@professormama 100% agree!
I've had sushi, sub sandwiches, a pumpkin beer at halloween and a glass of champagne at new years. Sips of DH's craft ales on a handful of occasions. My baby is just fine. There is an astonishing abundance of caution in our society that honestly makes zero sense; your driving example is a perfect explanation.
I'm way more likely to die or be hurt driving to work tomorrow than I am to contract listeria from the turkey in my sandwich.
@professormama I mostly agree with you but sadly the risks of some food goes beyond woman and pregnancy. I can’t count the number of times we’ve had the CDC say don’t eat lettuce or cantaloupe or spinach etc recently. While also having every doctor, dietician and health nut expound on the dangers of over processed “crap food” for everyone. Food just seems like a no win scenario these days. And you have to draw the line at some point or you’ll go crazy but it’s just really annoying that food, which is essential, is becoming so freaking complicated. And that’s ignoring all the diets, fads, cleanses and other BS being sold to us.
I ate deli meat and had wine last time. Mostly my restrictions come from the GD, which takes so much food out of the equation. Although since with the GD veggies are a big big deal and there are health risks there that go beyond pregnancy it’s very difficult.
(I will say there are some women who need to be told what isn’t safe because they do not have any sense to know better, like my SIL who drank multiple energy drinks a day while pregnant)
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I will definitely take all of the cake and buttercream icing that anyone wants to send my way.
I haven’t worn my engagement ring in weeks, but have been able to wear my wedding band, although I only wear my ring(s) when I’m at work or out - and even then I sometimes forget on the weekend if I’m running errands. I never wore rings before getting engaged and I just don’t really like the feel of them when I’m trying to be comfortable at home so I set them on a ring stand on my dresser.
UO: I don’t really like peanut butter. I can tolerate it on apple slices or celery, but only in very small quantities. I didn’t even like it as a kid and refused to eat pb&j sandwiches - I would literally only eat grape jelly sandwiches. It’s just a weird texture and I don’t really like the taste.
@thatbaintforbetty, I basically had to talk DH into trying for this second little one, but now that it's another boy, he's made the concession that *if* we try for a third and it ends up being a third boy, he gets all naming rites. Which means it would be Wolfgang.
preach it, @professormama!! during my first pregnancy I chowed down on sushi all the time. never gave it a second thought. pregnant mothers in japan are encouraged to keep raw fish a staple in their diet. westerners think mercury content is a risk- the real risk is westerners often don't practice safe handling/care w/ raw fish, thereby risking food poisoning. like, really, how many cases of mercury poisoning do we actually hear about? I doubt it even exists. a friend had a baby last year and her OB told her to eat all the deli meat to her heart's content. her words, "we live in america, not a 3rd world country. you won't get listeria from deli meat." and I have been having a beer like... once-twice a month this entire pregnancy? fuck it, I'm having one tonight! (well, it's not beer, it's angry orchard's rose cider- don't judge, my appetite for sweet things is off the charts this pregnancy)
@thatbaintforbetty, I hear you, though, w/ all the health recommendations revolving around our diets. I'm pretty sure no one knows the real answers. I worked at whole foods when I was putting myself thru college. I can't tell you how many fad fucking diets I heard from the customers. what I loved was how we would get customers coming in to tell us what we should be selling/not selling based on THEIR diets, or what dr. oz says. whole foods puts all their team members through extensive orientation, we even get opportunities to visit the farms & ranches our products come from. but yeah, it seems like you are fucked when it comes to eating healthy, unless you raise your own meats, milk & process your own dairy products, and grow your own shit. *insert the largest eye roll here*
my FFC: I threw away my engagement ring. not on purpose, though! my husband picked out a beautiful oval diamond that had what I guess you guys refer to as a halo? (a string of smaller diamonds around it?) it was just my style and looked so vintage, but not tacky/bougie vintage. I wore it up until our wedding day, and after that I was keen on having a traditional, everyday band to wear b/c like many have already mentioned, I didn't want to scratch up my engagement ring, or scratch anything else up w/ its large profile. and b/c it was oval-shaped, I knew I wouldn't be able to find a band to wear WITH it. so I tucked my engagement ring away in this box of keepsakes (really, most of it was garbage from high school). when I was sort of kon-mari-ing before I knew what kon-mari-ing was, I chucked the box of garbage from high school out in the trash....
completely forgetting my engagement ring was in there.
