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disneybaby84 · August 2018

First time moms asking any and all questions to second time moms!

conchispita · August 2018

This is more a question for the TTMs - how did you help your LO get comfortable with the idea of a new sibling? I think DDs recent declaration “I poop in my panties, not in the toilet” has something to do with the prospect of a new sibling. Any proven method to ease her anxiety?

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

Ugh @conchispita I’m worried about this with DS too. We had his 18 month check up today and, since we won’t see the ped again until new baby comes, I asked what we could do to help ease the transition. He said to read a bunch of books about becoming a big brother, to make sure nothing else changes around when baby comes (no bed changes, no potty training, no bedtime changes, no daycare changes, etc), all the obvious stuff. What I thought was interesting was giving DS something to take care of like a stuffed animal or a baby doll. He said it’d help if DS had something to take care of just like mommy. Who knows if that’ll actually help, but I think we’ll try it. Lol our ped was like “well it’s gonna rock his world no matter what so don’t expect anything to help too much”

edited because fat fingers

kayjay44 · August 2018

We did some preparation ahead of time (reading books, “practicing” with baby dolls, etc.) but I think what was most important was after DS came - when DH would get Home with DD, I would hand DS off to DH and spend at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with DD every day

okayestmom12 · August 2018

@conchispitita - We did a lot of talking about the baby, about how DD could help, watching some episodes of her fav shows that had siblings in it. She already had baby dolls so she was all about loving on them/ being their mom.

Your pedi is right about keeping things as “normal” in all other facets as possible. For example, we knew we needed to use some of DD’s nursery furniture for our DS so we made sure to transition her room months before DS was born.

I’ll also echo what @kayjay44 said. Making sure I gave my DD some undivided attention after getting home with baby brother was crucial. It can be hard in the beginning when (if) you’re nursing but it’ll get easier. I’d nurse baby then take DD and run to get milkshakes or take a walk around the block. As much as my DD adored (and still adores) her brother, she loved that one on one time.

ThePax89 · August 2018

@conchispitita in our house, the shift as me being my daughter’s everything to my husband sharing the load was important. She became closer with him so that there wasn’t as much jealousy about me being split. I was fortunate that my daughter is a natural caregiver and has never had an issue with her sibling.

kayjay44 · August 2018

For us, we also kept her routine the same post baby - she still went to daycare everyday which helped a lot. My parents also took her for a weekend once a month to do something fun all by herself. DH definitely took on more of her care - getting her ready in the morning and dealing with her MOTN, but she didn’t seem to notice or mind.

PurplePoppy424 · August 2018

@conchispitita I’m here to echo everyone else. DD was super excited. We were kind of lucky that the lady keeping her at the time had already had a second child and she’d been around the new baby over there quite a bit. She wanted to be a “big sister like her best friend” pretty badly. That helped out a ton. I also found that all of the prep work with books helped, plus I tried super hard to keep her involved. I took her to the anatomy scan with DS and I let her feel him kick all the time. I even bought her a little present that came from him for when she came to meet him for the first time. I truly found that helped most of all and we kept it going after we came home from the hospital. They are two peas in a pod already. Haha

I’ve tried to do the same for her this time around, as well. If this baby ends up being another boy, I may have a revolting 4yo on my hands, but she’s already super excited. We still have jealous moments, but she’s taken to the big sister role better than I anticipated.

hannahbananas11 · August 2018

Any STMs with dogs? My dog Finch is large and rambunctious, but very sweet. We'll be putting our other dog down soon (she has rapidly growing cancer) and Finch is very bonded with her, which could cause some behavioral issues in and of itself. We've had him for three years, and he's been around my two young nieces since the youngest was 1 year old. He's very patient and tolerant with both of them (they're both obsessed with dogs and spend 24/7 with him when we visit), but of course, he might act very differently when my H and I bring a new child into our everyday lives.
What did y'all do to ensure that your dog(s) reacted positively to the baby? Any tips or things that you'd suggest doing or not doing? Thanks!

kayjay44 · August 2018

@hannahbananas11 - we’ve got two we had pre kids. We’ve never had any issues with aggression - just some nipping when the dogs are sick of being picked on.

