STM+ check-in w/o 3/16

mrosek91 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby?

How old is/are your other kid(s)?

Nails and fails from this week:

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary:

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different? (This was requested by someone, sorry I don't remember who, if you have any GTKYs you'd like me to use, please let me know. Not sure how I'm going to come up with 20+ more of these...)

wiscobabies · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby? 17+3, pomegranate

How old is/are your other kid(s)? 13 months

Nails and fails from this week: Nail: We went on a walk tonight and it was awesome. It was finally in the 30s and felt pretty warm!

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: My freaking husband and his snoring. I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep and fantasize about smothering him with his pillow 🤷🏻‍♀️

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different? (This was requested by someone, sorry I don't remember who, if you have any GTKYs you'd like me to use, please let me know. Not sure how I'm going to come up with 20+ more of these...) I work full time as a medical assistant, but I’ll be looking for a new job on maternity leave. I’d love to switch now but I’m worried about not being eligible for FMLA if I switch jobs. My maternity leave is the standard 12 weeks. The first 6 weeks I get partial pay and the last 6 weeks are unpaid. So jealous of you ladies in Canada and Europe!! We’re trying to do a better job saving money this time around since we’ll still have to pay daycare for my son while I’m on leave (otherwise he loses his spot). Otherwise, no change really.

mrosek91 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby?
17 weeks, pear

How old is/are you other kid(s)?

3 today!!
17 months

Nails and fails from this week:

Nail: had a few nights where I didn't feel the need to collapse into bed at 7, and decided to take some me time instead of pushing myself to catch up. (I'm already so behind what's one more week?)
Fail: today is DS#1's birthday, and it took me like 3 hours from when I woke up to remember.

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary:

The previous owners of our house put room darkening shades in all the bedrooms and I am so grateful to them. I have no idea how I would do bedtime in the summer without them.

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different? (This was requested by someone, sorry I don't remember who, if you have any GTKYs you'd like me to use, please let me know. Not sure how I'm going to come up with 20+ more of these...)

I am a working mom. My firm actually just upped their maternity leave which I'm really excited about. With both boys I got 6 weeks, and used PTO to take about a week more. Now I get 9 weeks, and am still thinking of taking an extra one with PTO.
The one thing I did with DS#1 that I am never doing again is I went back on a Monday. Doing a full week of work six and a half weeks after giving birth was so tough. With DS#2 I went back on a Wednesday and I think it worked.

wiscobabies · March 2019

@mrosek91 yes to going back midweek! I went back on a Wednesday and have Thursdays off, so I worked Wed and Fri and it was so much better then working a full week

aecm · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby?
17w, pomegranates

How old is/are your other kid(s)? DD, age 2

Nails and fails from this week:
Nail: got my toddler out of the house a bunch this week, trying to enjoy activities together before the babies arrive.
Fail: was told at my 16wk checkup that my dizziness would be helped by drinking more water. I already felt like I was drinking a lot, so now I feel like I’m going to float away.

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: my mom sent me an article about first children not responding well to the addition of a sibling to the family. 😒. Just not what I need to think about right now. Also, if anyone has tips on how to successfully introduce new babies to your existing kid, I’m all ears.

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different?
I’m a SAHM. Very glad that is/was an option for me, b/c I don’t think I would have handled going back to work / dropping my kid off with childcare very well at all.

nimo-ad · March 2019

Not an STM but you just gave me a brilliant idea on the going back to work midweek @mrosek91.. will definitely keep that in mind

BigBadWolf12 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby?
20 weeks! Banana

How old is/are your other kid(s)?
18 months

Nails and fails from this week:
Nail - realized I wasn't as far behind in a course as I thought I was after not logging in for 5 days (everyone in Canada, where the course is, is on March break so I guess they're also not logging on. But i just had a busy week at work, not on holidays)
Fail - ds has been waking up at 5.30 most mornings for 10 days. Dh usually gets up with him, bless him, but I'm still ready for it to end. We don't have the time change for another 2 weeks, so if he doesn't correct himself before then I guess we can hope for that to help us out haha

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary:
Baby girl is moving so much. I felt her on the outside super clearly for the first time last night. Hopefully dh and ds can feel her soon too.

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different?
I'm in Sweden, so it's super generous. 480 days to claim as you wish until the child is 12 (after they're 4 you can only have a certain number of days left). You can claim as little or as much as you want. 7 days a week claiming gets you around 80%pay (then taxes off the top). We didn't need to claim that much to get by comfortably, so I claimed 3-4 days a week even though I was off with him full time. I stayed home for 16 months and dh is home with him now until summer when he's 20 months.

