Today’s racially charged UO is brought to you by the friend who just texted me. I can’t stand when people use emojis that aren’t their own skin tone or the default if you don’t feel any of them match you. If you’re not black, you shouldn’t be using the black emojis. Etc. Just use your own color and no, just because you spent the day at the beach does not make it okay to use the tan or black emojis, you did not change races. If you identify as Caucasian, use the white ones! If you’re brown, use brown. If you’re black, use black. If you don’t like any of them, use the default. The different colors were created to be inclusive so POC weren’t left out and so we stopped making white the default/only option, not so we could adopt different skin colors when it was convenient for us.
TL;DR it makes me mad my white friend uses black emojis. Blacks face a lot of hardship and she uses it to make jokes about how “black she is”.
@DuchessOfCambridge I really hope that's actually a popular opinion. Are people really that dense?
Mine is that Christmas season starts today. I won't put up my tree until Black Friday (maybe), but I'm totally down with Christmas music starting November 1st. It's such a short season! Also, Christmas movies are the best.
@mariposa_767s o am so excited for Hallmarks Christmas season 😂. Hopefully my exhaustion ends soon so I can start staying up later (than 8) to watch them!
@DuchessOfCambridge Can I extend that to using GIFs that feature POC when you are not POC? Virtual blackface is an issue that a lot of people don't want to acknowledge.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
Christmas can hold off until black Friday. I saw Christmas trees up in Hobby Lobby the end of July and that is just not even cool. I hate that Black Friday starts on Thanksgiving these days. I used to love black Friday shopping, but Thanksgiving is my favorite and I want to spend that day with family, not crazy crowds. I wish the stores would keep Thanksgiving set apart and hold off the holiday rush until Friday.
Usually I am an avid 'no Christmas things until black friday' type of person, but this year I am already craving Christmas music. I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy hormones or the fact that my husband was in the hospital last Christmas that has me wanting all things snowy and sparkly!
@k2k2tog yesssss. I think intent behind the gif is extremely important. I was honestly resistant when I heard about virtual blackface via gifs but then I realized there are some gifs I won't use because it doesn't feel right (ie the clearly low income black woman with missing teeth saying "ain't nobody got time for that"). The only time I think it's okay is if the exact thing you're looking for is not somewhere else and if what you're using is not making POC into a caricature. It's such a fine line though and safer to just not. I know some people think I'm all PC brigade but what can I say, I enjoy not hurting people.
I don't agree with the GIF thing. Just because you use a GIF doesn't mean you are saying you are black, or a man, or a cat. If I choose GIFs because I am reminded of something I saw in a favorite movie or TV show that fits the situation it isn't like using blackface or dogface or anything.
@DuchessOfCambridge that's how I feel about it too. There is almost always a gif featuring a white person that I can use to express what I want to express. So why would I use the one with the POC?
Also, here's a tangentially related UO: Canada is super racist. We like to think of ourselves as soooo superior to the states because we don't have as many cops killing POC here and our PM is way more PC than your president, but we've got our problems that Canadians refuse to acknowledge and most white Canadians are casually racist but refuse to explore and educate themselves.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
I think there are some gifs that are the equivalent of virtual blackface or reinforce bad stereotypes, similar to what @DuchessOfCambridge said, that I try to avoid, ie those that reinforce the angry black woman stereotype, etc. But sometimes, I just need that Stanley from The Office blank look of complete disbelief/disapproval to convey my reaction. They feel different to me, but maybe I'm just justifying it and from what I've read online about this issue from POC, that seems to be the main problem with it. I could be mistaken though.
I don't agree with the GIF thing. Just because you use a GIF doesn't mean you are saying you are black, or a man, or a cat. If I choose GIFs because I am reminded of something I saw in a favorite movie or TV show that fits the situation it isn't like using blackface or dogface or anything.
This is where intent comes in. I don’t blame you for not agreeing with it. It took me a while to wrap my mind around it, the first time I heard it I was like lol no, gifs are not racist. But they 100% can be used that way and they more often than not use POC as caricatures of themselves with overexaggeeated emotions etc. For ex the gif I mentioned above is absolutely offensive and I didn’t use it even before the gif conversation came up because it automatically felt wrong. And there was a reason for that. Also, not to be so blunt and harsh, but white people never get to decide what POC are allowed to be offended by. That’s like a friend who insults you saying you can’t be insulted by what they said because they don’t find it insulting. If that was the case, the N word would still be widely used. But again, I don’t blame you for not agreeing, I was ADAMANT this was nonsense until I had a lot of conversations about it.
@fatmonica yep. Christmas doesn't start until after Thanksgiving.
