PAIF Check-In w/o 1/19

suzycupcake · January 2019

Note: This thread will include discussion of infertility and loss. If these topics are triggering for you, please take care of yourself while reading and posting here.

This thread is for those of us who went through infertility testing and treatments before becoming pregnant. Many of us have had different struggles to get to this place and face different anxiety and concerns now. This thread is for us to support each other, and we hope it will be a safe space. Though this thread starts on Saturdays, please feel free to post here at any time during the week, whether for good news or bad. Consider this an ongoing conversation.

This thread is for those who have experienced infertility. The struggles we discuss may or may not apply to those who became pregnant easily. If you have not experienced infertility, please be considerate and sensitive if you feel the need to post in this thread.

How far along are you?
Any symptoms?
Rant/Rave?
Next appointment?
GTKY: What is your favorite blog/website to read?

suzycupcake · January 2019

How far along are you?
9w6d

Any symptoms?
Mostly mood swings. I'm fairly certain they are being compounded by needing to work through some anxiety/fears that are popping up in pregnancy. As far as physical, it's my belief that years of dealing with a chronic condition prepared me for the onslaught of pregnancy symptoms so it feels like everything is mild right now.

Rant/Rave?
Rant: The weekend went too fast.
Rave: My last E shot was Thursday, my last PIO shot was tonight, and my last vagina pushers dose (that's what my husband calls my P capsules) was tonight.

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/qE8EuaecyLH6U/giphy.gif

Next appointment? Monday 10w1d u/s and hopefully graduation!

GTKY: What is your favorite blog/website to read? I have many, but dropping this little gem in here because a lot of you will appreciate his writings. He's snarky and makes a whole lot of sense. https://markmanson.net/self-awareness

purplg8r · January 2019

@suzycupcake it must be so nice to be done! Yesterday was my last day of estrogen but I still have 18 days of PIO & aspirin

How far along are you? 9w2d

Any symptoms? Nope

Rant/Rave? Rave: I finally ran yesterday for the first time since I’ve been pregnant. Rant: it was so much harder to go slower and I constantly worried if I was breathing too hard or getting too hot. I’ll run several more times before my next appt so I know I’ll be paranoid until then

Next appointment? 1/30. First appt with my RE

GTKY: What is your favorite blog/website to read? I’m usually on Facebook or the bump. I do read a couple of running blogs

suzycupcake · January 2019

You can do it @purplg8r! Just ask yourself, What would Amy Keil do?

On a serious note, I'm sorry the paranoia was strong. I hope that it goes away so you can continue to enjoy running. Yes, it does feel really nice to be done. Now it's about accepting that it's done and reminding myself that I'm not an ss. Many many women stop at 10 weeks and their babies are just fine. Yay for no more Estrogen! Are you saving syringes or anything like that to do a special photo? Some ladies don't like to do it and I'm one of them (those photos are cool though), but I have taken a picture of most every single bandaid after shots to put in his baby book.

MamaK225 · January 2019

@suzycupcake - You're the best. Because of this flippin' cough and feeling like all-around shit, I didn't realize until early yesterday afternoon I had not put up the weekly post. You're my hero

How far along are you? 10w3d

Any symptoms? Fortunately, no. However, it is also causing me concern because I noticed yesterday that my boobs weren't really that sore and everything I was reading was saying that there might/should be a little bit of a ramp-up as my placenta takes over or prepares to take over. Even though I had zero symptoms with DD, I've started low-key freaking out about it. So ... just hoping to make it through the next 10 days until my blood test and verify a heartbeat with the doppler. I think if I got my hands on one, I'd go insane, so I'm trying to avoid - and make sure DH doesn't get one, either.

Rant/Rave?
Rant: I'm SOOOOOOOO [all the swear words] sick of this [repeat, all the swear words] cough. I'm pretty sure it's RSV, but it's staying out of my and DD's chest, so I'm just treating it with extra fluids, elderberry, attempted sleep, and all the Vick's and humidifiers in the world. Because viruses. It's supposed to be cold today ... and 70 by Wednesday, followed by highs in the low 40s two days later. Better stock up on more Vick's. Sigh.
Rave: While I'm super tired today, the Pats won and one last push for another ring (which I've dubbed "Eat a Bag of Six" - thanks to one of my fave Bostonian sports personalities, Fitzy) is what I need to keep me distracted in the last few weeks of the first trimester.