I definitely definitely cried when I realized MONTHS later what I had done.
but on the subject of konmari. I read her book a couple years ago, and while I didn't konmari my entire house per her guidelines, I did konmari my wardrobe, and the bathroom, and the kitchen. and now, keeping my bathroom and kitchen clean and "joy-sparking" is so easy now that everything has a place. and the process of throwing out a bunch of crap (besides my engagement ring) has curbed my shopping immensely! especially in the clothing department! I'm surprised that her method has a following in the western world, and especially in america, b/c a lot of the philosophy is so inherently culturally japanese. and me being half japanese, and having grown up in japan, it was an easy concept to adopt. that being said, I can completely understand people being put off by it, or just not getting it at all.
@batmama31 I love everything you said except the throwing out the engagement ring part, because that would be DEVESTATING. I hope you had it insured? (I need to get my rings assessed and specifically insured.)
@batmama31 your story compels me to say this: please get insurance on your rings if you haven't already! I use Jewelers Mutual (they cover everything including "mysterious disappearance") but you can also get them covered through your homeowner's insurance (a rider) and it's not expensive at all.
I can't imagine losing my ring and not being able to replace it. I know the sentimental value can't be replaced but I know no one wants to lose a piece of jewelry that potentially costs thousands of dollars!
I can't even imagine....I would have been so upset too!
I want eggs Benedict, but I'm too chicken to defy the dietary rules. I do eat lunch meat but microwave it first. The no romaine thing was also a pain because I'm a soup, salad, sandwich lunch person.
But with 4 prior MCs, I'm already in the crappy statistics club and not willing to test my luck.
@lyse01, @sheknows6, my husband had it insured, but I think he only insured it for the diamonds, or the care of the ring? I don't think loss was insured when I finally confessed to him what I did, I think he would have mentioned if it was.
I think the most heartbreaking thing about it, was I lost it inside our first year of marriage.
I also just had to Google all this ring stuff! I think the halo can sure be pretty, but I'm more of a solitaire girl myself - mine is super small and in what is (I guess) called a cathedral setting?
I haven't KonMari'd because it's not my style. Our tiny house is done up in a manner usually called "masculine bohemian" in the decor manuals, which is basically code for "my husband really likes to visit places called M'Antiques, also we own way too many books."
@batmama31: I think that there is a LOT of thoughtful stuff that can go into KonMari'ing and that I could sure benefit from paring down, but I guess I don't see any real clash between minimalism and consumerism per se for years to come. As far as I can tell, the box stores are happy to tell you to throw out literally everything you own and rebuy it in "Scandinavian" white, and clothing companies are all about you tossing the 10 pairs of cheapo pants you bought years ago in favor of that "investment piece" worth half a paycheck. So simple and freeing! It'll only be a problem once all the high-end magazines, bloggers, and stores decide it's time to "stop being so serious" and "treat yoself" to "fun" things on a whim again.
Also, FFFC: I'm avoiding writing that essay still, so I just cut myself 70s curtain bangs on a whim. My "stylist" is going to kill me, but I LOVE THEM... right now.
@professormama YES! Preach! Exactly why culturally there is not a lot of consensus in regards to dietary restrictions. And in regards to risk, society only wants women to restrict themselves from risks if its convenient for others. That's why we don't ban pregnant women from driving (it would be inconvenient for others if suddenly we couldn't work, run errands, take on caregiving responsibilities that require travel) but for things that restrict a woman's diet will only affect her. Same with medications, there's almost this perception that being pregnant means you must suffer and be a martyr for your child. Anytime I need a medication for something, I will always do an extensive literature review and consult my GP (who is big on evidence based medicine) before I take something. That way I can make an informed choice RE: risk versus benefit. But the amount of backlash I get from people when actually trying to take/purchase medication was insane. When I was violently ill 24/7 for the first 4.5 months of my pregnancy, I was prescribed diclectin to manage it. The pharmacist didn't want to give it to me until I proved that I was "suffering enough." For the record, diclectin has been on the market since 1985, having spent decades prior ensuring that it is both safe and effective, and has sense had many studies published in regards to safety in the long term. When it comes to restrictions /recommendations, its certainly not always about safety, but rather wanting to tell women what to do. Sorry, I guess I got on the Soapbox too... @professormama, should we host a talkshow or something??? Hahaha
@TheSouffleGirl, interesting article. yeah, when you take it to the extreme, I think decluttering can drive someone crazy. the article you reference (I read the whole thing!) seems to focus more on the decor aspect, and maintaining a pristine space. I didn't see konmari-ing that way. at some point in the book, she asks the reader to ask themself WHY they would want to konmari at all. and when I answered that question for myself, I knew I only needed to implement some of the methods. (but I also tend to half-ass just about everything in my life.) for me, konmari-ing was my first step to being more lazy b/c I hate cleaning. the less shit I have on my counter, the easier it is to clean the counters, also, the easier it is to see when something is out of place.