My UO is that I don't get the hype of "A Star is Born." DH and I saw it yesterday on a rare date day (we had an u/s and took the day off). Neither of us were impressed at all. It was very slow, pretty boring, and I thought Lady Gaga was super overrated. DH was straight up annoyed by her. Pretty much everyone I know who saw it absolutely loved it, said they bawled their eyes out, etc. I don't get it.
I think it was a good movie for people who don't see a lot of actually good movies. Sorry.
Me: 33 DH: 34 Married: Oct 2015 TTC #1: Sept 2016 BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16 BFP: 3/24/17 DD1 born 12/2/17 TTC #2: July 2018 BFP: 8/26/18 DD2 born 5/16/19
@fatmonica yep. Christmas doesn't start until after Thanksgiving.
My UO is that I don't get the hype of "A Star is Born." DH and I saw it yesterday on a rare date day (we had an u/s and took the day off). Neither of us were impressed at all. It was very slow, pretty boring, and I thought Lady Gaga was super overrated. DH was straight up annoyed by her. Pretty much everyone I know who saw it absolutely loved it, said they bawled their eyes out, etc. I don't get it.
I think it was a good movie for people who don't see a lot of actually good movies. Sorry.
Disclaimer: I haven't seen it but the trailer looks good and I looooove the original and the Streisand version.
@sleepy33 yes I actually think about that gif a lot when having this conversation haha. But that’s the intent portion. You’re not intending to use it in a bad way, it’s an emotion that’s also not over the top. I take it the same way as you but I’m also not Black so I can’t say for certain 🤷♀️
Essentially, I think it's important to note that SO MANY GIFs do feature POC and the way in which white people use them is often disrespectful. If you're constantly picking out ones featuring black people when you're not, it's probably a good idea to examine why. And... is there really no other GIF that works?
(Oh! And another UO! It's definitely pronounced GIF with a hard G. I don't care what the creator said. the G stands for Graphic, which has a hard G; therefore, GIF has a hard G.)
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
Christmas can hold off until black Friday. I saw Christmas trees up in Hobby Lobby the end of July and that is just not even cool. I hate that Black Friday starts on Thanksgiving these days. I used to love black Friday shopping, but Thanksgiving is my favorite and I want to spend that day with family, not crazy crowds. I wish the stores would keep Thanksgiving set apart and hold off the holiday rush until Friday.
AGREED. I also don’t celebrate Christmas and really love Thanksgiving so I hate when cozy crisp fall gets overtaken by wintery Christmas. It’s November! Let fall be fall!
@sleepy33 I actually have not seen the older versions but do want to! I think I went in with very high expectations that were not met. It's like the number one movie everyone is seeing right now and it's getting rave reviews by all. People telling me it's the best movie they've seen in a long time and whatnot.
Me: 33 DH: 34 Married: Oct 2015 TTC #1: Sept 2016 BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16 BFP: 3/24/17 DD1 born 12/2/17 TTC #2: July 2018 BFP: 8/26/18 DD2 born 5/16/19
@DuchessOfCambridge I believe you that there are situations where it could be wrong and inappropriate. I'm sure it can be misused. I thought you were saying people needed to use GIFs of only their respective race regardless of situation, which I would not agree with. Like if I see that GIF of Princess Tiana falling into bed, I just think "that's a tired person," and not "that's a tired black person/person of another race pretending they are black." And I know Beyonce GIFs are popular because so many people like her. I mainly see GIFs as a way to relate to another person or character's feelings, which are mainly the same regardless of who we are because "peoples is peoples" and we all get Princess Tiana tired.
@fatmonica The sales in Hobby Lobby on Christmas stuff in October are AMAZING lol. That's the only reason I don't get too mad at them.
+1 for no shopping on Thanksgiving
I use GIFs for the expression, not the color of the person. But I know some people get sensitive about it so I try to be careful. They're supposed to be light hearted *eye roll But I did read about how some people completely portray themselves as a POC through GIFs and that's not cool. Also, hard G
I love Christmas as much as the next person, but I agree with no Christmas until after Thanksgiving. It seems like every year it starts coming earlier. My FB has been covered with people being like, “Halloween is over. Let Christmas begin!”. I want to enjoy fall and Thanksgiving first. It’s JUST now starting to cool down somewhat in GA. I feel like the UO is actually not starting Christmas early. 😂
As for gifs, I know I’ve posted ones other than my own skin color, and if it has offended anyone, I’m sorry. I definitely have had no ill intentions when I have done so. Some are just funny gifs, and that’s really all there is to it for me.
