@coffee-saur I'm so sorry they are trying to continue putting you guys in the middle/guilting you. You have enough to worry about! I can't believe they would think inviting themselves to go was appropriate. People suck!
So as you can imagine, all we've heard is about is how hard SIL is having it since her procedure, and how going to her normally scheduled on appointment (a few days after procedure) was a complete waste of her time and now she's so miserable there is no way she could possibly do anything. (I don't doubt she's uncomfortable, just know her dramatics). So, apparently before they did her procedure, they done an ultrasound. (She was 15 weeks this week) and told her the sex of the baby. They are announcing this weekend. So I guess that will be interesting... She has actually said (in a few ways, and once directly) "I wish I could just tell you what it is so you can get me stuff I need this weekend! I already have 2 carseats given to us, but we need everything else, all the big stuff especially. We have nothing. I know it probably sounds bad, because we are having a baby shower, but people probably aren't going to get us the big things we need. Probably just some clothes and diapers. Little stuff". I really couldn't believe it. It was a good thing it was a recorded video and not live face to face. I believe my actual words where something along the lines of "What the actual fuck?! Are you actually fucking serious right now?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!" (for the record, this weekend is a huge multi county wide garage sale event. DH and I are going to look for stuff for our own kids. She could go herself and buy her kid some shit, knowing what it is, but still honestly thinks everyone needs to provide this baby's stuff and we need to/are going to pass everything extra and out grown to her.) I responded with no response. I couldn't. So sometime between tomorrow and Sunday night (waiting until my nephew is home from his dad's) we will know which way the crazy starts to go.
@jomama1618 I've been so patiently waiting for an update!! When she says big stuff does she mean like baby swings, pnp, rnp, or like dresser, crib, etc?? Either way isnt that all stuff you'd be using for a while even after she has her baby?? No answer is better than the NO WAY IN HELL I'd probably answer her lol
Lol I was trying to wait for the announcement and aftermath, because I'm sure that will go swimmingly but I decided after her comments, I would add it now.
And she totally means everything! She honestly believes that everything should be provided for them. (Whether bought for them at the shower and passed down through the other kids) Because "faaamily" and baby is a blessing for an entire family etc. And ya, completely ridiculous since our kids will be approximately 10 weeks apart. So even if I felt generous, my DD will still be using all those things for some time! And you made me laugh! I really legit had to toss my phone to the side and walk away. I'm biting my tongue for DH at the moment, because as frustrated and pissed off as he is, he is trying to just step back for now. We try really hard to do the whole "you deal with your side of the family" thing. Which is stupid complicated when they interact more with me than him! Now if it's a girl and they stick with using the name one letter off of ours, I'm not sure he will be able to keep his mouth shut. Lol
Oh my God if it's a girl and they honestly name her one letter off your dds name I'd flip the f out on her. OR lie and say you chose something else and see if she suddenly changes her name choice. If so then call her out on it because that's just over the top (not that already isnt that and then some) you have the patience of a saint honestly I can't say it enough
@jomama1618 a friend of mine has a SIL like that. She had DD1 in spring 2017 and DD2 in Spring 2018. For DD2 she made a complete baby registry and threw herself not one, but two baby showers because she “needed” stuff for the second child. Also, her and her H live in an apartment above their in laws garage and basically expect her in laws to watch their kids at a moments notice. Some people don’t get it.
@mamabearcj my mom said something similar, but she said we should announce we went back to our original name choice. Which just so happens to be the exact same name they picked (Our DD's name was to be Luna Aurora 2nd middle name, but DH decided Lana felt right. My guess is because Luna is so popular now.) They are SO freaking close and she knew we chose Luna before Lana. Like we had discussed using them for a twin set (because there was a very high chance of twins again lol). But I do like your idea of seeing if she changes it! And I can't say that one of us won't end up flipping out. Lol
@cdepperschmidt Some people really don't! Your friend's SIL sounds just lovely *ugh, I need a freaking eye roll face on here* 2 self thrown showers, that's beyond even my SIL's crazy! Sounds like her and my SIL sound like they could be great friends! I shouldn't ever be surprised by people like this, but some how, I always am! SIL expected that with everyone with the little time she did have DN. Now she has DN and her 2 soon to be step daughters, so she expects them to basically be miniature nannies. 4th of July we seen them (because DH relented) and she made the first of a set of comments letting me know she expects that. My DS is all boy, on the go, non stop. On 4th of July, DH had been chasing him around GMIL'S huge yard most the day , but asked if I minded watching him while he played cards. He would have came if I yelled for him, but not a big deal. So here we are, running around non stop, wearing me out (gotta love the energy of a 2 year old! Lol) and SIL can tell he's wearing me down. It was hot/humid and let's be honest, running around pregnant is extra tiring lol (She's playing cards too, so she yells from inside the screened in porch) "If you get to tired or need a break yell at one of those kids to come chase him! They'll do it, they ain't doing anything else". I know somewhere deep down that she was just trying to be nice, I really do. But first of all, this is my kid, I chose to have him and all the care that comes with it. Second of all, these kids aren't very old! I trust my nephew, he loves his little cousin more than anything, but he's only 9! One of the girls is a few months younger than him and the other is I think 7. (Not to mention I've seen these girls like twice before). They are far too young to be responsible for a toddler, not to mention it isn't their freaking job! (There has been lots more comments about that too. That the kids are going to be like second little parents, all the help they are going to be and stuff they will be doing. Etc)
Patiently waiting to find out the sex of their new child...either tomorrow or Sunday. Stay tuned lol
Not sure if crazy in-law stuff goes here or not, but this whole pregnancy I feel like my MIL doesn't give two shits about this new baby. When I was pregnant the first time she was the first on that side of the family. So I get it was special then but since then both DH's sister and SIL have had kids all girls so they now have three granddaughters.
