TTCAL w/o 3/18

kagesstarshroom · March 2019

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.)

ruby696 · March 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 5 losses; early stage DOR.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm having a hard time with the diminished ovarian reserve diagnosis. It's in the early stages and there's still a chance that a good egg could come along, but I don't know that I can keep having miscarriages until that happens.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? IUI#1 likely next week. I finish clomid tonight and have an US on Thursday. Exciting stuff!

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.) Hmmm... I think it would have to be some kind of homestead, wilderness show, but more like the modern frontier person with propane gas and solar panels, and shopping within 20 miles. So basically I need to live on 100 acres not too far away from a major city. And raise all the farm animals while still keeping a dresser full of nice yoga pants and hunter boots for my farm work. 😂

kbrown2385 · March 2019

@ruby696 I’m so sorry for your new diagnosis. I’m keeping my fx you have nice mature follicles on Thursday! I know this sounds weird, but our experiences are so similar I feel like if it works for you, maybe it can work for me to 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 6 losses

Status: tww

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m happy my re was (mostly) receptive to what I had to say last week. I’m looking forward to moving onto clomid and monitored cycles in the next couple of months.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Did my endometrial biopsy and more bloodwork done last week. Waiting for results on that.

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.) idk if there is one! Sometimes my life is such a shitshow I feel like I need one.

ruby696 · March 2019

@kbrown2385 We are remarkably similar and I'm glad I'm not alone - although I wish you weren't having the same issues. Also, my RE told me I am not a good candidate for IVF because I (presumably) don't have enough eggs and *TW* I can get pregnant on my own. *End TW* She wants me to do FSH injections and IUI next time, and thinks I have a good chance. The cost is approx $3k to $5k if we go that route, as opposed to IVF which is about $15k. So maybe that would be a less expensive option for you to discuss with your RE?

kbrown2385 · March 2019

@ruby696 ill definitely add it to my list. Its nice having the similarities so I can bring all of this info to my RE.

Spartanrd4 · March 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC 3/2016, CP 1/2019

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? A friend/co-worker announced her pregnancy on FB for St. Patrick's Day- I mean I see her every day so I knew she was pregnant but just seeing the announcement and knowing I would of been announcing around Easter was still a gut punch. Makes me really motivated to give this cycle everything I have to KU!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Starting opks this week

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.) I would love to be on a baking competition like they have on the food network but since I am not a professional pastry chef I would probably be one of the first ones to be eliminated lol

kagesstarshroom · March 2019

@ruby696 The book I'm reading talks a lot about what those w/ DOR can do to help improve egg quality/increase their chances. @kbrown2385 actually mentioned it & is the reason I bought it! There's an updated 2019 version, which I def. recommend if you want to consider buying it. I am a "read everything" kind of person, and the internet is just... too vast to be helpful on fertility stuff (something the book's intro discusses!) Anyway, I am sure you've heard of it before and I apologize if you're not a reader or already have read the book/decided not to buy it for various reasons, but I am mentioning it just in case, it's called It Starts With the Egg. / OTHERWISE, big hugs. And I would totally watch your reality TV show! That sounds like something I would like--to live OR to watch.

ETA!! @kbrown2385 My comments to you got somehow erased before I hit enter! Even though your tag was still included. Wahh. Here's what I said, ish: I know I've said it before, but I'm glad that your fears about yr RE were (mostly haha as you put it) able to be put aside in lieu of moving forward.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: CP Oct. 18, MMC Jan/w/ d&c Feb. '19

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Today has been REALLY HARD--I am having trouble seeing ppl in my field succeed when I am so behind. DH & I are in a boatload of money trouble. I keep just randomly crying. I feel like I rearranged my whole life in my head bc I was KU, and now I'm not and I'm behind on all these things I need to be ahead on because I won't be busy being a mom later this year & can't just... not have a job come fall, for instance, after I graduate--but also have to actually work on my dissertation if I'm going to finish it and graduate on time. So it's like the micro stuff is bad (the grading) and the present stuff is bad (Behind on so much) and the future looks terrible (no job, etc.) and it's all sort of...centered around my mmc in one way or another, like it all points back to that. It's a really very bad day. I was better yesterday, I was FINE yesterday. Today, I know I'll be okay, but it's hard to see how.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? n/a

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.) I always say there should be a poetry version of, like, The Voice-- It would be cool to work with a poetry coach who would help me make my craft better & just... have a mentor who's focused on my work and getting it out there to its proper audience. So... that.

holly321 · March 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: mmc 2/12 mmc/malignant molar pregnancy 8/17 cp 12/18. Possible cp 10/18

Status: wto

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

So bitter. CD1. I also had to reschedule my obgyn appointment, so I am not doing clomid this cycle like I was hoping too.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None planned at this time.

