PGAL checkin 12/5

annewheeler2 · December 2018

This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL). If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation.

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you!

1. How many weeks are you?

2. Previous loss(es)?

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s?

indulgentgypsy · December 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 9W2D

2. Previous loss(es)? 5 (13W, 11W, 5-6W, 8-9W, 10W)

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? physically - my boobs hurt. And I have no appetite. I don't really have nausea or morning sickness, I just don't want to eat food at all. Emotionally that makes me feel a little better because my boobs not hurting and being able to eat whatever I want without a gut check hurl reaction is the first sign of loss for me. Those have happened noticeably at least a week before bleeding begins in at least 2 of my losses. My very first one was over 10 years ago and I cannot remember symptoms or lack there of anymore.

4. Any appointment updates? Blood test next Thursday. In about 2 weeks or so I should be able to find out genetic info and if my mouse is a Mickey or a Minnie.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Odd thing to question or rant about... I am not gaining weight. In every previous pregnancy - successful and not - I had gained an easy 5-10lbs by the end of the first trimester (or by the time my loss started) just from increased blood volume and what not. This time, nothing. I went off my Keto diet for the time being because... well, lack of energy to make food/modify food right now. I would have figured that with carb increase and bloat I should have put on at least a few pounds. Nope. I am a hefty plus size mama, so even at no weight gain I am at 239lbs as of this morning, I'm just worried (PGAL brain) that this is bad... Obviously I have the fat stores to feed 3-4 babies all at one time!

6. Any milestones coming up? I have passed loss dates for 2 losses now. At this point every week is a new milestone. Making it to my second trimester is the big one I am waiting for though.

7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s? I mainly watch some older stuff again and again. But of newer shows, The Guest Book is hilarious, I love Black-ish, Dear White People on Netflix is awesome, AHS for life (although this season was so perfect inwrapping everything up and tying it all together I hope they are done). I've been rewatching Leverage and Burn Notice on my hard drive when the hubs and I go to bed...

Happyin14 · December 2018

@indulgentgypsy, I’m 10 weeks and down 2 pounds... my body, which generally grows just from walking by ice cream, seems to not gain during early pregnancy. This happened with my second as well. Try not to stress. Baby can get calories from your fat and calcium from your bones (not a great thing but). Just make sure protein stays up (they can’t get that from muscle) and try to keep calcium up so babe doesn’t steal all yours.

How many weeks are you? Almost 10.

2. Previous loss(es)? 7. Latest at 8.5 w

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I am really starting to accept that I’m actually pregnant. And that this might happen. Which then stresses me out about how much the family dynamic is changing.

4. Any appointment updates? First OB later today.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Not really.

6. Any milestones coming up? I’ve now passed them.

7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s? The Crown, Homeland, Mrs Maisel... I don’t know. I watch a bunch of others but don’t always like them. The Goldbergs is always good for a laugh.

Panaceia · December 2018

@indulgentgypsy I second what @Happyin14 said. I lost 6lbs right at the start of this pregnancy and have only gained 1lb back so far. With DD I didn't gain until the 3rd trimester. I always joke that for me pregnancy is like being on a diet because I get so sick I can't eat. With my losses I was starving all the time and easily gained 5lbs by 10 weeks. So for me a lack of weight gain at the start is a good sign:)

Panaceia · December 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 10+0

2. Previous loss(es)? 2..13 weeks and 10 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically super nauseous and sore boobs. Emotionally stressed. Every time I start feeling a little comfortable my mind plays the "but what if your next ultrasound doesn't go well" game. So I'm having a hard time.

4. Any appointment updates? My final US with the RE and NIPT on the 10th and my first OB appointment on the 19th.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Nope

6. Any milestones coming up? Just getting through this next US. I won't start to feel even a little less stressed until 2nd tri and the results of the NIPT come back.

7. GTKY: what are your favorite shows? The Last Kingdom, Outlander, This is Us, Grey's Anatomy, Suits...I'm going to try the Crown next. I don't have much time to watch anything but I do manage sometime on Netflix once or twice a week:)

coco2787 · December 2018

1. How many weeks are you?
7+5

2. Previous loss(es)?
4 losses. 2 CP and 2 MMC dx at 9 and 14 weeks.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
I'm all over the place emotionally. I go from very pessimistic to letting myself believe this might actually work out. I've very pretty detached from this pregnancy but seeing baby twice on ultrasound now makes it hard to stay that way. I've been letting a little hope creep in which is scary for me. Physically, symptoms have been pretty mild but since baby is looking great so far I'm trying to appreciate it.

