Relationship HELP! — The Bump
June 2019 Moms

Relationship HELP!

I wish i had a close friend I could turn to that I could trust.  I just don't know what to do or where to turn.  My 5 year relationship is now at it's end.  We share a 3 year old and I'm 11 weeks from my due date.  This entire pregnancy he's wanted nothing to do with "it".  Hasn't gone to a single appointment yet feels he should have a say in the baby's name, and give him his other son's middle name as a first name.  I hate the name and will not use it. 

He works a lot.  But for the past 3 months, he comes home and sleeps.  He gets 3 days off a week because he works 4 12 hour shifts.  He will literally sleep the entire three days and not help with our three year old.  My job relocated 2 hours away which left me without a job last month.  Ive been looking for a new job that will allow me to take my 3 year old.  He will not allow me to put her in daycare and he won't watch her.  

He didn't show up at all for three days.  When he came home, he completely ignored our daughter.  I know we're through and I don't want to be treated this way anymore.  I'm just stuck now.  There's no way I can move out now, because I don't have income.  What am I to do??? I don't want to bring another child into this.  My 3 year old is left crying several times a week because he just gets up and takes off to go with his other child from a previous marriage.  


Re: Relationship HELP!

  • @4girls1boymama I’m really sorry that you’re going through this.

    Pregnancy is hard enough with support - going through it with an unsupportive partner only adds to the craziness.

    I wish I had a clear path out for you, but since I’m not you (or in your shoes/town/financial situation) I can’t exactly say.

    What I can say though, is that even if things suck right now - right now is not forever.

    You won’t always be this pregnant, this financially strapped, this overwhelmed with emotion.

     It’s also okay to not know how the situation plays out - at the moment you don’t know what kind of job you will find, how you’ll get out, and who will be your future form of support. The not knowing is SO hard! But it’s okay to not know - just hang on.

    By hang on - I mean take it day by day, hour by hour. Do the hanging on with the hope and promise that more will be revealed to you as you keep asking for help and guidance - you know that you deserve more, and you know that you don’t want to bring your kids up in this crappy environment- let that knowledge guide you, and trust that the universe will help you find a way.

    If you or kids are in danger in any way - by all means get out now. But if you’re not, and you’re just supremely unhappy and emotionally neglected — hang on. Watch for signs. Remind yourself that it’s not forever. And every day focus on taking tiny steps toward your new life, and growing that beautiful baby inside of you. 

    You deserve love, support, and a healthy partnership. I pray that you find those things 💜💜💜 Just hang on girl

    ajbook
  • So sorry to hear this. No great advice here but some thoughts - 
    -Barring safety concerns, pregnancy and immediate post-partum is not the time for major life changes or decisions. Look at possible options that are actually feasible and in front of you, and make the best of these choices.
    -Is this a new concern or an old concern? If new maybe counseling, maybe there is something going on?
    -Remember you can control your own actions but not his, and you are not responsible for his actions.  Be your best self but don't make excuses for his bad behavior.  
    -If it becomes serious, perhaps your OB knows someone you can be referred to for support?
    Take care of yourself and your babe!
    ajbook
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