@poshspice you will find your groove in no time. It's hard to imagine how you will do it until you are actually in it, and then it comes much more naturally than you would think. You start to adapt and find new ways. Also bear in mind that you still have several months and your DD will grow and mature so much in that time. The baby is mostly just a blob that can be worn and placed in baby-holding devices because they sleep so much for the first few months and by the time she is moving DD1 will again have matured that much more. The first year with a baby and toddler for me was a total blur, and I know it had its challenges, but it all worked.
I honestly can't remember if my DD1 could do the stairs totally independently by the time DD2 came along, but I do remember that for a long time I would just follow behind her on the way up, and kind of spot her on the way down. I remember doing the same thing with DD2 while holding a friend's baby a few times and its much more doable that you'd think.
@poshspice YES. Especially on really hard days with DD, sometimes I think, "OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE. HOW CAN I DEAL WITH TWO OF THESE?" For me personally, I don't think anything can be as hard as the transition from no kids to one kid. That was so tough, so I'm hoping with all hope that this is easier, not easy, but easier.
@poshspice I think going from one to two will just become the new normal. I'm trying not to stress too much about it because it's happening now lol. Babywearing will be so helpful in sure and a ring sling is great for a new squishy baby so you can still toddler chase. When I was trying to get my toddler to tackle the stairs I started going down them on my butt so he started to mimick that.
The thing that is stressing me out the most about this birth is going from working full time to being a stay at home mom. I always wanted to stay home with my kids and home school but it wasn't an option with son #1 because I was a single mom but I'm so used to working and being away from him so much I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to handle them all day long while my husband works. It just doesn't make sense to spend the money on daycare for two so we're going to have to figure it out I guess lol.
Thanks for the encouragement everybody! I'm just getting really worried about the logistics of everything. It sounds like DH isn't planning on taking a proper paternity leave (PFL will pay a decent amount, but it's not enough for him to want to take as much time off as I need him to). My mom will be here on week days (and nights) for quite a while after baby is born too, but it's just terrifying.
@mcewen3 I spot DD on her way up the stairs and she is slow, but she makes it. Going down is scary, I don't even know where to start with how to get down. Our railing is too high for her to reach, so it just feel super dangerous to me.
@poshspice I feel like I taught mine to go down on his butt? Or maybe slide down on his tummy? Until he was bigger. But I really can't remember because that seems like 9000 years ago and also pregnancy brain.
@poshspice we just taught DS (13 mo) to go down, but we don't actually have stairs at home so he learns on smaller sets at PT or play gyms. He goes down backwards, feels the next step with his foot, and continues on that way. He's gotten pretty good. We'll practice more at my parents' this weekend because they do have stairs. We've been working on going down backwards on everything (couch, bed, etc) and he only recently gotten the hang of it. Butt is probably faster but I haven't tried that!
ETA - I have the Ergo newborn insert that I'll probably use if the K'tan doesn't work out for me again. The K'tan didn't support DS's head at all so I was like what is even the point if I have to use one hand to support his head?! I might try a ring sling as well this time if I can find one cheap.
I need to have a small panic moment: in the hospital, I was feeling baby move every single day. Since coming home, I’ve hardly felt baby at all. I’m sure this is norma but I’m kind of panicking since I had so much testing and a lot of harsh (yet relatively safe) things out into my body. Bring me off a ledge, people!
@mrskoz428 per my OB, they don't really start worrying about movement until 24 weeks, at which point you should be feeling it every day. However, if you're nervous, call. If you don't want to jump to conclusions, before you call, have some cold juice or cold water and lay down on your left side for an hour. I'm not entirely sure if that would work this early, but it's what I did at 36 weeks when I didn't feel baby for a long time. The juice and laying down thing still didn't work for me so I went in and did the monitoring, and all was well!
For real though, I wouldn't worry, but I do like to tell people to call if they're really concerned.
