Ask a STM week of October 1

disneybaby84 · October 2018

FTMs asking STMs all the questions!

thechickendance · October 2018

We are finally touring daycares this week, I have been researching questions for them, but what are important things to look out for, and key questions to ask? Thanks!

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

Ratio of course but they'll tell you the state requirement no doubt.
Teacher turnover was important to me and became more important once we were there.
I'd ask about the education and experience and longevity at that site, of whoever will be the lead teacher.
My decisions mostly came down to vibe, in the end. But I am glad I wait listed almost everywhere because very few ended up with availability when I needed it.

BourbonBiscuits · October 2018

From a money standpoint, I always asked about vacation policies - when we had DS in daycare we knew we'd pull him out for the summer when I'm off work and wanted to do the same while I was on breaks. We were only allowed to take one week of vacation per calendar year where we didn't have to pay tuition, which makes sense. Then if he was absent for more than that week we had to start paying again to hold his spot. Again, all makes sense from a business POV, but it sucked for us financially.

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

@BourbonBiscuits- Good call. My current place has tons of vaca days which is a struggle for us with coverage. We like it enough to stay but that's a big consideration.

disneybaby84 · October 2018

@thechickendance in my experience, different daycares have different policies regarding providing bottles and formula. You might want to think on what you prefer. Some daycares insist you provide x number of bottles premade each day. Some daycares, the tuition you pay covers their standard formula. Some daycares you can just provide them with the formula powder and they will mix the bottles themselves. Then some daycares, will not offer table food until your child is 12 months old and will only offer pureed baby food. (this was an issue with me, because my child quit pureed baby food at 8 months old). Some daycares are required to keep the overhead lights on while the children are napping so that they will be able to watch better for SIDS. A lot of this depends on your preferences.

BourbonBiscuits · October 2018

@disneybaby84 totally agree on the nap thing - when DS was in daycare they left the lights on in the room while the kids napped. Between that and all the other kids playing while he was supposed to be napping, he just never slept. Which meant he never slept at home either.

allthingsgo · October 2018

STM+ when did your kids stop napping? DD isn’t even two yet (she will be in a couple weeks) and she skipped her nap Thursday and Friday and today and yesterday. I’m gonna go crazy if she decides to stop napping now right before the baby comes!

okayestmom12 · October 2018

@allthingsgo - Oh no! That doesn’t sound good.

This will vary from kid to kid. My son is 3.5 and still naps 2 hours a day. My daughter was almost 4 and stopped then because her preschool phased out nap. My niece was 18 months when she quit napping consistently

If she is indeed phasing out nap, I’d still do a “quiet time” (it’s what we did with DD when she quit napping). She’d get 90 mins of just relaxing wig books, her Kindle, whatever. If I were home with her, she’d take her quiet time in my bed and I’d nap next to her (my son was an infant and would nap).

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

@allthingsgo- That blows but I would not assume it is abandoned. My son just turned two and just had a hideous nap and bedtime strike for a few days, but it passed and we were back to happy normal. Could just be a developmental hiccup. I think generally they need it still (or at least my son sure does), unless they sleep 14 hours a night or something, so it should return! Hope so for your sake.

ThePax89 · October 2018

@allthingsgo my first probably needed to drop it around age 2. But we kept the nap until her sister was born- 26 months.

kayjay44 · October 2018

@allthingsgo - Nap dropping entirely? DD hasn't really napped at home regularly since 2, but some how still naps daily at daycare. Which needs to stop, because she protests bedtime, but she can't play quietly and not distract those who need to nap. At home, we do quiet time instead of naps for her.

allthingsgo · October 2018

Thanks for the input everyone! I am hoping it is just a phase and will continue to put her down just for a rest time at least (and hope she will fall asleep). She definitely seems to need it since around 4 she is nodding off and I have to keep her awake until a decent bedtime and usually by then she is in melt down mode.

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

Yeah those couple of days when my son didn't nap, he was like an extra emotional/crazy version of himself and really seemed strung out. Fingers crossed for you!

hannahbananas11 · October 2018

FTM question: what's the point of carseat covers/canopies? Did y'all find them useful? Do you use them mostly if you have a travel system and want to cover up the baby from curious people/sun/rain? Or do you use them in the car (is that even safe to do?)? They seem strange to me.

catwoman8731 · October 2018

@hannahbananas11 I had a cotton one with DD (born in May) and used it for probably the first month to avoid curious people/rain/sun. But with this baby, I’m looking for a warmer one, since he’ll be here in February. I won’t spend too much on one, because I didn’t use it very long last time, and it’s definitely not an essential like clothing/formula/crib, but if you have the money to spend, I think it’s worth it.

