FFFC 10/26

ladystout08 · October 2018

ladystout08 · October 2018

I faked an orgasm last night just so the sex would be over. Then went upstairs and took care of myself. I was just too tired/sore/sick to get into the whole sex thing.

leighbrek · October 2018

@ladystout08 Hey, it's gonna happen! I really don't think there's a lot of shame in faking on occasion.

My FFFC is that I'm actually not a huge fan of kids. For real, and yes, I'm aware I'm about to have one. I've found my tolerance to be higher lately, thank god, but I just don't have a lot of patience for noise and interruption. I'm hoping that will change with baby.

nononorman · October 2018

@leighbrek I also don’t like children... even after having one. I enjoy my own child and I love her but I can’t get into other people’s kids. It’s pretty uncomfortable because once people know that you’re a parent they want to share pictures of their kids with you and tell you all about the stuff their kids do and I’m just like… OK? I don’t even have the energy or the class to tell people that their kids are cute. I just redirect - “oh look at that hat!” Or “do people say he looks like you or your spouse?” ... it’s an art.

Not sure if this is a confession but i imagine it will
grt people fired up ....
I am way more critical of parents now that I am one. I didn’t have an easy first child… I would say she was probably a little harder than average at least for the first 4 to 6 months but I definitely judge people for taking the easy way out on raising (esp) their first kid. I get that things can get much more difficult when you have more than one kid (so I reserve judgment there to some extent) but it seems to me like if you can’t put your full attention and do a damn good job when you have just one kid then I don’t know why you would want to have another kid? This isn’t like an anti-vaxxer debate (I judge them too but at least they’re trying in some way) but more like people who don’t want to look up or ask what’s best for their kids or people saying they don’t follow AAP guidelines because it’s easier to do it another way. I forgot kids were supposed to be easy!!! I will inform this child as it exits my body.

tosh24 · October 2018

@leighbrek +1 for not being a kid fanatic, and I'm having my 3rd lolol! I love my own kids and really enjoy spending time with them, but don't generally like other people's kids, even nieces/nephews/cousins. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person but I basically reach my threshold for noise and chatter with my own kids that I have ZERO patience to put up with it from other people's kids. Basically, don't ask me to babysit.

Sort of along the same lines, I loathe imaginary play. I know it's so important for kids but I would rather poke my eyeball out with a fork. I love reading to the kids, playing playdoh, colouring, or actually doing activities like taking them to the museum or park or something, but make me play barbies and I want to die. DH is so good at imaginary play with the kids so luckily I get out of it 99% of the time.

Ghostie625 · October 2018

I have eaten more than a few turkey sandwiches/subs during this pregnancy and not once have I heated up the meat first.

kianarain · October 2018

Oh thank god I'm not the only one who doesn't like kids

most of them aren't very cute tbh. But I'm sure I'll be the "she's the most beautiful girl in the world!!!!!!" mom. An unintended FFFC: I was holding SO's 3ish month old nephew the other day, and within 30 seconds bonked him on his head lmao. Whoooops, might need to practice with this whole kid thing. But it's different when it's your own kid, right?!!! Right.

My main FFFC is that I won't be changing my music choices when I have a kid. I have a wide taste in music, and most of it is kid friendly-ish, but sometimes I just need to jam out to some rap, and my child will enjoy it or put on headphones lol. I think I have a while before I need to make sure it's censored for the most part?

This little girl is my inspiration:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NujtFbUSrt4 

ladystout08 · October 2018

@Ghostie625 same. Like, at least once a week. Meh.
@kianarain we've never censored ours or changed it. We recently had to discuss what's acceptable to repeat from what he hears in songs after him repeating the word "ass" at school but it wasn't a big deal. I don't believe in censorship.

kianarain · October 2018

@ladystout08 I'm not so much worried about the bad language as I am some of the messages. But I think I have a while to lay a good foundation before she starts to understand what they actually mean. I will definitely be in your camp of no censorship but education around what you can/can't repeat (and around who lol). I have the mouth of a sailor and am sure I can dial it in a little with practice, but let's be honest it's never going to be a no cussing household lol.

pttomato · October 2018

Ghostie625 said:

I have eaten more than a few turkey sandwiches/subs during this pregnancy and not once have I heated up the meat first.

