Mental Health Check-In 11.5

kayjay44 · November 2018

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BourbonBiscuits · November 2018

Perfect meme, as always @kayjay44.

I've been really snappy/short-fused lately, which is typically a precursor to panic attacks for me. I get snippy for a few days and then have a total breakdown. I'm hoping I can just make it to Thanksgiving break (a blissful week off!!) before everything goes to shit.

kayjay44 · November 2018

How I'm handling my own mental health and life right now:
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BourbonBiscuits · November 2018

@kayjay44 I seriously have no idea how you're surviving right now. I'd be curled up in a ball in the corner if I was under half the pressure you're under.

kayjay44 · November 2018

@BourbonBiscuits - I'm not even sure at this point - I know I wouldn't be surviving at all without my Prozac and if my thyroid wasn't under control and if DH wasn't being so amazing and holding down the fort at home. I just keep reminding myself that it won't be like this forever and in 3 short months I'll be on maternity leave which at this point will basically be a vacation (which is a sad statement of how bad things are right now).

PurplePoppy424 · November 2018

I’m in a terrible mental place lately. I’m angry a lot for no reason and I’m falling back into terrible bad habits. I’ve been ruminating a lot lately and spiraling into worst case scenarios. Lately, it’s been the fact that I’m not working. We’re fine financially right now, but I’m terrified no one is ever going to hire me again when it’s time to go back to work. Logically, I know this isn’t the case, but mentally I can’t shake that feeling. Tomorrow being my 32nd birthday isn’t helping. I really need to get myself back on track and I’m not sure what to do.

I don’t think any of this is thyroid related. I think it’s all my GAD, but I’m going to talk to my endocrinologist on Thursday when I see him just in case.

kayjay44 · November 2018

@PurplePoppy424 - I know mine is partially my thyroid and partially my pure OCD. If both are treated, I'm basically an entirely different person. Are you taking anything for your GAD or working with anyone on it?

danixbanani24 · November 2018

@kayjay44 I feel for you girl! I’m glad you have the support you need.

im doing ok but god sometimes I think I should just be a stay at home mom. DS being in school and sick all the time and I have to rely on other people to care for my child really takes a toll on me mentally. I just wish I could deal with it all day long - technically I don’t need to work we could swing it on DhS salary but our life is considerably financially easier with me working. Le sigh. Mom guilt FTW

kayjay44 · November 2018

@danixbanani24 - I'm a better mom as a working mom and there's no shame in that. I could totally stay home too money-wise, but we also wouldn't have as comfortable of a life and my kids would have a much more miserable mom. The guilt is real.

PurplePoppy424 · November 2018

@kayjay44 So this is going to sound incredibly stupid, but I’m not seeing anyone at this point. We couldn’t afford the therapy sessions (plus I really needed to find a new therapist anyway) and and I haven’t been on any meds since I was pregnant with DS1 last year. I had an emergency med for panic attacks, but I had horrible side effects with it. Every time I had to take it, I’d go through a two week depression spell. I’m seriously considering talking to my OB about it if things don’t level back out. I haven’t been having panic attacks, yet. If those start up again, I won’t even wait until my next appointment. Those scare the crap out of me and I know how dangerous they are for DS2.

I have hashimotos which I know exacerbates the GAD if it’s out of whack. Up to this point, it’s been pretty level, so that’s why my suspicion is I’m going through one of my spells with GAD.

I have such a hard time deciding which mom is better for my kids. I’m exhausted all the freaking time now that I’m home, but I do get frustrated by the end of the day. Life was way better pre-pregnancy this time, so I know that has a lot to do with it. I also just couldn’t work and swing home life. We don’t have any help around here and I have disabled parents as well. The demands at home just made it impossible to be the employee I needed to be where I worked. (I worked for a large law firm in billing.) There are days where I miss being at work, though. I know I won’t be home forever, so I just hope staying home for now doesn’t completely throw off my career.

danixbanani24 · November 2018

@kayjay44 that is so true...we are able to have a comfortable life and go on vacations etc because we both work. But yes the mom guilt is fierce sometimes

sjnsjnsjn · November 2018

@PurplePoppy424- Are you doing the monthly labs on your thyroid? I’m hashi too and you are so right that it can mess with anxiety esp if the tsh is not under control!

