UO Thursday

lilmamabebe3 · February 2019

Let's hear 'em!!!

Edited because I am dumb.

lilmamabebe3 · February 2019

I am grumpy, but I get annoyed when the TMI Tuesday posts are all, "Omg discharge, is this a thing? Is it only me?"

Every pregnancy website says it's a thing. We've talked about it every week. Nope you're the only one knocked up and experiencing a ton of discharge. Never heard of that before.

EmilyA724 · February 2019

I do not like Stephen King

mrosek91 · February 2019

I hate Valentine's day. My religion forbids us from celebrating any holidays that have origins in other religions, even if most other people don't know/remember that's where it came from.
Every year I have this conversation at least once. "What are you going for Valentine's day" "Nothing, I don't celebrate holiday's from other religions" "But it's not really a religious holiday anymore!"
I love DH, and he loves me. He shows me that many, many, many times throughout the year. I don't need special day for it.
And don't get me started on the corportization of religious holidays, this one isn't even mine, and it makes me annoyed what Halmark has done with it, don't let me talk about Hanukkah.

WinchesterGirl · February 2019

I'm going for a big one.

I think third trimester abortions should stay illegal. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about.

Those babies can feel pain. They've been moving and have heartbeats and are alive. Very much so alive. They have a chance of survival outside of the mother. They deserve that chance.

EmilyA724 · February 2019

@WinchesterGirl late term abortions are for medical reasons and usually because the fetus is no longer viable. They are not because the pregnancy is unwanted.

ETA: NY's new laws are simply to bring them current to what they should have been under Roe V. Wade, they are not creating anything new.

ETA again: These laws are to make it clear that this decision and discussion is between the woman and her doctor, not the government and the woman. This is a medical decision and should stay as such.

As hard as it is to read about, I would suggest anyone to read more about late term abortions and make sure you truly understand the facts and circumstances that this would be used.

Allycat11 · February 2019

@winchestergirl ditto. Although I usually keep my political opinions off of TB because most of them are UOs on here.

Also, I despise Valentine's Day. It is an obnoxious Hallmark holiday that has no point in my opinion. When people post all over FB like, "OMG my perfect hubby bought me flowers/chocolates/dinner for Valentine's Day! He is the BEST hubby everrrrrr!" No. just no.

lilmamabebe3 · February 2019

The rhetoric that third trimester abortions are "disgusting" and because of an unwanted baby is incredibly damaging, uneducated, and I find it repulsive. Abortion is a topic I really struggle with, in general. But late term abortions are not for unwanted babies. If you think someone is carrying a baby for that long and decides they don't it, you are delusional. These are for babies that will not / have not survived or the mothers won't survive.

If it's your first baby, chances are you would say save the baby in that situation. But when you already have children that love and depend on you, that decision is a whole lot fucking harder. And I haven't been through it, but a dear friend, wonderful amazing mother, who tried for YEARS, has been through it. So anyone that can't muster a little fucking compassion and understand this is not the same as an abortion in the first tri, I can't.

jrm_14 · February 2019

I cringe when people say they’re waiting until birth to “see what baby looks like” to decide a name. I don’t think it’s so much does this pile of squish look more like Jimmy or Johnny so much as you’re a bit unsure & are hoping for clarity at the 11th hour.

People who say “We planned on Betty but when she was born , she was a Martha. I can’t imagine anything else!” Of course you can’t - bc you names her Martha - Not anything else.

grangerhp37 · February 2019

I’m sure this has been mentioned before but I do not understand why anyone would get an infant’s ears pierced. I’ve heard claims that they are easier to keep clean and not get infected when they’re young blah blah blah but I think it is SO WEIRD to see a baby with actual metal piercings in their ears. No thank you! I will wait until they are old enough to want them for themselves and responsible enough to clean them so they don’t get infected.

EmilyA724 · February 2019

@jrm_14 We waited until we saw what the baby looks like

But it was also because for one of our names we pictured a red head, for one of our names we pictured dark hair, and then we had a 3rd "'safe" name in case we didn't feel like the other two were quite right. Of course whatever name you pick, will become the kid's name, but I think it's a nice idea to meet the kid before naming it even if it is just a pile of squish.

ash0625 · February 2019

*stuck in a text box*

I echo what @EmilyA724 said. It's SO tough to discuss, but I think we have to be very clear on what is actually happening vs. what is being perceived as happening.

My UO is that there are entirely too many threads and groups and things happening on this BMB for me to keep up. I feel like to engage I'm redundantly repeating myself in each "group" I could participate in. Granted, my last BMB was lazy and we had 1 single randoms thread per week and daily ticker changes and that's about it.

