TTC 8/20/2018 Check In

Bababatty · August 2018

@funkykey WTF? Uggggghhhhhhhhhh Just when you think that maybe IF had given you something decent, it’s like, “Just kidding! IRS calling.” I’m sorry you have to deal with that now. Such an unnecessary added stress—and you know you were in the right, too.

@BWhitta Amazing! Congratulations!! I am hoping so, so hard that this one is your take home baby.

I can’t believe they didn’t want to give you a second beta, which I just figured was standard with IF, let alone your history. What you said really resonated with me because I think you really captured just how hard a BFP can be during IF and loss. Please do not feel guilty that you feel you can’t celebrate and that you’re still so worried. I completely get that. It sucks a lot. You’ve been traumatized—I don’t use that word lightly but it’s something my therapist said during my group last year to someone else in a similar multi-loss situation and I think it really holds true. It’s not fair that what should be the happiest day of your life thus far is always going to be tinged with a lot of fear. Don’t feel that you need to be joyful. I think it’s completely natural how you’re feeling; I feel the same way. You want to protect your heart. In the meantime, I’m really pulling and staying optimistic for you, my friend. All the luck in the world!

mirabelle33 · August 2018

@Bababatty LMAO I read that sentence several times and every time I read it as "his words, not mine." I don't know what my brain was doing, but now I'm embarrassed

I of course have high hopes that one if not both will stick for you!! I think it's a bit strange that he mentions the possibility of ectopic, but can't really give a better explanation for why he thinks that. Oh well, just one of those IF mysteries I guess.

@funkykey I am so, so sorry they are auditing you for that! I'm actually mad about it for you and I hope you can give them what they need quickly and move on.

@BWhitta A huge congratulations! I know it's just one milestone of many to come and we're all rooting for you and this little bean to stick

I hope you can find lots of fun distractions this weekend and that your beta on Monday will be reassuring!

sarahven · August 2018

Hello all! I've been stalking the TTC boards for a while now, figured I'd actually introduce myself

me (26) Dh (33) TTC for a year now dx: anovulation and mild PCOS tx: just finished testing, when AF comes starting femara +trigger+TI

wishing-and-hoping · August 2018

@funkykey that sucks majorly. a quick story from me to let you know you're not alone... i had to refill some gonal F and menopur at the pharmacy yesterday (since we used 4 days worth in the cycle that had to be cancelled) and found out I had maxed out my benefit so I was totally OOP. The gals at the pharmacy tried everything to get the costs down but I walked out with so very little to show for the 2K I forked over. While walking out I heard one of the gals say "I feel so bad for her"

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/GfAD7Bl016Gfm/giphy.gif

in my mind i was like "yeah, i feel so bad for her too"
anyway, i'm totally feeling the suck for you and with you right now.

Bababatty · August 2018

@wishing-and-hoping WHHHYYYY??? Is your benefit maxed out for the year or for life? I suppose it doesn't matter either way since you just forked over $2,000. It was nice of the pharmacists to try and get the cost down for you, though! I'm so sorry they couldn't do more. It shouldn't have to be a constant battle with insurance, or lots of costly surprises.

@sarahven Welcome! I'm happy to have you here. When do you think AF will start? Or I suppose that's iffy because of PCOS?

@mirabelle33

I also ran back to check and make sure I'd written it correctly. I was like, "Oh no, i've made my RE sound like an insensitive jerk." No need to feel embarrassed! It was very easy to read wrong, haha.

Soooo I just got a call from my RE's office that my estrogen level has stayed the same for the past three days, which is an indication of a bad cycle, so we've cancelled. Apparently this just happens sometimes, but of course now I've gone down the Dr. Google rabbit hole and I've determined my attempts at dieting and the mostly vegetarian diet (because DH is pescatarian) is definitely the issue (despite having eaten like this for the past 5 years, lol) and not this just being a random fluke of my body like the nurse said. Must back away from the Google. I'm disappointed, but not as much as I would be normally because until Thursday I hadn't planned on any ART this cycle. Although I am beginning to think this is all a giant conspiracy on the part of my body to not get KU.

Anywhoddles, FET next cycle and I'll twiddle my thumbs while my body decides if it's ovulating or not.

funkykey · August 2018

@wishing-and-hoping - yep, being OOP sucks. I mean, part of me feels lucky that we can pay for IVF, even though it's a stretch for us and involves a lot of sacrifice. But part of me is so angry that there's so much less coverage for this than for other ailments and medical situations. So here I am, dutifully paying for everything, trying to keep costs low, paying my taxes. Then the IRS calls and just wants to "see my receipts". Ugh. Just feels like I'm getting poked and prodded in every direction.

Hoping we will have a much better week next week.

@Bababatty - back away from the Google! Haha. But sorry to hear your cycle was cancelled.

