I hate graduation ceremonies. I didn't even want to go to my college one but I had to. They're so long and boring. When my niece graduated high school my sister invited me and I flat out said "no." Supposedly, all of her in laws go all out during grad ceremonies and like a million of them come to it. So my sister was kind of upset that there weren't that many people attending from our side.
I think local mommy groups are just a p*ssing contest on who is a "better mom" and who can make the most organic snacks for everyone. It makes me want to dump a truck load of chicken Mcnuggets on them.... ugh!
Hmm, maybe this is one. I think there's a lot of unnecessary stigma around divorce. It's the best choice I ever made and I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner.
I think decorating for Christmas feels like a waste of time/energy (at least this year.) We will be out of state for Christmas, I would have to rearrange furniture to make room for the tree, and my decorations are buried under other totes in the basement. Its not that I don't enjoy Christmas decorations, I really do. However, decorating is definitely not in my gift set and it seems like a ton of work when we won't even be here. I'll let the kids make some crafts to hang up. We will do gifts and Christmas baking, but this year there will be no lights and no tree. I totally sound like a grinch, but I promise I'm not. I'm just lazy. This may be more of a fftc, but my unpopular opinion is that is decorating is overrated.
I think feeding schedules and being strict about food with small children is stupid. They are more aware than we are of their own hunger/fullness cues. There are days when my son will eat healthfully (eggs, fruit, avocados, whole wheat toast), and then there are days when he'll eat nothing but a small bowl of Cheetos, a go-gurt, and a few pieces of Nerds candy. He's fine. I'm not going to sit there and make him eat 3 square meals a day if he doesn't want them. I offer him a plate of food at regular intervals and if he wants to eat, great. If not, whatever. I think I developed food issues from having my diet controlled as a kid and seeing my mom yo-yo diet since birth so I'm hoping my completely hands-off approach makes my children approach food without emotion and just perceive it for what it really is: fuel.
This is the first one I've participated in because I usually don't have anything to contribute. But...today...
I thought The Greatest Showman was not good at all. I didn't enjoy any of it. And I'm a former musical theatre major with mad love for just about everything Hugh Jackman even contemplates doing.
@fatmonica this is probably a popular opinion.....i hate taking apart and putting away xmas decorations. I wish i had a robot that would do that for me.
@Sarahbtek I have heard horror stories about moms groups. I joined one through our hospital moderated by a lactation consultant and it was life changing but other groups that revolve around play dates and/or cost money, seem weird. Ours was a "new mom's support group" while on maternity leave and we meet up every once in a while still and have a FB the same way that TB turned into from my last BMB which is great. We do seem to have split into working moms and SAH moms, unfortunately.
@sleepy33 my parents got divorced when I was 14, brother was 17, sister was 8. It was reallllly hard on all of us and we each have issues we should probably be talking to a therapist about. It's still better than my parents being better but it just really sucked - maybe they should have gotten divorced earlier. IMO, those I know whose parents got divorced before they can really remember it have great relationships with both parents and minimal to no long-term issue stemming from it.
@fatmonica we have a small fake tree since we always travel for Christmas. I only got it last year after DD was born and never did anything before that. I get it and don't think you sound scrooge-y.
@kvh22 of course you're right, and my perspective is different as someone whose child doesn't remember a time when mom and dad lived together. My UO was more based on this opinion that I see voiced fairly regularly that divorce is the easy way out, people who divorce just didn't try hard enough, marriage is just hard work, etc. Having gone through it myself, I think the vast majority of people who divorce, especially with kids, have exhausted all possibilities before making that decision. I also think that people inherently want to believe that others/their friends are 'good' people, and don't want to believe or think that they could do some really awful things to their spouses. I know that nobody knew how abusive and unfaithful my ex was. He's charming and puts on a good show when he wants. Even my immediate family who we lived with for a time was unaware.
Ah - I've been MIA from the forums for a while since I was on vacation I tend to avoid going online when I'm doing something much more pleasant, like enjoying the Florida sunshine.
@sleepy33 - brunch is the best meal. Especially when it comes with mimosas or bloody marys. How can anyone not like brunch?? That is indeed an unpopular opinion! I just ate lunch and now I want a big plate of eggs benedict.
