UO Thursday!

goldfishcraker · March 2019

Oh my gosh @sw1122 me too!!! Haha! I usually do all the shopping because 1) it takes me a tenth of the time it takes him, and 2) he spends at least 40% more than I would. And we also go to 1 store for most things, and a different store for meat and milk.
(Although we are opposite for finances. We joined finances officially once we married. But for all intents and purposes, by the time we were engaged.)

As for paying for post secondary, I think it's great if the parents can help out. But I don't think it's an obligation. (Unless parents insist on child attending, and the child doesn't want to/wants to follow some other path and is somehow being forced by the parents...even though the "child" is an adult by that time....)
My parents had started a savings account for each of us kids when we were born. So they were able to contribute about $3000 toward my... $80,000+ of post secondary fees. (6 years of uni and 1 year of college). I graduated with 0 debt. I worked 5 jobs through uni, where I had a double course load. However, I highly do NOT recommend that. I only slept an average of 3 hours a night for 6 years. My grades and mental health suffered for that.

However, it is a HUGE help if parents can let their kids live rent free in their home during uni. Not having to pay for food or rent meant I just had to pay for school, car and cell. (And clothes, extra curricular etc).
Obviously that's not always possible, since people may choose to go to post secondary far from home.

agpandme · March 2019

@dogmomma096 YES the belly hands thing. I made the same "judgement" but now my hands are like a magnet for my belly

MamaK225 · March 2019

I've also noticed the avatar's for TB are all women holding their Bumps. Except mine, mine is like "omggggg, my back" ... which is pretty accurate.

#bigboobprobz

agpandme · March 2019

@lilmamabebe3 We live rural and have limited access to most stores. I go to Amazon when I have something in mind or I'm looking for ideas. Its nice to have things here in 2 days instead of driving 3 hours to potentially not find what I'm looking for.

mrosek91 · March 2019

@sourlemon @sw1122 @WinchesterGirl It's funny we are exactly the opposite, DH loves deal shopping he will go to 3 stores to get everything on the list in order to get all the sales. Personally, I'd rather spend a little more money and save myself the hassle of parking and checking out 3 times. When we got married I was awful at looking at prices, I just got what looked good, he's slowly been teaching me to pay attention to these things, but he still does 99% of the grocery shopping. Mostly because (1) he has a more flexible schedule and (2) he enjoys the deal hunting, but also because every time I walk into a store that sells chocolate, candy or cake I end up buying something I shouldn't. I really need to work on that impulse control...

MamaK225 · March 2019

UO: Grocery delivery is going to change my life.

As if Amazon isn't enough, InstantCart is now available in town AND Aldi participates. I'm on a 2-week trial and have already had 3 deliveries (the first was because DH did the weekend shopping without a list, the other two were in lieu of the normal weekly trips). In fact, one was delivered yesterday which means ZERO grocery shopping for this weekend AND we got to clean out the fridge last night before garbage day (Fridays). It's $100/yr, but I think it's going to reduce a lot of stress, food-waste, and time-waste in our household. Since it's membership-based, you don't pay per delivery (if it's over $35) and they will apply coupons via their app. Other participants in town - so far - are CVS & PetCo, so I'm super pumped: I'm already imagining this fall when flu season starts up, not having to lug around a newborn and a toddler just so I can pick up some Tylenol or an Rx. *squeeeeee*

peachy0709 · March 2019

@WinchesterGirl - I love it! I am particularly interested in people's thoughts on 529s. We have them set up for the girls - and while our contributions are regular, they aren't substantial. I feel like there is so much nuance to thinking about savings and I love the idea of a discourse.

wabash15 · March 2019

@sw1122 DH and I have totally separate finances. We split the bills, though since I'm the "breadwinner" I pay most of them, I occasionally transfer money to him but most of the time we have it divvied so that he can cover what we have delegated for him. its all "our" money but we never got around to consolidating, We've been married for 10 years and have 3 kids... its what ever works for you.

cato99 · March 2019

Our finances are completely intertwined, to a huge extent because our earnings are vastly out of balance (I'm in an esoteric academic field; he's in big finance-y type stuff), especially when I was a PhD student for one thousand million years with a tiny grad stipend as my income (though I was lucky to have a funded graduate program through fellowships and undergrad teaching and don't have any student debt) (literally no one should go into debt for a humanities graduate degree) (I get taking out loans for law school or med school or MBA because you can actually make that money back someday).