Next appointment? Wednesday, the 30th for the expanded NIPT test (MaterniT21)
GTKY: What is your favorite blog/website to read? I have a few that I check in on, but not with any regularity. Anyone have any good suggestions?

Random question: for any TTM+ do you remember when you started to feel the baby on your second (or later) pregnancies? I know Baby A2 is like the size of a burssels sprout, but I was thinking that some could feel it as early as 14-15 weeks. Just curious

wabash15 · January 2019

@mamak225 I felt some tiny flutters around week 12 but then not much for a long time... but I also had an anterior placenta with the last one. It was amazing how much it dampened things, I never completed a kick count even at the end of pregnancy...
@purplg8r the anxiety never seems to fully go away. I hope you get more comfortable in your runs
@suzycupcake hooray for stopping meds

How far along are you? 10+5 (holy crap its crazy i'm this far already!)
Any symptoms? nausea, fatigue, insomnia, food aversions
Rant/Rave? Its darn cold here so I havn't been getting all my steps in and this kid currently only wants carbs... so I started gaining weight.... Oh well its not crazy yet I was just hoping to try to keep it more under control this time around. Rave the I was able to surprise DH with snow tubing this weekend and we had a ton of fun
Next appointment? 2/1 with ALL the docs... uggg its going to take all day.
GTKY: What is your favorite blog/website to read? ummm TB? I don't read much on line... honestly I'm an NPR girl

MamaK225 · January 2019

@wabash15 - I had anterior placenta with DD, I wonder if it's more likely once you've had it ... or if it's just a crap shoot. My sister had it with her first, but not with her second. I used to have to nearly torture DD to do her kick counts, she was/is so damn stubborn. The only time she really ever moved much is when it was meal time. If I waited so much as 2 minutes past normal eating time, she would lose her mind. But as soon as the food started coming, she would relax. She's still the same on the outside. I can't tell you how tired I am of "I'm hungry" being followed by "that's yucky" and 2 bites eaten

Even though my nurse said I could stop my meds cold turkey last Monday, it seemed really early to me at 9w3d, so I've been continuing with the suppositories at night (stopped the Estrace on Tuesday and then the PIO last Wednesday) and plan to for another week or so - this pregnancy has been filled with enough drama and chaos already, I'm just not ready to trust my body to do "its thing" quite yet.

jrm_14 · January 2019

@purplg8r It’s so hard to do things in spite of anxiety (especially IF/AL related) , yet usually so rewarding when you are finished. Way to go on the running!

@suzycupcake What are you going to do with yourself now that you’re done with all the shots?! You were probably so ready to be done.

@mamak225 Ugh, being sick on top of pregnancy + everything else is the pits. I really hope you feel better soon & can enjoy some of the nicer weather headed your way.

@wabash15 Snow tubing is so fun! I hear you on the carbs + reduced steps = rapidly expanding waistline.

How far along are you? 8+3

Any symptoms? N&V, fatigue, food aversions, & having continued difficulty with the SCH.

Rant/Rave? I am pretty worried about my RE appt tomorrow. I think typically they would release me, but I’m not sure if I’ll stay another few weeks now. It is unsettling to me to think about unknown U/S results as well as not knowing what to expect as to when I’ll move to an OB.

Next appointment? Tomorrow.

GTKY: I mostly stick to TB & another similar site (NOT BC

) Otjerwise, I’m more into magazines (Southern Living, Real Simple, Reader’s Digest)

Avrilmai · January 2019

@purplg8r I think it is amazing that you got out for a run. I really relate to the anxiety and I haven't gotten back to the gym yet, but you are definitely motivating me to at least consider it.
@jrm_14 can you ask them to keep you on a bit longer? I didn't think of it, but I know @purplg8r told her RE she wasn't ready and they kept her for another week. I hate that you're still having issues with the SCH.
@wabash15 I've been snow tubing once and it was so much fun.
@MamaK225 ugh sorry to hear about the cold at your house. The rapidly changing weather can be so difficult. I hope you feel better soon. Also it sounds like you're doing what you need to to keep you anxiety down.
@suzycupcake how are you doing/feeling without doing any meds? I both look forward to that day and am worried about it.

How far along are you? 9+4

Any symptoms? still have some nausea and today I am extremely tired. Also started crying last night for no reason, so that was fun. ETA: oh, and I had an emergency appt with my RE even though they "graduated me" because I had some scary sx. All is well and I got to see the LO again, but wow I've never been so scared/nervous.