PurplePoppy424 · November 2018

@sjnsjnsjn I am! My next appt is 11/8. I’m definitely talking to my endocrinologist while I’m there.

kayjay44 · November 2018

Hey @PurplePoppy424, I get it. For me, it’s hard to get in because life gets in the way. I’d definitely consider going on an SSRI and seeing if it helps if your thyroid is under control. It’s no way to live.

megpants209 · November 2018

I’m here which is a start I guess. I’m having a TON of guilt because I have no excitement for this baby at all right now. I really hope that part will change sooner than later.

kayjay44 · November 2018

@megpants209 - I had the same feeling getting pregnant right after my brother died. It really wasn’t until the baby was here that it changed for me. I had a ton of guilt over it too. FWIW, 4+ years later, DD and I still have a great bond even though I never really bonded with her when I was pregnant and I wasn’t really excited.

notthecheat · November 2018

@PurplePoppy424 this is me this whole pregnancy. I've been on Wellbutrin this whole time for depression, but really been struggling with getting super angry and frustrated. It does happen for a "reason" (when there's something to be be frustrated about) but the severity of my feelings/reaction is WAY out of proportion to the amount of stress that triggers it. I was having problems with going off on people and throwing/breaking things, which is not like me at all. I explained this to my psych, he called it "irritability" and said low serotonin levels are to blame. Of course, Wellbutrin does not work on serotonin (it's a dopamine/norepinephrine RI), so I can't just up that. I've tried Zoloft and effexor but came off due to side effects. Took my first dose of celexa today- fx third time's the charm. Maybe someone can prescribe you something for serotonin? I'm so sorry- you sound like you're dealing with a lot. I hope you are able to find something that helps.

notthecheat · November 2018

@megpants209 you've had a lot of grief to deal with regarding your pet(s) and now your dad. Take it easy on yourself and allow yourself the time you need to grieve. There is plenty of time later to be excited for LO, and LO will be much better off without you trying to push feelings aside due to guilt. I know it's easier said than done though. Hugs.

PurplePoppy424 · November 2018

@notthecheat Thank you! That helps to hear that! That sounds exactly like me right now. I never get like I did today with the traffic guy. That is what really has me on edge. I don’t flip people off. I don’t live in a big enough town for that. Lol I was on Celexa quite a few years ago, now. Maybe I should ask about trying that again. I’m not sleeping very well, either. I feel like if I could just get more than 6 hours of sleep, it would drastically help the situation.

episcowitch · November 2018

I don't have much to add, but I just wanted to post in support of everyone. This is difficult. We are doing the best we can.

megpants209 · November 2018

@kayjay44 that actually really helps a lot. I just keep thinking that once baby is here it will all feel different even though it’s still going to be bittersweet. He was insanely excited for this baby.

kayjay44 · November 2018

It’s hard, @megpants209. Grief does wierd things and despite what people say, in my experience, you never fully heal. That gaping wound is replaced my scar tissue and it’s never the same. I’m much more numb as a person and still feel dead inside to an extent and it’s been over 5 years for me. But my kids? They’re one of the only things that pull me out of that - my daughter literally gave me purpose again when I wasn’t sure there was one anymore. I’m still sad (and sad isn’t even good enough - devastated, maybe?) that my kids won’t meet their uncle - he would have loved them and they would have loved him and my son reminds me of him so much, but we talk about him a lot and we keep his memory alive. This shit is tough and I can tell you, five years into the loss of my brother (I can only imagine what it’s like to lose a parent suddenly) - I’m still healing. But the kids, they help that.

megpants209 · November 2018

@kayjay44 oh no, there are some losses that are not recoverable and I know this will be one for me. I don’t think that parent vs sibling changes things as much as the bond and relationship. For me, my dad and I had always been very close but as I got older our bond definitely got stronger and for that reason I know that I’ll never “heal.” I’ll learn to deal with it sure, but this will be with me forever to some degree and that’s a really hard thing for me to wrap my head around. I know all loss is hard, but there really aren’t words for sudden, unexpected death. The impact and confusion that leaves on the people left... But it is REALLY reassuring to hear how much your kids help(ed) you through it. I know everyone is different but I really hold things like that close, family and honoring the person who is gone. Thank you so much for sharing. I just can’t stop talking about it yet.

danixbanani24 · November 2018

@megpants209 I lost my dad when DS was 8 months old. I’m glad they had time together although DS I’m sure doesn’t really remember my dad watched him when I went back to work. It’s even harder now that DS is older and so funny and does things that I’m like omg my dad would’ve loved joking around with him. (My dad was a big jokester). My dad won’t know this LO although maybe he did wherever he is now - just wanted to share that the loss is so hard and really doesn’t get better IMO. It only gets more manageable.

kayjay44 · November 2018

I’m always here to chat. Hugs to you, lady.

ohsunnydays · November 2018

Sending love to all of you.

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