May 2019 Moms
chloe97
member
PGAL Check-in 9/26
chloe97
member
1. How many weeks are you, and how big is baby?
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
3. Any appointment updates?
4. Rants/Raves/Questions?
5. Any milestones coming up?
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss?
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
3. Any appointment updates?
4. Rants/Raves/Questions?
5. Any milestones coming up?
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss?
Re: PGAL Check-in 9/26
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Well, I'm on cloud 9 today, but ask me yesterday and I was a mess. Physically, my symptoms are fairly minimal. A little slight queasiness, the ragular fatigue and sore boobs (but my progesterone supplement may be causing more of that apparently).
3. Any appointment updates? Had our first u/s today and baby was perfect. Measuring precisely 8 weeks with a heart rate of 179 bpm. This was the appointment we discovered we may be losing our last baby, so I was overwhelmed by anxiety and worry. I'm so glad the appointment was first thing in the morning.
4. Rants/Raves/Questions? Only raving about how truly blessed I feel today. I'm just grateful.
5. Any milestones coming up? We found out our loss was official at 10 weeks, even though baby never grew past 6+3. The faint heartbeat from out first u/s had gone at that point. We get a second u/s on October 15th and I should be about 10.5 weeks then, so just praying all continues along as it should.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss? That is isn't taboo. There is nothing wrong with you for losing a baby. It is literally completely out of anyone's hands. Therefore, I don't think it is something to hide or that you have to suffer through alone. So just be there for a friend who is going through it. There won't be any words that can make the pain go away, but just knowing someone cares helps so much. And that someone who has suffered a loss may not ever be the same if they choose to get pregnant again. If they choose to tell you early on, don't constantly bombard them with questions about how they're feeling or symptom checking...unless they offer that up. I think that's why I've told so few people, even in my family, so far. I didn't want to constantly be asked how I'm feeling. I've shared publicly about my loss, but my PGAL brain couldn't handle to constant worry and questions about how I'm doing from everyone else.
1. How many weeks are you, and how big is baby? 5+2 apple seed
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
Ugh insomnia has reared it’s ugly head and I have cravings for spicy food. I had a brief period of anxiety over a possible ectopic this weekend, but that was just my stomach acting up from too much acid. I’m less anxious than I am just feeling like I’m powerless. I just keep on keeping on knowing I could maybe have a baby or May or I could be on a beach drinking margaritas in 2 months trying to get over a miscarriage. I’d rather have the baby obviously, but I feel like having something in mind ahead of time to look forward to in the worst case scenario is helpful.
3. Any appointment updates?
1st appt and u/s next Friday October 5th
4. Rants/Raves/Questions?
Is anyone else triggered by the Announcement thread? I may be strange because I never did an announcement with DD.... I told people little by little via text or email as a general update, but like my period is like 8 days late at this point -I’m thinking about how to get through til my next Appt, not which Pinterest idea to go with. Also- this is total PGAL Brain, but I know firsthand how devastating it is to announce or plan an announcement after hearing a HB to find out that the baby has passed. I can’t imagine putting yourself through this so early!
5. Any milestones coming up?
My losses were found at 10 and 13 weeks- so I have a long way to go. I figure if I can make it to the NIPT draw at 9 weeks, that is one milestone to make!
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss?
That it’s all emcompassing. That is brings up so much trauma and baggage that you didn’t know existed. It’s not a simple medical issue, it affects how you see yourself and your place in the world- it effects all your relationships.
1. How many weeks are you, and how big is baby? 6w6d / pea
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I’ve honestly been having a rough time. I started bleeding at 7w last time, so I am having a lot of anxiety over hitting that milestone tomorrow.
3. Any appointment updates? First appointment is 10/5
4. Rants/Raves/Questions? I tried talking to DH about how I am feeling the other night and it was just useless. We are just not on the same page at all.
5. Any milestones coming up? 7w3d is when I miscarried, so that’ll be just in a couple of days.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss? I wish I could convey how deep loss hits. It’s not something I need to get over. I’ll carry it with me always, it’s a part of who I am now. One thing I wish I could make my DH understand is that just because I am pregnant again, does not mean I am done grieving or “over” the baby we lost. I honestly sometimes think we tried again too soon because I feel way more anxiety than happiness.
@chloe97 I wouldn't say I'm triggered by the announcement thread, but it's probably because I will not announce and we didn't announce DD either. I didn't even allow photos of me pregnant to be posted on social media until after DD was born. It's definitely PGAL brain, but I also don't want to share a loss with the whole world. I also think about what if we have to make a tough decision after the A/S? I don't want to share that with people either. It's not their business.
@DressageDarling I think ignorance is bliss when it comes to all the people announcing early.
1. How many weeks are you, and how big is baby? 7+2, blueberry
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Oh so shitty. I have so much nausea this time. DH just picked up my diclegis Rx, and I'm hoping that works better than the unisom+B6 combo. Today has been pretty rough. I've been sucking on peppermint and ginger candy all day and it doesn't really help unless a candy is in my mouth.