Rant/Rave? Rant: I started to venture into the baby items research and got overwhelmed. I was just looking at cribs. Rave: we finally put all of our Christmas decorations away. We had taken everything down 2 weeks ago and it was pilled up on our kitchen table. My house is back to normal now.

Next appointment? Next week. I just keep telling my self to take it a day at a time.

GTKY: What is your favorite blog/website to read? well I'm on TB a lot. Most of the time when, I'm at work, I just pull up google news and read the headlines/stories that interest me.

wabash15 · January 2019

@jrm_14 the transition to the OB is always a bit of a hard step. You go to only getting seen once a month and the visits are so short. That plus you don't see the baby again till the anatomy scan unless your doing an NT scan. Hugs. I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow, and if you are released its a good thing, even if it is scary.

wabash15 · January 2019

@Avrilmai as for baby stuff just take it in small steps.... there is SO much stuff out there but the VAST majority of it you don't need or you pick something you think will be perfect and your baby hates it so you have to get something else anyways... All you really need when the baby gets here are diapers, and a car seat... its going to be warm enough that clothing for all is optional and they can sleep in a box... so start with the basics and then go from there.

MamaK225 · January 2019

Agree with @wabash15. And there are plenty of us in here that can offer any suggestions, if there's something you are debating over. It is A LOT, but you have several months and there's very little you *need* immediately. Amazon's registry was really great and comprehensive. Broke it down in several categories and subcategories that make it seem achievable without being overwhelming. Just a thought

purplg8r · January 2019

@suzycupcake yup! I’m saving all the syringes/needles and little bottles. I want to use them to make a heart and then I have a onesie that says “this princess was worth the wait” and a Cinderella mug that says “even miracles take a little time.”

@MamaK225 ugh! I’m so sorry about your cough! I hope you feel better soon!

@wabash15 I’ve always wanted to go snow tubing!! I hated skiing but I think I’d like snow tubing!!

@jrm_14 yup! I’d definitely ask for at least one more ultrasound if you can!!

@Avrilmai I’m so sorry you had to go through that but happy your LO is ok!! I still haven’t put our Christmas stuff away (our tree has been down but that’s it. ). My goal is to get my Valentine’s Day stuff up today

wabash15 · January 2019

@purplg8r I have only down hilled a few times but tend to end up off the side of the trail

so tubing was way more my speed and it was a blast

jrm_14 · January 2019

All was as well at the appointment today. The SCH has not grown, though has not really shrank. I’ll be with the RE for at least another 2 weeks. I’m relieved about that part.

suzycupcake · January 2019

@MamaK225 Yuck, I hope that you both recover quickly, keep us posted!

@Avrilmai So far, everything is fine. Slight cramps here and there, but nothing really that noticeable. Today, there was a women's health registration to get an OB appointment. I asked them to please place an order to check my P levels so we can see how everything looks. They were happy to so maybe yours will do that if you ask.

@purplg8r That sounds like you have a sweet photo planned. Are you going to put the onesie and the mug by the heart or are those something separate?

That's great news @jrm_14 I hope that it shrinks by next appointment so you can feel that some progress happened on that front and yes to being able to stay on longer with your RE! Do you have an acceptable timeframe for graduating in your mind?

Avrilmai · January 2019

@jrm_14 that is great news! glad the RE is keeping you for a few more weeks.

I have a question for you ladies, I've asked elsewhere, but figure the more feedback the better. Telling the boss about pregnancy? I'm not worried about my job or finding coverage or anything like that. I'm more concerned about my boss. She has had 2 failed FETs and I want to be sensitive to her feelings while also being professional and upfront. I know it is best to tell her one on one and in person. I just know how difficult the news may be. She knows we did IVF and knows when I did the transfer. Any advice?

MamaK225 · January 2019

The last few nights, I've been able to forego the Mucinex so we're just doing some Vick's on the upper lip to keep the nightly coughing at a minimum, so YAY! I think this time was dramatically faster than last, either our bodies built up some kind of resistance or the elderberry really did its magic. Either way, I'm enjoying going back to my 8-9 hours of sleep.

But now I'm stressing since I still have another week before my next appointment, and because it's a blood draw, I doubt they're going to do a doppler, but maybe they will. Since one of the babies stopped growing, I'm just so much more worried about this one, though there is tons of data out there that says there's no reason to worry. And since the little peanut is too tiny to be felt, it's just making me anxious. Grrrrrr.

