@melanier26 I’m sorry. I’m a SAHM too and I’m constantly judging myself that I didn’t do the laundry, dishes, etc, when in the big scheme of things it’s ok I let them go. Is there any chance you can go back to the therapist you liked in the past? Give yourself the kind of compassion you would any mama who is sick and keeping up with a little one ❤️
@anne11716 I’m sorry for the added stress! I hate when medical professionals say “don’t stess” and then do something stressful like run extra tests. Hopefully your tests come back ok and you’re able to take a breather.
@MrsPlatz Right now I’m hoping to be able to manage it on my own because my copays are ridiculous and we have a lot of medical bills rolling in right now 🤦🏼♀️ But if I need to go I definitely will
@melanier26 I get that completely. My DS and I have a lot medical stuff between the two of us and that doesn’t even include the pregnancy appointments. But I’m glad you’ll go if you need it. It’s hard for me to spend money on myself but have realized health (both mental and physical) should be the last thing I skimp on.
I found out I was pregnant last Thursday. I feel guilty about this, but I'm so depressed about it. I have a 5 year old boy with speech delays and some processing delays. I have an almost 3 year old boy who is immune to all discipline. In May we adopted a 4 year old girl from China who has arthrogryposis and isn't able to walk. She sees a PT and OT twice a week 45 minutes away. She will have several serious surgeries this year and next that will leave large parts of her body in casts. Im a stay at home mom and my hands are full. I've been on BC faithfully so I'm still working on getting over the shock of all this. I had an anxious breakdown when we came home from China (our daughter's transition was VERY rough) and ended up in the ER. Ive been on Zoloft since then and it had helped tremendously. I'm just not sure how to handle a newborn and sleep deprivation on top of all that's going on.
Glad this post is here and lots of supportive ladies are in this BMB. I've struggled with depression, anxiety and panic for as long as I can remember. It most recently manifested almost two years ago right after I started a new job and sent me into a spiral but I was able to get medication to sort of get back to my normal. When we decided to TTC, I knew I'd have to wean off what I was taking (Zoloft, Xanax and Trazodone - the last one was for sleep). Of course right around that time, DS (who is 4) seems to be having issues at school with handling his emotions (he lashes out with crying and sometimes hitting when he doesn't get his way). It certainly ramped up my anxiety and I felt really powerless as to how to deal with my kiddo. He been *sort of* doing better but each time he regresses back and has a bad day at school, I just get so anxious and panicky, and now I really can't take anything. DH is frustrated too and while he means well, his anger doesn't help me and he forgets how easily I get stressed out.
TTC #1: September 2013, BFP 01/01/14, DS 09/14 TTC #2: October 2018, BFP 02/02/19, EDD 10/14/19
@Meeshy3010 I can understand why you’re feeling overwhelmed. Do you have a therapist you see or even a family member who might be able to help you mentally work through everything?
Its obviously very expensive and inconvenient BUT I think it’s great to know this is an area being researched and improved upon, and hopefully this medication will be more readily available to all women in the near future
@melanier26 Interesting article, I’m glad someone is researching how to better treat PPD. I could really relate to what these ladies are going through, I’ve been there and am cautious/nervous about getting PPD this pregnancy. Obviously they need to work on the price 😬 But I like how they’re also addressing the postpartum hormone imbalance, not just seratonin levels. Interesting to see when treatments will be more readily available.
I’m so glad this thread exists. I went into my first pregnancy with preexiwting mental health crap (bipolar, OCD, anxiety, yeah I’m a mess whatevs) and I was blown away by how depressed pregnancy made me. The first and only person I reached out to about all these fears (that it was a mistake to want a baby, that I wasn’t strongest enough, etc) basically validated by fears and so I let quiet and everything got so much worse. And trust was before ppd kicked in. It was rough and I’m probably the horror story you don’t want to hear about but also, learning that prenatal depression and anxiety is an actual Thing and not just me being a failure made a huge difference in how this pregnancy has gone. Depression is still definitely my #1 symptom but at least now I’m able to be like okay that’s just up there with morning sickness, it’s a symptom and not actually the truth. Which helps. And taking to more family & friends about what’s going on, working with a psych and therapist, all of this helps.
