PAIF w/o 2/15-2/21

MamaK225 · February 2019

Note: This thread will include discussion of infertility and loss. If these topics are triggering for you, please take care of yourself while reading and posting here.

This thread is for those of us who went through infertility testing and treatments before becoming pregnant. Many of us have had different struggles to get to this place and face different anxiety and concerns now. This thread is for us to support each other, and we hope it will be a safe space. Though this thread starts on Fridays/Saturdays, please feel free to post here at any time during the week, whether for good news or bad. Consider this an ongoing conversation.

This thread is for those who have experienced infertility. The struggles we discuss may or may not apply to those who became pregnant easily. If you have not experienced infertility, please be considerate and sensitive if you feel the need to post in this thread.

How far along are you?
Any symptoms?
Rant/Rave?
Next appointment?
Questions?

GTKY: Now that most of us are in or very-near the end of the 1st Trimester, let's reflect a little on our journeys. (1) What was the hardest part of your IVF/IUI path to become PAIF? (2) Was there a person (perhaps your nurse or a friend or IF mentor) that helped you along that way (answered questions or lifted you up when you got down, etc.)?

Avrilmai · February 2019

I missed this last week so I'll get us started this week.

How far along are you? 13+1
Any symptoms? some abdominal discomfort. I'm guessing that is from things growing and moving around.
Rant/Rave? Rant: I want to feel more excited. I just don't. I think I'm still struggling to process that this is real. Rave: my DH has been so super supportive, he always is, but it seems like he's doing even more and I really appreciate it.
Next appointment? end of the month
Questions?

GTKY: Now that most of us are in or very-near the end of the 1st Trimester, let's reflect a little on our journeys. (1) What was the hardest part of your IVF/IUI path to become PAIF? (2) Was there a person (perhaps your nurse or a friend or IF mentor) that helped you along that way (answered questions or lifted you up when you got down, etc.)?
1. the hardest part was accepting that IVF was my journey. I don't think anyone goes into TTC thinking, yep IVF is what it will take. Losing hope month after month is draining. When I was waiting for my first ER I looked at DH and said this is crazy. I just couldn't believe that this was our journey. Obviously I'm super happy that it worked bc I know there are lots of people out there that take this same path and don't get to join a BMB. 2. Yes! first just the TTGP ladies and then the IF ladies on the TTGP board (they are so amazing). I can't even put in to words how much they helped me, supported me, educated me. I seriously don't know where I would be without them.

MamaK225 · February 2019

How far along are you? 14w0d
Any symptoms? Not really; I'm sleeping better since I pulled my Snoogle out of storage and the baby aspirin my OB suggested is helping me sleep a little better (once I figured out that I needed to take some Pepcid with it).
Rant/Rave? Rant: Friend of mine's DS's birthday party is tomorrow at Chuck E. Cheese @ 10a. Like ... I really don't want to be in a major germ center during the peak of flu season, and certain not at 10a. Ugh. Rave: Brought DD to Sweet Frog the other night after we had gone out to dinner and they had the Dole Whip flavor ... OMG. I might go back after said germ-fest birthday party to treat myself for not flippin' out.
Next appointment? 2/28 for 16 week appt and gender scan (even though we know it's a girl).
Questions? So was Punxsutawney Phil kidding or nah?

GTKY: (1) The hardest part for me was the time; my RE is a 250-mi roundtrip for each. damn. appointment. I love him and the staff, but to not even have the option of doing the simple blood draws locally was a huge bummer and a sleep-suck. (2) I have a sweet friend at work who has kind of been my emotional support person. She also battles/battled IF and has a beautiful boy through adoption. After having 6 failed cycles in 18 months - and even with the vanishing twin I've experienced in this successful pregnancy - she's been such a great help and support and it's just nice to have someone like that.

@Avrilmai - I'm the same way. Even in the "safe" spot of the 2nd tri, I'm still so nervous. I would be shocked if I don't have anterior placenta this time (I had it with DD) because I'm trying so hard to take time to sit in various positions and in quiet and stillness to feel some movements (for reassurance) and it's just stressing me out even more. I am sure it'll start any day now, so I'm holding off on buying any kind of doppler, but ... damn ... it's hard!

wabash15 · February 2019

@avrilmai I think when you go through IF its so hard to trust that its all going to work out in the end, like your always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think once you start feeling the baby move and at least for me, you reach viability it becomes more real and you start to trust more that this is your THB.
@MamaK225 I would not be thrilled about chuck E cheese either. after we had our last baby she had RSV at 10 days old and was in the hospital for a week... I didn't hardly leave the house for the rest of my maternity leave since the flu season was so bad. I still have some residual paranoia from that and going to the mall or other germ fest areas are not on the top of my list.

Avrilmai · February 2019

@MamaK225 I laughed a little too loud at your groundhog question. and yikes chuck e cheese does sound like the last place to be right now. good luck

@wabash15 thanks, it really helps to hear that and I've heard it before, I'll probably need to hear it again.

wabash15 · February 2019

@Avrilmai anytime! this is also way ahead of the game, but its also OK not to feel immediately bonded to baby once its hear. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time and it doesn't mean you don't love the shit out of your kid.