Anyway I assumed they would want to see their newest grandchild so asked point blank do you want to come up here to see the baby before we come down to see you guys on our trip to Disney in January. I got well if you need the help you know we are only a phone call away. Well I'll go down with the ship before I admit to them I need help. I thought I was being more than generous inviting them when I really didn't want to and I basically got turned down. I'm so grumpy. I'm so sad that people don't see too excited this time around. It's still our baby and we still love it.
Am I overreacting?
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
@bntfroggie not over reacting at all. That's definitely upsetting that your inlaws dont seem as happy for you this time. As long as you and DH are happy with this little one then they'll have all the love they need
@bntfroggie I think that the level of excitement is probably not the same as your first. You had the very first grandchild so that’s going to be totally different. When I was pregnant with my daughter (my 2nd) my SIL was pregnant with her first. My in-laws were excited but the level of excitement was definitely different. They were somewhat more excited for her than for us and she was having their first granddaughter on top of that. They love all their grandchildren, but I think that during the pregnancy, the level of excitement isn’t the same as the first.
My MIL even came from Texas for my niece’s birth but weren’t planning on being here for my daughter’s (they’re 4 months apart) but they just happened to be here since she came 3 weeks early. This time around, I fully don’t expect them to and to be honest, I’m probably going to be happier that way because it’s tough enough trying to adjust without extra people underfoot. My parents were very excited for my first two pregnancies (first grandson, first granddaughter) but I know they will be far more excited for my sister when she gets pregnant than they are for me in this third pregnancy, since it’ll be her first.
Now everyone did get very excited once E was actually here, as I assume they will be once Squish makes his appearance. Hopefully that’ll be the case for your inlaws as well!
@jomama1618 My H told my SIL (who I was talking about earlier in this thread) that we were naming LO Azaleah if its a girl (which it is, but DH doesn't know that), but I never agreed to the name and am not a fan. I'm guessing DH just liked it and it must have been the first name that came to mind when she asked him if we have any names picked out yet. SIL has been continually saying how much she loves the name and that she is going to use it if she has a girl and we don't use it. The petty part of me want to use it for the same reasons lol.
BFP #1: due 6/17/2013, DD born 6/25/13 BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016 BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
@bel194 I dont think you're being petty either. That would bother me a lot too- it's still y'alls baby and a new family member!! my feelings would be hurt.
Speaking of crazy in-laws. First I was going to post this on Stabby Saturday and then got distracted at home. Then I was going to wait until WTF Wednesday because it's seriously WTF. But I think it will fit here too. I'm pretty angry. Let me know if I'm being ridiculous. Seriously. Please. lol
Here goes:
My in-laws are on
my last nerve. Hubby and I have had an insane, busy, stressful as hell, work-filled summer and
really need to take some time for us. Our 10 year anniversary was this past
June too and we havent been able to celebrate yet. ALSO, would love some us
time before this 2nd baby arrives. So, we asked hubby's parents if they would
keep our daughter for us while we took a long weekend and went to the beach to
celebrate all of the things. We decided to ask them because my mom has been a
FANTASTIC Nana and always is willing to watch her, come play with her, take her
to do things, etc. (Which hubby and I both thought it would be the opposite
way- his parents doing all the things and my mom sucking it up- so we've both
been super surprised). Anyways, we decided to see if they wanted another chance
to spend some time with her (they only come when it's convenient for them *eye
roll*). My MIL's reaction was literally- "I dont think your daughter is
ready to be away from her parents that long. I'll talk to FIL." WTF. FIL
talks to my hubby and says "yea, we just dont think your daughter should
be away from her parents for that long." Ummm. 1) EFF YOU for judging my
parenting. 2) It's for 3 1/2 freaking days. 3) my mom has kept her for 2 1/2
days and she's been more than fine. 4) my hubby responded with- well it's
happening with or without you, just wanted to see if you wanted to spend time
with your granddaughter. UGH.
