Completing your family

nopegoat · January 2019

Those of you who are done having kids after this one, how are you feeling about it? How did you know this was the last one? Are you and H on the same page or was it a compromise?

nopegoat · January 2019

I thought I would be much more emotional and kind of nostalgic with this being my last pregnancy but I'm just kind of ready for it to be all over, have the baby in my arms, and move on. I'm so ready to have my family completed!

H and I weren't really on the same page. I was pretty done with 4 but admittedly baby fever kept hitting and H desperately wanted more so I agreed for 5 though H kept pushing for 6.

**TW**
We got pregnant and then had our loss in December and we were devastated. H moreso than I.
**End TW**

So we talked to figure out if we even wanted to try again and we both agreed we didn't want our last to end that way and agreed 5 was it!

Cbeanz · January 2019

It's been an interesting road! We were on the fence about #4, knowing that we'd love to have another member of the family, but we didn't want to rock the boat on the great family we already have. I honestly don't think we ever would have come to a decision on #4. Just kept kicking that decision down the road! So, a few months later, Surprise! I'm actually thankful that the decision was made for us because I don't think we'd ever agree at the same time if we wanted one more or not.

I kind of felt like my last pregnancy (#3) was going to be my last. So I tried to appreciate and enjoy every last moment of that pregnancy. This one - I just want it to be over! I am so sure that we are done after this one. It's actually a feeling of relief for me, knowing that we are done. I don't deal well with ambiguity and the past year or so felt so up in the air.

@nopegoat I love hearing that your hubs wanted lots of kids. I think in our culture it's unpopular for men to say that they love babies, but they totally do. Everyone asks me questions like, "How did you convince your husband to have another one?" But he would get baby fever just like I would! No convincing needed.

strickland8052 · January 2019

Anyone not sure if they are done or not?

I'm pregnant with #2, but I've always felt like I wanted three. DH is like "whatever we can manage." We already feel like we are in over our heads with one, but we TTC this one with the mindset of "welp.... now or never!". I do not feel like I am done, and I'm not savoring this pregnancy in the way I would imagine people do on their last pregnancy. However, I wonder if we will feel overwhelmed and done once baby is here. How has it been for those of you with 3 or more?

Happyin14 · January 2019

I’m having a similar reaction. Loved being pregnant before. Wanted to be pregnant again and now...? Meh. I’m too old for this. 😂😂 But I am at peace with this being the complete family.

It was a super super hard road here and I wouldn’t be up for that again.

nolemomma14 · January 2019

This will be number 3 for us, and our last. We always said that we wanted two for sure and after that we would see. My second pregnancy wasn’t easy. Aside from being sick for a good portion of it, the end was a bit of a cluster and whirlwind. I ended up with very high fluids at my 36 week appointment. A bunch of blood work and a perinatologist later, it was decided I would be induced at 37 weeks. I walked into my 37 week appt thinking it would just be a quick check. My dr walked in and said “your fluids are too high, baby is measuring really big, and your blood work came back positive for CMV antibodies, we want to get baby out tomorrow”. I was in complete shock.

Labor and delivery went fine, but we both needed additional testing because of the CMV. I wasn’t able to breastfeed him right away, he needed an ultrasound of his brain, it just wasn’t at all what we expected. At the end of the day day we were both 100% healthy which is what matters. The CMV antibodies I had were just from a previous virus, but apparently had I actually had it, it could’ve been very dangerous to baby.

After all of that I was pretty sure we were done. It was all so nerve wracking that I couldn’t even think of another baby. DH and I also had a really hard time the first year, adjusting to 2. Fast forward though, and we got to a good place with our boys, and with ourselves, and started talking about another baby. We both decided that we might regret it down the road if we didn’t have one more, so here we are! We’re both very excited about this baby, but also look forward to it being our last and completing our family!

nopegoat · January 2019

@Cbeanz that's kind of how our #3 was. We were back and forth forever then it just happened and we were both so relieved.

Honestly his love for babies surprised us both. Ha! He never really wanted kids. When I got KU in college we both freaked. Then when he was born, H was completely obsessed. He loves all the baby snuggles and milestones. If his current job allowed, he would totally work at the hospitals being a baby snuggler.

He catches so much hell from everyone at work. They think he's absolutely crazy. I love it.

@strickland8052 I originally only wanted 2 kids. Going from 0 to 1 was a much bigger transition than going from 1 to 2 and going from 1 to 2 was a much bigger transition than going from 2-3 or 3-4.