@mrskoz428 my guy has days where he's super active and then I barely feel him. I would just make sure you're feeling baby at all, since they're normally pretty active. I actually asked my doctor since we don't kick count for quite a while when I should worry about it, and she said when I notice it's been a while to drink some juice and lay on my left side (also laying on my belly I tend to feel him more) and after about 24 hours of zero movement, to come in. But if you're worried it can't hurt to just call your ob/midwife and ask for them to use the Doppler.
@DuchessOfCambridge I just got so used to the sweet movements. I think I was kind of spoiled, in that aspect! 😬 I’ve been laying on my right side because of the pain. Maybe I’ll try some juice. Glad they don’t worry about movement until 24 weeks. That makes me feel better already!
ETA: @eatinwatermelonseeds didn’t see your comment until after this one posted. It had been over 24 hours since I’d had noticeable movement. I tried the juice thing and it worked like a charm! Baby gave some BIG kicks! Sorry not sorry, little one! All these meds they have me on I think make me extra nervous! 😩
Baby wearing was definitely a life saver going from 1-2 i honestly don’t know how people have multiple children and don’t baby wear. We did the backwards crawl down the stairs for the longest time. Be ready to adapt but you will definitely find what works for you. When we were going from 1-2 my mom kind of gave me a kick In the pants and was like you need to start working on developing some practice with independence. It’s amazing what they can learn to do for themselves. So this time around We are working on as much independent skills as we can. Ds2 is 2.5 he just starting putting on his own shoes and now we are working on dressing and toilet training. We started working on things like climbing in and out of the car and getting on and off furniture last year once he started walking. It is an adjustment but it wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be.
I have all kinds of questions about baby wearing. Do you use that baby carriers or like the shawl-like wraps, wrapped around you? Can both women and men baby carry? How do you learn to tie the things and do the babies get squished, etc? Also does baby wearing make them worse sleepers since they are used to being held constantly?
Im completely open to the idea of baby carrying, I’m just worried about this baby being too attached and only wanting me. Or sleeping on me. DD hung out in her RnP or newborn lounger when we weren’t feeding, burping, or rocking her. This time, we will have DD running around and I worry about the RnP becoming a sling shot or her jumping on her baby brother on the couch. Also, I want to be able to get out without the kids for an hour a day or so (soooo important for my sanity last time). So DH needs to be able to use my same methods when caring for both kids myself. There’s a store near me that does a baby wearing class, so maybe I will check it out.
@poshspice echoing the others with going down. We basically went down the same way we went up, facing the stairs and crawling but backwards. I didn't let the kids turn forwards for quite a while because both of mine were pretty overconfident with the stairs and it scared the heck out of me. I found that around age 18months - 2ish my girls were both very eager to exercise their independence, so we capitalized on that and worked with them to learn to do little things for themselves. I organized easy, healthy snacks on a low shelf of the fridge and also in the pantry so that DD1 could grab them for herself if I was nursing. Sippy cup or water bottle was always kept full and placed somewhere within her reach. I had her "help" me with chores around the house. At that age she was so happy to do it and even little things like taking dirty towels or clothes to the laundry room actually was a help. Getting dressed, putting on coat and shoes, climbing into her car seat, were also little things she started to do on her own. If she climbed in, I could either strap her in one-handed most of the time, or at very least close the door so she was safely in the vehicle while I went around to put baby in the other side then came back to buckle her up.
@eatinwatermelonseeds there are a few models/colors of the tula free to grow on sale on their site. An indigo blue one is $99! That seems like a great deal, right? Anyone ever see them cheaper?
@chloe97 I tried the K'tan and didn't like it because of the lack of head support so I mainly used my soft structured carrier (Ergo). I wore that sometimes while making dinner when DS was 3mo+ if he was too fussy to be put down. We didn't use it a ton but I wasn't afraid of it, he had no sleep issues. People are always giving carriers away around me so I may collect a few to try out and pass on what I don't end up liking. Or I may just ask to borrow someone else's while this LO is really small and invest in one myself if I like it. It's called a Buy Nothing group, they have them all over in case you're curious. As for how to wear them, all the YouTube videos!