and after throwing out so much junk, I now think really hard about what I bring into my home. for example, I don't compromise on my wants anymore, not even if my want is on sale in a color that I don't want.
the article quotes marie kondo's thing about "thanking your socks" and that's what I had in mind when I was talking about her method being so "japanesey." it's sort of buddhist-like. yeah, socks and sweaters are inanimate, non-organic objects. but I tied it to the buddhist philosophy that everything is connected, and everything serves a purpose. when I think about how much I love the cardigans I wear to work b/c they make me feel confident and professional, I treat them as kindly as they treat me. I fold them carefully, I don't wash them often, and when I do, I now wash according to the tag instructions. b/c I want my cardigans to continue to help me feel confident and professional. when we don't value our things, we tend to not treat them very well, and it shows, and when it shows, we throw them out anyway- not b/c marie kondo told us to, but b/c they look like shit.
as far as the decor thing, I'm useless. I grew up a military brat and due to moving around every 3yrs, we weren't allowed to hang so much as a poster on our bedroom walls. so now I have this anxiety when I have to choose where to hang a photo, even though I own my own house. (what if I buy a hutch and decide to put it here, and then I'll have to poke another hole in this wall to move the picture/ what if I paint the wall this color and then we get a new couch that won't match the color?)
@batmama31 if you get a new one or have other jewelry, I would switch providers. Mine covers loss, theft, mysterious disappearance, fire, flood, the whole 9 yards for the entire piece, not just the gem. I had to make a claim for a pair of earrings that I lost one of and it was so simple. That seriously breaks my heart for you!
Reading Kondo’s book last year was inspiring, especially since I grew up with parents who were almost hoarders. Just really bad at getting rid of stuff. So when I got my own place I swore I would keep it tidy but life and a kid has made it much harder than I thought. So even though I can’t get on board with her entire method (and I agree with @batmama31 that it’s such a cultural thing that you have to sort of give in to the entire change of mindset and culture in your home in order to do it properly), little ways of being inspired to get rid of things that are not actually helpful or treasured hasn’t been nice.
@kate_e_nb lol - yes, we could be professional ranters about what BS pregnant women have to put up with in American society.
@batmama31 (and others who are part of this KonMari convo) I loved reading Marie Kondo's book, and I definitely think that the TV show leaves out a lot of the nuance. I'm totally with you that it's not necessary to go full out in order to get a lot of the benefits. For instance, we realized that we had a box that had made 2 moves with us and never been opened. Once we opened it we realized it was full of literally garbage - I had somehow saved pay stubs from my college student job, utility bills from my first apartment, and other useless pieces of paper because I didn't know what I was supposed to save and what I wasn't. We had literally moved garbage from house to house, for no reason.
@TheSouffleGirl I think one key thing you might be missing about the KonMari method, and about minimalism more broadly, is that (if you actually pay attention to the philosophy), it's not really about getting rid of all your stuff. The KonMari method is about pairing down your stuff to that which has a purpose and/or brings you joy (things that have purpose, inherently bring "joy" - like a toothbrush, since cavities are the opposite of joy). The point is, if you have a shirt in your closet that reminds you of how you were once fatter /skinnier / younger / hotter / funner, and that shirt makes you unhappy each time you look at it, why are you having on to it? If you own things that you don't like or use, there's an ethical argument to be made for getting rid of it, because someone else COULD use that thing. Within the minimalism movement there's a focus (for those who are really into it) on "fewer, better." So yes, it is often about buying "investment" items, but ideally those items should be high quality and ethically made. So, instead of buying 5 pairs of H&M jeans, I should buy just one or two pairs of jeans that were made in the USA or using fair-trade practices. It's about being an ethical consumer, and reducing your environmental and ethical footprint on the world.
