have one income but we are used to it. I love being able to volunteer in their classrooms and with other activities. DH's work schedule is nuts so I really dont know how we would balance me working too.

Biggest cons:
No sick days. Seriously. I had the flu two winters in a row and still had to take care of the kids bc I had no one else.

It can be isolating especially when adult conversation is rare.

People tend to look down on you. I have a master's degree and I cannot tell you the crap I have heard about how I'm "wasting" it.

LJMoon6 · April 2019

@kiddiesandkitties Maybe it’s a regional thing that we don’t work as late here? When I would work 8 hour days it would be 7-3:30. When MH is on days he works 6-2. It doesn’t seem that crazy to me but with my commute it’s just not possible. I did find a few in home providers that were offering 7-5 but that still won’t work for us. All of the centers are open 6-6 so I think that’s where we have to go.

UFJen · April 2019

Really love the daycare my son is at now, but woof that cost for two of them!! i'm looking around seeing if someone does an in home care place for the first year to save a little bit. If not they will be at the same place.

themadcamel · April 2019

Daycare in my area is so expensive, it's nuts. I'm glad that we found a place, but it's still going to eat up more than half of my monthly income. I'm going to need to find a new job after the '19/'20 school year to be closer to home and I'm seriously considering making a deal with a daycare to just let my kid come for free instead of paying me!

@mommyshark13 I have so much respect for SAHMs and I can't f*cking believe how much crap you guys get from some people.

nightdreamr13 · April 2019

Quick question...should I be concerned that the day care we are strongly considering has mostly stuffed animal type toys? Theyre not allowed in the cribs but I cant help but wonder how clean are they compared to the plastic toys you can wipe down...

lillywonderland · April 2019

@nightdreamr13 Ask them how they disinfect those types of toys. Odds are they throw them in the washing machine.

mommyshark13 · April 2019

@themadcamel Thank you! And believe me, I have mad respect for working moms. Some mornings, until I get my two up and dressed and off to school, I feel like I need a nap... no way could I go do an 8 hour day!

cateyes543 · April 2019

We do center daycare and it has been great. One benefit is that is how we found our babysitters (can already see who takes good care of my child, is background checked, and who my child likes, plus they already know all about my kid). I also work in social services and have seen the worst of the worst and just can’t trust an in home (no shade to those who use it because I know there are great ones out there), a center just eases my mom anxiety. There is age based curriculum as all kids in the room are the same age. Also our center is set up in a big square with all rooms having huge windows towards the middle common area so teachers are never “alone” and always seen what is happening. They also were super encouraging and accommodating when we were breastfeeding and had a room we could do that in so I would stop over frequently at random times of the day without issue.

Downfalls-kids switch teachers as they grow instead of being with one provider. After they move out of the baby rooms, it’s the center’s schedule, not your child’s, and you may not click with all teachers.

Questions that were important for us:
-Are schedules flexible (some places have required drop off by times)
-Do you have a place to breastfeed/bottle feed if a parent wants to drop in
-Can parents just drop in (big red flag if not welcome to drop in)
-Teacher turnover
-Sick kid policy (and do they tell you if a kid in the center/class/home is sick)
-Are they comfortable with BLW and not set on strict rules for infant food/would they do BLW?

monkeysmom80 · April 2019

Finally called our old daycare to be put on a list for end of November. They all new we were pregnant because of facebook but were super excited to here we would be coming back. They loved my kids so much that I am pretty sure they would kick someone out to get this baby in

I am so luck to have this center. We went to another one at first and the turn over was crazy. But this one the teachers begin to feel like friends/family.

mamaber2204 · April 2019

I second pretty much everything @RedBreast35 said about centers. We've had DS (19 mos) in one since he was 3 mos, too. We are switching centers in August because the teacher turnover is high and we've been displeased with various management practices over the past six months, but overall the center experience has been great. We're moving to a smaller center and are hoping that they end up having a better mgmt philosophy! All that said, the accountability and not having random sick days/random quittings is amazing. I'm a little nervous about moving DS so close to upending his world with a baby brother, but it is what it is.

threes_companypu · April 2019

@mamaber2204 I'm right there with you on upending DS's life come September. He currently goes to Daycare 2 days a week and my in laws watch him MWF (they annoy me, but also very blessed). Come September he will ride a bus to preschool at a new building M-F 8am-1pm, and they will bus him to a new daycare after on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He is still very shy during drop off at daycare, so I just can't imagine him getting on a bus all by himself in the mornings. I'm blessed in that my in laws have also agreed to watch the new baby MWF, and I'm so torn on putting he/she in the same new daycare DS will go to after school, or keep he/she in the one DS currently goes to. I love the one we currently use, but it's not in our school district, so they won't bus DS there after school. Ugh decisions decisions.

justhereforthemusic · April 2019

We are $2000-$2500/month for infants here- it’s very, very high cost of care. But I wouldn’t ever even consider a home daycare - I need the peace of mind of something fully regulated and the accountability factor. But here’s the thing- if, on a tour, you don’t feel like THIS IS IT!, like you would leave your kid there tomorrow and feel zero concern - don’t go there. Even if it’s cheap. Even if friends like it. We started at a daycare with DS like that- my gut said I don’t know and my head said it was fine. Well, they fed him the wrong bottle and we spent months determining the other mother’s health for potential communicable diseases and what had gone wrong. Needless to say we pulled him. Another friend had the same thing- shiny building, well under cost of other centers. Her child was injured by a reckless staff member dealing with high ratios and turnover that made care a last priority.

Centers are wonderful places for care and socialization, but, use your instincts. Tour. Stay for a long time and observe. And if anything seems off at all- walk away. We found the most wonderful place after DS’ terrible day - and they recently sold and I cried when I realized this baby can’t go there. Sigh.

mommyshark13 · April 2019

@justhereforthemusic Holy balls!!!!! You must live in a super high COL area. If it cost that much here, I would be working just to pay childcare.

justhereforthemusic · April 2019

@mommyshark13 we actually don’t but for some reason our childcare is one of the highest in the country. It’s crazy!

kiddiesandkitties · April 2019

@justhereforthemusic our childcare cost for full time enrollment is the same. We’re in New England’s. It’s awful! I’m looking for childcare for my 2YO for just one day a week ~6 hours and it will likely end up costing upward of $800 a month. 👎🏻

ataber · April 2019

We opted for an in home day careb mostly because it was the only place that could accommodate my husband and I's schedule--I work 12 hours and his schedule has 0 predictability in terms of hours worked in a day. In home day care is a reliable option and you can and should be able to hold them accountable. My minimum requirements were that i can call at any point phone or video chat with the expectation that she anwser or call back within 5 minutes. We opted for a provider that watched no more than 5 kids, 2 of which are at school most of the day, knowing the ratio of kids to adults was important.
The only other thing that was important to us was, will you be transporting my child in your vehicle? When she said yes we had her show us how she installed our child's car seat and how to buckle him up. Also asked for a copy of her driving record. We provided the car seat for her with the expectation she keep it at her house even on days he is not there.
In 4 years we have never had a problem.

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