For the NB stage, not much to worry about. We sent a blanket home with the baby’s smell ahead of time both times. We also never leave the dogs alone with the baby (pretty common sense). Much of what you’ll need to do (training the kid) won’t come until they are mobile. Once the kids starts eating solids and making a huge mess, the dogs realize what a benefit kids in the house are for sure.

lifeofboggs · August 2018

For the dog thing I had two before ds came along and they both did fine.
My little dog (chiwawua) was OBSESSED with him when he was a baby. Now that he is toddler and is always picking and pulling on him (still working to fix that with our ds) he isn’t as obsessed but they are both still great with him. Just obviously never leave them alone with tour dogs and let you dogs have a “safe space” to get away from all the chaos when they want.

hannahbananas11 · August 2018

Thanks @kayjay44 and @lifeofboggs We're certainly planning to always supervise the child and dog when they're in the same area. And Finch is crate trained and already goes to his crate when he wants a break from us. That will be something we train the kid on once it's mobile: Finch's crate is 100% off-limits. No petting him when he's in there, no bothering him at all when he's in there. From what I've seen with my nieces, it's usually the kids who stress the dog out, not the other way around.
I bet dogs look at kids as treat dispensers, considering how much food toddlers drop. LOL

Erinm278 · August 2018

Here a question: My 5 year old is all of a sudden having small poop accidents. I do not at all think this is behavioral, I'm pretty sure it's digestive. We've started her on a multivitamin with added fiber and a probiotic which seemed to help then this weekend she had poop accidents both days. I'm super concerned because she's starting kindergarten in 2 weeks! Does anyone have experience with this?

madreofdragons · August 2018

Yeah @Erinm278 probiotics give my kid the runs when she isn’t constipated. I bought them when she wasn’t pooping and I thought I’d keep her on them but it was too much.

ThePax89 · August 2018

@hannahbananas11 we had baby stuff around prior to my daughter arriving. We turned on the swing and rocked on the chair so he would get used to it. He was obsessed with my daughter. It was too intense for me. It took about 2 full days before he got so exhausted from staring at her and following her around that it became his new normal. I encourage having your partner help a lot during that time. I became very resentful of my dog during this time. I’m so sorry to hear about your sick puppy.

ThePax89 · August 2018

@Erinm278 totally the supplements. The fiber probably makes the poop too slippery. Why did you start them?

PurplePoppy424 · August 2018

I’m going to post this here since it’s technically asking advice from STMs and up. DD is 4.5yo and refuses to get rid of her potty seat at home. When we are in public, she’ll go without one, but she can’t get on the potty by herself. I still have to put her up there. I want to start taking the potty seat away here at home so she’s used to it when she starts school in a little less than two weeks. It didn’t even dawn on me that it might be an issue until this week when I was talking to some friends with older kids.

Those of you with older kids, how did you take the potty seat away?

notthecheat · August 2018

@PurplePoppy424 my DD is 4.5. she goes to daycare and they use regular toilets with stools there so she's used to it. She was and still is really scared of the industrial toilets that are huge and flush automatically. She used to be terrified and refuse to go on public toilets but she's much better now. She used to be scared of falling in/the huge bowl but now she's only scared of the loud sudden flushing noise. Her potty chair had a removable seat that I took in a plastic bag with us when we went to public places for a little while. It sits right on top of a regular toilet seat. A little bit gross and annoying, but it was just temporary and really helped her adjust. I know they sell those seats individually. See pic below for our specific chair/seat. Another thing I did was sit on the back of the toilet seat and she sat in the front between my legs. My best advice is to keep getting her to use public toilets however you can get her to do it. The more she uses them the more she will get familiar and comfortable and realize they don't harm you.