I have eaten an unheated turkey sandwich every day for the last 4 weeks because it's one of the few safe foods for me from the hospital menu. I mentioned it to my doctor and he was completely unconcerned because it's "fresh" and hasn't been sitting out for a while. Then again he also told me I should get someone to bring me sushi so he's obviously not super strict on the pregnancy diet stuff.

ladystout08 · October 2018

@kianarain yeah I get what you mean about the messages. For the most part stuff still goes over his head but like at the end of Down with the Sickness when he goes off about his mom abusing him? I skip that part. The other day DS was in the back seat singing "oh my god, look at her butt" repeatedly. So we had to talk about not objectifying women and how it's catchy and some people like butts but you should never touch someone or harass them about it, etc.

pttomato · October 2018

wolfmum said:

This isn’t like an anti-vaxxer debate (I judge them too but at least they’re trying in some way) but more like people who don’t want to look up or ask what’s best for their kids or people saying they don’t follow AAP guidelines because it’s easier to do it another way. I forgot kids were supposed to be easy!!! I will inform this child as it exits my body.

I struggled with this with DD. I spent a ton of time researching and was so into doing everything the "right" way I kept trying to force it even when it was like forcing a square peg into a round hole because that was the way I was "supposed" to do things. I think my relationship with DD would be better and less antagonistic if I had been more adaptable. It's less about something being easier for me and more about what actually works, which a lot of times isn't even easier. TBF DD has sensory issues, so she is not quite a typical kid.

kianarain · October 2018

@ladystout08 lmao that's so going to be my child! It's not like they're going to live in a bubble & never hear that stuff, I think it's better to lead the conversation at home so when they hear it elsewhere it's not a shock.

But I'm also in that camp for drinking once they get to the teenage years (if you're gonna do it, do it at home where you're safe and I can loosely monitor). Not that I'll be like YAY drink this!! But more of making sure home feels like a safe space. Luckily I have a long time until I need to figure out my exact approach, but that's what our house was and (for the most part) it kept me out of unsafe situations.

ladystout08 · October 2018

@kianarain SAME! My mom and step dad used to take everyone's keys and my friends always had to stay. It was such a norm to be that I wasn't getting plastered because it wasn't a big deal. I'm not sure what we'll do with our kids b/c we both work for the government and have clearances that could be revoked if someone reported it or something happened but alcohol definitely won't be taboo in our house.

nononorman · October 2018

@pttomato def diff rules for sensory issues (and various others) so I do keep that in the back of my head. I think I’m being intentionally vague on some of the things I’m judging on because I don’t want to open up those particular debates but I’m not talking about situations where there are several viable (read: safe) options.

tosh24 · October 2018

@pttomato It's hard enough to know how to be a FTParent of a neuro-typical kid, but a child that comes with other issues is a whole other ballgame. My DD has ADHD which comes along with a bunch of sensory and impulse issues and following what is recommended for typical kids just Does.Not.Work for her. I felt like a failure for a long time because I couldn't get her into the "proper" routine, I couldn't handle her outbursts in the "proper" way, family members would judge me as not being hard enough on her for her "misbehaviour". It's been tough. I finally realized that she requires a different approach and it was really helpful for DH and I to schedule some appointments with a social worker who works with kids with disruptive behaviours. She gave us a ton of tools to use and made me feel a lot less guilty about not being able to use the approaches that parents of typical kids would use. Anyway, I just wanted to commiserate with you. There's a huge learning curve when you have a child who presents some challenges and sometimes we're going to fumble around in the dark before figuring stuff out. Don't beat yourself up about it - it's obvious you're a good mom and you want what's best for DD.