3. Any appointment updates? I'll have a scan on Monday Oct 1 since we're flying to the other side of the country on Oct 4. It's a family wedding and it's seriously my worst fear that I'll start bleeding in the middle of the wedding or something horrific like that. I'd rather not be surprised, or change our plans if we have to.
4. Rants/Raves/Questions? Sick and tired of being sick and tired. But also grateful for the reassurance? I get scared when I even have one moment of feeling good.
5. Any milestones coming up? Nope, but I can't wait to get past the NT scan and out of first tri.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others understood about your loss?
I can't say that I would wish loss on anyone else, but I wish people were more understanding of how it feels. I don't think it's something you can really get unless you've experienced it. You imagine this child's entire life, becoming part of your family, and then *poof* it's gone. People who say "well there was clearly something wrong with the fetus" can just go STFU. Yeah, no sh*t something wasn't right, but you don't need to be saying things like that to someone who just lost their baby. We lost a whole future; it's not just a medical issue like @chloe97 said. I still have a hole in my heart that I carry around with me. My daughter was in the NICU for two days and PGAL brain said "see? you're never going to get to take her home." I am scared I'm going to see blood every time I go to the bathroom (even in the throes of nausea). Loss just f^cks you up.
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally pretty good, physically pretty crappy. Exhaustion is still extreme, boobs kill, and nausea worse than I’ve ever had it. I’ve never had anything really stronger than food aversions, but I almost threw up in the middle of the zoo today. So many smells.
3. Any appointment updates? Nope. Scan on Monday and I’m terrified. Was terrified to get bad news... but now the fear is becoming that it won’t be bad news or good news. Just have to wait and see news.
4. Rants/Raves/Questions? Does anyone know if progesterone can make symptoms more severe?
5. Any milestones coming up? I lost my first pregnancy around this time and my second loss was measured at about 6 weeks with a hr in the 50s at 9 weeks.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss?
I think everyone else has hit the mark on this in their comments. I have pain in my heart that will never go away.
I 100% agree. Until you go through it, you dont get it. I’m trying not to let myself go through this pregnancy thinking that things can be wonderful for me again, but unfortunately it’s not anxiety- but science that is preventing this. I’m 39 with 2 preciouses losses- my chance of loss is likely around 50%... maybe even a bit higher- I can only find statistics about those 2 factors separately. The risk of a bad a/s is also on my mind and having to make a decision like I’ve seen too many friends go through. The knowledge that if this pregnancy fails, my options are IVF + PGS at 39 when I still have a chance or keep risking future MCs. So I try to stay in the present. But it so hard.
@chloe97 I haven’t even opened the announcement thread, just because I’m not ready to go there. I’m actually quite pissed at my SO because he broke the news to my dad when I told him I wasn’t ready. My family gets super butt hurt if one person finds something out before anyone else so I had to tell all my siblings too before I wanted.
What makes it it even worse is they are so scared for me to be devastated again that it makes it not fun happy news at this point. Its scary sad news until proved otherwise.
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Nauseous, Tired, Lightheaded and super anxious because I’m still spotting.
3. Any appointment updates? First appointment and ultrasound on Monday.
4. Rants/Raves/Questions? I just want to get this first appointment over with.
5. Any milestones coming up? I found out about my second MMC during my first so there’s that.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss?
That everyone processes miscarriage differently. Please don’t take it personally if I’m not up for discussing my loss with you.
Also seconding those who have talked about how you carry that loss with you into future pregnancies. My first BFP I was so excited, the second one I was cautiously optimistic, this time I just felt anxious and no matter how hard I try to stay optimistic I’m just not convinced I’ll actually have a baby at the end of this.
@poshspice completely agree on the ignorance is bliss concept. That was me absolutely with DD. From my first BFP with her I never even considered that it wouldn’t all turn out okay. I told so many people by the time I was 8 weeks along and thought I had waited so long already before spilling the beans. And that’s probably exactly how I would have acted this time too if I hadn’t gotten to see just how fast it can all change.
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
I’m freaking out. I keep seeing articles about the WEA presidential alert that we are all going to get next week. I get that it’ll be very clear that it’s a test but I really don’t think I can handle it.
TW* This past January DH, DD and all the in laws went on a vacation to Disneyland but I stayed behind because I’m not allowed to take off work in January. I got a BFP my first month trying and was so excited. The next day was the day of the Hawaii missile scare (an idiot worker sent an alert to all cell phones, the radio and tv stations in Hawaii saying that a missile was inbound to the state). I called my husband and said a final goodbye, grabbed my cats and hid in the storage closet hugging them and crying. 2 hours after the all clear there was a clot in the toilet and I experience the first of what would be several CPs this year.*end TW
I know there’s no telling why it happened, maybe it was completely coincidental and would have happened anyway, even if I had had a normal day. I honestly rarely think about that CP anymore because I only knew I was pregnant for 1 day so it didn’t compare to the others since then. But the fact that any reminder to that day is about to happen while I’m pregnant and before I have my first appt and u/s is a little too much for me right now.