Tldr: depression lies & asking for help is a good thing
I get angry for no reason. My hubby was being super nice last night but kept asking me how to fix it. I told him you can't because its a hormonal thing. We're both nervous about after the pregnancy because of what I went through mentally. He didn't realize it until last year when i told him. I'm glad I did because maybe now I won't be afraid to ask for help. Writing in a journal sometimes helps me so I bought a new one and plan to start writing.
Also I stress....ALOT...over everything. Back in the beginning I was diagnosed with a "Threatened Miscarriage". Everything is fine now. but every little symptom I get I freak out. I remember the doc asking me if I still have my pregnancy symptoms and it was good that I did. So this morning I had a bit of cramping, and my nails broke so now because of my overactive brain I can't stop worrying if these are all bad signs.
@theglitteredpterodactyl your post has me wondering if I have prenatal depression. I get so down in the dumps first tri, cry most nights, and have some pretty dark thoughts. I figured it was because I feel like crap for weeks on end (pretty bad all-day sickness) so of course I feel down, but last pregnancy and this time I’ve wondered why I can’t handle being sick all the time as well as other women seem to be able to. Maybe there’s a hormonal component to it...
@greenbean-2 if you think there’s the slightest possibility you have prenatal depression I don’t think it would hurt to have a conversation with your OB. They might have ideas/resources that could be beneficial. I’m all for being proactive and catching things early. 😊
@greenbean-2 seconding what @mrsplatz said. Be proactive and reach out, even (especially!) if it feels hard to do so. You deserve support during your pregnancy in whatever aspects you need, and it’s not always just ultrasounds and baby registries.
Well, I guess it's time to stop lurking this thread and join in. I have a history of depression and anxiety, and am currently weaning off sertraline. However, I think that's a bad move for me and need to talk to my doctor. I've been fortunate enough to have a wonderful therapist and OB/Gyn, but I really need to find a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse who can help me (the ones I have seen in the past are total quacks and always screw up the billing, causing me serious headaches).
Tonight I broke down to my DH about how worthless I'm feeling. I recently quit my job because it just wasn't right for me anymore. That was a tough decision, but it felt like the absolute right thing to do. Now I'm not so sure. I sit at home all day and do nothing. Almost literally. Most days I don't even brush my teeth in the morning. Finding the motivation to get out of bed is next to impossible.
I've been incredibly fortunate to not ever be plagued with suicidal ideations, but some days I feel like I'm disappearing, ya know? And to top it all off, I just found out two other women in DH's extended family are expecting (one is a cousin's wife, expecting her fourth in August; the other is the wife of a step-cousin expecting their first [her second] in October). This is my first, and we haven't announced to that side of the family yet, but we were planning to do it at Easter. It's selfish, I know, but I feel like we can't do that now.
Easter was supposed to be at DH's parents' house, like usual, but now it's being moved to his uncle's house (who is married to the mom of the step-cousin). I have a feeling that's because they are planning to announce to the family on that day, because I think we found out about their pregnancy through the grapevine.
I come from a large family that has separated a lot in the past ten years, ever since my mom passed away. I was always used to falling between the cracks, and I don't like taking things away from people. I feel like if they announce that day that we also can't announce because it'll be petty.
How on earth do I deal with these emotions? DH is steady as a rock, but quiet, so it's difficult for him to understand where I'm coming from.