So at this point, I'm like nope. They are not keeping her. We'll
find someone else. I dont want to worry about her the entire time and if they
dont act like they want to spend time with her, I dont want her there.
We had not told them they are not keeping her yet and get a
picture text of tons of toys they went and got at yard sales with a caption reading
"getting ready for our big weekend." So my thought was- well maybe
they were just scared? (bullshit, but whatever- they dont make sense to me
anyways). I thought my husband would be all "aww okay, they are trying,
she can stay with them." NOPE. He was actually MORE pissed. We found out
recently that my SIL in pregnant too! She's older than my hubby and it's their
first. So hubby's reaction was "WTF, they've had almost TWO YEARS to do
this and now they do it? It's because my sister is pregnant." So, I'm back
to being pissed.
Now everything they do annoys the shit out of me. I mean, they
wanted us to have kids for YEARS and were SO excited when we finally announced
we were pregnant. And then they barely come and spend time with her, refuse to
help out if we need it (wont change many diapers, give her a bath, freaking
play with her or take her to do things unless we are in the room). I just dont
get it. I feel so bad for my hubby and for my daughter. Not the grandparent
experience I wanted for them. I’m worried it will just get worse when my
SIL has her kid. They’ll spend all the time with them. We are due with #2 3
months before SIL has her baby. I’m just anticipating all of the hurt feelings.
@wolfpackgrl718 No I think that's kind of bull, but I guess if they hadn't watched her before it could have been cold feet initially. I would definitely feel judged, but I always feel judged when DH's parents come to visit. I always say I never feel like a worse parent than when they are around.
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
@wolfpackgrl718 that's definitely frustrating and not fair of them to make that decision for you. If you feel DD is old enough then I'm sure she'll be fine. I'd send her with your mom too if that's who shes been with the most for her own comfort
@wolfpackgrl718 if your 2 year old shouldn’t be away from her parents for 3 days then I must be parent of the year. I left DD with MIL for 3 days when she was a month old. I must have scarred her for life.
@wolfpackgrl718 it’s like that with my parents and in-laws as well. My folks have watched the kids for up to a week (we had our 15th anniversary last summer and went to Mexico). My in-laws have kept DS1 overnight for a night here or there, but can’t cope with all three. It sucks because I feel bad always relying on my parents, but that’s how things break down.
@bntfroggie So, they've babysat for us twice. Once was when she was 6 months old and it was for 2 nights. and another was just to put her to bed when we went to a wedding. They also went to the beach with us in May for 4 nights. They came to help (we paid for everything with the understanding they would help out since my husband was at a conference all day) but then they didnt. My MIL literally refused to give her a bath and wouldnt change any diapers. like wtf? She's had 2 kids of her own, it's not like shes a moron? It's not like I did everything first and she watched, so it's not like I threw her in to do it all by herself. I just dont get it.
@mamabearcj yea, I think we'll either have her stay with mom or my brother. She'll be fine with whoever it is- she's super easy going. She just needs to be entertained. lol. My mom came and watched her all day Saturday so we could work on the new nursery and my daughter would barely come to me or hubby. She was so excited Nana was there. She's 20 months old and can definitely be clingy to us, but she also does fine with others. I hate the judgement from the in laws. ugh.
@SawyerRichardson right?! I dont think there is anything wrong with going away. Honestly, we'd go for longer if I had enough time for that and maternity saved up. (Dont get me wrong, I'd miss my daughter like a crazy person, but I also believe in some 1:1 time with just hubby!)
@jennybean80 yea, I completely understand. Part of me feels bad for always relying on my mom, but she swears she loves every minute of it. I used to feel bad that it seemed like we just always asked her and never my in-laws, but they did that to themselves as far as I'm concerned. We've tried over and over.
My parents are totally opposite. They are so excited for our kid and want to watch it as much as we will let then. A sibling of mine has a son who is going on 12 or 13 and they have never let him stay over for a night with our parents and don't think they have left the kid alone for maybe 2 hours only twice in the kids life. They won't say why and it is driving everyone batty. So to say the are super excited for our child is an understatement.