MamaK225 · January 2019

@Avrilmai - She'll have to know eventually, I think it will be more kind to wait until the typical 2nd Trimester announcement, but if you do have a time between now and then where she seems to be in a less vulnerable spot, that would be a good time, too. I say 2nd Tri because then you don't have to worry about the "well, it's early, so you don't know if it'll stick" response that makes you want to stab anyone (there are still those @ssholes out there) ... but if you can catch her in a good "spot," I know she'll appreciate the honesty and early good news so that she's "in the know." Best of luck, I know it's dicey - I can only imagine it like a double-edged sword, working for someone who's been there.

wabash15 · January 2019

@avrilmai how close are you... do you have her cell phone and can text her some evening? other wise I might find a time at the end of the day where you can talk privately and that way she can leave work to process in peace. Hugs
@MamaK225 It takes a long time for the worry to subside, and sometimes it never does... hugs, hopefully they have one of those hand held US units that they can just pop on and do a super quick check.

MamaK225 · January 2019

@wabash15 - I'm hoping so. TBH, I was kind of surprised that we didn't get a heart rate count when I had my appt at 8 weeks, I think my OB was trying to placate me over the loss of the one baby and ensure the other was still good, we just didn't finish that part. I'm almost 11 weeks and I just find it weird that I don't have that info yet.

cato99 · January 2019

Congratulations to everyone who finished ( @suzycupcake ) or are soon to finish their meds! I know it can be hard to believe our bodies can take over. And congratulations to everyone graduating to their OB! I had my first regular OB appt yesterday and it’s so bittersweet. I’m happy the pregnancy is going well enough to graduate, but I always miss the warm comforting coocoon of my RE.

@Avrilmai that’s so tough, but I would go with telling her ASAP, especially since she knows you did IVF and is well aware of the timing. There are soooo many emotions with IF and it’s wonderful that you are so considerate of her feelings. This is just personal experience but in my many years of IF 1) I felt like the little pang of hurt from a pregnancy announcement was lesser from a fellow IF warrior. IF ladies got a pass from that tiny worm of pregnancy resentment! 2) On the flip side, I remember feeling hurt when I found out or sensed that someone was withholding a pregnancy announcement bc of my struggles. I think the way you put it of “upfront and professional” is the right perspective!

How far along are you? 10w 5d

Any symptoms? Still exhaustion and being a moody jerk, but I just realized I haven’t been nauseated in a couple of days so maybe that’s starting to fade?

Rant/Rave? (Edit literally 5 minutes after I mentioned maybe being done with nausea I got a wave of queasiness thanks body)

Next appointment? I just had my first post-RE-graduation appointment at the OB yesterday, and got to see the squiggling baby. I had my blood draw for NIPT so I’ll be looking out for those results, and I can schedule the NT scan starting next week.

GTKY: What is your favorite blog/website to read? Ugh I spend way too much time in the black hole vortex that is Twitter. I don’t post but I follow way too much politics stuff and after a while it’s just repetitive noise. I think my largest sources for online article reading are The New Yorker, The Atlantic (they just hired a writer I have loved for ages, Amanda Mull), and like @wabash15 I’m an NPR girl. A couple of months ago I started to try to switch some of that Twitter/online time for novel reading and it’s going.... ok?

jrm_14 · January 2019

@avrilmai Telling other IF people is so very hard. Add the stress of it being your boss, and that’s a lot to process. I agree with telling her one on one, unless you often text. I’d tell her possibly as late in the day as possible, so she doesn’t have to stay at work & process. You come across as a very gentle, sensitive, & genuine person. Even though this is uncomfortable, you can do this 💜

purplg8r · January 2019

@jrm_14 I’m glad today went well and that you get to be with your RE longer!!

@suzycupcake I’m going to put the mug and onesie in the middle of the heart

@Avrilmai if she knows your transfer date then she’s probably been wondering how it’s going for you and might be a little more prepared for your answer

@MamaK225 I hate all this worry. I feel like since we had to go through the stress of IF we should somehow get a pass on the worry

@cato99 I’m glad your OB appt went well. It’s so hard to be out of the comfort of the RE!

suzycupcake · January 2019

@wabash15 and @cato99 The thing I like about NPR is there isn't much if any opinion reported. The way they report the news is like reading it in black and white, no emotion. It always seems like I'm getting the actual news instead of speculation.

@jrm_14 Readers digest. Yes! My Dad and I always used to read those when I was a kid. Can you believe they're still around and distribute issues??? It's almost 100 years old

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