@professormama: Those are good points (and your last few comments ring especially true with this compulsive thrifter, who has worn literally one pair of pants [American-made] for the entire pregnancy ) I was just responding to @batmama31's very particular question regarding how the movement became so big in a society focused on consumerism. One answer is obviously that people recognize the problem with consumerism, as others mentioned; I just wanted to point out that the movement *can* be effectively co-opted by those same commercial factors.
Oh yeah, and my above post reminded me: My real FFFC should have been that I only have 1 pair of maternity pants. I do own 2 (blue jeans I bought when I was pregnant with DD and black jeans I bought this time around), but I can't find the blue ones for the life of me! I refuse to break down and buy a new pair because I'm super annoyed at myself since I KNOW they are in my 800-square-foot house somewhere (and they were a splurge - AG brand!), so it's a good thing I also own leggings and mostly wear dresses + tights to work!
Re: UO/FFC 1/24
FFC - I drank a beer tonight and enjoyed every single drop!
I'm way more likely to die or be hurt driving to work tomorrow than I am to contract listeria from the turkey in my sandwich.
DD born: 3/31/19
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I haven’t worn my engagement ring in weeks, but have been able to wear my wedding band, although I only wear my ring(s) when I’m at work or out - and even then I sometimes forget on the weekend if I’m running errands. I never wore rings before getting engaged and I just don’t really like the feel of them when I’m trying to be comfortable at home so I set them on a ring stand on my dresser.
UO: I don’t really like peanut butter. I can tolerate it on apple slices or celery, but only in very small quantities. I didn’t even like it as a kid and refused to eat pb&j sandwiches - I would literally only eat grape jelly sandwiches. It’s just a weird texture and I don’t really like the taste.
@thatbaintforbetty, I hear you, though, w/ all the health recommendations revolving around our diets. I'm pretty sure no one knows the real answers. I worked at whole foods when I was putting myself thru college. I can't tell you how many fad fucking diets I heard from the customers. what I loved was how we would get customers coming in to tell us what we should be selling/not selling based on THEIR diets, or what dr. oz says. whole foods puts all their team members through extensive orientation, we even get opportunities to visit the farms & ranches our products come from. but yeah, it seems like you are fucked when it comes to eating healthy, unless you raise your own meats, milk & process your own dairy products, and grow your own shit. *insert the largest eye roll here*
my FFC: I threw away my engagement ring.
completely forgetting my engagement ring was in there.
I definitely definitely cried when I realized MONTHS later what I had done.
but on the subject of konmari. I read her book a couple years ago, and while I didn't konmari my entire house per her guidelines, I did konmari my wardrobe, and the bathroom, and the kitchen. and now, keeping my bathroom and kitchen clean and "joy-sparking" is so easy now that everything has a place. and the process of throwing out a bunch of crap (besides my engagement ring) has curbed my shopping immensely! especially in the clothing department! I'm surprised that her method has a following in the western world, and especially in america, b/c a lot of the philosophy is so inherently culturally japanese. and me being half japanese, and having grown up in japan, it was an easy concept to adopt. that being said, I can completely understand people being put off by it, or just not getting it at all.
@batmama31 your story compels me to say this: please get insurance on your rings if you haven't already! I use Jewelers Mutual (they cover everything including "mysterious disappearance") but you can also get them covered through your homeowner's insurance (a rider) and it's not expensive at all.
I can't imagine losing my ring and not being able to replace it. I know the sentimental value can't be replaced but I know no one wants to lose a piece of jewelry that potentially costs thousands of dollars!
I can't even imagine....I would have been so upset too!
DD born: 3/31/19
But with 4 prior MCs, I'm already in the crappy statistics club and not willing to test my luck.
And cakes/desserts from our weddings. Because we are pregnant.
I think the most heartbreaking thing about it, was I lost it inside our first year of marriage.
I haven't KonMari'd because it's not my style. Our tiny house is done up in a manner usually called "masculine bohemian" in the decor manuals, which is basically code for "my husband really likes to visit places called M'Antiques, also we own way too many books."
