Family upset by pregnancy

AylaLove · August 2018

So I just found out I'm pregnant and I'm due just a couple weeks before my family is scheduled to take a big family vacation to the beach. I told my mom and sister that I might be pregnant and wouldn't be going on the trip, and they both blew up at me. Even though we would still pay our share of the trip costs, they basically told me I've ruined everything, that I'm selfish and only think about myself. I get that it's an inopportune time to get pregnant (we got pregnant with our first on the first try so we figured we probably wouldn't get pregnant with the second on the first try but we did) but I feel like they're blowing it really out of proportion. I'm actually really close to my mom and sister and so it's really stressing me out that they're so angry. My mom is even making me have a family meeting to tell everyone going on the trip that I've ruined it for everyone by getting pregnant, and I had planned to keep the news to myself until the second trimester but she says I have to tell everyone how I ruined it for them. I don't even know what to do at this point. I don't see why they can't just go on the trip without me and my husband, especially if we're still paying our share of the costs. I guess I don't really have a question but just needed to vent a bit... this is supposed to be a happy time but I'm just angry and stressed

kristah2 · August 2018

@AylaLove that is a really tough situation to be in. Personally I would politely tell my mom and sister that it is my news to share and that I will share when I'm ready as me not going on the trip does not effect anyone else. If or when they are still mad be happy that you're family is expanding and you have the support of your husband.
Hopefully they come around and can share your excitement very soon.
And honestly, if not, you don't need that negativity in your pregnancy anyway.

cjx95 · August 2018

Hey, first of all Congrats on the pregnancy!! Second, you absolutely DO NOT have to tell anyone else in your family until you are ready and NOBODY can force you to. Your mother is being incredibly rude, childish, and unreasonable. This is supposed to be a happy time in your life and I'm sorry that your mom and sister are ruining the joy for you. Hopefully WHEN you decide to tell the rest of your family they will be much more supportive and your mom will realize she's over reacting. Good Luck!

kiki75 · August 2018

If you normally have a good relationship with them and this is out of character, can you ask them why they are reacting so strongly/strangely? It really is a bizarre reaction. As far as making you have a family meeting to a) share your pregnancy news before you’re ready b) tell everyone how “selfish” you are c) apologize for “ruining” the vacation and d) force all of these people to use their free time attending this awkward-fest, lol, no.

It’s such a strange shamey demand. Even if you were some 15-year-old and they actually couldn’t just go on the vacation without you, it’s still pretty messed up and not okay. I don’t understand why they can’t just say, “Congratulations! Such a bummer you can’t come! We’ll miss you!” or... idk, maybe check around with the group and see if there are other dates that would work and look into changing things.

Do your best to just be happy. Maybe you’ll find out later why they had such a strange, terrible reaction. Or maybe not. Either way, it’s their problem.

lovesclimbing · August 2018

Assuming you are over the age of 18, your mom can't make you do anything.

I'd tell your mom something like this, "I had hoped you would be excited and happy about having a grandchild. It's extremely disappointing that this is your response. To equate the wonderfulness of having a child with us trying to ruin a vacation is beyond hurtful."

Something to consider, is this a somewhat nearby vacation and does it have a lot of upfront/non refundable costs? I ask because I took a six hour road trip on vacation at 2.5 weeks postpartum. I would have felt well enough even earlier than that. Of course, all women are different and have different recoveries, but if there isn't a huge travel commitment or nonrefundable costs involved, it may be something where you could keep your options open and see how you feel when the baby is born. Although, at this point, it'd be understandable if you just don't want to go with the way they are acting. And they would probably get offended if you said, "I'm going to sit on the beach and not go in the water because I'm still bleeding out of my vagina."

AylaLove · August 2018

Thanks guys. It was honestly more my sister than my mother. When I confronted her about it, she said it was because she only wanted to go on the vacation if I went. Our daughters are just over a year apart and I think she was really upset about her daughter not having a playmate. My mom chilled out and there was no family meeting, though both my mom and my sister told their husbands. The vacation would be a 12 hour ride. We were planning on flying initially but the new baby won't be old enough to fly by then so if we went we'd have to drive. I definitely don't want to be in the car for 12 hours (probably a lot more with a newborn and two year old) and also I wouldn't be able to get in the water that soon after giving birth. Plus I wouldn't want the newborn out in the heat, so I would end up sitting at the rental house while everyone else went to the beach. Not worth it in my opinion. So my two aunts are going to take our spot instead and even though my sister is still giving me grief, I think everyone else is pretty much over it thank goodness

deecherise · December 2018

Hey, what everyone else in here has said! Ironically, my due date might be also ruining the plan for the family beach vacation, but I didn't get that totally uncalled for response, and you shouldn't have either.

Is there really no way for them to either go on vacay a couple months earlier or later? That's the compromise I'm going to try with my family.

DaniMat · December 2018

I’m so sorry you are going through that! We have a big cruise coming up in 2020 and I just found out I’m pregnant. My baby won’t be old enough to go on the cruise. My husband is very disappointed. It’s all he keeps talking about. He’s happy and excited for the baby- but can’t stop talking about the cruise and the vacation we just booked for August! I told him that he can go with our youngest and the rest of the family! It’s such a let down when you are excited about something so amazing and people are bummed because of a vacation! I totally get it! It’s your business to tell- so if you aren’t ready, then you shouldn’t say anything! I honestly would make a big deal out of it to your sister and mom. Let them know how upset you are.

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