Another sad thing about daycare other than the price tag is even when you think your LO is in a good school, you STILL have to be diligent in making sure they are getting proper care. My DD has been in two highly rated, 5 star license, came with lots of recommendations centers. We are currently switching her to #3 after next week.
@lyse01, oh, DH and I will definitely still work on it, but I had my brother and brother-in-law planning on driving over to help us as well. If it's gonna be as bad as they are saying, they probably won't risk the roads.
@lyse01 I live in Kentucky. It definitely varies regionally. I can’t imagine the expense where cos is higher. But, I would assume the income in most cases make up for it. I was making $20 an hour as a medical assistant for a private dermatology practice which is considered pretty good money here.
@kyashley1227 I think I should've researched careers before I made my decision! I'm a histotechnologist, and, while pay varies depending on where you live, I've been researching jobs in LA (for when we move) and I'll be lucky to make 10k more than I do in Utah, which is definitely NOT comparable to the difference in cost of living. It's stressing me out big time.
We are very, very lucky and won’t have to put baby in daycare. My husband works evenings, and I’m only going to work 3 mornings a week after I’m done with maternity leave. That already balances itself out. We will only need childcare two days a week for around 5-6 hours both days, and my mom has already bought a pack n play and a swing in preparation! My mom is the only family member on either side that I trust, honestly. I know she will follow our parenting wishes. Preschool/early preschool is a different story - I’d really love to get her into preschool around 3 or 4, even if it’s just part time.
Reading about all of you guys struggling to figure out parental leave and daycare i really feel like I live in a very spoiled and privileged place. In my city we will pay a maximum of 263USD per month for having the twins in daycare which we won't have to start thinking of until we've used up our 2 years of shared parental leave (for one kid we would still have gotten 1 1/2 year paid leve). I knew there was a difference to raising kids here, but seriously had never considered just how big of a struggle it is in the US to make ends meet with working and having kids in daycare. Over here it's not strange that there are basically no stay at home moms, because we have the option, I mean most people do make a significantly larger amount of money than 263 dollars. I'm not writing all this to gloat or make you guys jealous, but I hope you can feel inspired that other systems are possible and maybe things can change if enough people see it possible.
Anyways this was a long rant from a different time zone and I normally don't get a chance to chime into the random discussions, but it's 4.30 in the morning and my belly's size (just measured 33cm yesterday at the midwife which is normally reached in week36 for people expecting one baby...) is making me twist and turn in bed so I just wanted to give my 2 cents. I'm cheering you all on from the sidelines and hope you find ways to take care of your kids in the best way
@rennie1108 I'd guess double is about right. That's about the amount we pay in Northern CA.
I have put us on 4 or 5 (starting to lose track) daycare waiting lists. Everyone is saying that they have no openings for infants this year. If that's the case, we will be looking into nannies. I know nothing about nannies but having to basically employ someone seems like it will be a big headache. But the pro is not adding an extra drop-off/pickup.
Lying here awake and unable to go back to sleep because I'm stressing about how we'll make it work without my income for three months. We were doing fine until a whole bunch of expenses kind of came out of nowhere (truck down payment, new roof on our house, weekend projects, Christmas). Add me to the pregsomnia group....
Also, this babe must be lying on my kidney or something because ow.
@kangstadt ugh, the money stresses never end. My hope is that I can prepay some things now (eg for ingredients for freezer meals) which will cut down on the expenses in april. And, of course, we’ll have seasonal income starting in May that will really help (but also be stressful, because baby cries have been known to travel between floors, and babies don’t care about delaying a meal until we’ve finished cleaning).
could you conceivably pick up any extra shifts between now and April?
@lyse01, the problem with my job is that there are only so many hours we're open and so many employees. I'm working pretty much as much as I can right now, plus doing some extra at home stuff and trying to pick up parties on weekends, but I don't want to promise to work too many close to my due date in case I go early, haha.
We both have family in the area that I know wouldn't let us starve/lose our house, it's just stressful. I've never been rich by any means, but usually money was okay enough that I didn't worry paycheck to paycheck. Now it's not and I'm trying to see how I can cut bills/expenses as much as possible.
