Sprinkle?

mw3tm · February 2019

Hi everyone! So my mom and aunts want to throw me a sprinkle but I want to get some feedback about whether it is appropriate or not.

I have twin sons who will be 3 in April, this is our 3rd baby and we were very surprised and excited to find out that it is a girl. We needed to do fertility treatments to have this baby because I was diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility after about a year of trying (it took 15/16 months total to conceive), so I think that's the big reason why my mom and aunts want to do this. For extra information, my husband's family has not had a girl born into it in over 50 years, and my cousins have all had boys, so that also makes it extra exciting for our families, even though of course they would have been happy and excited if the baby was a boy.

While I think the above information does not mean I deserve to have a sprinkle or mean that I think a sprinkle necessary, I thought I should provide some context as to why they want to throw it. Clearly since we have twins, we don't need any baby stuff, so I guess I'm just worried that it will come off as gift grabby. My mom wants to keep it to just my aunts and female cousins, my MIL and my husband's aunt and cousin, and my closest friends which I completely agree with. I also will not be doing a registry because besides gender specific clothes and diapers, we really don't need anything that a registry would be necessary for.

I've tried searching online for opinions on sprinkles but opinions seem so mixed. So I guess my question is, do you think sprinkles, specifically for different gendered babies, are ok etiquette-wise? Does not having a registry make it a little better? Am I overthinking this? I really would like to have the sprinkle because I love any excuse to see my family and close friends all in one place, but I just don't want it to look like we're trying to get gifts because we really really don't need them. I appreciate any feedback you all have!

ketomommy · February 2019

If they want to throw a sprinkle, let them.

I learned that it is more about them than the mom/baby. Enjoy it.

ameliabedelia-2 · February 2019

I think it's fine. I had a sprinkle with my second, even though my daughter was only 3.5. It was a boy, and I had gone through the same thing, lots of fertility issues. I didn't register and it was only 10-15 people. Gifts were small, and it was very informal. Go for it, as long as you aren't hosting it yourself or registering for pricey gifts, I don't think it's grabby.

strickland8052 · February 2019

If they want to do it, go for it! Everyone loves picking out little girly dresses. It sounds like it will be more for them than it will be for you and the new LO.

pizzaplz · February 2019

If you’re worried about seeming gift grabby, you could ask them to specify “no gifts, please!” on the invitations. I think a party could be really fun, and I assume people you love would want to celebrate with you, so go for it if it would be fun for you, too!

Panaceia · February 2019

Agree with everything above. If your family and friends want to do this for you then I say let them:)

tova24 · February 2019

I say enjoy it! If they want to throw it and celebrate with you, let them. It’s a great sign of support and could be as casual as you want it to be.

Happyin14 · February 2019

Go for it! I only think subsequent showers are weird if you ask for or expect them. Celebrate this girl!!

jenniferjoy37 · February 2019

If someone wants to throw you a party/sprinkle, I’d say let them! Now, if you were throwing it yourself, that would be tacky and gift-grabby.

My my mom and bestie want to throw one for me, I don’t feel that I need one, but I’m having a boy this go around, so boy things would be cool. I told them, surprise me if you want to do it. I don’t want to know.

Cbeanz · February 2019

Awww they want to celebrate this little baby so much! So celebrate with them! Don't worry about perceived judgement because it sounds like there is none from the people on the guest list.

annewheeler2 · February 2019

I vote yes. My mom and sister are throwing me a sprinkle since I have two girls and this baby is a boy. I know some people are against them but I love going to showers/sprinkles for friends and celebrating new babies.

mw3tm · February 2019

Thanks everyone! This makes me feel better

leylea89 · February 2019

My only objection to a Sprinkle is the name lol. It always makes me think of that silly sign in bathrooms that says ‘If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.’

even though it’s baby 3, you’re only on pregnancy 2 and chances are, some of your family knows the struggle you had getting pregnant again?

Either way, babies are exciting and most of the time, they just give you baby clothes and diapers. Everyone could use diapers lol.

erynpdx · February 2019

I say go for it! Your family *wants* to celebrate this baby, and it sounds like in a completely reasonable fashion. If you're worried you could say 'no gifts' but I'd probably just expect lots of girl clothes. I also like diapers and consumables for a sprinkle.