Reading through some of your responses has helped me. I have a history of depression and anxiety for at least half of my life. I've gone through some really rough patches. *TW* After my MC in September, I lost my spot in pro bono counseling because I couldn't stand to talk to anyone about anything without crying, so that wasn't easy. I stopped taking my anxiety meds and my muscle relaxer (I also have fibromyalgia) immediately when I found out I was pregnant, and am weaning off my Pristiq now. My symptoms manifest as frustration/anger a lot too, and that worries me with my DS, DH, really anyone close to me. I've been pretty calm on the depression side of things, but I'm realizing through reading this my anxiety is ramped up. All I have wanted is to have another baby since having DS. The MC was extremely hard for me and all I wanted was to get pregnant again. Since finding out, I've been happy but also been having thoughts about being scared to have another child, how will I handle everything, was this the right choice, am I going to be able to make it through this whole pregnancy...it's all a little overwhelming and I'm not sure what's PGAL vs anxiety. Also feeling extremely guilty for these thoughts. Thanks for starting this so we have somewhere to talk.
@Meagan-t I wish I had more knowledge for you but I do have *hugs*. I hope being able to write down what you're going through at least helps a little, but you definitely need to speak with your OB soon as maybe they have a psychiatrist referral that may help. I totally understand the not wanting to overlap or steal anyone's thunder in announcements. Maybe you could do it shortly after your cousin has, and perhaps by a nice card with photo since it might not be in person?
@egb428 I've been somewhat scared myself about this second child and questioning am I in over my head. I've wanted two for the reason of each child having a sibling, but I've wanted it for so long I keep wondering did I perhaps forget to check if it's feasible, practical, handleable, etc.. I think all of it is very normal and it's totally understandable for any worries and additional anxiety to be caused by PGAL brain. In the long run tho, trust your gut and remember each day is another day pregnant and healthy.
Me: 41 / Fiance: 35 + One DS, one dog & two kitties...
First BFP: 1/17/16 = EDD 9/21/16 (MMC)
Second BFP: 6/24/16 (CP)
Third BFP: 2/7/17 = EDD 10/20/17 🌈 *** BORN 10/23 *** 🌈
@meagan-t Sorry you’re feeling like this. I think feeling a little purposeless is probably a normal reaction to suddenly being at home after working. Not sure if you’re asking for advice or just venting, but I would give yourself a little time and see if you start finding fun/meaningful ways to fill your time. You might be burned out and just need time to do nothing and reset, which is great. Or maybe you’d really be happier with some sort of job, even if the last one wasn’t right for you, which is good to realize. If you don’t want to work full time, you might be able to find interesting volunteer opportunities to give you something to do that’s important to you for at least a few hours a week (I’d be happy to help you brainstorm). Definitely talk to your OB or other medical professional, but this may be a case where changing some external factors can help how you’re feeling too.
@cooaladolly and @greenbean-2, thanks ladies. Typing it definitely helped me vent a little, and reading your responses has also helped me as well.
I need to focus more on my singing (I take lessons once a week, and I know I'm one of my teacher's more talented students) and finish studying for my real estate licensing exam. It's tough to find the motivation, but I keep telling myself that if I want something I've never had, I have to do something I've never done.
I found the motivation to get out of bed this morning, which is a plus; now to find the motivation to get out of pj's. I can do this. I have to do this.
I've been reading through these, but haven't really felt the need to jump in yet. I also have struggled with anxiety for several years. I'm having a slightly escalated anxious response at the moment, and I'm not doing a great job of consistently taking my medication, but for right now, the doctors want me to stay on it until I can talk to my primary care physician about switching to a different medication that they have more experience with for pregnant women.
My issue is slightly different, though. I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder when I sought treatment for an eating disorder four or five years ago. Prior to getting pregnant, the ED was pretty much under control and my weight was very slowly stabilizing (I had gained a lot of weight during my initial diagnosis/treatment, and it was slowly regulating back down). But now with the first trimester nausea and vomiting, I'm a little worried about it triggering some of the ED behaviors again.
For the last week, I've been vomiting multiple times a day. I find that's more bearable than being queasy, and as long as the vomiting relieves the sour/upset stomach issues, I don't mind it. The problem is that I feel like it may be meeting an emotional need and not just a physical need. I already had a lot of issues with food prior to getting pregnant, and while many women I know experienced relief from their EDs during pregnancy due to the focus being on the health of their baby and not on their own bodies, I feel like this may lead to a relapse for me.