@bel194 It's such a shame you don't like the name (I can't say I disagree. Just not a favorite of mine.) Because can you imagine her face when you announced baby, if you did use it?! :Joy: Ya, I know I'm a petty asshole sometimes lol But how can you not be with crazy like our SIL's around?!
Nope, you didn't miss it @spartan4life! It poured rain all weekend so they couldn't do their reveal until last night after he got off work/dinner (he is very outdoorsy, so we wanted to do it with his hunting stuff, and a paint filled balloon so they could hang the paint splattered canvas for baby. Couldn't do that in the rain)
Since I know you all have been patiently waiting!!!... . Drum roll please... ... .... ..... ......
It's a BOY!!!
Literally everyone but her wanted it to be a boy. It's a damn good thing she had the camera pointed away from her, because you could hear the disappointment in her voice! I nicely asked if they had decided on the name (him being a Jr or a name with daddy's first name as his middle) and she said that baby daddy said that is yet to be determined. (She seems oddly more focused on it being a Jr than he does... But then blames it on him saying she couldn't possibly imagine taking that away from him. The other name is freakin adorable.) After that it has been complete radio silence. Granted it has only been a very very short amount of time. It's eerily quiet, and the disappointment is noticeable to everyone. (She hasn't even posted anything on her FB about it. And she posts about everything for attention.) He's posted about baby a few times. It should be interesting...
GMIL hasn't commented a single thing about it being a boy. She hasn't seemed to comment on much about either currently gestating child, honestly. (She's never had much interest or even commented about Lana being a girl. I think she's still salty she isn't getting a baby named after her. Since his side obviously has a preference for girls. Unfortunately so does my step dad's side...) MIL was pming me about her check up (that was for this morning, to see if she can go back to work) throughout the whole ordeal (and I wonder where her daughter got it.*eye roll* Once again, no one can have their own moment...) And saying how they won't be able to come down for either kid's birthday, because winter babies... again (Her husband works for the state and is basically on call all the time once it starts getting cold.) I had to bite my tongue. Again? Wtf? My son was born mid summer! Right after 4th of July! And she was there through my nephew's birth (like in the room). So I don't know why the word again was thrown in there... She said we'd have to send pictures, and that she promised she wouldn't put them on like last time. (We had a rule that no one could announce, talk about him or put pictures on until we did. Because we announced DS pregnancy to family in person first. And barely caught them before someone posted online. That rule got later construed, but I digress.) She said she's "so excited" for more grandkids and can't wait to meet them (didn't meet DS til a week-ish before his first birthday, don't see this being any different. Not that I want them to make a difference between them. That's actually our fear.) But still shows no real interest in how Lana is, appointments etc.
Every one else has been pretty quiet about it. It's kind of weird, but not much time has passed, so we will see...
I told DH it probably sounds petty that I'm glad it's a boy. (Because a small part of me does feel a little bad for her because I know she did want a girl) BUT with her theatrics and crazy, I couldn't help it. He said it wasn't petty, that her whole attitude and everything surrounding this has pissed him off, especially the name thing. I honestly believe her having a boy now is for the best.
So pretty uneventful for the time being (I think everyone honestly believed we would both have girls and are kind of in shock still.) So I will continue the updates as they come!
On a non in law related note, my brother is here. He just got here and I'm hoping he leaves soon... I know, you're thinking "that's nice but irrelevant" but it isn't... My brother is 21 months younger than me, on the higher functioning side of the autism spectrum. Has married and divorced 3 times (that I know of) before 27. Has at least 3 (possibly 4/5) kids. Signed over guardianship for oldest kid (both parents did. It was really for the best), one he pays cs for but can't see (distance) and the last is 6. I think I've talked a little about 6 on here before, but I'm going to get really real for a minute.
*** *** *** Very serious TW *** *** ***
We have raised 6 basically her entire life. We all lived in the same house when she was born. Somewhere around 6 weeks, her mom physically abused her one night. Hit her, threw her etc because she woke up to eat (my mom and I had physically had 6 for over 24hrs. She hadn't even had her back for 6 hours) my brother called the cops, and she ended up being taken to an in patient mental health facility (she's crazy, like legit gotten a check since she was about 5 or so. Shouldn't have had kids, narcissistic as they come, crazy manipulative). My brother was granted full emergency custody . (She had a reunification plan in place, just wasn't compliant. So she never got anything more than supervised visitation since.) Well given that my brother can't care for himself, that meant we got 6. He knew we were struggling with infertility and was happy 6 had a loving "Mommy and Daddy" to care for her and give her stability. Things were ok for awhile, until he met the girl that eventually became wife 3 (I'll come back to that). She was also crazy, and had been stripped of all her rights to her own child. So she was desperate to play Mommy. This started the cycles of him taking 6 so she could play Mommy. It was always random, never healthy, frantic calling to come get her when they couldn't handle things. It was killing me, but we couldn't do anything. He knew he still had custody and used it to his advantage. That blew up later, then came wife 2. That was the first semi normal of their "family" lives. He eventually left her to go back to the crazy (that ended up wife 3. The desperate want to be Mommy, that left him for her ex while he was on a 1 week jail hold for back support.) They move in with my step dad's brother. We begged him not to take 6.