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.)

I want to be on @ruby696’s show

@ruby696 I am so sorry for the new diagnosis. I hope your ultrasound goes well!

@kbrown2385 I am glad you are taking steps in what is hopefully the right direction.

shamrocandroll · March 2019

Hey ladies! Sorry I was MIA... crazy weekend and Monday so far!

@ruby696 I'm so sorry about your diagnosis, but I'm glad to hear they are still generally optimistic about your odds.

@kbrown2385 Hooray for a plan! I hope this is the recipe for you!

@Spartanrd4 You could go on the Pinterest fails one! I think it's called Nailed It and it's hilarious if you haven't already seen it. It's on Netflix.

@kagesstarshroom I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. It sounds like such a hard series of events all compounding together. I know this is easier said than done, but when I'm having a really hard time, I sit down and write out a plan. I hired a financial adviser 3 years ago and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done to sit down with him and show him every little detail of our finances, but we came up with a plan and now we are not only living within our means, but we're actually saving money, too. I'm not sure I could say that if it weren't for the fact that I finally admitted I needed someone to help me make a plan and stick to it. I hope you find a plan that works and things turn around for you soon!

shamrocandroll · March 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC in Nov, CP in early Feb.

Status: WTO/benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? MH and I are going on a long weekend trip to Montreal this weekend and I am so excited! I have a crazy week of work to do between now and then, and an even crazier week when I get back, but I can't wait for the us-time.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.) I hate reality TV and really don't like to be the center of attention, so I'd very much like to not be on one ever, thanks.

ruby696 · March 2019

@kagesstarshroom I have read ISWTE! It was very informative and I've started doing a lot of the things the book talks about (goodbye BPA). I'm also trying to ditch coffee. I told MH this morning that starting tomorrow I'll at least switch to decaf. Hopefully it helps. Also. I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. Just know you're strong and you'll get through it.

@holly321 I'm sorry for CD1. You're welcome to join my show. We can build things and work livestock while drinking fancy coffee, in our fancy rainboots.

@shamrocandroll Have a great time in Montreal!

kagesstarshroom · March 2019

@holly321 So sorry for CD1. Big hugs. Now I esp. want to watch ruby's show since you're on it haha.

@ruby696 I used to just drink black tea twice a day, but I am trying to switch entirely to green, so I understand the struggle with caffeine! Good luck! After reading the first half of that book, every time I... TOUCH... plastic now I am disgusted, like, just short of shouting "satan's material!" and dropping it like it were on fire.

@shamrocandroll Wow, I am so proud of you for being able to save money! That is currently impossible for us, and I aspire to your level. I will take your advice--when I am done at least one more batch of grading--and try to write something down in my planner, since that does help me sometimes. As for your very exciting sounding trip to Montreal--what are you most excited to see/do there--besides spent time w/ YH?

Update: One batch of the three batches of papers I have to grade, and the most difficult batch, are finished, so that is a reLief. Also, TO NOTE, it's very quiet on here today-- I hope everyone is okay! I feel like I come here more when I am not okay, though, but that might be just me. Also, I just come here all the time because my life's work is in front of a computer, and frankly I prefer yall to social media. I pulled the three of cups today for my guiding tarot card of the day, which is all about emotional support and community, and immediately I thought of this board.

ruby696 · March 2019

@kagesstarshroom I almost choked on my water when I read your "satan's material" comment 🤣 I'm not a hippy by any stretch of the imagination, but I am starting to despise plastic. I think it's done a lot of good in the medical field and for aviation and what not, but I totally think it should be greatly limited for general consumer use.

