My mom is bad at stressful situations (she could barely tolerate DD’s tantrum the other night and she literally didn’t have to do anything 🙄) and my in-laws stress me out so I don’t want any of them near me when I’m in labor. I had DH and a doula (highly recommend!) for support last time (other than the medical staff of course) and that’s what I want this time.
This does pose a problem for what to do with DD when I go into labor. The simplest solution would be for my mom or MIL to stay with us around the due date and be on call to take care of DD (they don’t live locally) but I wouldn’t want either of them around the house if I’m lucky enough to do most of my laboring at home again. So I’m not sure what to do.
Oh funny related story - when my niece was born, FIL managed to talk his way past the nurses to barge into the room right as SIL was pushing. He told the nurses “but I’m the father!” And they assumed he meant the father of the baby, not of the mother.
So when DD was born, we didn’t tell them the name of the hospital where I was delivering and we didn’t tell them I was in labor until DD had arrived. Sorry not sorry.
@greenbean-2 Did you have an unmedicated birth when you used a doula? I’m thinking about it this time around as I ended up with an epidural last time but would like to try to go without
@melanier26 nope. I went into labor figuring I’d do as much as I could without meds and when a giant needle in the back sounded like a good idea, then I’d know it was time for an epidural. I got an epidural pretty late in the game, and at that point I really wanted one (and was very happy for it when I was getting a million stitches). My doula was very into supporting whatever kind of birth you want, but some are very anti-meds so it’s worth making sure their views line up with yours. I mostly wanted a doula for an extra source of support for me and DH and we both agreed it was 100% worth it.
Not sure if this should go in UO/FFFC or Randoms but since the conversation is already here, I'll add my experience (though I'm sure we will talk about it again as time goes on and October approaches).
I had DH, my mom and MIL in the room during labor and delivery. They were definitely not there the entire time (as I had to be induced at 12pm on a Monday and DS didn't come until 7am on Wednesday), but it was nice to have their company when they did arrive (I think in the afternoon on Tuesday??). They were a good distraction for DH (who was getting tired/antsy after not much going on). I have a really good relationship with MIL and since I wanted to go med-free and she birthed all four of her kids without an epidural, I thought she would be a big support for me, and she definitely was. I had no qualms about her or my mom seeing my lady-bits. This time around, my twin sister wants to be in the room and what worries me is her attitude. Not sure I want to be around that during L&D.
TTC #1: September 2013, BFP 01/01/14, DS 09/14 TTC #2: October 2018, BFP 02/02/19, EDD 10/14/19
@greenbean-2 I was the same way. I labored at home for about 8 hours and then when I got to the hospital it was busy so I was in triage for awhile. Once I got my cervical check and moved to L&D though I was ready for it. It really slowed things down and they ended up breaking my water to help things along. The real reason I’m torn though is because DS ended being a sleepy baby and was hard to feed and ended up dehydrated and with low blood sugar. Those 2 things could be unrelated though. Everything that happened with him though has caused a lot of anxiety for me so it may just be that I need to work through that and then happily accept the meds!
@melanier26 Sounds like we had very similar birth experiences (other than DD not having blood sugar issues). Did you have a lactation consultant at the hospital? I was having feeding issues at first and the consultant helped a lot.
@melanier26 I’ve been assured by many providers that an epidural has nothing to do with a sleepy baby, whereas narcotics definitely can do that.
FWIW, I had two epidurals. DS1 was awake and alert, fed right away (I had an epi for about 5.5 hours). DS2 came out so fast (2 pushes in under 5 minutes) that he didn’t eat for 18ish hours and basically slept the whole time (that epi was for less than 30 min because the idiots never thought to check prior to insertion). Neither one stalled labor- it was actually my water not breaking that stalled it; both bags were bulging and stopping descent. I went from 8cm to a baby within an hour after my water was broken with DS1, and from 3cm to baby in 3 (only 2 of those had painful contractions) hours with DS2. 🤷🏼♀️
@greenbean-2 Yes I did but was told it’s okay for babies to be sleepy and not eat much at first. I probably should’ve known better but when we got home we just chalked it up to that. He did nurse but I don’t know if my colostrum wasn’t in or wasn’t enough or if it’s just that he didn’t nurse enough. Later on in pregnancy I’m definitely going to discuss with my midwives to have a plan that will give me peace of mind - whether it’s daily weight checks at the ped’s office or supplementing with formula for a few days until my milk comes in. Otherwise I know I will have bad anxiety issues about it
Since my EDD is towards the beginning of the month, I thought I'd give a heads up to those of you still in the thick of morning sickness: it gets better! There is light at the end of the tunnel!! (Disclaimer: obviously there will be an unlucky few who are sick the whole 9 months, but let's not talk about that possibility 😜) I started to feel a little better around the middle of week 9, and improved slowly but surely every day. Today at 11w2d, I have eaten a salad, apples, and grapes. HEALTH FOOD!! NO CARBS!! Anyway, I'm really excited and wanted to hopefully share some light at the end of the tunnel for those of you still going through the worst of it.