This time I'll probably go back when she's a year old and trade off with dh. I planned that and extended to 16 with ds because of his allergies. It was just way easier for me to stay home and continue sorting out his allergy diagnoses and our diets (breast feeding) rather than going back to work and having to sort out with the school chef what I could or couldn't eat.

mrosek91 · March 2019

@jma_18 I know everyone has different sleeping habits and I lot of people can't do this, but what I do when my husband is snoring is put in earphones and turn on an audiobook. I have a large selection that I have practically memorized so I'm not kept up wanting to know what happens, and listening to something familiar helps me sleep and drowns out the snoring.

@aecm I really don't understand what makes people think something like that is helpful... Are you an only child? DS#1 was only 19 months when DS#2 was born so I don't know if that made it easier or harder. But basically we were very matter of fact about it, tried to show DS#1 that he was still getting attention, (grandparents helped with this) and had lots of patience (which was hard given how sleep deprived we were).

@BigBadWolf12 whenever I hear someone in Europe talk about their maternity leave I think of moving. It's obvious that maternity leave in the US was designed by men.

Allycat11 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby? 117w1d Pomegranate

How old is/are your other kid(s)? DD 6 DS turns 3 next month

Nails and fails from this week: still mostly failing at everything...too much take out, screen time, house is a disaster.

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: This pregnancy has been rough. Nausea is back almost 24/7. Since midweek I have had sharp severe pain in my low/mid back which is making it impossible to do anything. I am used to sciatic nerve pain during pregnancy but this is different and way worse.

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different?
I am a WAHM. Because I am an independent contractor I will literally be taking no time off. If I am lucky work will be calm when LO arrives.

aecm · March 2019

@mrosek91 I am an only child 😜. So is DH - so neither of our parents have experience introducing siblings. Plus my dad is an only child too, my mom is the youngest sibling, so no one has personal experience with gaining a sibling. I worried a bit about this before I even got pregnant (DD is very attached to me), and now that we know we’re having twins I’m concerned about giving her the time and attention she needs.

BigBadWolf12 · March 2019

@aecm this is only our second kid, so no experience there, but we gave ds a baby doll and hopefully he will spend lots of time with our friends' new baby in the spring as "training". DS was "training" for their puppy being around kids/babies too haha so wet can go the other way now

Interested to hear TTM+ btdt experiences though!

Edit fixed tag

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby?
18w 6d - artichoke

How old is/are your other kid(s)?
13 & 6

Nails and fails from this week:
Nothing really eventful this week. I realized this is the first pay period all year I haven’t missed any time for kid or baby related appointments, so that’s a win!

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary:
@jma_18 Ditto on the snoring husband/want to suffocate thing. I usually transfer to the couch around 2 am, but I stuck it out in the bed last night and may have wanted to kill him at one point.

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? I work full time and have enough sick leave saved up for six fully paid weeks. This is huge because with DS1 I was a waitress and had zero paid leave and with DS2 I worked for a different company and only had about a week paid. My doctor requires a minimum of six weeks medical leave with c-sections (it’s non-negotiable, I tried to go back early both times 😂).

My biggest issue this time is how “plugged in” I want to be. I usually don’t go through emails at home, but returning to six weeks worth is absolutely daunting, so I’ll need to monitor to some degree. I am currently doing two jobs as I took over a new position in November and my old position has yet to be filled. With as busy as we are right now I think it will be early summer (at the earliest) before they hire someone and it’s going to take a lot of specialized training (mostly from me) to get that person up and running.

So I want to be copied on emails to stay in the loop, but I don’t want it to take over my leave... working on that balance. DH is starting his own business and we only be able to take about a week, but he only works in the evenings, so he will be home during the day. The big kids won’t go back to school until late August, so they will be able to help with housework and things also for the first few weeks.

Also so jealous of European maternity leave - who isn’t?!?

mrosek91 · March 2019

@Allycat11 hugs.

@aecm @BigBadWolf12 my DH is a twin and they are the oldest, so my IL said they can't give advise on going from 1 to 2 because they'd never done it. My mom had to take some time for medical reasons, so my sis was 5 by the time my mom got pregnant with my brother, and it was a rough pregnancy, so no help there either. I started asking friends, family, acquitences... Anyone who had done 2 with-in one to two years and I got such different answers it made me realize that like with so much of parenting there is no right. You just have to figure out what works for you.