Allycat11 · February 2019

@dogmomma096 our rule for pierced ears has always been that she needs to want them for a signifcant amount of time before she can have them pierced. When DD was 3 one of her friends got them pierced so she asked for a week before forgetting about it. She is 6 now and has not asked again. I will not pierce an infants ears.

EmilyA724 · February 2019

@Allycat11 That's my rule for Disney World, hahaha.

WinchesterGirl · February 2019

I just want to say, I respect that we all have different opinions on the topic. I do understand that they are (currently) laws relating to serious medical situations. I did not at all say that it is due to a child suddenly being unwanted.

However, I still do not believe it's the answer, and I hope the legislation does not spread across the US.

I pray that none of us ever find ourselves in that situation, because it means something has gone terribly wrong.

Allycat11 · February 2019

@EmilyA724 my rule for Disney World is much different lol. My kiddos have gone numerous times since they were babies and I actually love the trips when they are really little. I am a travel agent who specializes in Disney vacations though so our situation is different. For people who plan on Disney being a once in a life time trip, definitely wait until they are older.

bluebonnet15 · February 2019

Baby girls clothes are entirely too pink. My favorite colors are purple and blue, definitely need more other than pink clothing options for baby girls. (I’ve found boutiques do a better job, it seems to be the big retail shops that are all OH IT’S A GIRL?! HERE ARE ONLY PINK CHOICES)

goldfishcraker · February 2019

My UO...I think mandatory/expected tipping is absurd.
(And that's coming from someone who served for 10 years). Tipping should be reserved for situations where someone has gone above and beyond.
And restaurants should not be allowed to force tip out. At least it should come from a percentage of earned tips, not from sales.
(One of the upscale restaurants I worked for forced 5% tip out, of your total sales, post tax. So if a table didn't tip at least 5%, I literally had to take money out of my pocket to pay to serve them).
It's bullshit.
Countries like Austraila and much of Europe have it right...tipping isn't a thing.

wabash15 · February 2019

I am full of a few today.
1) I am a proponent of euthanasia, I think if a person has a terminal illness they should be able to choose to die with dignity and on their own terms.

2) kids do not need to celebrate valentines day. They don't need the sugar and those cards are just going to end up in the garbage/recycling. As a parent of a kid with food restrictions I now have to be the bad guy and take away all the "treats" they were given. WTF people, let them be kids and don't shove adult things on them

@winchestergirl I think it is up to each parent to make the best decision for their child. If the child will not survive or may face years of surgeries and spending most of their time in the hospital while still having slim chances of survival or needing intensive round the clock care with limited to no ability to communicate or participate in life, I don't fault them for not wanting to put their child through that. These are life altering decisions for parents and children. If some parents want to go through everything and give their child every chance that is their prerogative and right. If you want to spare your that kind of life, I think that should be your option too. I have had 2 dear friends get pregnant with children who were beyond wanted and fought for but who's conditions were not compatable with life. It was a gut wrenching decision that has affected them and those that love them to the core, but they did what they did out of love, and I support the shit out of them. Those children are named and loved and thought about all the time. maybe this is an UO but I don't think its any kind of life for the child or family to have to live in a hospital with little hope of getting better or having intensive round the clock medical needs. where they will never play, talk, barely interact or do anything for themselves...I wouldn't want to live that way and hope that someone would help me not have to live that way. Then again it gets back to my UO #1.

BigBadWolf12 · February 2019

You pay the same amount in the end, the tip is just embedded in the cost as "gratuity". It takes the ambiguity out for both customer and server, which is nice for sure.

jrm_14 · February 2019

I’m going to be the outlier here lol. I would consider piercing my small child’s (possibly infant) ears.

database6 · February 2019

I like tipping. I don’t understand the incentive to be a good waiter or waitress without tipping. Tipping in America is a must, those people are not paid minimum wage. Don’t go out to eat if you can’t afford to tip or don’t like to tip in America.

I think there should be more regulations around abortions, but I support the late term topic we are talking about. It’s a horrible decision they are having to make.

peachy0709 · February 2019

@chillycanadian To reiterate what @database6 said, when I was a server, my hourly pay rate was $2.13

aukeev · February 2019

@dogmomma096 100% agree on the ear piercings. It just makes me sad. I hate watching my husband stub his toe or seeing someone in any kind of pain. There's just no way I could cause a baby pain because I thought something was cute.