4. Any appointment updates?
Had my 2nd weekly ultrasound yesterday. It went really well, baby actually gained a day and was measuring 7+5 at 7+4. HB was 162 and we saw a little wiggling around. It was so cute.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
I think I lost my ultrasound picture from yesterday

I put it in my purse after the appointment and we went out to dinner and when we got home I couldn't find it. Usually I take a picture of the picture right away but I didn't yesterday so I'm sad. I'm hoping the picture is in my chart (and I'm going back next week for another u/s) but I'm still bummed.

6. Any milestones coming up?
With my first MMC baby stopped growing at 7+4 so I'm past that now. Feels good to be making some progress. 2nd MMC baby still had a heartbeat at 10.5 weeks so next hurdle is getting past that. I really just want to get out of 1st tri though.

7. GTKY: what are your favorite shows?
The Office and Parks and Recreation are two all time favorites. I also like Handmaid's Tale and most true crime shows.

coco2787 · December 2018

@Panaceia after every ultrasound I tell myself "I'll relax after this one goes well" and then by the next day I'm panicking about the next one. Sometimes when things are going well it almost makes you worry more because you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Panaceia · December 2018

@coco2787 This is me exactly. I'm having a hard time believing everything will be ok. Even though with both of my losses we had indications at the first US that things were not going well, I keep thinking that this time just when I get comfortable bam! The next US will show something bad. It didn't help that my 9 week ultrasound started with the tech telling me she couldn't see anything transabdominally, even though baby popped up right away, heartbeat and all, transabdominally, at my 7 week. I have a retroverted uterus so I know it is unlikely they will ever find things easily transabdominally before at least 12 weeks but it still doesn't help:/

annewheeler2 · December 2018

1. How many weeks are you?
8weeks

2. Previous loss(es)?
Cp in October

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
drained. Can’t stop crying because of how drained I am

4. Any appointment updates?
Tomorrow is my first one. I had a viability us at 6 weeks

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
We go to CA next week for Christmas and I’m so excited to escape the snow and cold and hoping it helps my mood

6. Any milestones coming up?
None

7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s?
greys, How to get away with murder, the challenge

coco2787 · December 2018

ugh that's so nerve wracking @Panaceia. I was told last pregnancy I had a tilted uterus and my OB is going to attempt an abdominal u/s at my next appointment (I'll be 8+4). Those first few moment of an ultrasound are so effing stressful.

Good news- I found my ultrasound picture. It was in the bushes in the front of my house

I'm glad it didn't blow any farther as that might have been an awkward conversation with a neighbor.

Panaceia · December 2018

@coco2787 I just saw your picture in the US thread. I'm so glad you found it!!! Hurray for your magical bushes:)

Tippy05 · December 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 10w today

2. Previous loss(es)? 1, mmc discovered at 12wk u/s

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically I'm so tired. I have some nausea and have slightly sore boobs and RLP. Emotionally I'm still a mess. The mmc makes it tough to ever be comfortable. I have an appt Monday and am hoping yo at least hear a heartbeat.

4. Any appointment updates? Monday

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? My friend, who is pregnant and would be due a week after me is likely miscarrying as we speak and it's bringing all those thoughts and emotions back for me. I'm trying to remain supportive for her but it hurts. She doesn't know I'm pregnant and the thought of telling her makes me really sad for her.

6. Any milestones coming up? I just need to get past 12 weeks then maybe MAYBE I'll start to relax.

7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s? I've watched every episode of Friends and The Office so many times I've lost count. We love most crime/murder shows and just started The Ozarks.

snootles · December 2018

1. How many weeks are you?
6w7d

2. Previous loss(es)?
3x CP, 1 MC 9 weeks
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
Emotionally all over the show, had a day of really terrible anxiety due to pink spotting this week. Physically very tired and morning sickness kicked in today, first vomit. That actually made me feel happy though.
4. Any appointment updates?
Spoke to a midwife after spotting this week but no appointment until 9 weeks. Could get an US next week if any more spotting.
5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
Dreading getting through work Xmas party without any awkward questions.
6. Any milestones coming up?
Not really, well past CPs but feel so far from 12 weeks scan.
7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s?
The Good Place, Big Mouth, Ru Paul’s Drag Race, Brooklyn 99

Happyin14 · December 2018

I don’t really know which thread this belongs in. But I switched jobs since my last full term pregnancy which meant my former OB (whom I adored!) is now super inconvenient. So I decided to try an OB closer to home and delivering at the closer hospital.

I saw her today for the first time and I really hated the appointment. I guess I was spoiled by my former OB who has u/s and Doppler equipment in each exam room. This OB has nothing - so if I hadn’t just been to the RE for weeks, I still wouldn’t know if the pregnancy was viable. I have to schedule an appt at the hospital for dating and viability. And I feel like her schedule for NIPT is slow. She knew my history (7 losses) and said we should wait until I am 12 weeks and she sees me again. Then it’s another 2 weeks for results. But she doesn’t call me with results, they are discussed at the following appt which would mean I was 16 weeks! (A month after the 12 week). How do you leave someone to wait until week 16 with this history?