ETA: With the exception of blow dryers and flat irons. Okay, maybe just "soft" plastics should go.

kbrown2385 · March 2019

@kagesstarshroom I say mostly because she had some push back. She kind of told me I was ridiculous (in so many words) for taking ubiquinol and any other supplements for egg quality. She also told me that there was no proof showing Endometritis can cause rpl which I found to be opposite while doing my research. She kind of leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth but I’m happy she’s still willing to try some other things. I have to really dig in and get some solid research for clomid and letrozole before our next appt. I’ve learned to not necessarily take things she says at face value and be informed.

ruby696 · March 2019

@kbrown2385 Mine is the same. Told me there was no difference in folate and folic acid - actually said that's "a bunch of hooey for people who don't understand how the stomach works." Ah, okay. Yet the 4mg folic acid I'm taking gives the same result as folate, so....🤷‍♀️ I didn't even tell her I was taking Ubiquinol. I know she would tell me that there's no proof it improves egg quality. Whatever. It makes me feel better.

_khaleesi · March 2019

Happy Monday, ladies!

CP 2/19

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R

I feel so bipolar and that is so NOT normal for me. Last week definitely had some hard lows, but I’m feeling pretty optimistic and happy with life in general right now. I did finally snag some temps and confirmed O, and even though I can’t say with 100% certainty which day, all signs point to a cd17 o which means cycle back to normal and even with our performance snafu last week from all the pressure, our timing is still just fine!

Rant: It’s our first milestone week, culminating in my bday on Saturday when we were telling my parents. So there could definitely be more hard lows this week.

Rave: We are taking a last second trip to Breckenridge on Friday for my bday! Was H’s idea. I’m hoping that will keep my mind off stuff. I’m not even packing the thermometer. But I will be packing the HPTs.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Well, I’ve now got 30 HPTs that came with these OPKs so this “not until AF is late” girl is definitely testing early for at least this cycle! Right now I feel like I can handle a negative so I’m thinking 9dpo on my bday. I mean, I’m completely expecting negatives. I 110% expect AF to show up next week. If it’s positive? Hooray! Negative? Still too early, I expected it, and hey let’s go hit the slopes! But I am completely reserving the right to change my mind depending on how this week goes.

GTKY: Anything about dog training! But only if I could call people out for being stupid. In fact I wanted to be a veterinarian but ultimately said no because I wouldn’t want to deal with stupid people.

Be back for tags tonight!

shamrocandroll · March 2019

@kagesstarshroom I dunno what I'm most looking forward to, really! I've never been to Montreal. But, we're doing a craft beer tour one day, which will be a lot of fun because it doubles as kind of walking tour of the city, plus beer! Otherwise we plan to eat all of the food. Oh, and I'm getting a massage... first one in probably over 3 years! :-D

maserrano714 · March 2019

@ruby696 sorry to hear about your Dx. Sending you hugs. Good luck with u/s.

@kbrown2385 glad to hear it went mostly well with your RE.

@spartanrd4 good luck this cycle. Sorry about the gut punch from your friend's announcement. I definitely know what that feels like.

@kagesstarshroom sorry you're having such a tough time. I totally get the pressure with work and school. I am falling behind on my coursework and have like 100 articles to read for a systematic review and haven't done 1 bit because of this cold. I'm going to have to play catch up all week. Just remember: You can do this!! Stay strong and hang in there. At least you got 1 batch of graded papers down. Yay!

@holly321 sorry you missed your appt and have to miss your clomid cycle.

@shamrocandroll have fun this weekend in Montreal.

@_khaleesi Happy early birthday!! And have a fun trip. Will be nice for you to relax and get your mind off things. Enjoy it.

AFM:

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: 2 losses, 1 MMC @ 8wks 8/2018; 1 MMC/D&C @ 9wks 2/2019

Status: WTO/benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I have a bad cold and wheezing cough which is making me fall back on my coursework which sucks for future me. Worried about this week since my first "should have been" due date is this Thurs. I will most likely be a mess.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Have an appt with my endocrinologist yo see about my thyroid levels. They were really low after MMC. Getting blood drawn later this week for genetic panel test for me & DH.

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.) I would love to be on a dog competition of some sort. Have me and my dog compete with other pet parents. Like amazing race but with my dog as my partner.

kagesstarshroom · March 2019

@maserrano714 Thanks for your words of support! I keep saying once I get my home office into shape, I'll be ready to work on all the things I haven't been working on, and I can't tell if... I have bad office feng shui and I'm right OR if that's just an excuse? I really thought it just seriously needed to be organized, but now I fear I've just been using that as an excuse? I hope you feel better soon/get unsick! If you think you might fall behind on work you have to turn in, don't hesitate to reach out to your teachers and let them know something is going on--esp. if you normally are on top of things. As a prof., I am more likely to be lenient/sympathetic if a clear line of communication is established. I love the idea of your dogmazing race. I would watch that!