Anyway, sorry for the novel - I didn’t know where else to air my messed up mind right now.
3. Any appointment updates? 10/9... still feels so far away
4. Rants/Raves/Questions? Pretty sure that rant above was long enough to last the next 34 weeks 😁
5. Any milestones coming up? No
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss? I did this all the time before I experienced loss so I get it only comes from a place of trying to be helpful and supportive - but stop telling me all these thing I need to do in order to have a successful pregnancy this time around (amount of sleep, fruit and vegetable intake, etc.) Oh you are so right, if I just had a second serving of salad I would never have had to experience loss. 🙄
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I'm all over the Board. It depends on the topic of conversation and thoughts that run through my head. Physically, I'm nauseas and appreciating that I have a symptom.
3. Any appointment updates? First appointment is 10/15 so I'll be waiting a bit.
4. Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm having dreams of a nursery in our second bedroom and going into labor somewhere that my insurance isn't covered. I feel like it's good that my body and mind can wander when I sleep because it reassures me that I could actually have a baby at the end of this. WhI would have thought 😂
5. Any milestones coming up? I'm past my earliest MC and past where I started spotting with the later MC so that's good. I ended up having my DnC at 10w so I want things to be uneventful til my first appointment and beyond.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss?
Everyone pretty much got it already but on top of people saying "There must have been something wrong with it. Wouldn't you rather have a healthy baby?" I also got the "God felt that it wasn't the right time." from DHs mom... While that may be comforting to someone who is religious and has all the faith, I'm not religious and neither is DH. Just be there for support.
6+2, pomegranate seed
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
Always hungry, nauseated, tired, bloated... Feeling very positive emotionally because of all the physical symptoms!
3. Any appointment updates?
My first appointment just got bumped back a day due to schedule changes with the midwife, but I'm excited to see everyone at the birth center again next week!
4. Rants/Raves/Questions?
None
5. Any milestones coming up?
Last pregnancy, baby stopped growing at 4 weeks and my body noticed just before 8 weeks, so... kind of? My symptoms stopped last time right around the time baby stopped growing, so the fact that I'm still feeling so pregnant is very comforting.
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
5. Any milestones coming up?
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally- stagnant? Physically- i think my constipation is causing pressure again. So my brain is becoming a little ridiculous.
3. Any appointment updates? 10/19
4. Rants/Raves/Questions? None right now
5. Any milestones coming up? We had our loss at 9 weeks last time. So 11 more days.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss? Don’t say it’s natural selection/it happens for a reason/in God’s time. Just don’t. Ever.
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I’m on a roller coaster. I was really nauseous during my 6th week, and it kind of tappered off during my 7th, so that’s making me nervous. I’m really tired all the time, so that’s promising. I’m so scared to get excited this time around, and I hate feeling like that.
3. Any appointment updates?
we have another ultrasound on 10/3 and I have my physical the same day. We had an Ultrasound at 6w and everything looked great, so hopefully we’re still right on track.
4. Rants/Raves/Questions?
No rants right now - I’m just happy to read other ladies updates to see how everyone else’s is doing & feeling.
5. Any milestones coming up?
Our precious loss was at 10.5 weeks, so we still have a few weeks to go for that.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss?
I don’t really know to be honest. I wish people would stop asking “when are you going to have another baby”. I just to scream at them “if I could, I would!”, or “we’ve been trying for almost 2 years and my body doesn’t want to cooperate!”.
How many weeks are you, and how big is baby?
7+3
2. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I am very anxious- at our last u/s we got the dreaded “we have to wait and see”. The baby was right on track as was the yolk sac and heartbeat however the gestational sac was measuring about a week behind. RE said could be nothing or could be something. Last pregnancy we knew something was wrong from the beginning so each appointment was not fun.
3. Any appointment updates? We have our next u/s Tuesday.
4. Rants/Raves/Questions?
5. Any milestones coming up? Last pregnancy the hb stopped at 9 weeks.
6. GTKY: What is the one thing that you would convey about suffering a loss to others who have not experienced it? What do you wish others (whether it's people in general, other pregnant ladies, coworkers,SOs, etc) understood about your loss? I agree with everyone else. I know since my losses I now do not ask anyone if and when they are planning kids etc.
UGH DHs cousin who is more like a sister to him that we are super close to just announced her pregnancy- due in May. Now all I can think about is I’m going to lose this one and have to watch her go through her pregnancy and see her at all the holidays. It doesn’t help that outside of being tired, I’m feeling totally fine right now. We didn’t tell her. Waiting til the next u/s.
@bpietronicco praying for you and your appointment tomorrow!
@chloe97 that's so hard. I hope your appointment gets here soon and all is well!