Weekly Questions (w/o 7/30-8/6)

okayestmom12 · July 2018

allthingsgo · July 2018

I was wondering if anyone on here has experience with a doula? Was it helpful/worth it? Also has any one had a vbac and has any tips or want to share their experience? Would love to hear it! Thank you

megpants209 · July 2018

Ohhh @allthingsgo I second the doula question! I’m thinking about getting one. I want to go drug free and think having an experienced support would be helpful.

kayjay44 · July 2018

I think whether or not a doula is valuable depends on the nurses and your partner - The nurses/MWs and DH were so helpful and supportive that I don't see a need for one and wouldn't want another person in the room.

allthingsgo · July 2018

@kayjay44 yeah I can understand that. I had a very long and exhausting labor so towards the end my husband kept falling asleep (and he sleeps like a rock) and I also saw about 5-6 different nurses bc of all the shift changes I labored through and some were more helpful than others I found. That’s why I thought having a constant presence such as a doula may be more helpful this time. Especially since I’m going for a vbac.

hannahbananas11 · July 2018

DH and I decided last week to hire a doula, and we were on the fence at first but are now really set on it. Here's what swayed our decision:

1. We're delivering at a teaching hospital, so residents will be in and out of the room and possibly doing more of the work than the attending OB. Residents usually mean more medical intervention, since they don't always trust their instincts (or have any instincts to go off of, if they're first-years).
-Having another advocate in the room to push for non-intervention as much as possible (and medically-reasonable) will be good.

2. We're using a group practice, which means that there are about 20 OBs, any of whom might deliver our baby. We've liked all of them so far and will see all of them by the time baby is due, but we might have an OB delivering who we only saw once, or don't like very much.
-Having a familiar face who knows the ropes will be useful.

3. This is our first child, and we don't know what to expect.
-Again, someone who knows the ropes will be helpful.

4. I'd like to avoid induction, epidural, and c-section as much as possible (due to the medical side effects, not because of some weird need to prove anything).
-Having a person coach me through labor will help avoid intervention.

5. Our family is all out of town, so it will only be my husband and me in L&D.
-Having a familiar person there for support if something goes wrong will be very good, especially if my husband is too distraught, exhausted or stressed to provide much support to me, and vice versa.

I've had friends who haven't had doulas and had great births, as well. I think a lot of it is personal preference, and what your own situation will be.

ohsunnydays · July 2018

How soon do I need to buy a pregnancy pillow? I am 13 wks tomorrow. Should I be trying to “train” myself to not sleep on my back? That’s one of the reasons I was thinking of getting a pillow. Thoughts?

kayjay44 · July 2018

ohsunnydays said:

How soon do I need to buy a pregnancy pillow? I am 13 wks tomorrow. Should I be trying to “train” myself to not sleep on my back? That’s one of the reasons I was thinking of getting a pillow. Thoughts?

I use a king sized pillow and have started already to keep my hips from hurting. I like it better than a pregnancy pillow and would recommend trying it first. As for laying on your back, it will get to a point where that is not comfortable. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Sleep however you are comfortable.

megpants209 · July 2018

@ohsunnydays I got one of those C shaped ones (we call it a noodle but I know that’s not the real name) at like 8 weeks because my joints hurt so bad. I love mine but the shape might not be for everyone. It is definitely a bit restrictive but I like it personally.

LuLiLaEv · July 2018

@ohsunnydays I’m a stomach sleeper and was concerned with my first because I would constantly wake up on my stomach and wouldn’t realize it throughout the night. My doctor said that it would get uncomfortable before it would hurt the baby.

I just use a body pillow when I get to that point and tuck it in between my legs for support.

eliseirene31613 · August 2018

Looking for advice!
I shared this on my ticker change thread and I am sharing it here too to reach out to more of you ladies.

I am starting to share the news with friends, and I have one friend that I am nervous to tell because she and I were both TTC. She was already kinda stressing about it then, and she's a couple years older than I am. I happen to know that she is not yet pregnant, and I conceived pretty quickly. I'm not sure how she'll feel about the news, but I don't want to add to her stress!! (Stress is no good for baby-makin!) We plan to post an announcement on social media in about two weeks, and I want to make sure she knows before then. She lives far away so I am planning to tell her by text. I've read a few articles about how to tell someone who is TTC that you are pregnant and there are some helpful suggestions out there. I am curious to know if any of you have been through this (on either side) and have any experience, advice or opinions you'd like to share!

Thanks!

kayjay44 · August 2018

eliseirene31613 said:

Looking for advice!
I shared this on my ticker change thread and I am sharing it here too to reach out to more of you ladies.