@Spartanrd4 Food Network is the besttt. Maybe you can be on one of those shows that's made for not professional chefs and wow the celeb chef judges w/ yr mad homecook skills! (Master Chef is like that, for example.)

@shamrocandroll I like the idea of a craft brewery tour that's also a walking tour AND I like that you're planning to just go and have a good time. I feel like I would overbook a vacay and not have time to relax bc I'd try to do too much, and it sounds like you're def. *not* doing that haha.

@_khaleesi You are totally me when that box of wondfos came in, haha. I was like "well, I would NORMALLY WFAF, but considering I've got a million of these things...." I'm not sure I'd personally want to test on my bday though unless I knew I'd be a-okay w/ a BFN bc I loveeee my birthday (which is so soon after yours) & I wouldn't want to like think I'd be okay w/ it and then not be? But I'm rooting for you--whenever you test bday or whenever--to get that BFP & not even have to worry about all that.

omg1108 · March 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:

~MMC w/D & C September 2018; MMC w/Cytotec February 2019

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

~ Sorry, I was MIA all last week. I have been having a really rough time. I started seeing the RE a few weeks ago & have been just really disappointed that I am still not getting answers.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? ~I had a saline ultrasound on Friday. The results were auto released on my chart today & I do have a cyst on my right ovary. I called the doctor's office & did not get a call back yet. I want to discuss the plan & what we are doing next. My bloodwork a couple weeks ago came back with suspected thyroid or other hormonal issues. He also told me at my original appointment that we should start progesterone once all my testing was done. I messaged him two times in the last week with no response & called & talked to the nurse today. I am just very anxious. On top of it all, I have been sick with a sinus infection & ear infection; I am hacking up a lung with a cough. So overall, just blah. And I miss my doggies. They are staying with my mom for a couple weeks. Our gate ripped off in a windstorm a couple weeks ago & we are waiting to get it fixed. Hopefully will be done this week. Rant over

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.)

~I don't really watch reality tv, but my SO & I are pretty funny to watch interact. I think we could make Mr. & Mrs. type show that will keep people hooting.

@kagesstarshroom I am sorry you are having a rough time. I think this extended winter in Cleveland isn't helping. However, the last few days have been sunny--even though cold; and the longer days are a bit satisfying.

@maserrano714 This cough has been rough this year! I hope you feel better soon so you can get back up & running.

@_khaleesi happy early birthday! Enjoy your trip.

@ruby696 I cut back to chai teas. I use one caffeinated tea bag & one decaf in the morning. It is the only caffeine I am doing throughout the day. I also started drinking the Yogi Raspberry Leaf tea for women's health. It is supposed to be good for your uterus...etc.

@kbrown2385 I am so happy that you are getting the opportunity to address your questions with the RE. I was so positive when I first saw mine. I am just so moody though, and I am not sure at this point. I just don't think I have any other option right now. I am seeing the best group of doctors at the best hospital in Cleveland. I don't know what else I can do. Keep us updated. I also love to compare stories & have as much information as possible when I go in to see the RE.

_khaleesi · March 2019

@ruby696 I’m so sorry for the diagnosis, but glad that you’re excited about the IUI, as you should be! Fingers and toes crossed for you! Your show sounds right up my alley!

@kbrown2385 it sure is a shittty club to be in but I’m glad experiences of others gives you hope! It’s great you seem to be clicking with the re, that’s gotta be a huge relief, and yay for progress! GL with your results!

@spartanrd4 ugh so sorry for the gut punch announcement. @shamrocandroll is so right, Nailed It sounds like your jam! I highly recommend a binge watch.

@kagesstarshroom so many hugs to you! So sorry you’re having a rough time. I totally get what you’re saying about all the things seeming to circle back to the fact you’re supposed to be PG. That was me last week. You WILL be okay. And I’m glad you recognize that. But in the meantime, you’re allowed to be not okay. I like @shamrocandroll ‘s idea on the financial advisor! And it wouldn’t hurt to take things further by planning out all the things that are causing you stress, if they’re plannable. One day at a time. You got this. Yeah, I go back and forth about the bday testing. I think it’ll be a play by ear kind of thing. I’ve also found myself romanticizing the idea of finding out about a rainbow while on this trip, but also so far am completely level headed and realize it probably ain’t gonna happen. Thanks for the good wishes!

@holly321 very sorry about cd1 and the disappointment of no clomid.

