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May 2019 Moms
eatinwatermelonseeds
member
January Mental Health Check in
eatinwatermelonseeds
member
It's a little early, but whatevs. We haven't talked about mental health in a bit, how is everyone doing?
Anything bothering you currently?
Any wins this month (let's just count the last 30 days as "this month" 😂) that have helped your mental health?
How are you currently managing your mental health, do you feel it's still helping?
Anything bothering you currently?
Any wins this month (let's just count the last 30 days as "this month" 😂) that have helped your mental health?
How are you currently managing your mental health, do you feel it's still helping?
Re: January Mental Health Check in
I'm a little anxious about my anatomy scan since I'm guessing I have to wait 2 more weeks for the results 😩
Wins. H got a great Christmas bonus, and we had an awesome holiday. I'm getting a bit of a break from our regular routine, which has been helpful.
Still take CBD oil occasionally. It came in a syringe and I still have over 3/4 of the original syringe I bought in November left, I'm not taking it hardly at all. But occasionally the anxiety will become too much and I'll take a drop. So far it's the best management I've ever had, so long as I can recognize when I need to take it. Usually when H says "are you still taking that CBD oil?" It's about time to take another drop 😂
****huge huge huge trigger warning****
So, one of my sisters was due with her second child at the beginning of this month. She had plans to deliver at a birth centre and she showed up on the 10th after noticing something wet in her bed (she thought maybe her water had broken). They sent her home and the next day, she woke up feeling bad and feverish. She started having some contractions, so she went in. She noticed some brownish discharge and when they checked her, a huge gush of brownish amniotic fluid came out. The birth centre people told her that she had meconium in her amniotic fluid and that she would need to
deliver via emergency c-section at the hospital. They called an ambulance and she was taken to a hospital 20 minutes away. I don’t know why this birth centre didn’t have a hospital right next to it, I thought that was the norm, but whatever.
anyways, she arrived and they had her fill out paperwork and then needed to “observe her” for an hour before proceeding with the c-section. She gave birth to a beautiful little girl, Anna, who was having difficulty breathing because she had aspirated too much meconium.
As a result of all of this, I’m a total mess. I never ever imagined that something so awful could happen. It’s the freaking 21st century.
Anyways, my anatomy scan is this Thursday and I am really scared. I’m grateful that I have finally really started feeling movement, but I’m just worried I’ll get some horrible news at the anatomy scan. So that’s where I
am mentally. :’(
DD: 8/20/14; DS: 11/13/16; DD: 5/3/19; DD: 8/31/21; Baby #5 (team green) due 3/24/24
I will definitely keep you gals posted on the anatomy scan. Being AMA for this pregnancy is making me feel really anxious.
DD: 8/20/14; DS: 11/13/16; DD: 5/3/19; DD: 8/31/21; Baby #5 (team green) due 3/24/24
no major wins or losses. I’m remembering to take my Zoloft every day which I know helps. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that little pill but since being hospitalized, I had to get a lot more organized with my medication.
Keeping up with my anxiety medication and talking out my feelings has been very helpful. I’ve always been one to bottle up how I feel, especially around people close to me, but the more and more I talk about it, even if I ended up crying, the more relaxed and at ease I feel. This has been the biggest adjustment for me personally and it has really helped. I’m considering starting a journal but fear it’s a really big commitment right now. We’ll see if that happens.
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I've been doing better mentally now that I have physically been feeling a bit better. I am still struggling with energy levels, but I am off the unisom so I am feeling a bit better overall. I won't go into the long-drawn out details, but I had some traumatic health issues in my teens and was bedridden for a long time so whenever I am unwell I find it extremely triggering.
Even with that, I am proud of myself that I have been managing to not overdo it to try to compensate for that. My husband has been helping out a lot lately. Today, I was finally able to do some much needed cleaning, which makes me feel much more relaxed. It makes me anxious when my house isn't put together.
I am looking forward to getting to start working on the nursery now that Christmas is over.
I really want to stop taking Zoloft. I tried to stop when trying to conceive, but I had to go back on it after having unexpected surgery. I know now is not the time to go off it again, but I really wish I could since I feel fairly stable right now.
Finally, I will just give my plug that DD is now 18 months and already hitting her 2 year old milestones. Despite the medications I took, she’s thriving. Zoloft is the most studied SSRI and Ob-gynecologist feel really good about you continuing it in pregnancy.
After those tough goodbyes I think I was convinced it was a year of loss and I put up guards because in my mind, I thought I would probably lose this baby also. I'm finally feeling movement and this pregnancy is starting to feel more real, but I know I haven't really allowed myself to grieve my losses. I'm a stay at home mom, so I was with them all the time. I have a hard time allowing myself to grieve because I knew they weren't mine and the whole point of foster care is to be able to reunify children with their parents. No one prepared me for the hole it would leave in my heart when they left. It doesn't help that I have a tendency to bottle up my emotions. A lot of days I'm absolutely fine, but other days (like tonight) it hits me like a rock that I have no idea how they are and there is nothing I can do about it.