Worldtravler0522 · August 2018

Hey guys sorry I went MIA but there hasn't been much going on. To make a long story short I'm out of time with my doctors in Chicago because my insurance that covers them is up January 1. I was supposed to get a repeat hysteroscopy but due to timing of my cycle I can't get in to do one until November with results coming in December. So basically I'll be completely out of time for any fixes. I'm really bitter about this timing because I'm basically being screwed out of seeing them because everyone took off this entire week for vacation, awesome. So now we're just going back to the old fashion way and hoping for a miracle. I've pretty much given up on the idea of having a child at this point though. I'm not sure I'll be around much anymore because there really isn't much to report.

ChristenMA83 · August 2018

@funkykey ugh!! I can't believe you're being audited. I'm super paranoid about that for next year's taxes. Good luck.

@Bwhitta congrats on the good beta. I totally get the hesitation and lack of joy at this point in the process - but I'm still super happy for you. Timing is a crazy thing and sometimes I just want to throw all the calendars away. Every Transfer, retrieval and potential due date seems to line up with some other significant date.

@sarahven welcometo the board!

@bababatty ugh at the cancelled cycle. LOL, step away from google. Hopefully your body sorts itself out for next month.

@worldtravler0522 good to see you again. I hate that your doctor's took off for this week and that's screwing with your timing for everything.

AFM: Just sitting in a hopeless two week wait, we gave up on this happening naturally years ago, but figured with 3 months off treatments we might as well try TI. AF is due tomorrow, but drastic weight loss always throws my cycle off just enough to tease me. We paid for the "cellular detox" supplements last week, so we should be starting that towards the end of this week. On a brighter note, I'm down 13 pounds, 3 more to go to my pre-IVF weight. I would love to throw another 20 on top of that, but that's unrealistic for November when stims start again.

wishing-and-hoping · August 2018

@Worldtravler0522 I'm sorry to hear about the timing/insurance problems. Are you able to see a different doctor post Jan1? Would it be worth it to do the hysteroscopy for any potential answers for the future in case insurance changes/etc? I realize these questions may not be helpful and I'm sorry if they are bothersome.

Let me just say, that sucks. & I'm sorry.

Worldtravler0522 · August 2018

@wishing-and-hoping of course I could go back. I hesitate to keep going though because of the cost of travel and the procedure, especially since I won't be able to go back to her again in the new year. If I did see her out of network the cost would be somewhere around $4-6K and that just isn't feasible at the moment. In terms of other doctors, I haven't really been able to find anyone else who is a recurrent pregnancy loss specialist. Also, the other immunologist I've found is in NYC and sadly more expensive than the one in Chicago. I'm just running out of funds and time. I guess I really should have clarified that no one is forcing me to stop except for me. After 6 miscarriages and thousands upon thousands of dollars spent you just have to face facts eventually that you might not be in the percentage that has success and I guess that's where I'm at. Someone has to be the other 40% and it just seems like it's going to be me but it isn't for a lack of trying.

wishing-and-hoping · August 2018

@Worldtravler0522 i see. sorry, i knew my questions were probably not going to be helpful

I hope the coming days and weeks give you clarity on what to do next, if this is the right time to stop treatment, etc. Of course everything in me hopes for a miracle for you.

funkykey · August 2018

@Worldtravler0522 - I'm really sorry to see your update. How frustrating! I was really hoping something could get moving for you before Jan 1 - that's still months away! - but obviously, I respect your decision.

DH and I talk all the time about what's "reasonable". In our society, a lot of people believe that if you try "hard enough" you can get what you want. If you don't get what you want, it's because you didn't work hard enough. Sometimes, of course, that's true - a lot of the time, hard work pays off. But often, it's not. A lot of people fail at things even when they've tried very, very hard. Our world is not a fair one.

So, DH and I are always going back-and-forth on: "How hard do we try to have a baby?" or: "What is a reasonable amount of effort?" Generally, I'm willing to try more than he is - I'm willing to jump through a few more hoops. But even I have my limits. We talk a lot about making peace with our life, and not constantly trying, trying, trying to live another life. So I totally get it - I totally understand if you have come to a point where you are done TTC.

Anyway, thinking of you and sending you a big hug.

@BWhitta - keeping FX for you. Hoping this is the one!

@sarahven - welcome.

@ChristenMA83 - I hate the TWW. I hate it every.single.time. Congratulations on the 13lbs though!

Bababatty · August 2018

@Worldtravler0522 My heart is absolutely breaking for you right now. I am so frustrated and angry on your behalf. When you came back, it seemed so hopeful—like you had these two potential doctors and maybe they could actually find a solution for you. And now this. Do you HAVE to do the hysteroscopy with them? I ask because it seems so wrong that they can’t get you in until November. I know that’s not terribly helpful and I’m sure you’ve already walked through your options. I just wish I could do something to help.

I don’t know what to say except that I’m going to miss you and I’m going to pray that you get your miracle—and when you do, you better come back and update us!

@BWhitta I’m anxiously awaiting your update!

@ChristenMA83 Ditto, the TWW never gets easier! Congratulations on the 13lbs!

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