@lyse01, I actually have two wedding cake orders scheduled for when I'm on maternity leave, so that will help a bit . Also, now I want cheesecake at 8 in the morning....
We are also pretty lucky. I cut back from teaching full time at a high school to part time at a university when DD was born. Right now, I work about 20 hours a week, while she's in a wonderful morning Montessori program that's like 3k a year--a quarter of the price of the others in the area. (It's Catholic, so they work to keep costs low for the big families.)
I'll probably cut back to about 10 hours a week for the fall, some of which will be teaching online because it pays better. About 2/3 of my paycheck will go towards child care once you factor in a sitter for DD, but we can squeak by on the rest and DH's salary.
I'm just lucky the baby is due near the end of the school year, because DH and I have a total of ZERO paid days of leave between us.
@lyse01, I gave in and had cannoli crepes at my mom date breakfast. I wasn't feeling eggs, and used that as my excuse for eating dessert for breakfast .
@TheSouffleGirl, I never thought how important timing can be when it comes to babies and work schedules. It's good that you'll have summer off then! Same for me, my work is slow in the summer (although DH is insanely busy in the summer) so hopefully it'll balance out between me not working and his OT.
I'm lucky that we don't have to pay for daycare since we work opposite shifts, although babysitting is going to be an issue occassionally and I'm not looking forward to that added cost (with our 4yo, we just trade off or I take him to work with me until DH can get him. Can't do that as easily with a 4 month old).
Chiming in on the daycare situation, we have to put DD in daycare along with this little one after 12 weeks but we are lucky in the fact that we can have them in part-time care. DH works retail so he has 2 off days during the work week whereas I have off on weekends so that's only 3 days in care instead of 5. There are also days that he closes and I open so there is only a 4 hour time gap in-between the two. We wouldn't be able to afford to both work without those coordinating schedules and if we were to have an "oops" and end up with 3 kids daycare age, one of us would have to stay at home. Wish the US had a better plan to help out working parents for sure.
@mermaidca@kosmo86 on the subject of going back to work va becoming SAH. I have zero opinions on what someone should do in this respect, and what is right for one person might not be for another. But from a financial perspective I think it’s really important to look at the decision in a long-term way. If you decide to remain in the workforce, you might break even, or even lose money on childcare for the first 5 years of a child’s life. But you still have the next 25 years of earning potential in your field. If you decide to SAH, you get to be at home for your children’s early years, but you risk being unable to reenter the workforce, and even if you do reenter, you’ve lost 5 years (or more, depending) of experience, promotions, and pay raises. In a long term way, becoming a SAH parent costs a lot of $$, even if you do eventually return to your career. Again, this isn’t to say that it isn’t the right decision for many ppl. It’s just that, as a financial decision, it’s a lot more complicated than just how much daycare costs.
Also, hi everyone! I’ve been at a work conference and I’m freaking exhausted. But I survived it. Hooray.
we will have to get on a daycare wait list for #2 soon. Unfortunately my sons “daycare” is only for over 3 years old, so new baby can’t go there. The limited choice in my town kind of stresses me out since I really didn’t like any of the options I had prior to my older kiddo turning 3. Plus this means that we will end up with multiple drop offs and pick ups. Financially we are pretty lucky because my older one will be able to start kinder year after next. We will only end up with about 6 months of floating double daycare costs.
@professormama I agree there's a lot more to consider than just the paycheque vs childcare each month. Health benefits is a big compenent as well. It's a tough decision and one I'm not looking forward to making.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@professormama I agree there's a lot more to consider than just the paycheque vs childcare each month. Health benefits is a big compenent as well. It's a tough decision and one I'm not looking forward to making.
Benefits are a huge one. My BFF always says that she only works for the healthcare and to pay for daycare. Her job has way better healthcare than her husbands, which is one of her top reasons for not being a SAHM (despite wanting to).
Calling the nurse’s line to report a change in movement today. My girl goes through lazy phases, but nothing like this. I’ve tried poking her, jumping jacks, ice cold water, orange juice, several snacks, laying on my side, changing positions. Haven’t felt anything since maybe 6 yesterday evening.
ETA: not even 5 minutes after I wrote this, I crawled back into bed and DH talked to my belly. She immediately started wiggling and dancing her again.