@chloe97 from my experience we wore ds2 a lot more than we wore ds1 and ds2 is my independent child. It never led to him wanting to be held all the time (partly because once he could move all he wanted to do was keep up with big brother). He is also to this day a way better sleeper than his brother. We didn’t wear him all day, we also had a swing and a bouncer, but when I needed my hands free to play with ds1, spend time in the yard, or do something around the house it was a nice option. Wearing him gave us so much freedom and I think allowed us to spend more time out and about. I think the carrier you get is all about what suits you and your wallet. I have a k’tan which I liked for around the house or short visits out when ds2 was really little. I also had a baby Bjorn, which is more structured which I prefered as ds2 got bigger and for hiking and longer day trips (zoo etc). A friend of mine gave me an ergo (ds2 was about 18 months) and I really liked it for back carrying and might use it instead of the bjorn this time around.
Hi ladies. I haven't caught up on the threads. I just came by to say that I will probably be MIA for the next few days. It seems that DD is starting to go through the terrible twos. It's been a rough few days and today has been no exception. Im thinking of you all. I hope everyone continues to have safe happy pregnancies. I'll try to stop in when I can.
@chloe97 We did baby wearing with DD2 but DD1 didn't care for it. I used the Boba wrap for the first few months then moved into a standard Tula, then finally (and still occasionally) the toddler Tula. It was a lifesaver. DD2 and I went through the 4th trimester something fierce and it gave me sanity. Now she woke 2-3x a night until 8/9 months old, 1x until 10 months, but she always went right back to sleep in her crib after nursing. So yeah she woke but she actually slept great, still does. Generally she doesn't need to carried everywhere (though she's in a helpless phase right now where she wants me, and *only* me, to do everything including move her from place to place for her) and usually wants to move independently and go. I don't attribute any of the challenges we have had with her to wearing her too much. I *loved* the bond and how she loved being worn and it made life way easier for me, especially once o figured out nursing in the Tula! Game changer! And YES DH wore her! He used the Boba (though he couldn't figure out how to do it himself so I had to tie it for him) and still uses the Tula (she's at the age now where she tells us which parent she prefers). I actually was just gifted a beautiful new patterned Moby today from one of my students and I got so excited about wearing a little baby again. I can't say enough good things about wearing the babies.
We'll miss you @expandcontract. I hope things go a bit more smoothly for you in the next few days.
Thanks to everyone sharing their baby carrying experience. I've been considering a Solly wrap and a tula carrier. Anyone have expediency with the solly?
Oh yeah, @chloe97, H wore more than I did after 4 mo. I kept getting clogged ducts and one time got mastitis from DS pressing into my chest while baby wearing so I stopped until I finished nursing. The Ergo is easy to fit to a different person. I don't have experience with other carriers.
@knarlytaurus I had a solly wrap and then transitioned to a Tula. I liked the solly but I felt more confident that baby was secure in the Tula. (Mostly just me being new to wrapping and nervous I did something wrong) This time I will get a free to grow Tula and probably use that along with the solly wrap, probably wrap more in the house and the ssc for walks etc outside.
@chloe97 DS wasn't particularly attached to me, and we wore all. The. Time. He loved dad. I have used Moby, which I loved but it'll be way too freaking hot, wovens, and SSC. My favorite SSC by far is Tula. I've tried many, and this is the most comfortable. I learned to tie wovens (which I only borrowed because DS was too big by then to justify buying) on YouTube. Anyone can babywear. I've seen little kids wear their siblings. DS was a bad sleeper, so I really can't speak to that, but honestly I HIGHLY doubt that had anything to do with it. He started sleeping like a rock at 16 months and I wore him until he was over 3. I wore way more often out and about than at home, but I don't really believe you can spoil a newborn, so I wouldn't let that deter you.
@knarlytaurus thanks for letting me know! My friend actually is going to give me her lillebaby which is newbie to toddler, so I'm going to just wear him in that until he can fit my Tula standard (if I want to switch).