pttomato · October 2018

I definitely won't allow my kid's friends to drink at my house when they are underage, way too much liability for me. I haven't decided about wine with dinner type stuff for my own kids.

kianarain · October 2018

@ladystout08 you have some time to figure it out! By the time college came around I was the mom of our group because it was old news and I knew my limits. So when people were passing out in the street & getting into unsafe situations, I was chasing my tequila & lime shots with water so I didn't have a killer hangover the next day

I don't know how a parent could NOT see that as a win!

wkuandrea · October 2018

FFFC: my dog has an anal gland abscess and I'm not taking her to the vet bc I've seen so many dog anal gland abscesses I know what to do with it. It's small, it's being cleaned and we're keeping it "open" but covered so she doesn't ooze on everything in the whole house... and I'm also going to give her fish antibiotics because they're the same damned thing that they would prescribe and you can get them at the pet store without a prescription. (PS they're also the same damned thing they prescribe people... but don't abuse antibiotics, as it can cause antibiotic resistance)

bradleysmommy28 · October 2018

I have had the week from hell and frankly if my marriage, DS and DH all survive this week then I'm calling it a win. I actually had to have a glass of wine Wednesday to take the edge off (my SIL is Italian and I'm living by her rules on this one!).

ChasingTheDog · October 2018

tosh24 said:

Sort of along the same lines, I loathe imaginary play. I know it's so important for kids but I would rather poke my eyeball out with a fork. I love reading to the kids, playing playdoh, colouring, or actually doing activities like taking them to the museum or park or something, but make me play barbies and I want to die. DH is so good at imaginary play with the kids so luckily I get out of it 99% of the time.

Oh lord all of this but especially this. It is my own personal nightmare. I don’t want to play mommy because I do that shit for real everyday. Also the rules are always incomprehensible, change in a whim and the punishment for not following them is severe. NO THANKS

Mandamay1414 · October 2018

This is probably more of an unpopular opinion than a FFFC, but it drives me bonkers when people refer to their pets at their kids. I always had pets growing up. They were definitely part of the family and were loved by all of us, but now that I have a human child, it is NOT the same thing at all. The love and feeling of responsibility I have for DD is so far above and beyond what I'd ever feel for a pet. So I guess my FFFC is that while I like pets and understand their importance in a family, I will internally side-eye someone if they continually refer to their pets as their children.

mrsmang · October 2018

I judge people who buy and promote Dock-a-tots so hard. I just don’t understand how something that is so universally known to be unsafe is also so trendy and “amazing” (and expensive!). Every time I see ads or some influencer promoting it I get angry.

pttomato · October 2018

Mandamay1414 said:

This is probably more of an unpopular opinion than a FFFC, but it drives me bonkers when people refer to their pets at their kids. I always had pets growing up. They were definitely part of the family and were loved by all of us, but now that I have a human child, it is NOT the same thing at all. The love and feeling of responsibility I have for DD is so far above and beyond what I'd ever feel for a pet. So I guess my FFFC is that while I like pets and understand their importance in a family, I will internally side-eye someone if they continually refer to their pets as their children.

Even better when my sister tries to give me parenting advice based on animal training because “they are pretty much the same.” The most recent was how to get my kid to stop sucking her thumb the same way you would train a dog not to do something like bark. Except my daughter is a person and not a dog.

Mandamay1414 · October 2018

Re: underage drinking.. I think I would be ok with letting my kids try sips of beer/wine/etc at home, but I'm definitely not planning on letting my kids have enough to even get buzzed. And definitely a big no on letting them and their friends drink at our house. Like others have said, too much liability. I do hope I don't come across so authoritarian that they are afraid to call me if they end up trashed at some HS party.

kianarain · October 2018

@pttomato @Mandamay1414 it's a fine line, but for me it's less "letting/allowing" than showing them that home is a safe space. So I don't want to hear "hey we're going to get wasted here tonight mom!", but if they're going to get into it I'd rather have them do it where they're close, not driving, and not trashed at a HS party with people with bad intentions. Too many horror stories about people - especially younger girls - getting taken advantage of when alcohol is involved.