For right now, I'm just kind of keeping an eye on it and trying to be honest about how I'm feeling. If the nausea/vomiting doesn't ease up in a couple weeks, I'll be sure to discuss it with my ob/gyn. It's just kind of scary territory for me to be in.
@surprisedftm I don't have experience with an eating disorder, but I know that they are incredibly scary and difficult for the person who is struggling with one. Are you under the regular care of a therapist? It sounds like you are very aware of your mental state - which I personally always consider a good thing - which means a therapist could definitely help you sort through your feelings and emotions. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you find comfort on your journey.
@surprisedftm I don't have experience with an eating disorder, but I know that they are incredibly scary and difficult for the person who is struggling with one. Are you under the regular care of a therapist? It sounds like you are very aware of your mental state - which I personally always consider a good thing - which means a therapist could definitely help you sort through your feelings and emotions. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you find comfort on your journey.
I'm not currently. My former therapist was not meeting my needs. I have a dietitian I have worked with very closely in the past. I haven't really needed the additional support lately, but it may not hurt to check back in with her.
I think the scary thing about EDs is just how quickly they can be re-triggered. It's like the muscle memory connected to certain behaviors just open up the floodgates for all the pervasive thoughts that can completely take over your rational mind. At this point, I can still speak truth to myself, but I don't want to cross the threshold of letting the ED gain too much ground.
Finding a good therapist can definitely be difficult. Does your work offer an EAP? They can usually provide you with a couple free sessions and give you good recommendations (that's been my experience).
Unfortunately mental health doesn't get the attention it needs in our society, but as long as we keep speaking up, hopefully we will always be able to find the care we need.
I. Want. To. Rage. On. Everyone. Pretty much off all meds and the worst thing right now is my irritability. Zero patience. Extremely short fuse. I think I need to start meditating or something bc I feel absolutely HORRIBLE having no patience with my DS 😞 Other tips welcome.
I am really struggling right now. I’m very overwhelmed by everything and feel alone. I have let our house get messy out of control and it’s overwhelming to the point where I’m like...why even try to do anything, it’s not even going to be noticeable that I did anything. I’m a SAHM so the housework falls on me. My husband does stuff like cut grass and take care of outside projects but apparently doesn’t feel the need to help when the sink is overflowing with dishes or the hampers are full of dirty laundry. My mom used to come to our house one afternoon a week after work to play with DS or help me around the house but she’s always busy anymore. I know I am probably depressed or have bad anxiety because if I look at it from an outsider’s perspective it probably sounds pathetic. The other hard thing right now is that my FIL is going through chemo and has been in and out of the hospital, they think he’s having mini strokes. So my husband is going to the hospital every day to see him, and I don’t want to be selfish and tell him I need him here, even though that’s what I want to say. I feel so bad for my son. I cry a lot and I don’t want him growing up like this.
@melanier26 I feel for you. I'm in a very similar boat (stay-at-home, messy house), minus the existing children and the chemo. Something my therapist said that has been helping me, slowly, is to pick something small that you can accomplish in, say, fifteen minutes. For me, that was cleaning off the kitchen counter (we recently moved in and I'm still struggling to unpack). Then consider that a win for the day and don't beat yourself up over anything else. Each time you get a burst of energy - which you will get, I promise, just listen to your body - tackle another fifteen minute task. If that amounts to one task a day, so be it.
We can fight back. It's so hard, but you're definitely not alone. However, keep reminding yourself that depression is a liar and that even a little bit of decluttering will ease of the stress of anxiety as well. 💛
@melanier26 I know how you feel, too. Especially when I'm so tired because of then pregnancy. I can sometimes motivate through listening to podcasts while I clean. I like the moth and stuff you should know. am teaching now but going to be a sahm and wondering how I will keep from feeling isolated...
@melanier26 I've been through this myself. I feel like when were home trying to take care of the kids we automatically worry about everything else. I way more stressed being home, and was falling into a depression. I would allow myself naps occasionally if I felt it was getting really bad. What worked for me was creating a schedule, but knowing that the baby came first.