One thing to consider when choosing one is that some can also be used as nursing covers if you plan to breastfeed, and/or as shopping cart covers once the kids get older. Again, not completely necessary (I bought one that did both, and then never used either additional feature), but some might like those added uses.

okayestmom12 · October 2018

@hannahbananas11 - I liked having one with my March baby because it was still pretty cold and it helped block some of the cold air.

I just ordered a Copper Pearl 5-in-1 cover this morning and it can be used as a nursing cover, car seat cover, etc.

BourbonBiscuits · October 2018

@hannahbananas11 I was gifted a milk snob cover and loved it. We used it as a car seat cover occasionally (usually as an extra layer of wind protection if we were taking a walk) but also if he was snoozing in the car seat while I was running errands and didn’t want the light to wake him. The covers I have both doubled as nursing/pumping covers and a cart cover, although we only used it for that like once. It’s super stretchy and sooo soft we loved it

etnyah · October 2018

Dumb FTM question, but people keep asking me about my birth plan, so I'm wondering why do I need one? I didn't really know birth plans were a thing? Like, my birth plan is to have a baby. The most detailed "plan" I can muster is that I want an epidural if possible and also to avoid an emergency C-section if possible. Other than that whatever happens, happens. Oh, and I want H to be in the room but no one else (except medical professionals of course). Does it have to be more detailed than that? People seem shocked when I don't have more specific plans. What am I missing here?

madreofdragons · October 2018

Nope. @grebretso that’s my “plan” exactly.

okayestmom12 · October 2018

Doesn’t have to be, @grebretso. Before we knew my first was breech, my plan was “get baby out”. Even after we knew she was breech (and was staying that way), the plan remained to “get baby out”.

Some people get VERY specific (certain music requested to be played, no med students, specifics about IV use, etc.) It’s really up to you as to what you want.

etnyah · October 2018

Thanks, @madreofdragons & @okayestmom12! I get that it's probably a bad idea to be unprepared, but to me it just sounds like having a lot of specific wishes is setting yourself up for disappointment. I'm sure it'll be an unpleasant experience no matter what, so I'll take it as it comes!

BourbonBiscuits · October 2018

@grebretso that was my exact plan. Drugs, husband only, try to push him out the vag. And it was great, because all the intervention that comes with being induced didn’t even phase me because I was like “oh okay, is my baby still going to be born? Alright, whatever you need to do”

It made for a pretty chill birth, in spite of all the complications. Because at the end of it I got my baby, which is all I really planned on!

madreofdragons · October 2018

Yup. Mine was super chill too, even with an induction. Even had a student do the actual catching. By the time it was pushing time I just wanted to get her out and didn’t mind. “This could take a few hours” The hell it will, I’m done, let’s do this, get your gloves.

disneybaby84 · October 2018

@hannahbananas11 carseat covers are most useful in very cold environments. If you don’t live in an area where it gets supercold, i wouldn’t buy one.
@grebretso honestly the more detailed and specific a birth plan a woman makes, the less hospital staff like her. It sounds like your birth plan is: epidural, husband present, C section as last resort.
My birth plan was and will be again to go all natural.

danixbanani24 · October 2018

No birth plan here either with DS. I was induced and had no idea wtf I was doing haha. I wish I had taken a labor class that’s the only thing I regret but I guess not really part of the birth plan?

etnyah · October 2018

@danixbanani24 Yeah I'm definitely taking a few classes! I'll talk to my OB about it next visit, but I have a good idea of which ones I'll need. Labor is definitely one of them!

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

@grebretso- Just don't make it like this one: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/jamie-and-jeffs-birth-plan

In all seriousness, I had heard of those and so asked my OB about it about now-ish phase during my first pregnancy, and she is totally no BS and I love her. Her response was basically that people write these things and they really don't end up reflecting how it looks like or goes in L&D a lot of the time, and the people who have the hardest time are the ones that cannot roll with it when things happen that you don't expect. I took that as permission to not have a "birth plan," which was one less thing to think about! So I guess the takeaway was to write whatever you want but be totally cool with the fact that it may go by the wayside if necessary ...

lzzfrancisco · October 2018

@grebretso there were times during my DD's birth that DH or I were asked questions, and I really wished I could have just rolled my eyes and pointed to a laminated paper on the wall. We had simple instructions, but had to remind the staff regularly. And saying yes, Im definitely sure I dont need to discuss my unmedicated birth with the fucking anesthesiologist, for the fourth time during a contraction was rough. Plus I couldve included some simple mantras for DH and my mom to remind me that might've been helpful. And if you have instructions regarding an episiotomy, thats a good place to have it noted for the nurse. Another important thing for me personally to include, if Im given pain meds, I must also be given antinausea meds. And I'll add the complications I experienced plus outcomes from my last birth.
Sorry for the novel!!