I was a real trouble maker as a teen (as was SO) & I don't think a sip of wine at dinner will satisfy our child's taste for rebellion/experimenting when she's that age. With my mom, it was always a don't ask/don't tell & she was always clear that she didn't condone it, I just wouldn't get into trouble if she did find out. More of an eye roll and a light verbal scold, which was enough to where I knew she didn't support it but didn't discourage me from doing it there when I really wanted to. And of course she never provided any alcohol, which is where I think the majority of the liability lies. Even if you were really strict about drinking and never let your kid have a drop, them & their friends could always sneak it in and then you're in the same place re: liability.

All that said, I'm glad I have a decade and a half to fine tune my strategy lol. Can't believe I'm already thinking about rebellious teen years. She's going to be a perfect angel baby forever

pttomato · October 2018

I might underestimate teenage rebellion because I was a rule follower to the point where I had stricter rules for myself than my parents did. I was also fairly immature and naive so I wasn't even aware the kids drank in high school until the end of my senior year. On one hand I'm glad DD isn't like me because I struggled so much socially, but I am so unprepared for typical teenage rebelliousness.

PolarBear517 · October 2018

I love kids- really not a fan of babies though... I enjoyed DD's first year more than I thought I would, but I enjoy my time with her a lot more now that she's over one & talking/walking/developing a personality! Makes me feel a little guilty 'cause this one's not even born yet & sometimes I'm already thinking "Can't wait until they're 1" lol

Ghostie625 · October 2018

Re teens and alcohol:
Once I hit my mid teens my parents were fine with me having a glass of wine or two with dinner, or some cocktails and mixed drinks if we were at a family gathering. My older cousins (15-20 years older, not just turned 21) would be allowed to provide my sisters and I with alcohol at these things, but my dad's rule was "If they puke, it's in your car on the way to your house!"
It worked because we could drink, even get a light buzz on, but nobody would let us get smashed because they knew they would have to deal with us. It also took away the taboo of it and since I got to drink around family I really didn't feel the urge to hang out drinking with friends. Until college I never had a drink unless it was at a family function.
My parents would never have let me have friends over to drink when we were in high school, and would not have been ok with us hanging out drinking with friends at one of their houses.
Once we were in college they were more OK with it, even though we weren't at the legal drinking age yet, but we were also not the type of kids to invite a ton of people over for a raging house party, it was more like a few friends hanging out and having a couple drinks.

I honestly think I'll have a similar rule in place when I get to that point.

Jackiemxoxo · October 2018

My FFC- I was arranging flights for Thanksgiving and totally forgot to pick up DD1 from the bus stop yesterday. It is only 2 doors down and she walked home and starting banging on the door. I answered it right away but she was a bawling mess. Ugh stupid pregnancy brain. I can't believe I forgot my kid

drabong88 · October 2018

I'm not sure I will let me kids drink at home. My parents never allowed us to growing up and I never felt like I was missing out. I did drink at a friends house a couple of time but never thought about driving home. I do feel like I was a pretty responsible teen so maybe that's why. My DH on the other hand drank frequently at home and his mom knew about it, but didn't necessarily condone it, but was just kind of indifferent to it. But DH did drink at other friends houses and drove home after drinking and totaled his car into a fence, luckily he was ok and he didn't hurt anyone else. But, even though he cold drink at home he still went out other places to drink. So I'm not sure letting him drink at home solved anything.

And I was one of those people that called my dogs my babies. After having a kid I definitely realize that my DS is more important than any animal would ever be, but without a DS my dogs were my only responsibility, so I understand why people refer to them as their kids.

mtengl · October 2018

@Mandamay1414 I have four dogs and have never referred to them as my kids. I will say though that since I have gotten pregnant my patience has already grown to be less than before with them.