@batmama31: I think that there is a LOT of thoughtful stuff that can go into KonMari'ing and that I could sure benefit from paring down, but I guess I don't see any real clash between minimalism and consumerism per se for years to come. As far as I can tell, the box stores are happy to tell you to throw out literally everything you own and rebuy it in "Scandinavian" white, and clothing companies are all about you tossing the 10 pairs of cheapo pants you bought years ago in favor of that "investment piece" worth half a paycheck. So simple and freeing! It'll only be a problem once all the high-end magazines, bloggers, and stores decide it's time to "stop being so serious" and "treat yoself" to "fun" things on a whim again.
I also thought this article had some great insights about the movement and the psychology that *can* lie behind it: https://reviewcanada.ca/magazine/2018/02/swedish-death-cleaning-and-the-anorexic-home/ .
and after throwing out so much junk, I now think really hard about what I bring into my home. for example, I don't compromise on my wants anymore, not even if my want is on sale in a color that I don't want.
the article quotes marie kondo's thing about "thanking your socks" and that's what I had in mind when I was talking about her method being so "japanesey." it's sort of buddhist-like. yeah, socks and sweaters are inanimate, non-organic objects. but I tied it to the buddhist philosophy that everything is connected, and everything serves a purpose. when I think about how much I love the cardigans I wear to work b/c they make me feel confident and professional, I treat them as kindly as they treat me. I fold them carefully, I don't wash them often, and when I do, I now wash according to the tag instructions. b/c I want my cardigans to continue to help me feel confident and professional. when we don't value our things, we tend to not treat them very well, and it shows, and when it shows, we throw them out anyway- not b/c marie kondo told us to, but b/c they look like shit.
as far as the decor thing, I'm useless. I grew up a military brat and due to moving around every 3yrs, we weren't allowed to hang so much as a poster on our bedroom walls. so now I have this anxiety when I have to choose where to hang a photo, even though I own my own house. (what if I buy a hutch and decide to put it here, and then I'll have to poke another hole in this wall to move the picture/ what if I paint the wall this color and then we get a new couch that won't match the color?)
@batmama31 if you get a new one or have other jewelry, I would switch providers. Mine covers loss, theft, mysterious disappearance, fire, flood, the whole 9 yards for the entire piece, not just the gem. I had to make a claim for a pair of earrings that I lost one of and it was so simple. That seriously breaks my heart for you!
ETA: I would love a ring/cake thread!!!
DD born: 3/31/19
Reading Kondo’s book last year was inspiring, especially since I grew up with parents who were almost hoarders. Just really bad at getting rid of stuff. So when I got my own place I swore I would keep it tidy but life and a kid has made it much harder than I thought. So even though I can’t get on board with her entire method (and I agree with @batmama31 that it’s such a cultural thing that you have to sort of give in to the entire change of mindset and culture in your home in order to do it properly), little ways of being inspired to get rid of things that are not actually helpful or treasured hasn’t been nice.
@batmama31 (and others who are part of this KonMari convo) I loved reading Marie Kondo's book, and I definitely think that the TV show leaves out a lot of the nuance. I'm totally with you that it's not necessary to go full out in order to get a lot of the benefits. For instance, we realized that we had a box that had made 2 moves with us and never been opened. Once we opened it we realized it was full of literally garbage - I had somehow saved pay stubs from my college student job, utility bills from my first apartment, and other useless pieces of paper because I didn't know what I was supposed to save and what I wasn't. We had literally moved garbage from house to house, for no reason.
@TheSouffleGirl I think one key thing you might be missing about the KonMari method, and about minimalism more broadly, is that (if you actually pay attention to the philosophy), it's not really about getting rid of all your stuff. The KonMari method is about pairing down your stuff to that which has a purpose and/or brings you joy (things that have purpose, inherently bring "joy" - like a toothbrush, since cavities are the opposite of joy). The point is, if you have a shirt in your closet that reminds you of how you were once fatter /skinnier / younger / hotter / funner, and that shirt makes you unhappy each time you look at it, why are you having on to it? If you own things that you don't like or use, there's an ethical argument to be made for getting rid of it, because someone else COULD use that thing. Within the minimalism movement there's a focus (for those who are really into it) on "fewer, better." So yes, it is often about buying "investment" items, but ideally those items should be high quality and ethically made. So, instead of buying 5 pairs of H&M jeans, I should buy just one or two pairs of jeans that were made in the USA or using fair-trade practices. It's about being an ethical consumer, and reducing your environmental and ethical footprint on the world.