I got divorced and it's the best thing I ever did (well...maybe not the BEST thing). My son is 7 and barely sees his dad (dad's choice). It sucks for him and he hates it, but he's a much stronger and emotionally aware person as a result. Ex is an addict/alcoholic and I couldn't put myself and my son through that emotional and mental turmoil anymore. It was the only option and by no means easy on anyone. People who think it's an easy way out have never been divorced.
Mine is that Wham's "Last Christmas" is amazing, and it should be outlawed for anyone else remake that song.
@sleepy33 I think I've mentioned before that I'm 29, DH is 31, but we have very few friends with children yet and honestly, most of our friends are just getting married - so we are not in the situation where we know anyone getting divorced so I wasn't aware that was a stigma. Good to know. Maybe I will fall into that once I start knowing people going through it who are friends, not friends' parents. I strongly believe some people wait way too long to do it and it gets nasty and worse for everyone but I probably have a different perspective having watched my parents (my dad was the unfaithful asshole who was verbally abusive towards the end but put on a charming front for the world).
@kvh22 I think people wait too long because it's a hard decision to make. There's so much you give up; time, stability (perceived stability anyway), emotional output, your lifestyle, perceived comfort, etc. Most people really do see it as the last option which is why it takes so long for people to be ready. The fallout is also really hard both for oneself as well as the collateral damage (kids, pets, stuff, etc).
@mariposa_767s I 100% agree. I hope that didn't come across as judgmental. I think it's likely more "in hindsight" it's clear it was too long but I can't imagine being in that situation and having to pull the trigger. I wish my parents got divorced earlier but it was a crazy, stressful, and emotional time. My mom wanted to keep trying to make it work (for our sake) and my dad was basically like "I can't do this anymore" and left. I think my mom is one of the strongest people I know but she didn't want to make that decision without trying more. In hindsight, my father is a narcissist and it was never going to work.
@kvh22@mariposa_767s it really is so complicated. It does seem like women especially put pressure on themselves to stay in relationships that are toxic. They think they can save him, change him. They want to believe that behaviors can change, and some can. I know there was so much stuff that I wrote off thinking 'well, this is just how relationships are', because I didn't have a lot of experience with a LTR. And I was afraid. Afraid of being alone, being a single mom. When I left him, I truly believed in my heart I might spend the rest of my life alone and I had to accept that. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that that was far from the truth. I have honestly been living my best life since my divorce, and I'm so happy that DS will grow up being exposed to a healthy, happy, functional relationship instead of a toxic one.
@wishiwaspreggo my reasoning was mostly based on timing and me getting hangry having to wait for breakfast so long, OR having to eat two breakfasts. I did concede that if brunch did not involve excessive crowds AND was in a buffet format where I can pick and choose all the things, I would enjoy it lol
@Sarahbtek I was in a bunch of special needs groups and it wasn't great. I did meet some great moms, but there were a couple outings I felt were just a bunch of unsolicited advice on what is best for my kid. It was pretty miserable because I already felt like I was failing at life at that point. And then there's this thing when your kid acts out, I'm sure every mom feels this, but for me it was a constant for a while where my kid would be slapping me across the face, kicking, hitting, screaming and I'm so embarrassed I'm tearing up and people just STARE. I thought for sure a special needs play date would be the one place that wouldn't happen since they're living this too. But nope. In fact, it was worse. I never went back after that.
@sleepy33 I'm back and forth. I do agree that some people wait too long. But I also feel sometimes people just give up too easily when things really could've worked. I guess it's just difficult to determine which is which. I have a friend in the "waiting too long" category and it just feels like they just keep forcing something that makes no sense anymore. But in my heart I'm a big romantic, and I've fallen in love with my husband SO many times over the years, I just keep hoping they'll fall back in love. But I don't know if it was ever there to the degree it was for us. We have our issues, we fight, we have even discussed divorce in the past. But underneath, there is just so much love. So much understanding. And we work hard to keep that, and keep going. Maybe down the line we'll divorce and think what a waste, but I don't think so. He saved my life, and when we were talking about divorce, I thought THAT would've been such a waste.
