Why Am I Crying, week of 1/21

deecherise · January 2019

This is late, my bad!

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/5n/5n6guzuba4fd.gif

What's got you feeling all the emotions?

MamaK225 · January 2019

The Gilette razor ad

#bestamancanbe

Allycat11 · January 2019

The song Whom Shall I Fear came on the radio when I was driving DD from one of her regular appointments at the childrens hopsital last week. Usually it makes me tear up, but as I was belting it out I was ugly crying. That was my first #@&% pregnancy hormones moment this pregnancy.

Avrilmai · January 2019

the first responders commercial during the NFC championship game yesterday. it got me.

WinchesterGirl · January 2019

Yesterday for lunch I really wanted a philly cheesesteak. DH procured the sandwich. It arrived, with bell peppers & almost no cheese. I currently cannot stand even the smell of bell peppers, and was so hungry I cried with disappointment. :'(

kterry1988 · January 2019

@WinchesterGirl omg my heart just felt your pain. It's like you couldn't win!

Now why did I cry? Because my husband didnt put his game down to look at a meme I tagged him in. Wtf is wrong with me? I just wanted his attention...

goldfishcraker · January 2019

I just started crying, because I REALLY REALLY want chicken fingers on caesar salad for supper. But DH can't eat Caesar salad (he bites his tongue making it bleed EVERY time..probably due to the bacon).
Plus we don't have either.
Leave it to me to cry over food.....

happygamper · January 2019

I cried at work yesterday during a meeting with my boss.we are both super stressed transitioning to new positions and when I brought up how he was dropping the ball and it’s was affecting my team’s bonuses he went off on me. I tried to diffuse the situation but he kept at it until the tears were flowing.

Theb of course people kept asking me what was wrong for the next hour bringing the tears back.

Can I please go on maternity leave already??

drmrsthecounselor · January 2019

All these tears over food! I feel the pain. I am starting to get irritated at my aversions/nausea and miss enjoying food.

I have been catching up with the Kardashians (don't judge. When my day is stressful at work I need mindless crap to zone out to lol) and I'm on the season where Khole finds out/is going through pregnancy. I cried like a child when she announced to her family. Also I have been watching Modern Family and a lot of that has made me cry recently too. Hormones!

lilmamabebe3 · January 2019

My oldest son has some struggles and we just went through the process of getting him a 504 plan at school. We've done OT before but it wasn't super helpful, but the school OT recommended a specific place that focuses on sensory dysfunction and we went for an eval two weeks ago. I got the report back and it's literally nothing new. It is all stuff I have known before because we have a team of doctors--a therapist, psychiatrist, pediatrician, school team, occupational therapist, etc.-- but it crushed me. It's just another reminder that while he is a completely typical kid to most people, his neuro-atypical struggles affect him so much and it makes me feel like such a failure. I am questioning every decision I have ever made for him. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Will he resent me for medicating him? Do we have the best doctors? Am I just a terrible mother and that's why he struggles?

I guarantee my husband doesn't go through this shit. And it's because he sees a problem, solves the problem, moves on. He thinks we are solving the problem. I see all of the gray area and all small decisions that can have a life-changing impact and it's so hard. Most days I am completely confident that we're doing what's best for him. But being pregnant puts this whole other lens on it. Would he not have the same struggles if I hadn't had HG and couldn't take a prenatal or eat a healthy diet? Am I hurting this baby too?

Logical me knows this is too much pressure and he would literally climb back into my womb if he could because he is so obsessed with me, and he loves me just as much as I love him. But it's so hard to see it out in writing.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · January 2019

@lilmamabebe3 Give yourself a break (and a hug)! I’ve seen women do everything “right” and have severely handicapped children and the polar opposite. I’m sure it’s nothing you did or didn’t do, but your son was placed with you because you have the ability to see him through life’s struggles.

mrosek91 · January 2019

@lilmamabebe3 I can't even imagine what you are going through. I have so much Mom guilt about every decision I make that will affect my boys, and I am not going through anything so difficult.

I can tell you what I experienced growing up, I hope it still helps even though it's sorta 2nd hand.

My mom was diagnosed with Crohn's disease after my sister (her oldest) was born. Once she had it under control with medication and dieting she and my dad decided they wanted to have more kids, and went on to have my 2 brothers and me very quickly (We are each approx. 20 months apart.) While she mostly had it under control, it was not out of the ordinary for us to come home, and find her in bed. There were even a few times during my childhood where she spent several days in the hospital. However, my siblings and I never ever question that she loves us. We know everything that she and my dad did/do was done with our best interest in mind.

The younger of my brothers (older than me) was diagnosed with serve ADD. (Might have even been ADHD, as a little kid, I wasn't supposed to know this stuff, but it was significant enough I got a clue.) He spent a lot of time with doctors and therapist, and had to go to the school nurse for Ritalin twice a day. Despite that, after high school he decided he wanted to have a deeper commitment to G-d, and spent 4 years in a religious school doing nothing but studying for hours a day. And now he's in college and applying for nursing schools next year.

Every mom's and every child's struggles are different, but the one thing that seems universal (at least for the good ones) is that Mom's can't help but blame themselves and second guess everything when anything is wrong with their kids (and even when it's not).

I have no idea what my mom thought/thinks about trying to raise 4 kids with a chronic illness, and I can't tell you want she thought/thinks about the struggles she had with my brother. I'm sure there was a lot of guilt there. But I don't blame her for anything. I know everything she did was for us, and I'm pretty sure my siblings feel the same.

Your son knows he's loved and that's what matters.

lilmamabebe3 · January 2019

Thanks ladies

It really is a struggle. My husband and I always say the worst thing about parenting is you don't know if you're actually making the right choice until years later, so you gather as much information as possible and go with your gut and hope for the best. I wish I could just see him a crystal ball as a happy, successful (whatever that means to him) adult and know it's going to be okay. That who he is at six is really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things and that we're laying the ground now for him to have a ton of strategies and coping mechanisms that are healthy, but I can't. If I had a genie though, that would be my wish.

hey_clever_girl · January 2019

I cried this week because I listened to a segment on NPR called "American Anthem" where they highlighted "Let it Go" from Frozen, and how people with disabilities identify with it and have adopted it as their power anthem. I thought it was just so beautiful even though I HATE THAT SONG.

ElcaB · January 2019

Oh lawd, why am I NOT crying!

Most recently I burst into tears during a daycare tour yesterday when I began sharing about Pickle's difficulty being left with people she doesn't know. AWKWARD.

agpandme · January 2019

Is this heart burn? The last few days I sometimes feel as if I am either hungry, or queasy but its like a little fire is in my solar plexus. I felt it all night last night.

Edited to ad that i meant to post this in the symptoms thread.

Why am I crying? I'm not which is weird because I usually cry very easily. I am very much overwhelmed with how much I love my husband LOL but no tears over him yet.

Amdogger82 · January 2019

My coworker just told me to take it easy this weekend. I'm the director and I feel like it's analogous to parenting sometimes...like working really hard for little recognition, but that's totally ok because what really matters is that everything runs (hopefully well, but like parenting--good days and bad days). But it's been a looong week, so him acknowledging how exhausting it can be sometimes...just gave me the feels.
ETA, I didn't cry in front of him, thank goodness!

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