@blueberrymomma: Yes re: benefits! I had been planning on going back to work after DD, but went immediately because having all 3 of us on DH's insurance was LITERALLY $1200 A MONTH for a PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER already making $15k less than the median income. Aaaahhh!!!!
@mermaidca: Also, my husband is from Alberta (that's where you are, right?), so he just double couldn't deal with paying more than $12k a year for health insurance. And it didn't help that we had $30k in hospital bills for a while when the gov't and our employer got mixed up with each other, while his best friend's wife back home was in antenwtal care for 3 months and needed 3 months of NICU and it didn't cost them a dime! He switched jobs pretty quickly after that one!
@thesoufflegirl yes I'm in Alberta! Yup, I was in antenatal care for 2 weeks, emergency twin c-section and 56 days in the NICU. They didn't even bother to charge me for the 2 days of the private room I requested in recovery. Thankfully I won't need my job up here for a lot of health benefits, just more extras on top of H's for eyes and teeth.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@lilpotatomama: Thinking of you! Hopefully she's just in an extra-good food coma (that's always my very scientific conclusion after mine freaks me out for a bit. :P)
@mermaidca@TheSouffleGirl she was just being lazy! She started moving not even 5 minutes after I posted. But she only started moving when DH talked to her, haha. Now I know his voice is the key, I guess!
@lilpotatomama Keep us updated, my DS would do that to me occasionally, he would just stop moving for a day or so every couple of weeks. Thinking of you. @lyse01 I live in PA and work in MD. daycare is considerably more expensive in MD. both my kids used to go to daycare in MD but I switched to PA when DD started kindergarten.
I plan on taking a year off when this LO is born. While its not the best decision for our family financially, I am very excited to be taking the time off.
@lilpotatomama glad that she finally moved! My LO is normally super active in the AM when I’m avoiding getting out of bed and this morning I only felt one small kick and then no movement for almost 2 hours (even when he rests, he seems to roll a lot - like his mommy). DH said he was probably just sleeping because he was super active yesterday, but we started playing some music that he normally responds to just in case. Two songs in and I started to feel really concerned that he wasn’t moving at all. Not even 15 seconds into the third song (we switched from Foo Fighters to The Killers) and he kicked me harder than he ever has, which we took to mean “I’m fine, stop bothering me”.
i feel super crappy today. Full weekend of work / conference + tons of driving between cities has me completely worn out. My house is a disaster and I haven’t unpacked, and I had big plans to organize before the work week starts tomorrow, but I’m not sure how much im actually going to get done. I did get to play with my kiddo all morning, which was nice. We might just turn on a movie this afternoon...
Glad she started moving again, @lilpotatomama! My OB gave me a kick sheet this past week, but I feel like it's still a tiny bit early for that - if I did it daily like it asks for, I would definitely make my anxiety worse, not better. This guy definitely goes through sleepy phases, although lately he's been kicking really super low around my pubic bone.
Ugh. Migraine already. We had a late start this morning but got our Christmas tree taken down, swept and mopped the upstairs, and now it's just about time for me to leave for work.
Also, our nursery has almost all of the drywall up and DH fixed the electrical and removed a partition so the room feels a bit bigger! I'm feeling a bit less anxious about it getting done by April now, haha.
I broke an entire bottle of red nail polish in my bathroom. It’s all over the tiles and cabinets and probably ruined my favorite (and only) Frye boots. Everything is terrible.
@TheSouffleGirl they have been dropped off at the shoe repair place. The guy very kindly said he’d do his best, but warned me that they might be a lost cause
Hey everyone! I was out of town this weekend and didn't look at bump at all. I was supposed to get back home around 8:30 pm last night and instead landed around 12:30 am. I am a TON of joy today at work!
Re: RANDOMS 1/14
@ everyone: not exactly a new article but https://www.scarymommy.com/stay-at-home-mom-cant-afford-childcare/
Preschool/early preschool is a different story - I’d really love to get her into preschool around 3 or 4, even if it’s just part time.