@sleepy33 I'm back and forth. I do agree that some people wait too long. But I also feel sometimes people just give up too easily when things really could've worked. I guess it's just difficult to determine which is which. I have a friend in the "waiting too long" category and it just feels like they just keep forcing something that makes no sense anymore. But in my heart I'm a big romantic, and I've fallen in love with my husband SO many times over the years, I just keep hoping they'll fall back in love. But I don't know if it was ever there to the degree it was for us. We have our issues, we fight, we have even discussed divorce in the past. But underneath, there is just so much love. So much understanding. And we work hard to keep that, and keep going. Maybe down the line we'll divorce and think what a waste, but I don't think so. He saved my life, and when we were talking about divorce, I thought THAT would've been such a waste.
Believe me, I understand marriage is work. I do. I'm sure there's a lot of people who don't know me that well that think I gave up too easily. Like I said, my ex is a charming guy. He's also abusive in every sense of the word, cheated on me and gave me chlamydia when I was 3 months pregnant. And not a single soul in the world knew that until well after we divorced. Even now, very few people do. Nobody knows what's going on in a marriage unless they are in the marriage, and things almost always look different from the outside, that's all I'm sayin. I don't actually know that many divorced couples IRL, but I know that if one spouse wants to be divorced, there's no way that marriage will work anyway. It just won't. Regardless of why they want to leave.
@sleepy33 you make me laugh all the time, especially during the brunch debacle of 2018! 🤣😂 And if there is a stigma for divorce, you should tell people to shove it up their ass. I know people who were in bad relationships that it would have been worse to stay in, and there are some couples that I wish would consider divorce because they are so exhausting to be around!
@sleepy33 I'm so sorry for your experience, and I by no means meant to discredit what you've been through. Or what anyone goes through for that matter. You're right, that's an excellent point. I have no idea what anyone is really going through to really be able to determine if they "gave up too easily." I guess I was speaking more from the times we've discussed divorce. Our problems aren't anything in comparison to what they could be and we love each other so much, that really it would've been giving up too easily. For us.
No, I totally get what you're saying @eatinwatermelonseeds. I mean, in my marriage, we had those regular kind of fights and differences as well. But like you said, you guys have always been able to work through them. You both truly care about working through them. You picked a good partner
@sleepy33 meh, he's okay 😉😂 there are times I just want to kick him. Honestly, looking at us... We make no sense. We're so different. And so often I'm like "how did this even happen?" My friend actually told me once years ago that we make no sense. She said she and her husband made sense, my friend and her husband (who was 30 years older than her) made sense, but we didn't. One of those couples is separated due to infidelity and one of them is divorced. I guess you don't always have to make sense. The more I learn about him, the better. I used to think he was terrible, he does have some seriously awful habits and can be really selfish. But he's on the spectrum (which is a recent development) and it's easier for both of us knowing that. I have learned to adapt my ways of communicating with him to get my needs met and I can tell he makes a greater effort knowing now that he needs to. Also, I'm no cake walk to deal with either, so I guess we both have our challenges.
@sleepy33 - Okay, that makes sense. See, I'm not really a "breakfast" person. I'm never hungry first thing in the morning. I have to have a cup of coffee and get going before I want to eat. So, brunch is the perfect meal for me. I'm usually first hungry at like, 10:30 or 11:00 am. But brunch food is supposed to be special so I just make do with what I can get lol I get so excited when I get to go out for brunch though!
I feel like that was super braggy. I just want to make it known that our marriage has not been easy. I don't mean to be braggy.
And also I've been going through these weird mood swings where he is the light of my life and I have no idea what life would be like without him, and then a couple days later I don't understand why he has to talk to me 😂 poor guy. I'm in a light of my life mood today.
I don't like packing, but my UO is that I really love unpacking. Not like clothes from a trip or something but when moving. I cannot wait to get to our new house (once the fairies and house elves pack this one) and unpack all of our things in our new home ♥️
@eatinwatermelonseeds I think most of the best couples I know don't 'make sense'. My SO and I are complete opposites in a lot of ways. He's an introvert and a planner. He told me the other day he'd made a massive spreadsheet detailing how we could have our cars paid off in 2024 and our house paid off before this LO is in college. I'm extremely extroverted, and although I like order and plans to an extent, I definitely very easily switch to 'ok well, the plans went to crap, we will figure it out and make it work somehow' kind of person. But we both know who we are, and we're comfortable verbalizing our needs to each other. I've had a big problem in the past with being passive aggressive (thanks, mom, I learned from the best). I know for a fact our relationship would not have worked in the past if I'd still been stuck in that same cycle.