Anyway, other gripes mean I’m looking for a new OB. And think I might just go back to my original OB even though it’s a hike. I feel like I’ve wasted time. Blurgh.

Panaceia · December 2018

@Happyin14 That sounds crazy to me! Especially with your history. Can you call your RE and see if they have any recommendations or can refer you to someone better? Also, is your RE licenced to follow pregnancy or can they only follow through 1st tri? My cousin's RE was able to give her weekly scans up to 20 weeks. Mine is only licenced for 1st tri so I have to switch next week:/ And can you just request to get the requisition for the NIPT and then you can call them constantly until the results come? If you end up being stuck with this OB you might have to be super pushy and just keep advocating for the things you want and don't let them say no to you. The more annoying you are the easier it will be to get your way. I'm super annoyed for you! Waiting until 16 weeks for NIPT results is not ok!

Happyin14 · December 2018

Thanks, @Panaceia. I’m gonna go back to my first OB. I decided... I hate dealing with the moment I tell someone my history. Yesterday, the OB said a quiet “f**k” under her breath. Then asked if I smoked or drank and said “I mean, I would if I were you...” People just can’t deal with the news about my son and I am sort of sick of it from a doctor. So, I’ll go back to my first OB who already knows and has been amazing about it.

coco2787 · December 2018

wow @Happyin14 that OB sounds awful, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm glad you're switching but that sucks it isn't more convenient.

leendenny · December 2018

Hi, ladies. This is my first time jumping in on this thread.

1. How many weeks are you? 7w6d

2. Previous loss(es)? 5 early (5w) losses in the last year and a half

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I'm all over the place. Most of the time (when I'm not thinking about it) I'm really happy that things seem to be going well. **TW The only pregnancy that I have had that has gotten this far continued to be a successful pregnancy. END TW** However, sometimes I catch myself being happy about the pregnancy and just feel like a fool for being so stupid to think it could actually work out. I'm trying to just enjoy each day but the anxiety creeps in, anyway. Physically, I have fairly mild symptoms, but more than with my other successful pregnancy. Some nausea the first half of the day, food aversions, sore breasts, but overall I'm not complaining.

4. Any appointment updates? I had a follow up scan with my RE yesterday. Baby looks good, although measuring 2 days behind this week. My RE was not concerned at all but I can't help but be a little worried about it. I graduated from the RE and have my first OB appointment next Thursday.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Question: I mentioned that baby is measuring behind by two days this week. Last week baby was measuring 2 days ahead. Any experience with this? The measurements were also done by two different people so I know there is some room for error but seeing only 4 days growth after 8 days has me worried, even though, as I said, they were not worried AT ALL and the heartbeat looks great at 160bpm.

6. Any milestones coming up? I've already passed all of my loss milestones.

7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s? I don't watch TV a whole lot but I like The Voice, New Amsterdam, Call the Midwife, true crime shows, etc.

coco2787 · December 2018

@leendenny I won’t tell you not to worry because I know that‘s impossible but try to let yourself be reassured by the fact that the doctor isn’t concerned. Baby is still really tiny at this stage, and as you know, there is a margin of error for measuring- if they are off by even a few millimeters it can change the dating. When will you have another scan?

nopegoat · December 2018

@leendenny exactly what @coco2787 said. Also they have growth spurts so your LO could have been just a day away from measuring right on track or a day or two ahead again.

leendenny · December 2018

@coco2787 I'm not actually sure when I will have another scan. I have my first appointment with my OB on the 13th and the receptionist told me they would not do a scan at the first visit so maybe sometime the next week? @nopegoat thank you for your perspective too.

Happyin14 · December 2018

There was an RE I saw this week that told me measurements are “+\- a week”. Now, that’s some baloney. But a day here or there isn’t much to worry about. A tiny miss on measurement would give you a 2 day difference.

Panaceia · December 2018

@Happyin14 I'm glad you decided to go back to your old OB. There us definitely something to be said for sticking with people who already know your back story and know how to deal with it. I'm glad you have someone you are already comfortable with because that new OB sounds terrible!

Panaceia · December 2018

@leendenny +1 to feeling silly for getting somewhat hopeful at times. I told a coworker that I am super close to at work today and then spent the rest of the day kicking myself because what if Monday's US doesn't go well?