My friends who are hosting one for me are annoyed with my team green stance 😂

tsa208 · February 2019

I'll add to the chorus, and as someone NOT having a sprinkle, that this sounds like a great idea and something everybody wants, and you'll be happy you did it. I will also add that, while I get having a registry can make you feel "gift grabby", being on the other side as the one buying presents, registries are so helpful! I really like buying gifts for friends, even if it's just something little, and it's helpful when they have a registry so I know what they NEED.

Maybe make a registry of the things you need and the diaper brand your prefer, so those who inquire about it can use it - you don't have to advertise it if you don't feel comfortable.

julybaybay · March 2019

So this seemed like the best board to post my related question, "should you be expected to travel far to your own shower?". Here is the long and the short of it. FTM, we live 3-4 hours drive from the state the rest of our family and friends live in. Due on July 11th. My family is superstitious about showers to begin with, and normally do not have them at all due to a history of **trigger warning** so they normally just bring the stuff over when you go into labor. If we do have them, it is in the very end (9th month). My sisters have told me they are planning a shower, which is very sweet, but they said they booked it in the state that is 4 hours from us where everyone lives. My concern is traveling that far (3-4 hours by car or train) in the 9th month of pregnancy when you need to stay near your doctor and delivery hospital in case something happens, or if you have complications that limit travel in that final month. To complicate things further, my sister is getting married in mid-May (8th month), so we can't do it then (I'm also co-hosting her bridal shower and traveling up there for that in April). I don't know if my expectations are out of line that the shower would be near where I live, or if theirs are, expecting me to travel that far that late in pregnancy. I know having it here would eliminate a lot of guests, but I don't care, I feel like the core people could and would come. To give some context so you know I'm not a diva, we got married in July and were the farthest travels to our own wedding, as we had it up in the state where everyone lives, including my shower and bachelorette, which I happily traveled up and back there for several times. But due to health and safety concerns of pregnancy (4 hour drive on crazy roads with 9 month pregnant belly, far from hospital, etc.) and just the general discomfort with being that pregnant and not sleeping, peeing all the time, swollen, etc. I feel like it's a lot to expect for me to travel that far. Not to mention how do we get all the gifts back by ourselves? Anyone else been in or in a similar situation and what did you do? Or anyone invited to a shower that was far from you but close to the mother? What are the rules for this type of situation and how do people view it normally? What would you do?

nolemomma14 · March 2019

@julybaybay my doctor advises me not to travel more than an hour away from the hospital beginning at 36 weeks. I can’t imagine that anyone would okay traveling that far by car, so close to your due date. First, you could go into labor at any point, and second, that car ride will probably be longer than 4 hours. You’re going to want to stop to use the bathroom, and just stretch. I wouldn’t feel bad at all, asking them to either switch the location, or if they insist on doing it closer to them, then it would have to be earlier, which sounds like wouldn’t be an option.

My husband has a work conference in June, I’ll be 37 weeks I believe. Even though it’s only 1.5 hrs away, I won’t be attending with him this year. More than likely I won’t go into labor, but it’s not a risk I want to take

Cbeanz · March 2019

@julybaybay I think it's pretty common for a FTM to travel for a shower, but not past 36 weeks. I think about 7 months along (30-34weeks) is much more common. I don't know how many kids are in your family, but when it's your first baby and the folks planning it have lots of babies, it's much easier for the pregnant lady to travel than for several moms to travel with little kids. I would ask they move it sooner, to around 30 weeks, or to do a sip and see after the baby is born. Can they do something right around the date when you sister's shower is going on? Since you'll be in town anyway...

Planning a shower in the 9th month is just asking for an early baby!

I drove our baby 9 hours to our sip and see. Major pain in the ass, but I was grateful they hosted it.

tsa208 · March 2019

@julybaybay No way would I want to travel that far in my 9th month! I'm flying two hours away during week 35 and that is really pushing it for me, but I'm graduating with my masters and I really want to walk at the graduation ceremony. I know someone who flew to Mexico City to have her shower, because all of her family was there (including her pregnant sister and they had a co-shower), but that was month 7. I'd either move it earlier or have a much smaller one close to home. I think the small intimate baby showers are awesome!