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

@madreofdragons- That's hilarious. I had a similar moment. I'd been in the hospital about 24 hours and was finally about to start pushing and some intern for my OB showed me the forceps like here's what we may need to use, if blah blah blah. I did not even respond in words and then just pumped that kid out in short order. Maybe that's a tactic! If so, it worked.

etnyah · October 2018

@sjnsjnsjn I'm dying! That list is incredible.

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling a lot better now that I know other people did what I plan on doing and it all worked out! I also mentioned it to my mom and she had no idea what a "birth plan" even is. She's given birth four times.

dcaron10 · October 2018

@hannahbananas11 my DS was also born in February and I didn’t really see a need for it where we live. I just used a blanket to cover him up if I needed to, but I didn’t feel like it really got cold or windy enough to need the cover

hannahbananas11 · October 2018

Thanks for the info on the covers! I think I'll just use a blanket if needed in the car, since I don't plan to use the carseat outside much at all (planning on babywearing and using the bassinet attachment for the City Mini instead).

We're going to a little info session at a nearby pediatrics office in two weeks. What are some questions that I should ask or things that I should make note of when trying to determine whether to go with this office?

lmaplejc · October 2018

Wanted to ask the STMs what I should stock the house with prior to birth for the recovery? I know pads, but I’ve heard witch hazel? a peri squirt bottle? Some kind of earth mama numbing spray? Nipple cream... What do you recommend, and what do you wish you had had on hand?

I know we won’t want to/be able to run to the store constantly when the baby comes. I also know my needs will become lowest priority at that point so I want to plan ahead as much as possible. Thanks for any input!

disneybaby84 · October 2018

@casperthefriendlybeeb definitely heavy pads, witch hazel, nipple cream also, extra coffee, stock your freezer with food for you and hubby, in the pantry have snacks you can eat easily from couch or nursery rocker/glider. Personally I ended up using my travel mugs for my coffee, had a side table next to nursery rocker to keep my coffee. and easy to eat foods and sat with baby while having my needs met.

allthingsgo · October 2018

@hannahbananas11 some of things I asked:

-are there separate sick and well waiting areas?

-how do you handle after hours calls? Who will be calling back and in how long?

-will you come to hospital post delivery?

-who will we see for well visits? (This is if it’s a multi-doctor practice)

-how do you handle calls for as needed advice/questions?

-do you do same day appointments/walk ins and do you have weekend or evening hours?

-what kind of breastfeeding support is there?

That’s all I can think of for now. I’m sure others may have more to add.

allthingsgo · October 2018

@casperthefriendlybeeb I heard about those things and stocked them as well but I ended up with a c section so I didn’t need most of it. What I did need was ointment for my scar, iron supplements, Motrin, and long gauze pads along with medical tape. I don’t know if you may want to stock that just in case (you may also need them if you tear).

Also so make sure you have easy snacks on hand for when the breastfeeding hunger strikes. Granola bars, nuts, fruit, salty snacks, whatever your preference.

hannahbananas11 · October 2018

@allthingsgo Wow, that's a really helpful list! I didn't think about breastfeeding support, but that makes a ton of sense, especially if baby has a tongue tie or is having other issues with feeding. Thanks!

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

@hannahbananas11- On your tongue tie note, don't expect a ped or post partum nurse to tell you. My son's was severe and he was not only in the hospital an extra day, but was in NICU with tons of attention, and then saw his ped the day after discharge, and no one said a thing. I didn't know what to look for, and it wasn't diagnosed until he was about 4-5 eeeks old when I finally got a Lactation consultant to the house, when I'd been having mega BF'ing issues since the start. Luckily, a lac consultant can call your ped to order the referral to the pediatric ENT or whomever you will use to snip it, if this happens.
It's weird that doctors and nurses don't ID/diagnose it and in my experience pediatricians aren't so useful for BF'ing support details. Anyhow...

BourbonBiscuits · October 2018

@casperthefriendlybeeb +1 to everyone else's suggestions. Tucks pads/wipes, numbing spray (I don't remember what brand we used ... the same one we were given in the hospital), underwear you don't mind throwing away, tons of tylenol, and boob pads/nursing bras or shirts. Also toilet paper, paper towels, dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, etc. - that household stuff you don't think about until you're out of it.

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

I also amped up my delivery game after we got home from the hospital. Used instacart for groceries exclusively for a few months. I hadn't had a TV in six years and ordered one through prime now the day after we got home. Ha. Delivery is your friend.

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