Ummm...what.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Anyways this was a long rant from a different time zone and I normally don't get a chance to chime into the random discussions, but it's 4.30 in the morning and my belly's size (just measured 33cm yesterday at the midwife which is normally reached in week36 for people expecting one baby...) is making me twist and turn in bed so I just wanted to give my 2 cents. I'm cheering you all on from the sidelines and hope you find ways to take care of your kids in the best way
I have put us on 4 or 5 (starting to lose track) daycare waiting lists. Everyone is saying that they have no openings for infants this year. If that's the case, we will be looking into nannies. I know nothing about nannies but having to basically employ someone seems like it will be a big headache. But the pro is not adding an extra drop-off/pickup.
Also, this babe must be lying on my kidney or something because ow.
could you conceivably pick up any extra shifts between now and April?
We both have family in the area that I know wouldn't let us starve/lose our house, it's just stressful. I've never been rich by any means, but usually money was okay enough that I didn't worry paycheck to paycheck. Now it's not and I'm trying to see how I can cut bills/expenses as much as possible.
I'll probably cut back to about 10 hours a week for the fall, some of which will be teaching online because it pays better. About 2/3 of my paycheck will go towards child care once you factor in a sitter for DD, but we can squeak by on the rest and DH's salary.
I'm just lucky the baby is due near the end of the school year, because DH and I have a total of ZERO paid days of leave between us.
@TheSouffleGirl, I never thought how important timing can be when it comes to babies and work schedules. It's good that you'll have summer off then! Same for me, my work is slow in the summer (although DH is insanely busy in the summer) so hopefully it'll balance out between me not working and his OT.
I'm lucky that we don't have to pay for daycare since we work opposite shifts, although babysitting is going to be an issue occassionally and I'm not looking forward to that added cost (with our 4yo, we just trade off or I take him to work with me until DH can get him. Can't do that as easily with a 4 month old).
Chiming in on the daycare situation, we have to put DD in daycare along with this little one after 12 weeks but we are lucky in the fact that we can have them in part-time care. DH works retail so he has 2 off days during the work week whereas I have off on weekends so that's only 3 days in care instead of 5. There are also days that he closes and I open so there is only a 4 hour time gap in-between the two. We wouldn't be able to afford to both work without those coordinating schedules and if we were to have an "oops" and end up with 3 kids daycare age, one of us would have to stay at home. Wish the US had a better plan to help out working parents for sure.
we will have to get on a daycare wait list for #2 soon. Unfortunately my sons “daycare” is only for over 3 years old, so new baby can’t go there. The limited choice in my town kind of stresses me out since I really didn’t like any of the options I had prior to my older kiddo turning 3. Plus this means that we will end up with multiple drop offs and pick ups. Financially we are pretty lucky because my older one will be able to start kinder year after next. We will only end up with about 6 months of floating double daycare costs.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
ETA: not even 5 minutes after I wrote this, I crawled back into bed and DH talked to my belly. She immediately started wiggling and dancing her again.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@mermaidca: Also, my husband is from Alberta (that's where you are, right?), so he just double couldn't deal with paying more than $12k a year for health insurance. And it didn't help that we had $30k in hospital bills for a while when the gov't and our employer got mixed up with each other, while his best friend's wife back home was in antenwtal care for 3 months and needed 3 months of NICU and it didn't cost them a dime! He switched jobs pretty quickly after that one!
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@lyse01 I live in PA and work in MD. daycare is considerably more expensive in MD. both my kids used to go to daycare in MD but I switched to PA when DD started kindergarten.
I plan on taking a year off when this LO is born. While its not the best decision for our family financially, I am very excited to be taking the time off.
i feel super crappy today. Full weekend of work / conference + tons of driving between cities has me completely worn out. My house is a disaster and I haven’t unpacked, and I had big plans to organize before the work week starts tomorrow, but I’m not sure how much im actually going to get done. I did get to play with my kiddo all morning, which was nice. We might just turn on a movie this afternoon...
Ugh. Migraine already. We had a late start this morning but got our Christmas tree taken down, swept and mopped the upstairs, and now it's just about time for me to leave for work.
Also, our nursery has almost all of the drywall up and DH fixed the electrical and removed a partition so the room feels a bit bigger! I'm feeling a bit less anxious about it getting done by April now, haha.