Its different for you now you're growing a little one don't beat yourself up, and I would be more vocal in asking for help if you haven't already. That was my biggest problem, asking for help when I needed it.
@meagan-t I’ve always been hard on myself but I guess I do need to allow myself to have those really bad days where if I get anything done, it’s an accomplishment
@cheznet I’ve never tried podcasts, I’ll have to give it a try
@Cass005 I have a hard time asking for help too. I always feel like I’ll be a burden by doing so
@melanier26 I hear you....I went through a very hard time with that particularly after I had my daughter. Its alot easier to just put a face on and stew in my own head.
Anyone else having an existential crisis with regard to climate change and your baby's (or kids, if you already have one/some) future? I keep reading or hearing doomsday stuff and it makes me so hopeless about to future of the Earth and how people just don't seem to care. Or maybe they ignore it cause it's easier or they don't know what to do.
How to you get past the feeling of hopelessness with regard to the state of the world and the dissatisfaction with those "in charge" who are either actively making things worse or not doing anything about it.
Anyone else having an existential crisis with regard to climate change and your baby's (or kids, if you already have one/some) future? I keep reading or hearing doomsday stuff and it makes me so hopeless about to future of the Earth and how people just don't seem to care. Or maybe they ignore it cause it's easier or they don't know what to do.
How to you get past the feeling of hopelessness with regard to the state of the world and the dissatisfaction with those "in charge" who are either actively making things worse or not doing anything about it.
When I feel this way I think about how I can raise my kids to kick ass at BEING the change the world needs. I don’t know what the future will look like but I have hope that it will look better than it does now if people who are actively supportive of equality measures and making the world a better place are raising kids.
I went off my Buspar when we found out we were pregnant. I do know it is a “safe” med but my doc and I thought I would be ok without it. I have been but some stress came up at work over the past month and I’ve been obsessing again. I have started losing weight and am down to pre-pregnancy weight. I was pretty sick until a few weeks ago so I had only gained 3 pounds and maybe it’s normal to fluctuate but I definitely was further along in the weight gain department last pregnancy. Just not sure what to do. I wish I could just be “normal” when it comes to dealing with stress and not being with OCD tendencies and trying to control situations.
Re: Mental Wellness thread
TTC #2: October 2018, BFP 02/02/19, EDD 10/14/19
Its obviously very expensive and inconvenient BUT I think it’s great to know this is an area being researched and improved upon, and hopefully this medication will be more readily available to all women in the near future
Tldr: depression lies & asking for help is a good thing
Also I stress....ALOT...over everything. Back in the beginning I was diagnosed with a "Threatened Miscarriage". Everything is fine now. but every little symptom I get I freak out. I remember the doc asking me if I still have my pregnancy symptoms and it was good that I did. So this morning I had a bit of cramping, and my nails broke so now because of my overactive brain I can't stop worrying if these are all bad signs.
Tonight I broke down to my DH about how worthless I'm feeling. I recently quit my job because it just wasn't right for me anymore. That was a tough decision, but it felt like the absolute right thing to do. Now I'm not so sure. I sit at home all day and do nothing. Almost literally. Most days I don't even brush my teeth in the morning. Finding the motivation to get out of bed is next to impossible.
I've been incredibly fortunate to not ever be plagued with suicidal ideations, but some days I feel like I'm disappearing, ya know? And to top it all off, I just found out two other women in DH's extended family are expecting (one is a cousin's wife, expecting her fourth in August; the other is the wife of a step-cousin expecting their first [her second] in October). This is my first, and we haven't announced to that side of the family yet, but we were planning to do it at Easter. It's selfish, I know, but I feel like we can't do that now.
Easter was supposed to be at DH's parents' house, like usual, but now it's being moved to his uncle's house (who is married to the mom of the step-cousin). I have a feeling that's because they are planning to announce to the family on that day, because I think we found out about their pregnancy through the grapevine.