@thirdtimesacharm2019 I'm still at the same job I was at with the last 2 and like you I was worried about returning to a backlog of email. So I logged in once a week to catch up... And really only had to delete the mass junk emails that go out to the whole office. I had an out of office up welcoming the baby to the family, and people emailed once and that was. My boss even told me that she mentioned to a client on Monday I was coming back on Wednesday, and he said great I can start emailing her, and my boss said no you can start emailing her Wednesday afternoon.

BigBadWolf12 · March 2019

@mrosek91 thanks. I think that's probably true and depends on the kid too. Ds is super easy going so I hope he just had a seamless transition lol. We will see when the time comes

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

@mrosek91 Once per week sounds reasonable. I don’t think my office is expecting anything from me while on leave (I’ve known people who are expected to check in periodically), so no pressure there. I still need to figure who is going to be responsible for certain aspects of my job. I’m kind of a control freak, so delegating/trusting others is difficult.

elizabeth_1985 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby? 19 weeks, 2 days

How old is/are your other kid(s)? 5 and 2.5

Nails and fails from this week: Just got back from a week long vacation to Disney World. Had a great time...Now, it's snowing at home, but at least I got to enjoy some good weather.

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: AS is scheduled for Wednesday. Super excited!

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different? (This was requested by someone, sorry I don't remember who, if you have any GTKYs you'd like me to use, please let me know. Not sure how I'm going to come up with 20+ more of these...) Working mom. I get 12 weeks paid. But... I end up doing a ton of work (maybe 20 hr per week) at home while on leave. I hope to work less this time around. Unfortunately, my job never quits.

peachy0709 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby?: 17w + 2 d / I read somewhere that baby is about the size of a pair of folded sunglasses - that seems huge!!!

How old is/are your other kid(s)? 5 and [almost] 2. I told them this weekend and my oldest cried she was so happy. When I told her it was a baby brother she almost fainted. It was maybe the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

Nails and fails from this week: I got a pregnancy massage yesterday and it was amazing. My back is really bothering me this time (probably because I'm the size I was with my previous two at like 4+ weeks later than I am).

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: Where's that magical second trimester energy???

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different? (This was requested by someone, sorry I don't remember who, if you have any GTKYs you'd like me to use, please let me know. Not sure how I'm going to come up with 20+ more of these...): I'm a working mom. I'll get 12 weeks paid. I started a new job while pregnant which was different. My new role has some travel (not a ton, but some) and I wonder how long I'll pump. My old company had an amazing lactation room that was right by my office, so that made it easy with I was exclusively pumping (but also expected me to work crazy hours because they had on-site daycare). I THINK this time our plan is to have DH break up his paternity leave a little different - I think he'll take only 1 week at the beginning and then the remaining 3 after I return to work. Then until January, my parents will watch the baby.

mkrel · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby? 20+2 Banana

How old is/are your other kid(s)? 21 month old daughter

Nails and fails from this week: Nail: I have had a little more energy so I've been able to depend less on the tablet to entertain my daughter after work. I also got three workouts in last week. Fail: She is getting sick again and it just breaks my heart hearing her cough all night and not be able to do much about it.

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: My parents moved here from out of state a few weeks ago. It's so nice to just be able to get together with them for dinner or for an outing and not have it be a whole big production of visiting and staying with each other!

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different?
I work full time from home. Last time I took 11 weeks off. 6 were STD at 80%, I used 2 weeks of PTO, and the rest were unpaid. My company now offers 4 weeks at full pay so I'm super excited. I'll have 4 paid, 6 at 80%, 2-3 on PTO that I can use, and the rest will be unpaid. I'm HOPING to take more like 15 weeks off this time, but I haven't discussed it with my manager yet. I guess I have a rant, my manager acquired our entire pool of workers under her and she is SO busy. I work remotely (she is in a different city) and I have tried to touch base with her a few times to tell her I'm pregnant and she never gets back to me. I would really prefer not to do it over email, but I'm getting annoyed constantly trying to track her down. She is always in meetings and is super hands off, which is great most of the time. But I actually need to talk to her at some point here.....

EmilyA724 · March 2019

@aecm I read this article about introducing the sibling to the baby and I found it super helpful. My pediatrician also independently gave very similar advice.

How far along are you? How big is baby? 17w5d pomegranate

How old is/are your other kid(s)? DD 4

Nails and fails from this week: DD and I have had a cold all last week, I feel like I don't even remember the week

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: The circles under my eyes....