UO: I am sensitive to other people’s feelings because I myself am pretty sensitive. I am very much of the mindset of treat others the way you want to be treated. That being said, it would not offend me in the least if a POC used a Caucasian gif of a “basic white girl” or of Honey Boo Boo/her family. 🤷🏼♀️
I get horrible anxiety over these conversations (not that anything crazy is being said, it's all very educational I feel). I have no idea what my opinion is on anything being discussed (though I never even considered a GIF to be offensive because I'm white and the person in it isn't 🤔), but I'm literally always terrified of saying the wrong thing. I remember I said something to a guy in school who was being rude and I was straight up harassed being called a racist... For weeks. Every time he and his friends saw me, I was a racist. It was a HORRIBLE feeling and absolutely nothing I said was even remotely based on his race, he was a jackass, that's it. That said, that doesn't mean I don't think these discussions need to happen, they just make me very anxious.
I can't think of a UO this week. Except maybe that ^?
@eatinwatermelonseeds it's ok to be anxious about these kinds of things. But I think it's very important for us to educate ourselves about the ways we inadvertently prop up systems of white supremacy and patriarchy. There are things we assume aren't about race, when really, sometimes what seems like the most innocuous thing - like a funny gif - can actually have racial undertones that harm in ways our white privilege makes it difficult to see.
I know a lot of you are saying that you don't see GIFs as blackface (and I promise, I'm not going to start regularly calling you for using them) but I have heard enough from POC that they are problematic and harmful to the black community. When it comes to facing my own casual racism and white privilege, I do my best to listen and change my behaviour based on what the POC community is saying.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
My UO is that I love this conversation on racism. I’m your run of the mill white woman who has a lot of liberal guilty (particularly around the time I called the cops on a black guy who came to my door- I had a good reason and I think I would have done the same thing if the guy had been white and equally clueless about what he was selling and tried to come in my house to look for “pests”- but I still feel insanely guilty about it) and so I love hearing this stuff and becoming more educated on how to be more sensitive.
So in this vein- I really want to bring up this UO- an issue from the Introduction board that made me uncomfortable. We were still all getting to know each other when this was posted- but the way that the woman with the crazy story (I think she was from TX and was military) who wanted to YouTube her story was treated made me so uncomfortable. It was very obvious that she was from a different culture that maybe isn’t as welcome on this board, and some of the comments were made were really insensitive. I feel like this board is just not very welcoming to women who don’t fit a certain middle class basic white girl model. And I wish we were because we have so much to learn from people who aren’t like us.
I think I'm confused about this gif conversation. Are we really saying you must stick to your own race when using a gif or else you are offending POC? I'm trying to figure out what everyone is saying here. It actually seems to me like that would have the opposite effect - it's making something about race when it's not about race. Like others said if I see the gif of Stanley rolling his eyes or Tiana collapsing into bed, or one of my favs, Michael Jackson eating popcorn when things are about to get good, I'm not even thinking about the fact that those three people are black. NOW I kind of am and will probably be panicking every time I use a gif or something in fear that I'm offending someone.
Me: 33 DH: 34 Married: Oct 2015 TTC #1: Sept 2016 BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16 BFP: 3/24/17 DD1 born 12/2/17 TTC #2: July 2018 BFP: 8/26/18 DD2 born 5/16/19
@DuchessOfCambridge As a WOC, I really just appreciate your sensitivity and generally everyone's ability to have an educated conversation on this topic. It makes me feel really good to know that for all the people who are insensitive to me because of the way I look, there are people who look nothing like me who are doing what they can to learn about it and prevent it by having these conversations! Thank you all and keep being awesome ladies
@chloe97 I remember whom you're speaking of from the intro thread. I apologize if I came off as racist, not my intention ever. However, I am definitely guilty of making fun of her crazy story that did not seem true. But honestly though, I think this BMB is super gentle. I've seen a lot worse, not that that's an excuse.
@chloe97 I'm genuinely curious, what culture do you think that woman came from? TBH, after many years of working professionally with people with mental illness, she struck me as someone with either MI or some sort of cognitive disability.
@Chloe97 I remember that and I think I deserve a call-out on that one, not that I said a lot, but I was certainly side-eyeing the long, TMI introduction. I try to work hard to learn from people who are different and particularly people who are marginalized, but I know I still have a long way to go.
(By the way, I LOVE these conversations too, mostly because I think about this kind of stuff so much, but it's hard to talk about this kind of stuff with family and friends.)