@sleepy33 - Okay, that makes sense. See, I'm not really a "breakfast" person. I'm never hungry first thing in the morning. I have to have a cup of coffee and get going before I want to eat. So, brunch is the perfect meal for me. I'm usually first hungry at like, 10:30 or 11:00 am. But brunch food is supposed to be special so I just make do with what I can get lol I get so excited when I get to go out for brunch though!
Oh, see I get the low blood sugar and if I don't have like a meal of eggs and bacon by 8 am, heads will roll. It's not pretty. So then I either have to make myself a breakfast at 7 and eat again at brunch time, or be starving. And then eating at brunch time throws off my dinner timing. So I'd end up eating like 4 meals and that's a lot of work. I'm lazy.
@sleepy33 I think the majority of our problems have come with being young. We were 22 when we met. Which isn't young young, but neither of us had ever been in a long term relationship. He would completely shut down when I was mad at him, and I would blow up and storm out. It was so damaging. And I can't say we've gotten a ton better except that we fight less. But we're constantly learning. He's very much about routine. He doesn't do well if it gets thrown off. I'm more fly by the seat of my pants. Which is funny because he doesn't particularly mind being late to things, but I can't stand it and get super anxious about it. I once told him I wanted to be spontaneous and he was like "and do what?" "You never would, but I'd love to just pack up the car and just drive. Not have a destination. Not have a timeframe. Just go and end up wherever." "I could do that." "Really?" "Yeah. But it'd have to be a weekend. And we'd need to know where we're going. And we'd have to be back by Monday." Oh I was mistaken, you're the king of spontaneity 😂
@sleepy33 my DH's cousin was in a relationship like yours and my FIL and MIL never let an opportunity go by to say how much they liked her ex, how he was such a great guy, how she was the one to ruin the marriage by cheating, etc. I'm always like "but he was verbally abusive and was gaslighting her, and just because she was with someone as she was leaving him doesn't negate the horrible things he did!" but I've learned not to engage with them on it. And if anyone ever gives you crap about divorce tell them to shove it. Like @eatinwatermelonseeds said, sometimes there are relationships that may ebb and flow, and divorce may be an option rather than working at it But I guess I figure that if one of the partners does choose the "easy" way out then they weren't the partner the other needed. Sometimes that reality of a divorce may make you realize that you want to stay in the marriage, so it's not a bad thing if it's discussed. Of course, all of this comes from someone who has never been divorced, so take it for what it's worth. I guess I've just seen some really f*ed up relationships that were good for nobody and I'm surprised that there weren't arrests made, I've seen relationships that have had their ups and downs but both partners equally committed to making it work, and I've seen relationships where both partners seemed to be ignoring how miserable they are mostly because of how inconvenient and difficult a divorce would be. It always takes two to tango... (or three or four if your in a polygamous relationship but I don't think that's the case here 😂).
omg @eatinwatermelonseeds are we the same person? I am 100% fly by the seat of my pants, but chronically 5 minutes early to everything. I also like making plans but only like to the extent of, if I am already in my pj's with my makeup off, don't get mad if I don't want to spontaneously go to the bar with your friends.
@knarlytaurus ughhh my extended fam had still been fawning all over my ex, even up to a few months ago. It made me silently rage. But again, they don't know the truth about him and they are fairly conservative and strongly oppose divorce. I think it came as a big shock to them. Luckily, they are crazy about my SO AND my mom had a little chat with them about reining in the excessive hugging and attention for the ex in situations where we're all together, so I think hopefully we're past that now.