EmilyA724 · February 2019

In terms of tipping: I took the original opinion to mean that servers should be paid a living wage and tipping should be automatically included. That's my opinion at least. I also think tax should be listed and included in a price. We're going to spend that money anyway, let's be upfront about it.

cato99 · February 2019

Hi I have a very frivolous and minor UO about something that ppl probably don't even think twice about, but since we're approaching the second trimester I want to announce that I HAAAATE it when people use the term "passed with flying colors" to talk about the glucose tolerance test. For some reason it's stuck in common speech patterns when talking or posting about it--I see it all over the place (I don't think ppl are actually thinking deeply about the term, it just gets repeated and meme-ified, and obviously I only became hyper-aware of it bc I had GD last pregnancy). And it's such a misplaced turn of phrase. I get being relieved to not have a GD diagnosis but literally no one is awarding you colors or a medal for having a placenta that functions peacefully with your insulin production. What a dumb phrase, arrgh I'm getting mad just thinking about it. (Don't worry I won't come after any of you when you inevitably post that phrase lol; I'm just expressing it on this thread today and never again!).

And ooof as half Latina I had some gentle pressure to pierce DD's ears when she was a baby--not from any family but from my nanny (and her husband!). No thanks!

And I can see why some people are uncomfortable with the idea that tipping is expected, especially if you've seen other systems like in Europe, but to change that we need to turn our attention to lobbying for labor reform to extend minimum wage to restaurant workers! Let's punch up and not punch down and change the system!

My thoughts on late-term abortion and its unfortunate necessity have been expressed really well here already--I think it's definitely true that if you are seeking one something has gone terribly wrong. But to have something go so terribly wrong, and then have nowhere to turn to for compassionate medical care to ease and support through an inevitability is just heartache on top of heartache.

Beauxbaton · February 2019

@jrm_14 we are the type that wait until a kid is born to name them. We talk about names and choose 3-4 that we like. We've even often had a front runner. With DS1 we were totally set on naming him Krue. Like we bought letters for his room and everything. Then he was born and he just had a sweet little face. Krue was too ornery of a name. With DS2 we ended up naming him our front runner name. And with DD we had a whole list of names, then the election happened and we decided we wanted name her after a women in history with a strong backstory but still an uncommon name.

I guess my OU could be that me and DH have an odd list of naming requirements.
1) the name can't have been on the social security's list of most popular names for at least the last 30 years. Preferably the least amount of times on the top 1000 as possible. Both sons' names have never been in the top 1000. And DD has been a total of 5 years since 1900.
2) no naming directly after someone who is still living. This one is kind of weird I guess. Like we are fine using first names as middle names, or middle names as first names, but like DH's grandmother's name is Leah, so we can't use Leah as a first, but we are considering her middle name as a first name.
3) no first names of anyone we know, have known, or can remember from our past. Which is pretty easy because most people we know have names that would be disqualified with rule #1.

EmilyA724 · February 2019

@Beauxbaton I would love to know your DD's name if you wouldn't mind sharing! That is pretty close to our requirements too, even if DD's name jumped up quite a bit in popularity the year she was born.

goldfishcraker · February 2019

@database6 I always felt like the incentive was keeping my job. Lol. I've had instances of far superior service at non tipping countries than some experiences in the States where they are working for tips. I know in the USA they don't pay servers a proper wage....and that's the problem. Pay servers properly... Why is it up to the customer to pay a business' employee, while the business gets the profit? No other industry does that. Food service in the states is a whole other issue.
But even In Canada, tipping is expected. All workers get at least minimum wage. so why do we pay extra for someone to do their job?
We don't tip hospital housekeepers, and they are cleaning up the most disgusting things.
We don't tip garbage collectors .
We don't tip mail carriers.
We don't tip paramedics, and in the states, they barely make a living wage.
We dont tip movie theatre employees. Fast food workers. Janitors.
Lots of people who provide us with service, who don't expect tips for doing their jobs. So.....why in our culture, do we expect to tip for someone to serve us food?

Don't get me wrong, I still tip. Because it's expected, and I know that servers get screwed over if I don't.
It's so ingrained that I've even tipped when I've had the worst imaginable service.
But I don't think it should be that way.

Businesses should pay their employees properly.

Beauxbaton · February 2019

@EmilyA724 her name is Olympia. Of course shortly after she was born Serena Williams had her daughter whose middle name.is Olympia and that's what they call her.

We chose the name Olympia after Olympia Brown. She was a suffragist. We aren't religious, but she was the first female minister whose ordination was actually recognized which we thought was cool. And she actually campaigned in Kansas for women's rights to vote, which we thought was super cool because that's where we live. Also she didn't change her last name when she got married, I didn't either. We just thought she was pretty cool and we loved the name. And the last time it appeared on the SS top 1000 names list was 1925 on spot #984. And we don't know anyone personally named Olympia, so it fit all of our criteria.

hey_clever_girl · February 2019

I have one. I have so many friends posting sad face statuses over this Mars rover thing. YALL. IT IS A ROBOT. I tell ya, these people are screwed if the machines decide to rise up and overtake the human race. Lord have mercy.