I come from a large family that has separated a lot in the past ten years, ever since my mom passed away. I was always used to falling between the cracks, and I don't like taking things away from people. I feel like if they announce that day that we also can't announce because it'll be petty.
How on earth do I deal with these emotions? DH is steady as a rock, but quiet, so it's difficult for him to understand where I'm coming from.
10/17/13 - DS (w/ ex)
6/2/18 - Married DH
8/25/18 - BFP #2
9/2/18 - MC at 6w
2/25/19 - BFP #3 (LMP 1/19, EDD 10/26)
2/25 Beta #1 3300; 2/27 Beta #2 6700; 3/1 Beta #3 12,100
I need to focus more on my singing (I take lessons once a week, and I know I'm one of my teacher's more talented students) and finish studying for my real estate licensing exam. It's tough to find the motivation, but I keep telling myself that if I want something I've never had, I have to do something I've never done.
I found the motivation to get out of bed this morning, which is a plus; now to find the motivation to get out of pj's. I can do this. I have to do this.
My issue is slightly different, though. I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder when I sought treatment for an eating disorder four or five years ago. Prior to getting pregnant, the ED was pretty much under control and my weight was very slowly stabilizing (I had gained a lot of weight during my initial diagnosis/treatment, and it was slowly regulating back down). But now with the first trimester nausea and vomiting, I'm a little worried about it triggering some of the ED behaviors again.
For the last week, I've been vomiting multiple times a day. I find that's more bearable than being queasy, and as long as the vomiting relieves the sour/upset stomach issues, I don't mind it. The problem is that I feel like it may be meeting an emotional need and not just a physical need. I already had a lot of issues with food prior to getting pregnant, and while many women I know experienced relief from their EDs during pregnancy due to the focus being on the health of their baby and not on their own bodies, I feel like this may lead to a relapse for me.
For right now, I'm just kind of keeping an eye on it and trying to be honest about how I'm feeling. If the nausea/vomiting doesn't ease up in a couple weeks, I'll be sure to discuss it with my ob/gyn. It's just kind of scary territory for me to be in.
I think the scary thing about EDs is just how quickly they can be re-triggered. It's like the muscle memory connected to certain behaviors just open up the floodgates for all the pervasive thoughts that can completely take over your rational mind. At this point, I can still speak truth to myself, but I don't want to cross the threshold of letting the ED gain too much ground.
Unfortunately mental health doesn't get the attention it needs in our society, but as long as we keep speaking up, hopefully we will always be able to find the care we need.
10/17/13 - DS (w/ ex)
6/2/18 - Married DH
8/25/18 - BFP #2
9/2/18 - MC at 6w
2/25/19 - BFP #3 (LMP 1/19, EDD 10/26)
2/25 Beta #1 3300; 2/27 Beta #2 6700; 3/1 Beta #3 12,100
I’m a SAHM so the housework falls on me. My husband does stuff like cut grass and take care of outside projects but apparently doesn’t feel the need to help when the sink is overflowing with dishes or the hampers are full of dirty laundry. My mom used to come to our house one afternoon a week after work to play with DS or help me around the house but she’s always busy anymore. I know I am probably depressed or have bad anxiety because if I look at it from an outsider’s perspective it probably sounds pathetic.
The other hard thing right now is that my FIL is going through chemo and has been in and out of the hospital, they think he’s having mini strokes. So my husband is going to the hospital every day to see him, and I don’t want to be selfish and tell him I need him here, even though that’s what I want to say.
I feel so bad for my son. I cry a lot and I don’t want him growing up like this.
We can fight back. It's so hard, but you're definitely not alone. However, keep reminding yourself that depression is a liar and that even a little bit of decluttering will ease of the stress of anxiety as well. 💛
@cheznet I’ve never tried podcasts, I’ll have to give it a try
@Cass005 I have a hard time asking for help too. I always feel like I’ll be a burden by doing so
Thank you ladies for responding ❤️
How to you get past the feeling of hopelessness with regard to the state of the world and the dissatisfaction with those "in charge" who are either actively making things worse or not doing anything about it.