I want to be able to connect with this baby, but I don't know how to shake the feeling that the other shoe is about to drop. I know this is a completely different situation, but I can't seem to figure out how to let down my guard and let myself actually get excited about this baby. I'm also worried that If I don't get this resolved in my mind, I might be more prone to struggle with PPD.
I have been sad a lot lately. Dealing with sick kids, still going through a rough divorce and having court dates, plus my ex calling CPS on me after I got a restraining order has had me on edge. My blood pressure was under control, but it's started creeping back up again in the last week or so. The last two days I've been having a lot of painful contractions and on top of everything I turn 30 on Saturday. That's actually the first time I've ever said it "out loud". I've had a few little crying breakdowns but I don't feel like it's overboard, yet.
I'm still on some restrictions but a lot has been lifted just recently (which did wonders for my mental health). Everything *should* be fine but I can't help thinking that if everything *is* fine, why am I not allowed to go for a run. There must still be some cause for concern. I can go two weeks without running and be totally fine (although feel a bit guilty), but to be told I CAN'T is messing with me. I know there were tons of us with SCH's but no one else still seems to be worried about theirs so I don't know why I'm so concerned, but I can't help it. I just stopped hiding the pregnancy at work on Monday and I was over 21 weeks (although my boss and a few other coworkers knew).
@kvh22 I’m sorry you are still struggling with the SCH. I hope that it resolves fully soon and you can start to enjoy this pregnancy without all the worry that comes with the SCH.
First off, thank you for what you do. I can't even imagine the pain that comes with that. Like losing your own child, but the confusion if it not being your biological child. I'm sorry. But what you are doing for those children is a beautiful thing, and hopefully they are on their way to really great lives because of you.
As far as feeling disconnected, I did with DS1. I don't even know why. I had no complications. The only thing I can think of is that I was depressed. Even after he was born, the connection wasn't immediate and I did end up with PPD. However, I would take a million bullets for that kid and walk through fire. The bond and connection now is UNREAL. That kid is my heart and soul. So, it'll come, and it'll be just as overwhelming as your others are, I promise.
I know now my susceptibility for PPD or PPA, so I've put together a plan. I would highly recommend therapy for you, regardless of whether you have PPD or not, it would probably help a lot to talk through your feelings of loss. My personal plan is to talk to my doctor about immediate meds following birth. However, that's with my history of PPD and bipolar depression. In your case, I would talk to your doctor and spouse and form a game plan. My husband is always the first to know I'm off. And always the first to get me thinking about talking to my doctor. And the first to push and nag me until I go lol. Support will be critical, just due to an increased risk. It's not inevitable. It's just possible, as it's very common.
I felt so much guilt associated with the disconnect I felt, but realistically it was just hard to connect with something I couldn't see but only felt. I feel a big meal of tacos and nachos, but I don't connect with that 😂 it's just a hard thing to expect of women to immediately feel this huge unbreakable bond with someone they've never met.. If a father doesn't feel bonded during pregnancy, it's understood, but if a mother doesn't it's unspeakable. Makes no sense to me.
You're doing the best you can. Forgive yourself for not feeling that instant bond, and just do what you can to connect and take care of both of you. Be kind and gentle to yourself, you deserve it.
It could be other things too, and the perinatalogist and my ob said it’s likely nothing. I’m just so scared, anxious, and depressed. I feel like I’m not excited anymore.
We were offered an amnio, but my ob said that bloodwork was much more reasonable bc my risk level isn’t enough for an anmio. But an amnio gives a true yes or no while bloodwork does not. I wouldn’t terminate, but I don’t know if I can live four more months without knowing.
I had never heard about the lesser extreme- I am going to look into that now. Thank you!
Did you get an NT scan where everything looked fine for downs markets? Curious if CF is the focus or if they're exploring multiple options. Even though I'm only a carrier (and DH isn't), there's a 50% chance my children will be as well as my nieces and nephews and my cousins children (not sure if my brother is but SIL is not a carrier so that's nice to know). I donate to the CF Foundation as my charity of choice (through Amazon Smile and other things sometimes) as the strides they've made in the past couple of decades are very dramatic. While it's an upsetting possibility, I know, it's really much better understood and treated and most people live pretty normal lives with CF.
Thank you for your last comment- that makes me feel a little better!
TW** his brother died as an infant due to this disease /TW** so I knew I wanted to get tested as well. The genetic counselor took my blood about a month before I got pregnant and it took 4 months for the results to come back (Canadian medical system? No idea why it took so ridiculously long...the receptionist probably hated seeing my number constantly checking in with them). Turns out I am not a carrier but those first three months of pregnancy were hard not knowing. I hope your husband's results come back quickly so you both can get some relief. Sending good vibes.
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