All of his accounts are joint accounts, but my little checking and savings are just mine. There were 5 minutes when I had a real job post-school and pre-baby, so I'd transfer most of my salary to the joint checking account, and now that we have childcare costs the way it works is that pretty much my whole take home pay goes directly to the nanny, and our home finances come out of DH's income. Day-to-day calculations are split, with the small stuff (groceries, baby stuff) mainly managed by me and the big stuff (property taxes) mainly managed by him.

agpandme · March 2019

@MamaK225 I haven't used Instantcart (I THINK its available in our town but even though we only live 1 mile out of town, delivery is usually not available) but I've used Amazon Pantry. I was looking for a specific gluten free flour and the local high quality grocery didn't have it. I added a few others things while I was getting the flour

zamoraspin · March 2019

We have one joint checking account and then maintain our separate accounts. We put a portion of our paychecks into the joint account to cover the mortgage and other bills, and then the rest is just ours.

On parents paying for college: I was super lucky my family had saved for school for me and I didn't have undergrad debt. I do have grad school debt.

Another uo: I don't think every kid needs to go to college. I grew up with that mentality but in reality we could use more workers in the US economy that have hard skills (things like plumbers and electricians) that can be achieved through certificates and similar programs. College degrees used to get you a good career - that is the paradigm my parents grew up in - but now, with some notable exceptions (nursing and engineering come to mind), a college degree will get you an entry level job with little upward mobility (you'll need a grad degree to really move up) and not many marketable skills. I wish every kid could have the benefit of a liberal arts education and also receive training they need to actually succeed, but it's not realistic given how much college costs.

wanderlustsoul · March 2019

We only got a joint account when we moved here but we still have separate finances at home. He just transfers me money. We will probably go back to this when we repatriate. We have separate credit cards and everything at home. I have no clue what money he has and he has none of what I have. One day I think we should discuss it.

aukeev · March 2019

All of our accounts are joint, mostly because I HATE dealing with finances. It was the only thing I ever saw cause my parents a lot of heartache growing up, and I just always had a fear of financial instability and an overall negative relationship toward money. Thankfully, MH is a financial advisor and loves all of that, so he does 100% of our finances. He still includes me in all decisions, but I've appreciated that he doesn't count on me in that department.

purplg8r · March 2019

We each have our own separate savings accounts, checking accounts and a credit card. Then we have a joint checking account and credit card. We both put the same percentage of our paychecks into the joint account. All bills are paid on our joint accounts

grangerhp37 · March 2019

We have everything combined, no separate accounts 🤷🏻‍♀️ Obviously to each their own but it works for us and would seem weird to me to have “my” money for just “my” things that he doesn’t even know the balance of. It took a little getting used to at first but it makes everything super easy.

Allycat11 · March 2019

All of our finances are combined. We started combining them when we got engaged and they were fully combined by our wedding day. I handle everything finance related and DH barely even knows the status of anything at any given moment. I wish he paid more attention to it but he has absolutely no interest.

agpandme · March 2019

Regarding finances. We have the accounts together but 2 checking, 2 savings. 2 for each of us but visible to each other. We do have separate credit cards (also visible) and a 3rd card that is ours. He takes care of some bills, I take care of the others. It works out really well for us.

becks68 · March 2019

I find the finances discussion so fascinating... so many different methods that seem to “work”. For us, our paychecks go into our joint account, after that we each take out our “allowance” from the joint account and do with it what we please. We both manage our finances together; although DH has taken the lead on stock/fund picking.