@shamrocandroll , my traveling buddy! Hooray for getaways! Beer, food, and a massage...what more could you ask for?! Have a great time!

@maserrano714 that sucks you’re feeling crummy, and double sucks about the due date. Lots of hugs your way. Tell me about your doggy!

@omg1108 I’m sorry to hear you’re not making the progress you want, and it sounds like your doc totally isn’t helping the situation! How frustrating! I hope your doggies are back home soon! Tell me about them!

wanderlost · March 2019

@ruby696 I'm sorry about your diagnosis I can only imagine how hard that must be. I love your reality show idea!!

@kbrown2385 fx your results come back soon with some answers and good news!

@kagesstarshroom I second making a list! It hello me because when I have a million things going on in my head it's easier to just focus on a few at a time in the list. Also, have you listened to old Dave Ramsey podcasts? I like how simple he is and really helps to make a budget and simple personal finance topics. I'll listen to him when I need to realign my financial goals with my vision.

@shamrocandroll I'm so jealous of your Montreal trip. It sounds amazing! Hopefully it's not freezing there for you!

@holly321 I'm sorry about CD1

@_khaleesi can you please come train my pups? I suck at it! Have fun in Breckenridge I'm so jealous!

@omg1108 I'm so sorry about your doctors crummy communication. That sounds like a nightmare. Do they have a nurse practitioner who can maybe start to answer questions?

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC on Friday

Status: benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

I had the MMC on Friday. Everyone at the hospital was so nice and sympathetic, the procedure was almost painless, the anasthesologist knocked me out which was amazing. I barley spotted so I was really happy. I have been struggling with the reality of it all though. Since I never had any miscarriage symptoms it's hard to process this is all real. I'm just so upset all the time. I have been isolating really bad. I have been at home for almost two weeks straight with almost no social interaction. I had a massive panic attack at the gym today because it was so busy and I was upset to have to be around people. I'm glad a got a little work out in since I need to start somewhere. Nothing in my life has ever been easy or handed to me, and I have always had to work hard to get most things in my life, I'm just pissed that this had to be another struggle. I can't even imagine starting to try again. I just feel like the emotions involved in all of it is too great to start all over again.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope.

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.)

I love reality TV but I wish it showed more real life situations. My show would follow people doing real life, you know, minimal social interactions, sending 80+hours on my phone a week, mindlessly refreshing all my social media feeds, while law and order SVU plays in the background, my husband next to me doing the same, we haven't muttered three words in hours. My fridge is full of rotting spinach bags and random veggies that I bought with intentions of actually eating. We have sex once a week for 3 minutes. The only chore DH has done in weeks is push start on the Roomba. Work is terrible but I'll do nothing about it other than complain for years. You guys know. A bunch of real life situations.

Spartanrd4 · March 2019

@wanderlost I totally know how you are feeling- I was there too after my MMC. I am glad to hear the procedure went well and that the people during the surgery were supportive and kind....it really does help. I know it doesn't feel like it now but it does get better- just take things one day at a time.

@_khaleesi Happy early birthday- enjoy your trip!

@omg1108 Ugh that is a lot to deal with- I am sorry the RE isn't giving you straight up answers. Hope they get their act together soon- it definitely doesn't help anxiety!

@kagesstarshroom I am sorry you have been struggling- sometimes I feel so disconnected to work and my drive in regards to my career when I am so focused on TTC. I am glad you are feeling better now.

@maserrano714 Due dates are hard- October for me turned from my favorite month into the worst month ever with now 2 due dates for my losses

Lots of hugs going your way.

@shamrocandroll I will need to try that show- it sounds like something I would like to watch! Montreal sounds so fun! My DH went there for work once and said it was super nice

@holly321 I am sorry about CD1, its so tough...especially when it messes up your plans with going to the doctor and treatments

@ruby696 I am really sorry about your diagnosis- I hope a good egg is in there for you and things will work out FX

@kbrown2385 I am happy that your RE listened to you and was receptive....and that you have a good plan in place going forward.

ruby696 · March 2019

@wanderlost It's going to take some time before you start feeling like yourself again. Grief and hormones are a rough combination. But you're strong and you'll get through it. Such big hugs to you right now.