Unfortunately 2 weeks is a little soon to expect drastic results with this method but it's the only thing that's worked for us. I totally agree to take the potty chair away at home, even if you have to use the seat on the regular toilet at home for a bit.

What kind of school is she going to? Pre-K? Do they require complete potty training? Are you able to go into school now with DD to check out the toilets ahead of time? I would definitely discuss your concerns with the teachers ASAP, I'm sure they've dealt with kids with potty issues before, they may be able to help or offer advice.

Another thing that is helpful is a lot of kids will be more inclined to do something if they see a lot of their peers doing it without a problem. So it may be easier once she's in school for her to get comfortable with the toilet, especially if they do potty breaks in groups or she's able to see all the other kids go into the stall and come out unscathed.

Good luck!

ETA: now that I'm rereading your question I see you're asking something slightly different than what I was answering but hopefully there's something helpful in there. I think she'll do fine but I would still talk to the teachers asap and take away the potty chair at home. Most pre-k places have lower toilets that they can reach or provide stools, so that shouldn't be an issue to physically get on the toilet.
At home we just one day took away the potty chair cold turkey. I still had to sit on the seat behind her a few times for our newer oblong toilet, but she did well, especially since home is a familiar and comfortable environment. She used a stool in the bathroom at first but now she can tiptoe and back on without it.

kayjay44 · August 2018

We have a regular seat with a toddler seat built into the lid at home - is that an option? It’s easier than a stand alone or removable seat.

PurplePoppy424 · August 2018

@notthecheat Yes, that’s similar to the seat she has at home. She has that and a stool. I actually had a foldable travel seat that we used in public for quite awhile until I just stopped taking it with us. So it’s not the potty chair she’s used to. It’s the potty seat on top of the toilet. She already doesn’t use a seat in public, but I’m always there to assist her. I know she won’t have that at school.

Her class is also going to be at the local elementary school, so I’m sure they won’t be able to assist at all. I went ahead and emailed her teacher, as well.

Erinm278 · August 2018

Update: We took DD to the Dr and she was diagnosed with a condition called encopresis. basically she's holding her bm's and causing damage to her colon. Because of all the factors involved she is pooping in her pants without really knowing. Until we get her colon healthy again we have to up her fiber, limit her carbs, eliminate dairy, and have set times for her to sit on the toilet.

At least it's an answer but I'm going to have to get creative with food. She seems to understand why she can't have milk anymore and she was really open to eating the foods we prepared for her after we said this would help her belly and her pooping.

disneybaby84 · August 2018

@Erinm278 So sorry! Hope it gets better!

wifemomme · August 2018

The very best advice I got when I had baby #2 was to let her brother hear me tell her that I was busy with him and I would be with her in a minute. You end up having to tell big brother or sister that they will have to wait while you feed/change/put the baby to bed all the time, so it is nice for them to know that baby has to wait sometimes too.

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

Ooooh I like that @wifemomme. I have a sibling with a disability so, while she's an adult now, our entire childhood (and into adulthood) was spent with my parents needing to give her a lot more attention than me. I understood, but it still sucked to always hear "hold on, I need to deal with *sister* right now" over and over and over. It would have been so nice to have heard my parents tell her to wait just once.

lzzfrancisco · August 2018

@Erinm278 So sorry you're dealing with that! My brother and his son both have Hirschsprung's, which sounds fairly similar. They were both diagnosed around 10, so there were many frustrations and complications leading to their diagnosis. My Mom and sister in law had/have learned to be very diligent with diet and schedule bathroom visits. My Mom is very honest about how hard it was, but both of them live very normal lives, have no diet restrictions, but keep a very habitual schedule. You'd never know they have the issue. I hope that's helpful

ohsunnydays · August 2018

I just got an offer from someone about a crib. She sent me make and model, and it was made in 2009. I thought I read there was a major crib recall around 2011?? Is there a running list of recalled cribs where I could look it up? It's Babi Italia/Lajobi Eastside Lifestyle Crib serial no 4090454-045
Sincerely, very lost FTM (am I already turning into *that* neurotic mom?)