0-1 you are starting from nothing and are having to learn all the baby things. 1-2 is more about learning to balance since you already have that initial experience. Going from 2-3 was about learning how to do things outnumbered. 3-4 wasn't a big deal at all. Just another butt to change and mouth to feed lol.

bartonolivia · January 2019

My husband says he’s only getting snipped if this one is a girl. But I say he’s getting snipped no matter what. Lol I just don’t want to go through another pregnancy and I’m totally okay with all 3 kids being out of the house by age 40. Having 2 toddlers its hard enough to get everyone ready and out of the house so I definitely don’t need 4.

strickland8052 · January 2019

@nopegoat - That is good to finally hear that! All of our friends say that going from 1 to 2 or 2 to 3 was the hardest. Call me naive, but I feel so relaxed about this one (whereas I was so stressed about first). It is like "Meh... We've already figured this out and given up our white couch and tiny cars and fancy adult dinners. What's another one?" haha!

nopegoat · January 2019

That is super scary @nolemomma14. I'm so glad everything turned out OK! ❤️

"We both decided that we might regret it down the road if we didn’t have one more, so here we are!"

This was our thought process when deciding for a big family too. H said when he closed his eyes and pictured a perfect future Christmas he saw lots of our kids and lots grand babies. No regrets here. ❤️

nopegoat · January 2019

@strickland8052 during my pregnancy with #2 I went through a bit of guilt for having another baby while #1 was still young and how it was going to change his life and he didn't have a say in it. I was also worried I wouldn't love #2 like I did #1 because I loved that little boy so freaking much how could I?? Once he was born of course that went away and I quickly saw the bond they had and I my heart grew to love them both, in different ways but just as much. Physically it was hard just trying to figure out what to do with the baby while I was dealing with #1 or how to entertain 2 while I was cooking dinner.

With #3 I was just nervous how I was going to go out in public outnumbered ha!

ameliabedelia-2 · January 2019

DH and I always talked about 3. After #2, I thought I wanted another one, and then I got pregnant. It took a good month for the regret to wear off and for me to start to really accept that we will have 3 kids. That sounds terrible, but given how hard it was to get #2, I don't think I really thought about a third as a reality. I know, without a doubt, that this is our last. I am SO over being pregnant and nursing. The novelty has worn off, and I am too old to feel this shitty all the time. I feel like if we hadn't gone for 3, I would always wonder "what if"....and now I know our family is complete.

Panaceia · January 2019

I was done after DD but SO really wanted another. It took me a while to get to a place where I wanted a second as well but I'm here now and can't wait for baby girl to get here. I think for me it helps that DD is older now and so much more independent that I feel like baby will add to her life and she won't be missing out on her relationship with me in any way.

We're done after this. If we were younger I might consider one more depending on how this goes, but I think I'm at an age now where I want to enjoy my children without the stress of TTC.

ameliabedelia-2 · January 2019

I will add, that part of my initial fear about a third baby is that it would be more like DD1, rather than, DS2, lol. My daughter was a very hard baby (shit, she's a hard preschooler). My son, on the other hand, is a cake walk. He has been from the minute he was born. He just has the most amazing disposition. This poor kids isn't even born yet and I am like, disappointed in it, lol.

nopegoat · January 2019

I do have to admit, my boys have all been relatively easy babies which of course taints my opinion a bit. I've also embraced the choatic imperfect mess that is my life a long time ago which also influences it lol.

Cbeanz · January 2019

I thought the transition from 2-3 was by far the hardest!!! Followed by 1-2. The zero-1 transition was easiest in our case. We were ready for it, we knew a chapter of our life was closing and another starting.

We were also older too, and both work outside the home. So everyone's situation is a little different. But 2-3 knocked us on our asses! I think we felt confident as parents with 2 kids and then BAM! Outnumbered pure chaos.

mrscammack · January 2019

We’re going to be done with 2 and honestly I’m a little emotional about it. I’m trying to just enjoy every second of this pregnancy but knowing I won’t experience getting pregnant and having a newborn again does make me kind of sad. I’m more open to the idea of keeping our options open for #3 because of how my emotions will be but after discussing it I know logically it is the right choice for our family. But it does make me sad for sure

cookie510 · January 2019

I didn't even think I would have a 2nd so I'm ok with this being the last. I'm trying to enjoy this time but I'm also looking forward to the end when he is here.

hakele · January 2019

We spent a lot of time talking about this. I think especially with the challenges to have this beeb. We agreed several years ago that we really felt that one was going to be the best fit for us. It was a long conversation. And when we started talking about it, we had wanted two in the past. Back when we first got married (8 years ago!) I wanted two. But over the last 3-4 years, we decided that we just want one and that just one would be really fun and make us really happy. We are both very low key people and introverted and I think that having one would just fit our lives the best.
I know that I am in a very different position than many others who have weighed in as this is my one and only beeb.

nopegoat · January 2019

@hakele I am friends with a few OAD-ers. They have no regrets and love their little families! You have to do what you feel is best for your family!