@sleepy33 I think the majority of our problems have come with being young. We were 22 when we met. Which isn't young young, but neither of us had ever been in a long term relationship. He would completely shut down when I was mad at him, and I would blow up and storm out. It was so damaging. And I can't say we've gotten a ton better except that we fight less. But we're constantly learning. He's very much about routine. He doesn't do well if it gets thrown off. I'm more fly by the seat of my pants. Which is funny because he doesn't particularly mind being late to things, but I can't stand it and get super anxious about it. I once told him I wanted to be spontaneous and he was like "and do what?" "You never would, but I'd love to just pack up the car and just drive. Not have a destination. Not have a timeframe. Just go and end up wherever." "I could do that." "Really?" "Yeah. But it'd have to be a weekend. And we'd need to know where we're going. And we'd have to be back by Monday." Oh I was mistaken, you're the king of spontaneity 😂
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but 22 is really young for getting married (spoken as someone who got married at 36). I give you a ton of props @eatinwatermelonseeds for working through with with YH. The thing about getting married so young is that you grow up together. The adolescent brain doesn’t fully mature until 25. I know people who’ve been with their husbands since their teens/20s and they seem to fight (at least outwardly) more than people who met later in life. I’ve always has a theory was its because they established their habits as a couple while so much younger and impulsive and never really broke out of it.
My other UO related is that I got married at 36 and would highly discourage my children from waiting so long. Not to say that I regret waiting for DH, I just think that it took me a long time to accept the kind of partner that I needed and that treated me well. I hope my kids don’t have the same issues. It was incredibly stressful on our relationship to wait until DH was ready to propose and it was stressful on our young marriage to deal with my MC issues, and I wish I didn’t feel so rushed to TTC. It’s all working out in the end, but it was rough getting here.
Re: Unpopular Opinions 11/29
Supposedly, all of her in laws go all out during grad ceremonies and like a million of them come to it. So my sister was kind of upset that there weren't that many people attending from our side.
This is the first one I've participated in because I usually don't have anything to contribute. But...today...
I thought The Greatest Showman was not good at all. I didn't enjoy any of it. And I'm a former musical theatre major with mad love for just about everything Hugh Jackman even contemplates doing.
@sleepy33 my parents got divorced when I was 14, brother was 17, sister was 8. It was reallllly hard on all of us and we each have issues we should probably be talking to a therapist about. It's still better than my parents being better but it just really sucked - maybe they should have gotten divorced earlier. IMO, those I know whose parents got divorced before they can really remember it have great relationships with both parents and minimal to no long-term issue stemming from it.
@fatmonica we have a small fake tree since we always travel for Christmas. I only got it last year after DD was born and never did anything before that. I get it and don't think you sound scrooge-y.
@wishiwaspreggo @sleepy33 said she hates brunch and we all basically revolted against that.
Mine is that Wham's "Last Christmas" is amazing, and it should be outlawed for anyone else remake that song.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
@sleepy33 SAME!
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
my reasoning was mostly based on timing and me getting hangry having to wait for breakfast so long, OR having to eat two breakfasts. I did concede that if brunch did not involve excessive crowds AND was in a buffet format where I can pick and choose all the things, I would enjoy it lol
And if there is a stigma for divorce, you should tell people to shove it up their ass. I know people who were in bad relationships that it would have been worse to stay in, and there are some couples that I wish would consider divorce because they are so exhausting to be around!
And also I've been going through these weird mood swings where he is the light of my life and I have no idea what life would be like without him, and then a couple days later I don't understand why he has to talk to me 😂 poor guy. I'm in a light of my life mood today.
Like @eatinwatermelonseeds said, sometimes there are relationships that may ebb and flow, and divorce may be an option rather than working at it But I guess I figure that if one of the partners does choose the "easy" way out then they weren't the partner the other needed. Sometimes that reality of a divorce may make you realize that you want to stay in the marriage, so it's not a bad thing if it's discussed.
Of course, all of this comes from someone who has never been divorced, so take it for what it's worth. I guess I've just seen some really f*ed up relationships that were good for nobody and I'm surprised that there weren't arrests made, I've seen relationships that have had their ups and downs but both partners equally committed to making it work, and I've seen relationships where both partners seemed to be ignoring how miserable they are mostly because of how inconvenient and difficult a divorce would be. It always takes two to tango... (or three or four if your in a polygamous relationship but I don't think that's the case here 😂).
My other UO related is that I got married at 36 and would highly discourage my children from waiting so long. Not to say that I regret waiting for DH, I just think that it took me a long time to accept the kind of partner that I needed and that treated me well. I hope my kids don’t have the same issues. It was incredibly stressful on our relationship to wait until DH was ready to propose and it was stressful on our young marriage to deal with my MC issues, and I wish I didn’t feel so rushed to TTC. It’s all working out in the end, but it was rough getting here.