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different? (This was requested by someone, sorry I don't remember who, if you have any GTKYs you'd like me to use, please let me know. Not sure how I'm going to come up with 20+ more of these...) Working mom. This time around I get 12 weeks paid and none of it uses PTO, which I am so excited about. Last time I took 6 weeks Short Term Disability and then had enough PTO for a 7th week, but it meant I came back to 0 PTO days left. My last job did let me work part time from home and part time in the office until 12 weeks, which was really nice for a transition. Even though I get 12 weeks, I'm a fundraiser and will be gone for our busiest time with end of year. I'm thinking I'll be putting in significant time in October, so I'm hoping to work out a deal where I can move that time to the end and work part time for a few weeks to help with transitioning back.

I feel like my last maternity leave I felt like I still needed to take care of the house and do so much whenever the baby was sleeping. Between stressing myself with not feeling like I was doing enough around the house and constantly pumping to get my supply up, I was so wound up and stressed. I really want to try to enjoy this leave. Laundry will get done when it gets done. My production will be what it is. This is my last baby, and I want to enjoy my time with it.

aevan011 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby? 19w , game boy How old is/are your other kid(s)? DS 2 Nails and fails from this week: Nail: Made it to several outings this week. Made a steak dinner. Fail: probably made a horrible awkward impression on some other moms at an event. I’ll basically never have adult friends. Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: my 2 year old is finally using 2-3 word combos and he’s using them to order us around. GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different? SAHM. I quit my job before this became a factor last time. I’m in Europe now but would not get the leave as I would prob just work on a base where American laws would apply probably. Of note, I’m very excited that my husband gets more leave this time! @EmilyA724 great article! Would not have thought of putting baby down first!

aecm · March 2019

@EmilyA724 - love the ideas in that article, thanks for sharing!

I actually had the opportunity to hold my friend’s baby today, and I was pleasantly surprised at how well DD handled the situation. She was curious and came over, and I suggested she give the baby a nice gentle little pat, which she did, then she went back to playing. No jealousy that another kid was on my lap (which has happened in the past 😬). Hopefully we can have a couple more practice experiences like that before her own siblings arrive!

sourlemon · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby? 18w +2d

How old is/are your other kid(s)? almost 5 and almost 2.5

Nails and fails from this week:

Nails: I checked bills the day the credit card was due and realized DH forgot to pay that one, so I paid it. Not sure why I was double checking DH's task, but glad I did!

Fails: DD1 very clearly has the croup-y cough at night and was struggling last night. We brought her into our bed and gave her some cough medicine. She was snoring so loud (as was DH) that after an hour of half, I put her back in her bed. She was breathing so much better by then and wasnt coughing, but I still felt a little guilty for about 3 minutes until I finally got back to sleep.

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: Its one sick kid after another at our house.

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? I work full time outside the house. Since I work for the federal government, I do not get paid maternity leave. I can use up all of my saved paid time off. Typically it takes about 2.5 years of not taking any PTO (leave or sick) to build up 10 weeks, which is why my kids are spaced the way they are. However, the last year we've had some major health things come up and went on 2 week-long family trips so I dont have enough time. I'll take all the sick leave I have, then apply for FMLA and request advanced sick leave up until 8 weeks post c-section then I dont qualify anymore. After that, I can use the rest of my annual leave. That might get me to 12 weeks and Ill be about 4 weeks in the hole on sick time -- which will take 18 months to 2 years to recoup. If I have to leave work early for complications, Ill end up even more in the hole. If I dont get to 12 weeks, Ill take leave without pay until I want to go back, which will be probably around 12 weeks. We can afford it, I just hate that we get nothing.

With my last 2 kids, I went back to work at 10 weeks full time to the office. The last one, I started working from home for a few hours at 6 weeks because my boss said I needed to catch up and I was new-ish and felt threatened. I felt very guilty about that, even though most of the working time was when the baby was sleeping. This time, I want to take all the time possible. Its my last kid. I dont want the pressure of work creeping into my habits and thoughts while on maternity leave. It'll be tough for that since DH also works at the same place, but I'm gonna try.

BigBadWolf12 · March 2019

@sourlemon I hope your maternity leave plans go as planned! Compartmentalizing and not thinking about work at home is so hard. In Canada I've always been under the impression that government jobs have more holidays and better benefits than most private jobs - is it opposite in the states?