disneybaby84 · August 2018

@ohsunnydays. https://www.carrcarr.com/cribs-recalled-february-21-1978-to-november-22-2010/

wifemomme · August 2018

@ohsunnydays With the make and model you should be able to find it on the list @disneybaby84 shared. In general, all cribs with drop down sides were recalled and are illegal to re-sell.

cas060 · August 2018

Anyone else have a pet bird? My lovebird is seriously noisy and i cant imagine baby being able to sleep theough that noise. I caught him outside in May so its a rescue... not an option to rehome, hes too cute. Baby might have to sleep with noise canceling headphones?? Or maybe if babys exposed enough to the noise while in utero it wont be phased??

allthingsgo · August 2018

@cass06_07 get a white noise machine and it should be fine. DD has slept with one from the beginning and sometimes I’m amazed at what she’ll sleep through.

cas060 · August 2018

Thanks @allthingsgo, ill look into it!

okayestmom12 · August 2018

My kids (6 & 3) still sleep with their white noise machines. That is one of the things I tell every FTM to buy.

lifeislove87 · August 2018

I also support a white noise machine, but you’d be surprised what babies get used to, our neighbours dogs are so loud and my daughter doesn’t even stir

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

We just got a white noise app on an old iPad. That iPad has become the kids iPad because we only use it for white noise and movies/apps when traveling (or when mama needs a break)

danixbanani24 · August 2018

@cass06_07 we live in NYC in an apartment building where it can get hella noisy. My DS just kind of got used to noise? I think birdy noises might be kind of nice but I second a white noise machine/app if it becomes troublesome to baby sleep

becks_726 · August 2018

My apologies if we've covered this in a previous thread. Prenatal classes: useful?
There's a place I want to go to but their classes cover strictly post-birth topics. Should I be looking for another one to cover the whole giving birth thing? Or would my own research, books, etc. be sufficient?
Thanks!

cas060 · August 2018

@danixbanani24.. can be nice but when he squaks/screeches ugh its the worst!!

hannahbananas11 · August 2018

I'm also curious, like @becks_726, about what classes people found useful, if any. There are so many types (birthing strategies, breastfeeding, prenatal yoga/fitness), and I don't want to spend money on all of them. Which ones are essential, and which ones did you think were just "meh" or redundant to the books that you read?

Also, books! What books did y'all find useful, or on the flipside, terrible?

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

@becks_726 I skipped all the prenatal, breastfeeding and postpartum classes ... I really only did the hospital tour. I read ina mays guide to childbirth, but I felt like the classes would really amp up my anxiety. I did read a TON online though, which helped me know what I needed for postpartum recovery and what to bring in my hospital bag. I don’t know that anything can really prepare you for birth because it’s such a unique experience for every mom!

disneybaby84 · August 2018

Books I read that were helpful: Guide to Childbirth by Ina May and Natural Hospital Birth by Cynthia Gabriel. I did do the hospital child birth class. In the one I took it walked the couples' through the different stages of labor and what techniques are the best helpful. It taught my husband different ways to massage the belly and my back. We ended up using none of them during labor, but who knows maybe this baby will be different.

PurplePoppy424 · August 2018

I found the best preparation to be talking to other moms and reading a lot online. I never spent the money on any of the prenatal classes at the hospital. I did the free hospital tour and that was all. Nothing truly prepares you for that moment and I found that a lot of the classes just caused anxiety for my friends.

It’s different for everyone, though. If you’re someone who likes to know all of that stuff, then it’ll be helpful for you. Just try to take all of it with a grain of salt. They are generic classes to give you an overview. They’re not tailor made for you and your baby. There will be things you need to trust your gut on.

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