_khaleesi · March 2019

@wanderlost I just want to echo @ruby696 . Things will get better, I promise. I know you can’t see that now. And unfortunately things will get worse again, and better again, and on and on. I’d like to think eventually the worse again stops but I don’t know. What I do know is your thoughts and feelings are normal. And that of all the life events I have experienced (mom battled breast cancer, family/friend deaths, pet deaths etc), none of that comes even close to the profound impact my loss has had on my ability to just freaking function at times, let alone stay focused and deeply concentrate. Not even close. It’s been surprising, honestly. Hugs.

shamrocandroll · March 2019

@wanderlost Big hugs! It's so hard at first. I admire that you even managed to make it to the gym. I locked myself in my room and watched Netflix and cried for 3 days after my MMC. It does get easier. The pain never completely goes away, but you will start to feel more like yourself. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

sorarose · March 2019

Introduce yourself: Just completed my first loss yesterday.

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Had my much dreaded last u/s on Monday, which showed an even larger and imo ugly empty gestational sac at 28mm, so I was finally given the green light to move forward. Opted for the D&C and was fortunate enough to get in yesterday. I was terrified, but it seems to have gone well. No real cramping and I was in a lot of pain last night, but much better today. Working from home, and I finally am feeling like myself again. Nausea was basically gone immediately and my headaches, congestion, and just general malaise cleared up also. I feel somewhat hopeful again and driven to get things done, and it's just nice to be back.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? They sent everything to pathology, although I don't know what that means. My OB will call and check in on Monday. I was told I would be benched for two months, but sounds like that could be about after when I get my first period and ovulate again?

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.) I want to say something on Bravo, but I don't belong on those. I would love to work for one of the genealogy shows like Who Do You Think You Are?

Spartanrd4 · March 2019

@sorarose I am so sorry that your loss was finally confirmed but that you were able to move forward and have the D&C and it went as well as possible. I had similar feelings such as you as I continued to have morning sickness right up until the procedure (I puked in the car on the way to have the surgery) and to have it completely gone was a relief but still so many conflicting feelings. My OB said I was to be benched for 2 cycles (for example I had the MMC in beginning of March, didn't get my period until like 7 weeks later in April and then we started trying again in June). Are they going to track your hcg down to zero? I felt like that was important.

shamrocandroll · March 2019

@sorarose I am so sorry for your confirmed loss, but I am glad to hear you're feeling more yourself. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some freedom to feel however you feel for a little while.

ruby696 · March 2019

@sorarose I'm so sorry.

I'm glad you're feeling more like yourself though. I tend to have an annovulatory cycle after a loss, so two months seems pretty reasonable. I think you'll find yourself in a better space mentally after that break.

kagesstarshroom · March 2019

@sorarose I am glad that everything feels alright right now for you, and sorry that you had to go through what you did to get to this point. After my d&c, I had a long-ish cycle, and looking at the community cycles on FF (you can filter them to just show "D&C Cycles" was really helpful to me at that time--just to see how everyone's was so so different, I guess, and then also to guess when AF might return again bc I couldn't help myself. So many hugs to you right now--I'm so glad you aren't in a lot of physical pain.

@Spartanrd4 Yes, exactly what you said: I get so focused on TTC & doing all I can do considering I'm TTCAL that it makes it hard to care about much else. Putting all the right stuff in my body and reading as much as I can about what might be going on in there--these have been my focuses and what I've been reading, instead of what I *SHOULD* be reading to complete my dissertation Etc.

@wanderlost I keep thinking about your reality TV show of people just... doing normal things. haha. So good. I hope you have gotten some answers from your doctor by now and if not that they are coming soon for you. I had a bad sinus infection in Feb., and I am so so sorry that's adding insult to injury. Get well!

Update: Monday was one of those, like, just super off bad days for me, and the rest of the week, I am back to the new normal. I got some good news yesterday that will help me stay employed thru the fall--that was one of my major stresses on Monday & DH wasn't helping bc he was like "when are you getting a job let's move" like out of no where after being like "let's stay around here for at least another year." So yeah. Thank you so much to everyone for your support--I'm so lucky to have yall.

chichiphin · March 2019

okay - finally jumping in here. But holy cow I should have on Monday bc this thread has a lot of tagging...