Along the lines of drinking, my dad always let me drink when I was 17/18 and it really took the excitement out of it for me and made it not a big deal so I didn’t drink much. I always thought I would do the same thing, but that has changed because we are actually an alcohol free home (my husband is a recovering alcoholic and I stopped drinking when he stopped). Now I am not sure what I am going to do.

CoastieGirl79 · October 2018

+1 for not enjoying other people's kids. I promise I try. Here's the deal: my current mom friends are much younger than I am, so there is a generational difference in parenting. My husband and I paren with tough love, which I notice is different than my younger mom friends. All of my friends my age (from college) have children who are 8, 9, 10 or older, and they are way beyond the baby/toddler phase.

We have a dog, but I do not consider him my child. He is taking a while to grow on me because he's still young (just shy of a year). I refer to him as my heathen dog.

kianarain · October 2018

@CoastieGirl79 lol it took me a longggg time for my dog to grow on me too! He’s a year & a half now and just the last few months we’ve really bonded. I may or may not have joked about giving him away for a while

he’s still crazy but he’s also sweet now lol

jgil85 · October 2018

Maybe my fffc is that I haven't even thought that far into the future re: under age drinking and all that.

I have 1 underage nephew who drinks all the time and my sister is totes okay with it, but she's also an alcoholic. I never let him drink at my house when I'm hosting a party or holiday because I don't want that liability that if he leaves and something happens, it's on me. And my sister gets pissed about it, but my house my rules.

galactickates · October 2018

+1 to not liking or caring about other people's kids. I like the people's kids I'm closest too but if you're outside of my inner most circle I have zero interest and it's so painful putting on a fake smile at parties.

ETA- but on the other hand if you're a close friend send me as many pictures as you want. It never gets old.

CoastieGirl79 · October 2018

kianarain said:

@CoastieGirl79 lol it took me a longggg time for my dog to grow on me too! He’s a year & a half now and just the last few months we’ve really bonded. I may or may not have joked about giving him away for a while he’s still crazy but he’s also sweet now lol

I can neither confirm nor deny that I may or may not have said something similar to DH. 😏

sparkymcgeee · October 2018

There will be no drinking in my house. Hard no. My kids will know that and they will know the consequences if there is alcohol in my house. I will also make it very clear that they can call me at any time day or night to ask for a ride and they will not need to fear us while doing that.

@mtengl I would be up front with your kids about why there is no drinking. Be open about the alcoholism and show the severe problems it can and did cause your husband. I’m very much about reality in age appropriateness when it comes to talking to my children. My daughter is seven but knows about puberty and periods and why women have them. Honesty is the best policy within age limits in my opinion.

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt · October 2018

Anyone else have a LO who is extremely wild in the womb? Last night I told DH I wish he would move around a little less, then felt terrible because at least I know he’s active, which is reassuring. I just wish he would chill out a little. DD was also a big mover, so if he’s anything like her I’ll have my work cut out for me.

pttomato · October 2018

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt said:

Anyone else have a LO who is extremely wild in the womb? Last night I told DH I wish he would move around a little less, then felt terrible because at least I know he’s active, which is reassuring. I just wish he would chill out a little. DD was also a big mover, so if he’s anything like her I’ll have my work cut out for me.

DD was pretty active to the point that every time I had an NST the doctor would remark that she’s “always SO active.” This one feels similarly active interms of movement but isn’t as crazy on the fetal monitor so I am holding out hope that he will be more calm than his sister.

bradleysmommy28 · October 2018

@UnbreakableKimmySchmidt my DS wasn't a big mover in-utero but has never been able to sit still for 2 seconds since the day he was born. I'm sorta hoping that the non-stop moving and grooving right now will mean the opposite for this kiddo!

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