@galentine Thank you! I was just thinking about how the only vegetables I eat are in soup and the only fruit I want is a watermelon which isn’t in season
I just want to say thank all of you ladies for sharing your L&D stories. It really gives a lot to think about that I hadn't considered the last time around (emergency CS). Definitely going in with a battle plan for fending off family until after birth this time around. @kaitlinS11 I'm so sorry you had to go through such a scary time but you are right too, having that same family at arm's reach can be indispensable too.
Me: 41 / Fiance: 35 + One DS, one dog & two kitties...
First BFP: 1/17/16 = EDD 9/21/16 (MMC)
Second BFP: 6/24/16 (CP)
Third BFP: 2/7/17 = EDD 10/20/17 🌈 *** BORN 10/23 *** 🌈
@galentine Yay I’m so glad you are feeling better! I’m 11+1 and today has been my worst day for MS so far, which has me really annoyed and frustrated. Hopefully I’m not far behind you!
People are annoying. At my leaders meeting/training today someone came up to me and asked about the crackers/7up and if I was pregnant. I went ahead and said yes but not five minutes later I was walking by and she was talking to someone else and said did you know this ones pregnant. Seriously not your need to share. I ended up just telling everyone at that point although I had planned to wait a couple more weeks
Argh! @kindbytealikat that's a super pet peeve of mine! Why people think it's any of their business to be telling is beyond me. I was late thinking of it today (most of the day was gone, and maybe I'll start it next week) but I think you've got the perfect person for a TW Tuesday!
Me: 41 / Fiance: 35 + One DS, one dog & two kitties...
First BFP: 1/17/16 = EDD 9/21/16 (MMC)
Second BFP: 6/24/16 (CP)
Third BFP: 2/7/17 = EDD 10/20/17 🌈 *** BORN 10/23 *** 🌈
Random vent. I love my mom to bits but she has been very vocal about two kids being enough. Not quite rude but like "I'm happy you're happy". And I get it. Three kids will be a lot of work. But my dad melted into a puddle when we told him, whereas my mom was like "but whyyyy".
Anyway.
She was similarly unenthusiastic about DD1's name (and has since come to love it) and other things she has been known to not like but then change her mind about.
But.
She is allll about "what is it a boy or girl what is it is it is ittttt tell meeee" I sent the our US from today's appt and it's a random US. No way you can see anything on it. But the only answer I got back was (see above) what is itttttt
Argh.
I mean my dad has always been the more motherly person between the two, so it's not a total surprise. Still leaves me tetchy.
@grapeskittles4lyfe, ugghh I'm sorry your mom is being like that. That really sucks. In response to her "what is itttttttt" questions, I'd be so tempted to respond with a deadpan, "it's a baby." Or even "your grandchild."
@grapeskittles4lyfe, ugghh I'm sorry your mom is being like that. That really sucks. In response to her "what is itttttttt" questions, I'd be so tempted to respond with a deadpan, "it's a baby." Or even "your grandchild."
Today is the worst MS I have ever experienced. I know I'm still pretty lucky with it, and I haven't vomited, but just the smell of food is turning my stomach and I feel so terrible. I half want to start telling coworkers so that I can have someone cover my class if I need to go sit out, but I don't want to share the news this early. I hate having to suffer through all of this while pretending everything is fine. Lame societal pressure to not share so that people won't be uncomfortable if something goes wrong.