Also, were your 2 ultrasounds done on different machines? There is a huge difference in measurements even from machine to machine so that alone could account for the difference in measurements.

leendenny · December 2018

@Panaceia yes two different machines and two different REs

Panaceia · December 2018

@leendenny Then I honestly wouldn't worry about it. It is likely just the machines themselves. They can be off from one to the next by quite a bit. The strong heartbeat and growing babe tell me everything is perfect:) Sorry for the stress. I wish they would tell people that different machines will show different readings. I hope this helps a least a little:)

leendenny · December 2018

@Panaceia it does, thank you ❤️ I was able to find the little babe’s perfect little heartbeat last night on my doppler so at least now I can check in on occasion when I get worried.

pregnant_and_paleo · December 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 9w1d

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC found at 11week US 12/17

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I’m a nervous wreck. I have a subchorinic hematoma so nonstop spotting. I’m just terrified. I’m exhausted. Haven’t been nauseous in a few days now which also scares me.

4. Any appointment updates? Weekly ultrasound on Tuesday.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rant: I’m on modified bedrest for the spotting and I’m starting to lose my mind just laying around so much.

6. Any milestones coming up? Every weekly ultrasound is a milestone for us.

7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s? Marvelous Mrs Maisel and

mbud926 · December 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 6w 3d

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC found at 12 week US in June

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I’ve been trying to think positively but at my 6 week ultrasound, the heartbeat was slower than they like to see. It could be because it just started beating or it could be bad news. I have to wait a week and go back next week. Hoping for 120+ at that point but currently feeling pretty detached.

4. Any appointment updates? Follow up ultrasound on Friday.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rant: When the OB gives you could be bad news but follows it up with “don’t worry about it, try not to stress.”

6. Any milestones coming up? Heartbeat at 12 weeks will hopefully make me feel better

7. GTKY: what are your favorite show’s? Just started The Sinner and I’m already hooked.

indulgentgypsy · December 2018

PGAL brain is a mind f@ck

Checking for blood/spotting every time I go to the Bathroom. Was that spotting I just saw or dark cervical mucus, or did it just change color in the toilet. Having light cramps that I can't tell is it normal growth or is it an ending. Do I still have symptoms or are they gone? Will I get my rainbow or am I cursed?

I just... I just can't today...

pregnant_and_paleo · December 2018

@indulgentgypsy it’s the worst

Panaceia · December 2018

Sorry @indulgentgypsy . It sucks and I totally get it. I hope today is a good day:)

I have an US today so of course my dreams all night were that I was bleeding. Then I couldn't keep any food down yesterday for the first time this pregnancy so of course I was comparing that to how the same thing happened the day before I found out about my losses.

Part of me is glad this is my last US until the AS because I find them so stressful. But the other part of me is terrified.

So I'll be stressing like crazy until I can see everything is ok.

coco2787 · December 2018

@Panaceia do you have a home doppler at all? I know I would have a hard time waiting between now and the AS to check on baby. Will be thinking of you today

@indulgentgypsy it's so hard not to stress. My anxiety has been manifesting as grumpiness and I have zero patience for anyone/anything. I'm a real joy to be around right now.

nopegoat · December 2018

I'm sorry @indulgentgypsy. It is totally a mindfvck. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the worst every time I go to the bathroom. I hate it.

Panaceia · December 2018

@coco2787 I don't have one. Honestly I think it would stress me out more since I know there is nothing I can do even if things go wrong. I'm going to see if my OB will let me do the NT...so that will give me one more around 12 or 13...so I might only have to wait 6 or 7 weeks. Gah. PGAL sucks:/

leendenny · December 2018

@Panaceia I just saw your update on the US thread. Baby is beautiful! I know you’re feeling much better!

coco2787 · December 2018

@Panaceia so glad to see your scan went well! Were you able to talk to the doctor about the NT scan at all?

Happyin14 · December 2018

I’m having huge anxiety today but I do have an appt later and will get to see the bean. But I am feeling better and I am down about 1.5 pounds today. The sudden weight loss has always been a sign - like the bloat is suddenly leaving.

I also keep wondering when I will feel calm and secure in this pregnancy. I hope that happens.

Panaceia · December 2018

Thanks @leendenny and @coco2787

@coco2787 I didn't bother bringing it up with the RE because it was my last time seeing them. I have an appointment with my OB on the 19th so I'm going to ask him about it then. I'll be 12 weeks so I'll still have time.

@Happyin14 It might sound weird but once they told me I likely wouldn't be getting another scan until the AS at 20 weeks it actually calmed me down. A lot. I liked the peace of mind all the early scans gave me, but the stress leading up to each scan was unreal and I was just in tears the whole time. I think just having to have faith now that everything is good and knowing that the doctors have enough faith to stop the frequent scanning has done a lot for my state of mind.

Happyin14 · December 2018

Thanks, @Panaceia. All was good at the appt today. This was my old OB and thank goodness I went back to her. Also hearing her response when she saw the babe was amazing. She’s always pretty reserved and her confidence was super reassuring.

leendenny · December 2018

@Happyin14 I’m so happy you had a good appointment and feel like you made the right choice going back to your previous OB.

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