I am starting to share the news with friends, and I have one friend that I am nervous to tell because she and I were both TTC. She was already kinda stressing about it then, and she's a couple years older than I am. I happen to know that she is not yet pregnant, and I conceived pretty quickly. I'm not sure how she'll feel about the news, but I don't want to add to her stress!! (Stress is no good for baby-makin!) We plan to post an announcement on social media in about two weeks, and I want to make sure she knows before then. She lives far away so I am planning to tell her by text. I've read a few articles about how to tell someone who is TTC that you are pregnant and there are some helpful suggestions out there. I am curious to know if any of you have been through this (on either side) and have any experience, advice or opinions you'd like to share!

Thanks!

I've been on both sides - Telling her first is totally the right call. I would just be honest with her. Sure I was sad about not being pregnant or recent losses when friends told me they were pregnant, but I was also very happy for them.

hannahbananas11 · August 2018

@eliseirene31613 I think it's a good idea to tell her before posting it on Facebook, and it's also a good idea to text. That way she can have time to process it, and won't have to immediately reply like she would if you told her over a phone call or something. One of my friends got pregnant soon after I experienced a MC, and while I was a little jealous, I was also very happy for her. She texted me to tell me, and I was glad that she did as I could express my genuine happiness for her once I worked through the slight pain in private.

eliseirene31613 · August 2018

Thanks @kayjay44 and @hannahbananas11!
I am debating whether or not to say something like this:

"I wanted you to be one of the first to know that I am pregnant! I know that this may be hard to hear because I know that trying sometimes takes a while and it sucks, but just know that I'm here for you if you need to talk/vent!"

The articles I read suggested saying something like that, but I don't want to bring it up and assume that she will be upset - that might be offensive? We aren't very close (but our husbands were college roommates), I only see her about once or twice a year, but when we were together in April all we talked about was TTC!
What do ya'll think?

kayjay44 · August 2018

I wouldn't assume she's upset, personally.

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

How long has she been TTC? My bff and I were TTC at the same time and they conceived 6 weeks before we did. If she doesn’t have a history of infertility or losses, I’d just tell her over text and not assume she’ll be upset. Although if your husband and her husband are closer friends (which it sounds like?) I’d say your husband should tell hers. Lol maybe that’s cowardly of me.

conchispita · August 2018

What @BourbonBiscuits said. My brother and SIL have been TTC for over a year. My SIL and I are like oil and water, but I love my brother so I told him so he can prep her.
I may not announce anything because they (she) are really sensitive about it. She tends to take things the wrong way and makes everything about her, and I do not want her thinking that I’m trying to rub salt in her wound.

AshleySparkle720 · August 2018

eliseirene31613 said:

Looking for advice!
I shared this on my ticker change thread and I am sharing it here too to reach out to more of you ladies.

I am starting to share the news with friends, and I have one friend that I am nervous to tell because she and I were both TTC. She was already kinda stressing about it then, and she's a couple years older than I am. I happen to know that she is not yet pregnant, and I conceived pretty quickly. I'm not sure how she'll feel about the news, but I don't want to add to her stress!! (Stress is no good for baby-makin!) We plan to post an announcement on social media in about two weeks, and I want to make sure she knows before then. She lives far away so I am planning to tell her by text. I've read a few articles about how to tell someone who is TTC that you are pregnant and there are some helpful suggestions out there. I am curious to know if any of you have been through this (on either side) and have any experience, advice or opinions you'd like to share!

Thanks!

I dealt with this for my last two viable pregnancies. I have a friend who has been ttc for over 5 years with lots of intervention and no success and another who found out her uterus had prolapsed after they had started to ttc for their final baby resulting in an emergency removal surgery. All of this to say I totally get this situation. I've never had problems with ttc, but many issues maintaining pregnancies and they both know that. I texted both of them basically saying I love them, wanted to let them know, and depending on their response I let them know that I respect any reaction they have. Then I gave them both some space and followed their lead with conversations.

eliseirene31613 · August 2018

Thank you ladies, I was probably over-thinking it (as usual). She started "not preventing" at the beginning of the year and I think she's probably been actively trying more in the past few months. My husband told hers already, but I had him ask to not say anything to her because I thought it may be better if I told her... now I wish I hadn't said that! lol I'll send her a simple text tonight just telling her I'm pregnant. Thank you for your advice!

Omie_Wise · August 2018

@allthingsgo and @megpants209 I had a doula and she was fantastic. DH was on the fence about it but I insisted. This time around right he to me to contact her so we could use her again. I'm not sure if it was because we had a doula but I don't remember the nurses in there with us during a lot of my labor. I mean they certainly checked on us but they weren't suggesting birthing positions or holding a fist in my back for hours like our doula was. It was really helpful to have someone there who had a lot of experience with births because we (DH and I) had none. One of the clinchers for me was when I decided to get an epidural and she made sure that I got the best person to insert the needle in my back. I also really appreciated having someone to text and call with questions who wasn't my OB. And finally the postpartum visit was really appreciated. I would definitely recommend looking into it and interviewing some women. Interviewing is free!

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