@steminist Agreed! It sucks so much to have to pretend that I’m fine. And I keep thinking, if one of my male coworkers spent an evening vomiting, would he go to work the next day? Probably not. And I hate hate hate the way MS is portrayed in the media - a woman throws up in a trash can, then thinks to take a pregnancy test, and then goes on her merry pregnant way. It makes it seem like a cute little affliction when really it can be debilitating for weeks or months. Anyway, I’m sorry you’re suffering. ☹️
@greenbean-2 Yes! It gave me a bit of an unrealistic expectation of what to expect. I mean, I'm smart enough to know it's more than that, but I never expected it to be like this. Why is pregnancy such a big secret until it isn't?
Oh, oh, oh! Completely random, but...Speaking of pregnancy portrayals, I had a discussion with people last time around about the media portrayals and unsolicited comments on size. We all agreed that most size comments come from the media’s portrayal of size. Most movie/tv moms really only look to be 6/7 months when they deliver, so people tend to comment when you’re bigger than that because it’s not what they expect
I got two comments at work last night about my size, and I’m already over it
1. Have they given you an indication on why you’re already big? Twins?
2. If youre this big already, we’ll be rolling you down the hall at the end.
no, FO. I’m actually smaller now than I was with DS2, TYVM. By this point then, I was already up a pants size and way more bloated. I’m 10 pounds lighter this time (I started at 10lbs lighter this time around) and can still button my pants (though it’s uncomfortable by end of day). GFY with a cactus. Comments like this are completely unacceptable
@cmbt2 It’s socially acceptable as rude to make comments about someone’s weight, so why is it that all that goes out the window when you’re pregnant? smdh
Random thought: I can’t wait for it to be full-out spring for many reasons, one being fruit being in season. I’m picky and won’t eat berries unless they’re super fresh and ripe and all I want is juicy, sweet strawberries. And watermelon, but I’ll have to wait a bit longer for that
@steminist I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. I keep saying that too. Why is it the hardest most miserable part of the pregnancy is the time we have to hide it? I'd love some peer sympathy, but I just have to grin and make up some excuse. "I didn't get enough sleep last night" or some other stupid sh#$.
@grapeskittles4lyfe your mom is out of control! I love everyone's answers on what to tell her tho, lol.
Me: 41 / Fiance: 35 + One DS, one dog & two kitties...
First BFP: 1/17/16 = EDD 9/21/16 (MMC)
Second BFP: 6/24/16 (CP)
Third BFP: 2/7/17 = EDD 10/20/17 🌈 *** BORN 10/23 *** 🌈
@cmbt2 I’m sorry for their insensitivity. People should just keep their mouths shut!
I had a coworker tell me yesterday “you don’t want to be one of those ladies that gains *gasp* more than 50lbs”. I told her I DGAF how much weight I gain as long as me and baby are healthy, and then I took another bite of my everything bagel with cream cheese.
@junebabyh my MIL didn’t know either until she got a text saying DS2 was here 🤣 no one knew the second time around until then, and it was glorious to not have nagging messages for updates
Same, actually! It was the absolute best to not have anyone waiting in the lobby. It was kind of unintentional as DS2 came in the middle of the night and FAST. But there was a moment early on when DH said "lets call everyone and tell them it's happening." I put the nix on that super fast.
@cmbt2 I’m sorry for their insensitivity. People should just keep their mouths shut!
I had a coworker tell me yesterday “you don’t want to be one of those ladies that gains *gasp* more than 50lbs”. I told her I DGAF how much weight I gain as long as me and baby are healthy, and then I took another bite of my everything bagel with cream cheese.
I love it! Also, now I need a bagel. Thanks for that!
@Emily1052 I was "one of those ladies". I gained 50/55 with DS. He was born in Aug and by Christmas I had dropped soooo much weight I don't even look like me in pics. I hadn't even been that thin in HS. So you can tell that coworker yo STFU because it doesnt actually mean anything!
@cmbt2 I’m sorry for their insensitivity. People should just keep their mouths shut!
I had a coworker tell me yesterday “you don’t want to be one of those ladies that gains *gasp* more than 50lbs”. I told her I DGAF how much weight I gain as long as me and baby are healthy, and then I took another bite of my everything bagel with cream cheese.
I love it! Also, now I need a bagel. Thanks for that!
So agreed. I gained fifty pounds with BOTH of my other pregnancies. And I lost it again within 6 months breastfeeding. My body knew what it needed to do. All I worried about was eating healthy and testing to make sure I wasn't developing diabetes (I wasn't).
I gained 50 lbs with DD1 too. Never looked like I gained that much. Hoping to gain less this time and avoid the high blood pressures at the end. Struggle is real though. Always hungry! Lost all of it after I finished breastfeeding and started this pregnancy at the exact same prepregnancy weight as last time.