UO: while I agree with the concept of college not being for everyone and that there are plenty of skilled labor jobs that are rewarding and allow people to live far more comfortably than me; when push comes to shove, I would still prefer it for MY kids to go to college (I also realize that this is the exact mentality that Mike Rowe tries to fight). I do plan to guide my children to pursue higher education with job satisfaction as well as security and financial stability as a goal (not just based on whim or passion).

bluebonnet15 · March 2019

@MamaK225 Grocery delivery is life changing. We have a couple of services here that do grocery delivery plus one store does grocery pickup after you order online. The extra charges are totally worth the time/stress savings for us

agpandme · March 2019

When I talked to my husband about college savings for the little one. He said "My kid is going to a trade school". I personally think college is a waste unless you are pursing a specific career path of something that really requires a lot of schooling (doctor, lawyer, etc). To go and just to dink around and come out with a "Leisure Studies" degree is pointless. My husband went to a 1 year degree program at a college and got a job right away at 20 making far too much money for a 20 year old living at home. Now 12 years later he secured a position to where he hardly does any heavy work at all and makes even more $. We bought 2 homes in California which is an accomplishment all on its own. My sisters husband barely graduated high school and is making great money as a construction supervisor. It all really depends on the interests and drive of the child with a guiding hand from the parents.

cmessamore · March 2019

Our finances are combined. Mostly because I’m basically a SAHM (I work very infrequently), so the money DH makes is the money that runs our household. I handle most of the finances, but we have weekly discussions about where things are, what’s getting paid that week, what’s due, any unexpected expense, etc. It seems to work for us.

We will absolutely not be paying for our children to go to college. This baby is our 7th child. We know that we will help with what we can help with. Each child has a savings account that has money for them to use towards their needs, but it will definitely not be enough to pay for 4 years of college. We know that some grandparents have set up accounts for each child for college, but for the most part it’ll fall on our kids. We’re hopeful our kids will make smart decisions about their schooling choices, but when it comes down to it, we just hope they choose a path that makes them happy (college, trade, work, military, etc).

olivemomma · April 2019

Amazon is my jam!

i think parents should pay for college and save for their kids college if they are financially able to and a college education is heavily prioritized. For us, there would have to be an extreme case for our kids to not go onto college - we will invest heavily in their education leading up to college and a 4 year degree is important in our eyes for them to achieve. We are also able to save money for them to go so I feel it’s our responsibility to do so. However, I realize it’s not feasible for all families and that college isn’t for everyone. I do think grad school is another Story and not the responsibility of the parents unless they are very pushy in their children going into a particular field such as medicine or law.

wanderlustsoul · April 2019

Oh maybe this should be my UO. I don’t comment on new people’s posts especially if they don’t comment on other people’s posts. I don’t like new posters this late unless they’re going to actually contribute. It makes me so aware of the lurkers out there and feels all stranger danger.

peachy0709 · April 2019

@Allycat11 - My husband is the exact same. It drives me crazy that he has no idea where we are financially at any given moment.

wabash15 · April 2019

@AKuzReve I'm with you... it just feels a little creepy.

MamaK225 · April 2019

I agree @AKuzReve. I understand for those who were leery or very concerned with this pregnancy sticking, but ... we're all very heavily into the 2nd trimester. So it feels kind of icky to have someone pipe up this far in. Have you been reading the whole time? Why start now?

For me and my situation, I needed all the community and camaraderie in the first trimester - to get me through the stress and fear that this would also fail. And helping others navigate through the same feelings. Now, it's funny stories and remembering to add something to my "must buy" or "must do" list that I can't remember because pregnancy brain has taken over. Not something you just jump into.

Allycat11 · April 2019

I agree that it is weird for people to chime in now and I do not really reply until they become active.

*TW* This pregnancy had a rough start, hcg that did not double in 48 hours, 6.5 week u/s showed an empty sac, scary blood loss and cramping, and discovering a SCH. So I did not chime in until around 8 weeks or so after we saw a healthy heartbeat and finally felt like we had a chance of it being viable.

MamaK225 · April 2019

@Allycat11 - I know exactly how you feel and many people choose to hold back until then. *TW* I was originally pregnant with twins and lost one of them after seeing both heartbeats, around 8 wks ... I definitely slowed down a little at that point *TW*

It's the halfway+ people that give me creepy vibes.

sourlemon · April 2019

Also on board with the late joiners. And the ones who only participate (aka post pictures) in the ultrasound and HDBD threads.

wanderlustsoul · April 2019

Glad I’m not alone in this! They also will randomly join in the group check in and I’m like all nope about it.

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