hey_clever_girl · February 2019

Oh and also, I’m 100% pro-choice, full-stop. Your body, your choice. Yes, even late-term. Nobody’s out there murdering full-term babies. Late-term abortions happen out of medical necessity. Abortions should be affordable and accessible to every woman, everywhere.

peachy0709 · February 2019

@hey_clever_girl Also the robot stopped responding in JUNE. It was only this week they sent the final message, but it has been non-responsive for over 6 months!!

bluebonnet15 · February 2019

@Beauxbaton I think Olympia is a gorgeous name!

olivemomma · February 2019

Hey ladies - I’ve been mostly out of the loop this week as we are out of town. But saw last night the UO thread got a little juicy so wanted to chime in.

i hate the idea of abortions. However, I’m still 100% pro choice bc at the end of the day I have no right to tell any other woman what she can or can’t do with her body. I think it’s important for people to realize you can feel very negatively about something but understand there is still a need for it. I also think all of this rhetoric that the “top politicians” of our day are throwing out there about 3rd trimester abortions is very dangerous. As a society and especially as women we must educate ourselves far beyond what these men who have never experienced any hardship in their lives are spewing out there and advocate for one another.

sw1122 · February 2019

re: late term abortions - It's a really difficult subject and I cannot even imagine what it must feel like to be faced with a situation where a late term abortion would need to be considered. I came across this article this morning and it's the most heart wrenching story I've read on the topic. I got a little choked up by the end. TW: the article discusses rape and severe congenital defects.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/late-term-abortion-rape_us_5c630b8de4b0a8731aeabbd6

becks68 · February 2019

@sw1122 thank you for posting that... tough read by ultimately incredibly insightful. The pro-life lobby needs to stop with the bullshit ideas of perfectly healthy people aborting perfectly healthy babies at 24 weeks. I’m sure it has happened before, but I’m guessing it’s extremely rare, and would love to see a statistic. (I’ve seen the 1.5% of abortions are late term, but I’d imagine that 99.5% of those are for health reasons).
I will admit in general being pregnant has made me question some of my pro-choice beliefs, but I’m questioning them for myself (would I be capable of it) rather than for women writ large.

my UO: if a medical plan is going to pay for gender reassignment surgery, it should also pay for fertility testing and treatment. I’m guessing the reason they don’t is the first one is far more rare than the second, and hence covering it is more financially lucrative, but if someone who was born physically as a woman is able to use insurance to become a man, someone else who was born with fertility issues should be able to use insurance to try to become a mother.

BigBadWolf12 · February 2019

My uo related to the abortion debate: I can't stand the "woman's body, woman's choice" argument. The fetus is in the woman's body, but is its own body in my opinion. I agree in general woman's body, woman's choice, but I think that once a choice affects another body (be that of a fetus or a body already living outside the womb) it's more complicated than that. I can see the reasoning behind other pro choice arguments (though I do wish there were stricter rules on abortion in general).

hey_clever_girl · February 2019

@BigBadWolf12 I understand that side of the argument, but I am adamantly against the idea of anyone *but* me telling me what I can do with my body. The thought of anyone—a partner, the government, a doctor—forcing me to carry a pregnancy to full-term is terrifying. It's a slippery slope. If you outlaw non-emergency abortions or abortions that occur outside of extreme circumstances (rape, incest, etc.), then you set a precedence and open the door to outlaw them completely—even in the case of medical emergencies or rape. And in my eyes, that is an absolutely terrifying possibility. That is some Gilead sh*t right there.

EmilyA724 · February 2019

Also the majority of politicians use it as a way to control people, and most importantly women, under the guise of right to life. People of means have always been able to access safer abortions, it’s taking the choice away from lower income people. Laws restricting abortion are statements that politicians don’t trust women to make medical choices that are best for them and their family. This should always be a discussion between a woman and her doctor. The government has no place in it. Doctors can make it standard practice that elective abortions are not performed past viability, which I believe they already do. The govenment’s involvement is not necessary.

Instead most laws are put in place to delay when an abortion can be performed ie. needing to hear the heartbeat then coming back for a follow-up appointment, which is really hard to arrange for working class people. In the mean time the fetus begins to form and become more and more of a body and less of a mass of cells. Most people still go through it, but now it’s just sadder.

Then if a women does decide to carry the origally unwanted pregnancy, they are met with nothing but limited support and stigma when trying to care for the baby. Stigma reiterated by the same politicians that created barriers so the baby was born.

This is about control. And allowing the government to control something so important is dangerous and not a precedent we should want. We need to trust women and trust doctors. There is no widespread public health concern such as vaccines and guns. Regulation should not exist.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

hey_clever_girl · February 2019

@EmilyA724 louder for the ones in the back!!!

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