Side note: I legitimately went to high school with a girl who gained more than 250 lbs with her pregnancy, and that was unhealthy. About six years later she has now had gastric bypass, but I didn't even know it was possible to double your weight like that with pregnancy (she was a bit heavier to begin with). Every inch of her looked like it was about to explode, and that's not me making a joke. I felt bad for her, but I also saw her posting the most fattening pictures of food she was eating several times a week (two double cheeseburgers, large fry, large chocolate milkshake, etc.).
Moral of the story: eat healthy, listen to your doctor, and gain the weight you're going to gain. And like @cmbt2 said, tell those people what to go do with a cactus!
Side note: I legitimately went to high school with a girl who gained more than 250 lbs with her pregnancy, and that was unhealthy. About six years later she has now had gastric bypass, but I didn't even know it was possible to double your weight like that with pregnancy (she was a bit heavier to begin with). Every inch of her looked like it was about to explode, and that's not me making a joke. I felt bad for her, but I also saw her posting the most fattening pictures of food she was eating several times a week (two double cheeseburgers, large fry, large chocolate milkshake, etc.).
Moral of the story: eat healthy, listen to your doctor, and gain the weight you're going to gain. And like @cmbt2 said, tell those people what to go do with a cactus!
Re: Weekly Randoms 3/18
This does pose a problem for what to do with DD when I go into labor. The simplest solution would be for my mom or MIL to stay with us around the due date and be on call to take care of DD (they don’t live locally) but I wouldn’t want either of them around the house if I’m lucky enough to do most of my laboring at home again. So I’m not sure what to do.
So when DD was born, we didn’t tell them the name of the hospital where I was delivering and we didn’t tell them I was in labor until DD had arrived. Sorry not sorry.
I had DH, my mom and MIL in the room during labor and delivery. They were definitely not there the entire time (as I had to be induced at 12pm on a Monday and DS didn't come until 7am on Wednesday), but it was nice to have their company when they did arrive (I think in the afternoon on Tuesday??). They were a good distraction for DH (who was getting tired/antsy after not much going on). I have a really good relationship with MIL and since I wanted to go med-free and she birthed all four of her kids without an epidural, I thought she would be a big support for me, and she definitely was. I had no qualms about her or my mom seeing my lady-bits. This time around, my twin sister wants to be in the room and what worries me is her attitude. Not sure I want to be around that during L&D.
TTC #2: October 2018, BFP 02/02/19, EDD 10/14/19
FWIW, I had two epidurals. DS1 was awake and alert, fed right away (I had an epi for about 5.5 hours). DS2 came out so fast (2 pushes in under 5 minutes) that he didn’t eat for 18ish hours and basically slept the whole time (that epi was for less than 30 min because the idiots never thought to check prior to insertion). Neither one stalled labor- it was actually my water not breaking that stalled it; both bags were bulging and stopping descent. I went from 8cm to a baby within an hour after my water was broken with DS1, and from 3cm to baby in 3 (only 2 of those had painful contractions) hours with DS2. 🤷🏼♀️
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BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
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HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
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BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
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BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
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1. Have they given you an indication on why you’re already big? Twins?
2. If youre this big already, we’ll be rolling you down the hall at the end.
no, FO. I’m actually smaller now than I was with DS2, TYVM. By this point then, I was already up a pants size and way more bloated. I’m 10 pounds lighter this time (I started at 10lbs lighter this time around) and can still button my pants (though it’s uncomfortable by end of day). GFY with a cactus. Comments like this are completely unacceptable
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BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
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I had a coworker tell me yesterday “you don’t want to be one of those ladies that gains *gasp* more than 50lbs”. I told her I DGAF how much weight I gain as long as me and baby are healthy, and then I took another bite of my everything bagel with cream cheese.
I wanted ONLY my husband, no one else was even allowed to come visit us in the hospital. Visitors could come after we were home.
I gained fifty pounds with BOTH of my other pregnancies.
And I lost it again within 6 months breastfeeding.
My body knew what it needed to do. All I worried about was eating healthy and testing to make sure I wasn't developing diabetes (I wasn't).
Moral of the story: eat healthy, listen to your doctor, and gain the weight you're going to gain. And like @cmbt2 said, tell those people what to go do with a cactus!