hakele · January 2019

@nopegoat, you and your *maybe* 5 boys cracks me up because I have a cousin with 5 boys. She had a tubal ligation scheduled and 1 week before it, found out she was pregnant... and it was twins! They thought they were done at 3. But they have craziness in that house with those 5 boys, anyone with more than 2, I'm like BLESS you.
Also, I grew up in a REALLY different home environment than most people with siblings. I'm 8 years younger than my older sister and 11 years older than my younger sister. (They are not related to each other-it is complex, I can draw a chart.... lol) So because I'm so far apart from my sisters, we each had a chance to experience life as an only child, and life as a sibling, but, so much further apart in age. I don't talk to my older sister as our link was our mother and she has passed away and we just were never that close. My little sister is one of my best friends and means the world to me. Behind hubs (and now the bebe), she is the second most important person to me on the planet. If I were going to have 2, I'd want to wait a while before #2. I wouldn't want two littles at the same time. And well... I feel that ship has long since sailed.

Cbeanz · January 2019

One is so sustainable. When we had one, we basically were able to still maintain the pre-kid lifestyle or at least take turns while one stayed home with the baby. Restaurants, shopping, going out with friends, traveling, you name it! I can totally see a million reasons to be OAD.

key33 · January 2019

I know this one will be our last. H and I were always on the fence about a 3rd. We hung on to the necessity baby items and lots of other stuff. We thought maybe once we move (which we wanted to do this year) we would try. Well, here we are and the decision was made for us. I’m completely content with this being the last.

erynpdx · January 2019

We're so done after this one - like we'll schedule the V on the way out of L&D. DD is four - we always figured we'd have 2, but we spent the last 2.5 years really on the fence. Like REALLY on the fence. DD is finally easy, we've hit and easy groove, there are still days that I'm like wtf are we doing rocking the boat and starting over? At the end of the day I really fucking love my sister, and I hope to nurture a relationship like that. I also really do want to do the baby stuff one more time. We decided to see what happened for 6 months. 🤰🏻
I like knowing this is my last pregnancy - I'm not taking anything for granted.
I'm just textbook scared that I won't love this baby as much and that I'm ruining everything, praying the cliches are true. 💜

acw452 · January 2019

We are planning to be done after this baby, which will be our second. Ironically DH wanted at least 3 kids before DS was born and I wanted only 2, but now I might consider more and he definitely wouldn’t. We’re older too so I think we’re both going to be happy to be done at 2.

mnkenned · January 2019

I want to be done after this one (#2). I don't like being pregnant and the newborn period was so rough with dd. I LOVE her as a toddler and look forward to having two kids to play with. DH wants 3 but I'm pretty firm about this being our last.

shawnacrest · January 2019

I absolutely 100 percent want this to be my last pregnancy. I do not deal well with pregnancy emotionally, not to mention the morning sickness. I am so excited for this baby, but I hate feeling this way. We had the conversation, and if for some reason in the future we feel that we should have one more, we will adopt.

foodislove · January 2019

We are done with bio kids. We plan on adopting a third, maybe do a sibling pair depending on our finances. I'm not really fond of the pregnancy part, so not really feeling nostalgic. I had a rough first pregnancy and I refuse to do this again. I do like feeling the baby move, but that's about it.

I will absolutely have issues with this being my last baby (we plan on adopting young elementary age when M is reaching middle school), gonna try to soak it all in.

indulgentgypsy · January 2019

We may be done due to my age (41) and difficulty sustaining a pregnancy. DH has a felony conviction from over 20 years ago that will prevent us from adopting or fostering, and that makes us both sad. We pictured a houseful of kids, and i would happily add more, I just don't think it is possible.

canuckmomma · January 2019

When we got married we agree'd that two was what we (God willing) planned on. The first 3 months after our first I almost said "nope one and done!" Haha, postpartum for me was hard. But time went on and my desire for a second was still there. So this is our second pregnancy and I feel at complete peace about it being our final. We just know with our jobs and life its the best balance for us. I was 1 of 3 and my H is 1 of 2. My first (2.5 yrs) is a boy and I have been asked if we have another boy would I "try again for a girl" ... my answer is NO. We're team green and I will be thrilled with a happy healthy baby. Girl or boy, this baby was meant for us and we are so excited to meet and welcome it into our family.

*TW*
With all that said - I want to mention that I know this question isn't easy to answer for women who struggle(d) to conceive. It's not always up to us how many kids we will have. My girlfriend who is struggling with fertility was asked this question innocently by someone who was unaware of her struggle. She answered it gracefully but after she told me in private she is praying for just one, any more are gladly welcome.

Bear14+ · January 2019

I *think* we are done. We were officially done after #2 (I'm 32, H is 42), but we had an accidental pregnancy earlier this year that resulted in a blighted ovum. It was pretty traumatizing because I went from being WTF am I going to do with a third baby to accepting and loving the idea before we found out about the loss.