@kagesstarshroom I'm glad that you got better news on monday about your job. those days are so hard - you have to take them one hour at a time.
@sorarose I'm so sorry about the confirmed loss. I am glad you are feeling physically okay after the D&C.
@wanderlost I'm sorry you're going through all of these tough emotions. I hope that your trips to the gym start to help you out socially and mentally.
@omg1108 I hope you feel better soon and can get answers from your doc!
@maserrano714 I hope you're starting to feel better soon as well.
@_khaleesi enjoy your birthday trip! but I am sorry for the upcoming milestones.
@shamrocandroll enjoy your trip to montreal!!
@holly321 hi friend. I'm so sorry about CD1.
@Spartanrd4 ugh sorry about that announcement - fx for your cycle
@kbrown2385 I'm hoping that things with your RE get better & you respond well to the clomid
@ruby696 I hope that you have a good U/S tomorrow and are responding well to the clomid!

chichiphin · March 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:

this is my first post on this board. I had a d&e a week ago due to trisomy 13, cystic hygroma, and hydrops at 15.5wks

Status: benched for genetic testing

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Although I'm physically much better today - no real bleeding & my body is almost back to its pre-preg size, my emotional state is everywhere. I go between never wanting to get KU ever again to wanting to start trying again immediately. I'm desperate and impatient for our genetic results, because I need to know if we have to skip right to IVF + PGD. I'm really just in my head a lot. On top of all of this - my OB gave my bc pills to take "if I wanted them" and I started taking them because the doc said my bleeding could stop sooner. Well now I regret taking them - even tho the bleeding did stop, but we shouldn't get preg anyway until we know what is up with our genetic testing. Ugh I feel crazy today.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? waiting for our cytogenetics results to test for translocation - if the trisomy could be hereditary

GTKY: Which reality TV show should you totally be on? (If there isn’t an existing one that suits you, make one up.) if I was rich enough? RHONY

ruby696 · March 2019

@chichiphin The emotional part if a loss is definitely the hardest. And being benched is, ugh, IDK - good and bad? We need it but we hate it. I hope you get your genetic results soon.

kagesstarshroom · March 2019

@chichiphin Things were pretty quiet at first on TTCAL this Monday & then--well, you said it yrself--poof! Taking things "one hour at a time" is so real. Speaking of which, I'm sorry you're so emotionally topsy turvy--do you think the bc is adding to "feeling crazy"? I mean, I feel like regardless of that you have so many reasons to feel a whole lot of different things, so as long as you can bear it, I would say let yourself have all those feelings, don't feel like you need to hold stuff back. Give yourself all the time you need. As for the whole "let's never TTC again/let's start trying today" back and forth--I so feel that. The further I get from my more recent loss, the more the "let's never" feeling shrink away though, but they come in bursts--hour by hour, like you said. I hope you get your testing results soon!

shamrocandroll · March 2019

@chichiphin I agree with @ruby696. Being benched is good and bad. Just think about how crazy and all over the place your hormones are right now and give yourself a little bit of time to gain some clarity on where to go from here. You are entitled to any and all of these feelings right now.

chichiphin · March 2019

@ruby696 @shamrocandroll @kagesstarshroom ❤️❤️ I am so happy I have this group. Thank you for making me feel normal when I DO NOT feel normal. I think once we have some genetics answers I’ll get clarity on other stuff

ruby696 · March 2019

@chichiphin I promise you, we can all relate to exactly what you're saying. Your feelings are 100% normal.

kagesstarshroom · March 2019

@chichiphin

Speaking of how much I (also) appreciate yall, am I the only one who wishes we could all hangout somewhere relaxing & be besties for a day & hug and tell each other it's gonna be okay & then go back to real life/these boards as though nothing weird ever happened, like, oh, meeting ppl IRL who you talk to online regularly about things with names like "cervical mucous" wouldn't be weird at all--

kbrown2385 · March 2019

@chichiphin I hope the genetic testing comes back quickly and gives you some answers. I hope they provide a clear direction for you. As the others have said, the all over craziness will lessen and is absolutely normal to feel everything you’re feeling right now. Lots of hugs your way.

@kagesstarshroom glad you got good news about your job! I’m also happy you are feeling a little better. I echo what @wanderlost said about Dave Ramsey. Dh and I read Total Money Makeover in September and it completely changed how we handle our finances. We are finally paying down our debt and feel secure, which is a huge change from where we were not too long ago.

@sorarose I’m so sorry for the confirmation of the loss and having to go through the d&c. I find having a month or two off from ttc helps me collect myself and figure out what direction to move in. Glad you are feeling well physically. Also, I agree it would be neat to do Who Do You Think You Are.

chichiphin · March 2019

100% was just a salty bitch to someone in the Sept BMB NIPT thread. I gotta check myself.

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