Edit: said public when I meant private the first time I posted

sourlemon · March 2019

@BigBadWolf12 I think it depends on which government. Some state and local governments have great benefits.

We get 10 paid holidays a year. Most people think we have great benefits, and we do, but we pay a TON for them.

-Our health insurance is quite a bit higher than many commercial people that I know. But it is good coverage most of the time. The only time we've been surprised by a bill was DD1s heart surgery and our OOP was about 8K out of almost 100K. We were told our OOP would be closer to 250 (150 for the hospital and 100 for the surgeon), but what we were told is that the device that fixed her heart wasnt covered.

-Our retirement relies 1/3 on social security (which who knows if it will exist by the time I retire), 1/3 on a 401K type of plan, and 1/3 on a pension that is crap unless you have spent 20+ years in the government paying into it. Ill have 38 years by the time I can retire, so theoretically that part will be pretty good, but they (congress) is trying to modify it so that isnt nearly as good.

-No maternity/paternity leave -- just in the last few years has the "advanced sick leave" become available. Before that it was just the leave you saved up then leave without pay. It seems like every year congress tries to put something on the books, but it has never succeeded.

-Some fields (especially the technical fields) get paid far less than the industry standard. For instance, my little brother got a very similar job to mine straight out of college in the commercial sector. Immediately, he made about 20% more than I did and I had worked for the govt for 5 years already. Some fields do better within the govt I think, but not technical fields.

-One great thing is the cheap life insurance -- until age 35. Then it starts creeping up and explodes around 55 so that no one keeps it. Also, if you die while in service, there are good death benefits. So yay!

MamaK225 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby?: 18w4d, so somewhere between an artichoke and a mango ... ?
How old is/are your other kid(s)? DD1 is 2y, 8.5 mo. Hitting 3 hard and early. She's lucky she's my mini me and I have some semblance of how to handle her.

Nails and fails from this week: Nails: Even though DD1 is insane and gets up around 5a since the time change, I've gotten her used to just climbing in bed with me and going back to sleep until my alarm goes off. Fails: Work. It's ruining my energy levels, mood, and all-around life. I've got to find a way to take a day off for myself before I lose it.
Rant/Rave/Dear Diary: InstantCart AND Waitr have both become available in my area. Amen and Hallelujah. I may just survive with my sanity intact, after all.

GTKY: Working mom here. Maternity leave is nebulous here and - technically - undefined for Salary workers. We get 100% salary continuation for the entire time, but it's arbitrary and decided upon by you and your supervisor. I recently had to tell mine that I had planned to come back the week of 10/14, BUT daycare threw me a curveball and there's not a spot available for DD2 until mid-November. SO I've got to coordinate with DH (who works in the same company and is significantly more important) about working from home after that point and until she can start. I like the suggestion above about going back on a non-Monday. I *really* like that idea. This time, I will definitely be giving myself more time for me (resting, building my relationship with DD2, etc.) than letting the hormones take me over and drive me to PPA through stressing about housework and everyone else. And since some of that will be the magical "fall" time in the South, I promise and will strive to enjoy being outside more once the oh-my-gosh-it's-melting-me weather passes. But ... then again ... that period could be in September or December. You never know.

@EmilyA724 - Thanks for that article, that's super helpful!

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

@BigBadWolf12 I work in state government and my benefits/ time off are amazing compared to the private industry job I came from (also better than most non-govt jobs in my state). I hope I never get complacent and forget how good I have it! Luckily I’m in a very conservative state, so nothing changes too quickly. Plus, I love my job, haven’t always been able to say that, so that’s a huge benefit for me.

hillaryo14 · March 2019

How far along are you? How big is baby?
20+1

How old is/are your other kid(s)?
DD will be 16 months next week.

Nails and fails from this week:
Nails: DD said "baby" today, and last week, she said "opa" which is what we call my dad (grandpa in German)
Fails: Spring break is over

Rant/Rave/Dear Diary:

GTKY: Are you SAHM/WAHM/Working Mom? If you're working what is your maternity leave like? Anything about going back last time you're doing the same or different?
Working mom- teacher; I plan on taking at least 8 weeks of FMLA with short term disability. The only thing I'll do differently is to NOT get the same long-term sub. It was hell getting my kids back on track, not to mention the horror stories my coworkers told me after I got back. I changed campuses, so the chances of her being there are slim to none. As soon as my formal observation is done, my mission is to find a good one, especially since they'll be starting the year with my class. Thank God my grade level team is amazing!

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