@knarlytaurus yea I have a Solly and a Boba (cheaper stretchier version). I love the wraps that you tie around your body since you can use it for head support, and they are comfortable enough to wear all day. The only hard part was really learning the wrap and getting the "m" position with their legs.
@chloe97 I've used stretchy wraps, soft structure carriers, woven wraps and ring Slings with my son and still use all of them currently minus the stretchy wrap. He never needed to be held all the time or seemed overly dependent on me. My husband wears my son regularly as well 😍. He wants to learn to wrap/ring sling for the new baby. We use a Tula or other soft structured carrier the most now because it's the quickest to put on/take off and my little guy is too busy to stay up for long. I did get to wrap him today though💙
There are tons of YouTube videos to learn to wrap/ring sling. WrapYouInLove is on of my favorites. Structured carriers are a bit easier to figure out but there are tons of videos for those too.
Okay guys, I need good thoughts. Tonight is DS's first night in his own room in the new house. I'm having a ton of pain in my abdomen that makes moving around really difficult (baby is moving fine so I'm not too concerned yet) and I just don't think I could handle it if he kicked me. Good enough reason to start him in his new room. He talked about the ghosts he's seen since we moved in, so that was nice. But now he's actually watching shows that talk about ghosts, so he's lost his credibility 😂
@knarlytaurus he didn't, he woke me up 3 times asking to come into bed with me. But he also went back to his own bed all 3 times when I said no, so that's progress. I can't tell you how creepy it is to wake up with your kid standing right over you though 😂
Now I'm getting a lecture from my 5 year old. "why are you mad at me?" "Because you said I couldn't sleep in your bed with you. I came to your bedroom 2 times, no 4 times." 😒 Why does he want to be squished between a 250lb man and a pregnant me? That sounds miserable.
I’m sorry for my drama but I need to vent. 2 days ago my husband and I made a message group where we included his mom sister dad step mom my mom and brother. On that post we revealed our baby’s sex because we wanted everyone to find out at the same time to avoid drama. Everyone said congratulations to us except his mom. Of course I brushed it off as whatever she seen the message but didn’t comment anything about it. Well yesterday she decided to send a picture of her dog to my husband. And I completely lost it I was in tears I felt so hurt like her dog is more important to her. My husband has other kids from his previous marriage and she’s always talking about how her grandkids are her “everything”. But like with this baby she’s never checked up on me or the baby I have been to the hospital twice now and she has not asked anything about that. The only time she messages me is when it’s convenient for her because she’s trying to get ahold of my husband. Sunday is suppose to be their Christmas party and I have no desire to be there.
@jwalters2019- do you think your MIL was upset that she found out via group message? I get the desire to want to tell everyone at once, but parents get weird about this stuff. I actually told my mom I was pregnant via text message (I was like 3 weeks 4 days with a history of MCs so I just telling her for an FYI b/c she was coming a few days later and mentioned going to a winery). She was PISSED that I told her via text message. So when we found out the sex, we called each parent individually.
I found out through internet snooping that one of my best friends who has been dealing with loss and IVF for 3 years now just had the FET of her last embryo yesterday. We got married the same year, she had her 1st MC the same time I had mine and we went through a lot of trauma of our 2nd Mcs together. Then we both got pregnant a 3rd time and she lost her 3rd and started down the IVF path with bad egg quality and I had DD. Long story short, she's basically shut me out of her life- along with every other gf except for the ones who are at no risk of becoming pregnant. This is a donor egg embryo and this is IT for them. I'm praying for them so hard. This has been such a rough road for them and selfishly I just want her back in my life. Having our babies 4 months apart would be amazing.
So, ever since we moved in, H has been talking about how the fence needs to be replaced. I've been arguing it's fine and that would be a huge waste of money. And then this happened today. I might've been wrong 😂
Re: Weekly randoms 12/17
I honestly can't remember if my DD1 could do the stairs totally independently by the time DD2 came along, but I do remember that for a long time I would just follow behind her on the way up, and kind of spot her on the way down. I remember doing the same thing with DD2 while holding a friend's baby a few times and its much more doable that you'd think.