We spent the next 6 months thinking about it and talking about it and just decided to give it another shot! So I think after this baby, H will get snipped because I can't imagine having another with his work schedule. He is barely home because of work..I'm on my own for dinner and bedtime everyday except Friday and Sunday. It's a lot... so yeahhh...

cindler · January 2019

@Cbeanz I love your comment on how you can see the upside of being one and done! You helped ease some of my fears with going from 0-1. DH and I have been together for 15 years (married 10) and have created a very nice life. A baby will add to the joy, but its reassuring to know that we don't have to give up everything from the life we currently love.

Our plan has always been to have one and see how it goes. If we decide we want another, we'll go for another one. It took a us 4 years for me to even get pregnant, so we're realistic that one might be the end of the road for us, and that's ok. Knowing that this may be my only pregnancy doesn't affect me one way or another.

To all the moms on here who have 3, 4, and 5 kids, bless you! You have taken on a role I don't think i could do!

hakele · January 2019

@cindler same feelings. We’ve been together 10 years and the baby took a long, long time to make. We are ready for this one and the adventure it will be.

wineandcoffee · January 2019

This will be it for us too. Pregnancy with my first was fairly easy and this time around has been too so far. However, despite us both having great jobs, finances are our number one reason for being done. I want to be able to continue to live the life that works for us and give our girls all we can. If I win the lottery between now and July I may reconsider my decision.

canuckmomma · January 2019

@Bear14+ I understand being alone for dinner and bed time. I am often in that boat! It can be tough.

xtinecatherine · January 2019

We were supposed to be complete, but yet here we are. So who knows anymore? It's hilarious because people would look at me like I said I boiled their bunny when I told them I was pregnant with my 4th. Then they would start asking when we were going to have #5, which I found laughable. I guess the joke is on me. Now people are telling us we might as well go for one more after this one. DH even mentioned it the other day and I just laughed it off.

runsoncoffee · January 2019

@nopegoat I agree with you 100% on going from 0-1 being the hardest (at least harder than 1-2, we'll see how 2-3 goes)

So glad to see this convo going on. This is our third in three years, so allll back to back. I always said I hoped for 3 or 4, and still would love 4. DH never wanted more than 3 so he is dead set on us being done. I am treating this like my last pregnancy. Somedays I'm like yeah, I can't handle more than 3 and I looooved being pregnant the first two times but it's been harder this time. Other days I could literally go sit in a corner and cry thinking about never having another baby or being pregnant again. We agreed he would wait to get snipped for at least a year after number 3 is born. Our house is perfect for 3 kids and in my head I know 3 would be perfect for us, but my heart can't help but think about 4. So we will see what happens!!

nolemomma14 · January 2019

The hardest transition for us was 1 to 2. I think a lot depends on the baby though. My first was such a chill laid back baby, and still is as a 4 year old. I didn’t feel like our life changed a whole lot after he was born. Our second was colic, super fussy, never wanted anyone but me and didn’t STTN until he was 15 months.

I think I was so sure that I was ready for two because I had already had one, I knew what to expect, that my world was just rocked when it wasn’t as easy as a transition as I expected. I’ve thrown all expectations out the window this time, so maybe that’ll help with the transition from 2 to 3.

annewheeler2 · January 2019

This will be number three and our last. I’m having a rcs and we have already discussed tying my tubes. Family is trying to convince us to wait and see how we feel but I’m so done and we’re ready to be in the next stage of our life. This pregnancy has also been my hardest and I think it’s helped us choose to be done.

noslen0519 · January 2019

This is #3 for us and we are 100% done. Already told my OB he can tie my tubes at my c-section. We always said 2 for sure, ad maybe 3 we will see. Our second is very tough and high maintanence so I am nervous because our last transition from 1 to 2 was tough. Hopefully this one will be more laid back. I'm 35 and DH is 38 so we knew we had to do it if we were going to do it. I didn't want 10 years between my kids and we aren't getting any younger. I always knew I'd be sad and regret not having the third, even though our wallet is going to be stretched thin.

kingdommom · January 2019

I've always said I wanted 4 or 5 kids (this will be our third). I still think I'd be ok with 4. However my first two were pretty tramatic births. With my first I had to transfer from birth center to hospital and ended up pushing 5 1/2 hours with no meds🙄 My second I also had to ne transferred while pushing (3 1/2 hours) and ended with an emergency c-section. I'm going to try for a vbac this time and NOT going back to the birth center. I'm just afraid if things go downhill again I won't want to try for anymore! Maybe that sounds selfish since the ultimate should be healthy mama healthy baby, but I'd really like the natural, calm birth I've always dreamed about. Anyway, I think hubby is fine with either 3 or 4.

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