@peachy13 it's not about offending POC - it's about not doing them harm. If you want to learn and try to understand, I would suggest starting with the Teen Vogue article I shared earlier. But, she essentially points out that reaction gifs featuring POC tend to be used to express our most extreme emotions, which perpetuates the image of black people as angry, sassy, over-the-top. I would particularly recommend reading her last paragraph.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
Re: UO Thursday
TL;DR it makes me mad my white friend uses black emojis. Blacks face a lot of hardship and she uses it to make jokes about how “black she is”.
Mine is that Christmas season starts today. I won't put up my tree until Black Friday (maybe), but I'm totally down with Christmas music starting November 1st. It's such a short season! Also, Christmas movies are the best.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
@DuchessOfCambridge I so agree.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
My UO is that I don’t care if kids take more than one piece of candy while trick or treating, if they ask and use manners. 🤷🏽♀️
Also, here's a tangentially related UO: Canada is super racist. We like to think of ourselves as soooo superior to the states because we don't have as many cops killing POC here and our PM is way more PC than your president, but we've got our problems that Canadians refuse to acknowledge and most white Canadians are casually racist but refuse to explore and educate themselves.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
My UO is that I don't get the hype of "A Star is Born." DH and I saw it yesterday on a rare date day (we had an u/s and took the day off). Neither of us were impressed at all. It was very slow, pretty boring, and I thought Lady Gaga was super overrated. DH was straight up annoyed by her. Pretty much everyone I know who saw it absolutely loved it, said they bawled their eyes out, etc. I don't get it.
I think it was a good movie for people who don't see a lot of actually good movies. Sorry.
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
Disclaimer: I haven't seen it but the trailer looks good and I looooove the original and the Streisand version.
Essentially, I think it's important to note that SO MANY GIFs do feature POC and the way in which white people use them is often disrespectful. If you're constantly picking out ones featuring black people when you're not, it's probably a good idea to examine why. And... is there really no other GIF that works?
(Oh! And another UO! It's definitely pronounced GIF with a hard G. I don't care what the creator said. the G stands for Graphic, which has a hard G; therefore, GIF has a hard G.)
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
+1 for no shopping on Thanksgiving
I use GIFs for the expression, not the color of the person. But I know some people get sensitive about it so I try to be careful. They're supposed to be light hearted *eye roll But I did read about how some people completely portray themselves as a POC through GIFs and that's not cool. Also, hard G
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
As for gifs, I know I’ve posted ones other than my own skin color, and if it has offended anyone, I’m sorry. I definitely have had no ill intentions when I have done so. Some are just funny gifs, and that’s really all there is to it for me.
UO: I am sensitive to other people’s feelings because I myself am pretty sensitive. I am very much of the mindset of treat others the way you want to be treated. That being said, it would not offend me in the least if a POC used a Caucasian gif of a “basic white girl” or of Honey Boo Boo/her family. 🤷🏼♀️
I can't think of a UO this week. Except maybe that ^?
I know a lot of you are saying that you don't see GIFs as blackface (and I promise, I'm not going to start regularly calling you for using them) but I have heard enough from POC that they are problematic and harmful to the black community. When it comes to facing my own casual racism and white privilege, I do my best to listen and change my behaviour based on what the POC community is saying.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
So in this vein- I really want to bring up this UO- an issue from the Introduction board that made me uncomfortable. We were still all getting to know each other when this was posted- but the way that the woman with the crazy story (I think she was from TX and was military) who wanted to YouTube her story was treated made me so uncomfortable. It was very obvious that she was from a different culture that maybe isn’t as welcome on this board, and some of the comments were made were really insensitive. I feel like this board is just not very welcoming to women who don’t fit a certain middle class basic white girl model. And I wish we were because we have so much to learn from people who aren’t like us.
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
As a WOC, I really just appreciate your sensitivity and generally everyone's ability to have an educated conversation on this topic. It makes me feel really good to know that for all the people who are insensitive to me because of the way I look, there are people who look nothing like me who are doing what they can to learn about it and prevent it by having these conversations! Thank you all and keep being awesome ladies
But honestly though, I think this BMB is super gentle. I've seen a lot worse, not that that's an excuse.
Im on team Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving and Black Friday shouldn’t start on a Thanksgiving Day.
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
(By the way, I LOVE these conversations too, mostly because I think about this kind of stuff so much, but it's hard to talk about this kind of stuff with family and friends.)
@peachy13 it's not about offending POC - it's about not doing them harm. If you want to learn and try to understand, I would suggest starting with the Teen Vogue article I shared earlier. But, she essentially points out that reaction gifs featuring POC tend to be used to express our most extreme emotions, which perpetuates the image of black people as angry, sassy, over-the-top. I would particularly recommend reading her last paragraph.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019