Overbearing in laws watching baby when husband and I go back to work — The Bump
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Overbearing in laws watching baby when husband and I go back to work


My daughter is 11 weeks old and my in laws will be her caregivers when my husband and I go back to work. My MIL (mother-in-law) more so then my FIL (father-in-law) is extremely overbearing and has zero boundaries which has only been amplified since our daughter has been born. She acts like our daughter is her baby and thinks that she knows what is best. The times that they have babysat for a couple of hours I will give them instructions and she always tell me that she is the experienced mom and I am a new mom. We were also just told that my FIL (father-in-law) will be watching the baby by himself 2 days a week as my MIL (mother-in-law) has an obligation twice a week that she cannot get out of. Since my daughter has been born he has held her maybe a total of 3 times and has little to no interaction with her whenever they see her. My husband only has one brother and my FIL (father-in-law) has all brothers so he has never really had any experience with girls. He is very nice but very emotionally cut off and it makes me incredibly nervous to have her alone with him. I just have this pit in my stomach that having them watch her is going to create lots of tension and animosity! 

Any advise or similar stories?

Re: Overbearing in laws watching baby when husband and I go back to work

  • If this situation makes you uncomfortable then you need a new childcare situation. You won’t be able to focus on your work if you are constantly worried about your child. Maybe find a back up nanny/sitter for the days you mil can’t watch you child and for if she gets sick.

    With that said, you didn’t really mention them doing anything unsafe, just that they’re a little holier than thou. That’s annoying, but not worrisome unless they are following outdated and unsafe recommendations, like putting baby to sleep on her stomach or with a lot of blankets. If something unsafe comes up, make sure you bring it up, with your pediatrician as backup if needed.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    SmrBrd2012
  • That sounds like a terrible situation and if I were you I would do whatever is possible to find someone else to watch your child, even if it costs way more. You MIL will never respect your parenting decisions and it will likely cause you massive amounts of stress. My cousin is in a similar situation with his mom and his wife has never been able to get over her decisions and wishes being overridden on a daily basis. Their baby is over a year now and she’s still being told she doesn’t know what she’s doing and that everything she wants is wrong. It has put a huge strain on their marriage and their relationship with my aunt. 
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