MamaK225 · February 2019

I second what @wabash15 says. I felt a twinge of guilt because I didn't "know" or "fall in love" with my baby after birth. Don't get me wrong, I love her with all my being and would kill anyone who tries to harm her ... but it's a process - I feel - for most. Even though you've had this sweet little baby with you ALL TO YOURSELF for 9 months, they're still ... kind of a stranger. And as you know, there are varying kinds of love. Maternal love is this fun, ever-changing spectrum.

cato99 · February 2019

@MamaK225 you will definitely have earned that treat! My DD is still too young for the kids birthday party scene but I'm bracing myself!

How far along are you? 14w yay 2nd trimester!
Any symptoms? I'm in a charming place with some second tri symptoms (heartburn!) yet some lingering first tri symptoms (nausea! exhaustion! smell sensitivity!)
Rant/Rave? So ready for the long weekend. Work has been exhausting and we had houseguests stay for 2 weeks and they just left.
Next appointment? I just had my regular check-up on 2/13 so my next appt is a month later on 3/15. My Anatomy Scan is scheduled for 3/27.
Questions?

GTKY: Now that most of us are in or very-near the end of the 1st Trimester, let's reflect a little on our journeys. (1) What was the hardest part of your IVF/IUI path to become PAIF? (2) Was there a person (perhaps your nurse or a friend or IF mentor) that helped you along that way (answered questions or lifted you up when you got down, etc.)?

1. @Avrilmai you expressed a lot of what I was thinking! First of all how draining the month-to-month expectation and let down is. Even before the more serious interventions that came later, for YEARS of TTC there was always this piece of my brain that was running a loop of "EXACTLY what day of my cycle is it how many times have we had sex what does my OPK say what does my CM say when can I test this when can I test that have I taken my extra progesterone today how many days after ovulation is it when can I pee on sticks to pretend to think I may be pregnant is this twinge implantation is this spotting implantation oh lol no I'm starting my period again" without even a one-day break--I'm mentally tired just remembering it!

And then also how surreal each successive step was--like at the beginning of TTC, and then with minor interventions, and then even while doing IUIs I was still pretty certain that we wouldn't wind up with IVF. I'm so glad we did! But the process was definitely a mental as well as physical journey.

2. The Infertility board on The Bump was great while I was prepping for and undergoing IVF. It was great to be able to throw around terminology and procedure lingo without having to explain everything. I did have one IRL friend who had done IVF and was great to bounce thoughts off of, but she wasn't super available because she had her magical IVF baby like the same week I started meds, so it was very poetic and sweet.

purplg8r · February 2019

@Avrilmai your post made me feel better. I’ve been having abdominal discomfort too. Almost feels bruised or something when I press on it. And I still struggle to get excited too.

@MamaK225 I LOVE froyo places!! The closest one is about 30 mins away...we live in the suburbs and seem to have tons of everything else but I NEED one closer!

@cato99 ugh! Houseguests for 2 weeks sounds like torture!

How far along are you? 13w today
Any symptoms? Still with the headaches
Rant/Rave? I’m announcing on Tuesday to my admin and team at work, my kiddos and their parents, and then on social media. I’m nervous but ready. It’s getting harder to hide it. Teachers at school keep side-eyeing my belly and one of my kids grandmas straight out asked me yesterday. (I lied at first then admitted it begged her not to tell anyone)
Next appointment? Feb 27
Questions?

GTKY: Now that most of us are in or very-near the end of the 1st Trimester, let's reflect a little on our journeys. (1) What was the hardest part of your IVF/IUI path to become PAIF? (2) Was there a person (perhaps your nurse or a friend or IF mentor) that helped you along that way (answered questions or lifted you up when you got down, etc.)?

1) definitely the mental aspect. I feel like I got so down about it. I’m a natural worrier and I over-thought everything. I felt so alone—all my friends had kids and my work is teaching little ones so it was a constant reminder

2) definitely the ladies on here. I wouldn’t know anything without them. And I could come here and not feel so alone.

MamaK225 · February 2019

Well, we survived Chuck E. Cheese: I pre-emptively purchased a Medicine Ball from Starbucks and it was at 10a, so while I hated having to be put together so early (Saturdays are for noon-time pajamas!), it wasn't very busy/teeming with germs quite yet. This weekend was 'bisgusting (per DD) with temps in the mid- to low-40s and raining; rain will continue through next weekend to *finally* let up and be nice on my birthday ... which is when I gotta report for jury duty selection. Still sticking to the plan of wearing some serious maternity gear and showing up with a bag full of "necessary" accouterments to deter my selection (i.e. barf bag, bottles of water, blood pressure cuff ... the whole shebang, ANY other recommendations are welcome!).

wabash15 · February 2019

@mamak225

I love your planning for monday!

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