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This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes. Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in R/R of dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.
This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!
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Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:
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Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)
Re: March Mental Health Check-In
Hey all, I've been having a rough one, but quietly--I am the kind of person who takes care of everyone around me & their mental health before considering my own.
I am usually super organized, but I missed a meeting this weekend (even though it was written in my planner), and more generally I just keep letting things stack up that I need to get done. Instead, I have been throwing myself into reading about fertility, eating obsessively healthy, ridding our house of plastics, and stuff like that. While I know this is all good stuff for our TTC journey, I am usually a highly motivated overachiever and finisher--I get things *done* not just *started* no matter how much I have on my plate--and I haven't been able to really get into things the way I need to to get them done. Therefore, things I need to do get moved from one week in my planner to the next or I just forget about them. I missed a deadline Friday, for example, & there's no... un-missing it.
I have a pretty hefty list already for tomorrow in my planner, plus I am about to move everything I didn't do from last week to this one. One of the things on the list I keep moving is to call my school & make an appointment with a counselor. (I'm a grad student, trying to graduate this summer, which is part of why my inability to get things done is so devastating--I am SO CLOSE.) There's no reason for me not to call and it's been something I've been putting off not on purpose. So part of my posting this here is to hold myself accountable to do that tomorrow.
I am new to depression, though I'm not unfamiliar with its existence: many people closest to me suffer from clinical depression., I've just never really been through it badly myself until recently [[[[ **TW** loss ]]]] bc of my losses. I wish I had recognized it as such sooner rather than just hating myself for a few months for not being able to get anything done. I dislike that there's nothing concrete I can do to switch back on when I just don't want to/can't do anything, so learning to deal with that and *let myself* not be productive is step one. Thanks for everyone who commented on my post in the TWW this past weekend and esp. those who pointed out that awareness is the first step to getting better. Let's hope I can talk to someone and find a program that works for me to develop some additional steps up, because in the end I do need to get things done, and I need to find a way to work through/discard the heaviness. I should probably start doing yoga again too.
Okay, so that's my plan of action: call school counselor, get back into yoga. Good luck, self. You can do it. These are little steps, and taking little steps will help you more than wishing there is a cure-all will.
This was long, so props to anyone who read this. Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. I hope you are doing well, and I appreciate you.
I think what has been helpful for me is to tell myself that it's okay to put these things off. They'll get done eventually, but they are not critical to do in the moment.
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC ended due to filing divorce
**New relationship starting May 2024**
Surprise BFP!! | 9.7.25 | EDD 5.11.26
Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: OCD, ptsd, binge eating raising a child with mental illness
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):
TWW
How are you feeling? So, I was doing ok. Until about an hour ago. A man stabbed a police office and was shot to death, it was my friend’s brother. It is really triggering to me. (Mental illness, cops involved, killed by gun, is all similar to my brother). I already ate half a pack of Reese’s cups, so I am clearly stress eating, hoping to not binge, which has been under control. Other than that, DS asked when or baby was coming home. He forgot I miscarried.
Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.). Nothing at this time for me, but dd sees a psychiatrist and psychologist and had a major breakthrough the other day. She sat and told her psychiatrist about all kinds of stuff that scares her, that I had no idea about. He started her on a new med. while it is too soon for it to be helping, she has it on her mind it is helping, which is making a noticeable difference.
@kagesstarshroom I am glad you are taking steps in the right directions. Excercise does wonders for mental health!! It is hard go some times see your own depression especially when others around you suffer, because it is easy to compare and things may seem or be worse for someone else, which doesn’t mean that aren’t hard for you.
@inthewoods23 Thanks for this post, it's really helpful to hear that someone else is going through a similar thing where the to do list stacks up, and that giving yourself permission to not do all the things is a step in the right direction. I am trying to take that step--it's deceptively simple on the outside. I think I will write it in my planner.
I wanted to do an accountability check-in here to say that--even though it took me from whenever I first posted until today to do so, I finally did make an appointment with the counseling center.
Afm back to having nightly nightmares again.