@sleepy33 Good luck!!
@poshspice I think going from one to two will just become the new normal. I'm trying not to stress too much about it because it's happening now lol. Babywearing will be so helpful in sure and a ring sling is great for a new squishy baby so you can still toddler chase. When I was trying to get my toddler to tackle the stairs I started going down them on my butt so he started to mimick that.
The thing that is stressing me out the most about this birth is going from working full time to being a stay at home mom. I always wanted to stay home with my kids and home school but it wasn't an option with son #1 because I was a single mom but I'm so used to working and being away from him so much I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to handle them all day long while my husband works. It just doesn't make sense to spend the money on daycare for two so we're going to have to figure it out I guess lol.
@mcewen3 I spot DD on her way up the stairs and she is slow, but she makes it. Going down is scary, I don't even know where to start with how to get down. Our railing is too high for her to reach, so it just feel super dangerous to me.
ETA - I have the Ergo newborn insert that I'll probably use if the K'tan doesn't work out for me again. The K'tan didn't support DS's head at all so I was like what is even the point if I have to use one hand to support his head?! I might try a ring sling as well this time if I can find one cheap.
For real though, I wouldn't worry, but I do like to tell people to call if they're really concerned.
ETA: @eatinwatermelonseeds didn’t see your comment until after this one posted. It had been over 24 hours since I’d had noticeable movement. I tried the juice thing and it worked like a charm! Baby gave some BIG kicks! Sorry not sorry, little one! All these meds they have me on I think make me extra nervous! 😩
Im completely open to the idea of baby carrying, I’m just worried about this baby being too attached and only wanting me. Or sleeping on me. DD hung out in her RnP or newborn lounger when we weren’t feeding, burping, or rocking her. This time, we will have DD running around and I worry about the RnP becoming a sling shot or her jumping on her baby brother on the couch. Also, I want to be able to get out without the kids for an hour a day or so (soooo important for my sanity last time). So DH needs to be able to use my same methods when caring for both kids myself. There’s a store near me that does a baby wearing class, so maybe I will check it out.
Thanks to everyone sharing their baby carrying experience. I've been considering a Solly wrap and a tula carrier. Anyone have expediency with the solly?
There are tons of YouTube videos to learn to wrap/ring sling. WrapYouInLove is on of my favorites. Structured carriers are a bit easier to figure out but there are tons of videos for those too.
Wish us luck!
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I’m sorry for my drama but I need to vent. 2 days ago my husband and I made a message group where we included his mom sister dad step mom my mom and brother. On that post we revealed our baby’s sex because we wanted everyone to find out at the same time to avoid drama. Everyone said congratulations to us except his mom. Of course I brushed it off as whatever she seen the message but didn’t comment anything about it. Well yesterday she decided to send a picture of her dog to my husband. And I completely lost it I was in tears I felt so hurt like her dog is more important to her. My husband has other kids from his previous marriage and she’s always talking about how her grandkids are her “everything”. But like with this baby she’s never checked up on me or the baby I have been to the hospital twice now and she has not asked anything about that. The only time she messages me is when it’s convenient for her because she’s trying to get ahold of my husband. Sunday is suppose to be their Christmas party and I have no desire to be there.
I found out through internet snooping that one of my best friends who has been dealing with loss and IVF for 3 years now just had the FET of her last embryo yesterday. We got married the same year, she had her 1st MC the same time I had mine and we went through a lot of trauma of our 2nd Mcs together. Then we both got pregnant a 3rd time and she lost her 3rd and started down the IVF path with bad egg quality and I had DD. Long story short, she's basically shut me out of her life- along with every other gf except for the ones who are at no risk of becoming pregnant. This is a donor egg embryo and this is IT for them. I'm praying for them so hard. This has been such a rough road for them and selfishly I just want her back in my life. Having our babies 4 months apart would be amazing.