All of my family is in Texas, and I live in Michigan, a 3.5 hour flight. I would not have taken that flight in my 9th month to go to my baby shower.

julybaybay · March 2019

@Cbeanz there are almost no other kids/babies in the family. My sisters are both younger and neither are married or have babies, only 1 cousin has a baby and that's it. So it wouldn't be asking any moms to schlep kids to closer to where I live. The problem with doing it any earlier is that I either conflict/overshadow either my sister's shower (mid April) or her wedding (mid May), and I def would never do that. It's also a lot to ask the same group of family members/friends to come to 2 showers or a wedding and a shower for the same siblings in such close proximity (like if we did hers on a Saturday and mine on a Sunday) and I also feel it's burdensome to ask them to come to something for her one weekend, and then me the next weekend. I just feel like those big events should be more spread out and separate, which is why it makes sense to wait until her wedding is over on May 17th before we ask people to come out again for me. And the last week of May is Memorial Day Weekend and from where we are from lots of people go away/already have plans that weekend and it's kind of taboo to host a big event that ruins people's chances of going away. That's why I feel like a shower closer to me sometime in June would be perfect because all her stuff is over, it gives people a little break, and I won't have to risk going into labor 4 hours from my hospital...but I am getting the feeling like people think I am being difficult for expecting that.

Thanks @tsa208, yea if it was a flight I wouldn't even consider it for a second. But this is a drive or train ride which both could be interrupted at any time if I were to go into labor and head back toward home, so I am less concerned about that. It is more about the expectation that I would be the one to travel so far into the pregnancy, like without consideration if I would be okay with that, that is really bothering me. Apparently they asked my mom for advice and she said, "yea in the 8th month she shouldn't be too uncomfortable, it should be fine to make her come up here." Which I feel like is kind of cold and insensitive (mind you, my mother would NEVER have done that back in her day). But the rules are always different for me...

Cbeanz · March 2019

If they will think you're being difficult, just run it by your Dr.. S/he will no doubt tell you traveling that late is out of the question. And you can just say it's Drs orders.

ameliabedelia-2 · March 2019

@julybaybay, I’d just have it after the baby if the timing and location is stressing you out. I would 100% not drive 4+ hours in my 8th or 9th month, if only because it’s super uncomfortable. Sitting in the car for long periods after 32+ weeks really sucks.

leylea89 · March 2019

@julybaybay since they’re so far away and your family is superstitious, why not ask them to postpone it to a Welcome party once baby is already there? I don’t think it’s too much to ask them to travel but they likely won’t get to see baby as often because of where you live.

As as far as gifts go, maybe just ask them for diapers, clothes and gift cards. That way it’s not too much to bring back from the trip which would be an issue if you’re pregnant or not.

tsa208 · March 2019

@julybaybay Yeah, my feelings would definitely be hurt by this lack of consideration. The decision would be the same, but I'm sure you'd feel differently if they were like "Oh man, the only want to fit it in is to have you come here during your last month. We hate to have you do that, but do you think you could?" ... versus "Hey, you need to come to us, pregnant lady." Big difference.

Happyin14 · March 2019

I’m the odd man out. A 4 hour drive around week 36 is something I might do. It WILL be uncomfortable for you and someone should help manage gifts into a carload... but I would probably do it.

If its closer to 40, no. But at week 36, I’d do it. Although my two kids were at least a week late, so that’s my bias.

It’s definitely annoying a bit inconsiderate. But... I actually don’t think your doctor will say no travel by car at 36.

Bear14+ · March 2019

Just to add: I would probably not do a 4 hour car ride around 36 weeks. With my first I went into labor at 36+6... you never have any idea what will happen. I'm probably more on the boat that anything after 32 weeks more than an 90 minutes away wouldn't let me get back to my hospital in time if something were to happen.

julybaybay · March 2019

Thank you everyone who commented! These were super helpful insights, and I was able to have a reasoned argument armed with this information when I told my sisters they were the ones with the expectations that were out of line. We were able to work it out to do the shower earlier (though still out of state for me) but before I hit the 35 week mark, so that I feel more in the clear about traveling still. I really appreciate all the honest perspectives and helpful suggestions!

hakele · March 2019

@julybaybay glad you were able to work it out!

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