****** *** SUPER MEGA TW *** ****** Multiple triggers from here... . . . Because this perverted asshole had molested me, my cousin, my dad's best friend's daughter (we later found out that happened for 15 years...) And another friend's daughter, all when we were young. I personally was 9. Dad's friends daughter started at 3...
My brother refused to believe it, because the douchebag bought his trust with money and gifts. So he said we lied about it or misunderstood, that he would never hurt his girls. Plus with added pressure from crazy wife, they took 6. We'd randomly got her when they were tired of playing house.
Then one day I got a frantic call. My mom got there first. CPS had taken 6. If we didn't come get her immediately, she was going to Foster Care. Needless to say we went straight away. Charges were pressed against said asshole for molestation of a child under 14, and 3 other charges. 6's physical showed sexual trauma and her story was consistent and exact every time (the CPS worker later said she had to take sabbatical after her case, that it's the most clear evidence she's ever seen reported and 6 broke her). 6 was four years old when we got her from CPS... My brother was charged with neglect and something else. They dropped the other charges if he would willing sign over his rights (he did). So because of that (along with trauma he caused me as a child) I basically hate my brother, and can't wait until he's gone... (Staying at my mother's ATM, so I can't make him leave.)
6 turns seven soon (calling her 6 has nothing to do with her age) she is a completely different child now, in many ways. But she will always be mine.
@jomama1618 Happy to hear SIL is having a boy and you don’t have to worry about the name debate! That would seriously piss me off if someone in my family pulled that kind of crap. So sorry to hear all you’ve been though, but I’m sure 6 is so thankful to have you!
@jomama1618 wow. I don't even know what to say except 6 is very lucky to have you in her life. What an ordeal to go through, both of you. Sending lots of love your way.
@jomama1618 I'm so glad 6 has you and has someone in her corner. Physical abuse is a hard thing not to let affect your life decisions. I'm hoping in time she can forget and forgive, but it is so so hard. Love and hugs to you for being a fantastic mama!
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
Agreed Wow. So glad 6 has you and sadly since you share some history of a really horrible experience you can help her with it! 6 is very lucky to have you! I too would want my brother out after all of that!
I completely understand why you'd want to ditch your brother ASAP. Poor kiddo.
As for my crazy family:
DF and I took the kiddo and the dogs on vacation for 2 days to a cabin near my paternal grandparents house. I don't get to see them but once a year but we have a great relationship anyway. I always look forward to seeing them. We just happened to coincide our visit at the same time my brother, SIL, and 7 month old nephew were also visiting my grandparents. This would be the first time they'd get to meet DF.
I'm not sure anyone would remember at this point, but when we first announced my pregnancy I had to cut my mother off completely due to her poor reaction and she then escalated her behavior from there. I've posted about it a little bit. I mention this because 1) it's relevant and 2) my mother lives about half an hour away from my grandparents so we knew there'd be some drama about us visiting the grands and not her. Another bit of background is that my mother HATES my paternal grandparents, especially my grandmother, because they apparently threatened to sue for custody of us when I was a baby. (Side note: I know the story and they were justified in doing so and it was NOT a malicious thing. Just to be clear)
Anyway we were having a great time, relaxing and really enjoying our time. No drama, just good conversation. Until my grandmother pulled me aside to ask me who the baby's father is.
Obviously my reaction is WTAF, which I basically ask in a much more polite way.
She says my mother, who won't even be in the same room as my grandparents and sneers their names whenever she talks about them, went out of her way to call her and inform her that my DF is not the baby's father.
Now I didn't tell ANYONE that we used a donor to conceive this baby. So I can assume she doesn't know that and was just trying to cause drama and be malicious. I don't know what else she told my grandmother but I'm sure she told her an earful of lies about me and DF since she hates him.
Anyway, DF was understandably massively upset and it totally spoiled our visit.
That was the big thing. A few other interesting tidbits I gathered about my mom from my brother over the weekend:
1) she hates our baby's name and refers to her only as "baby girl". Since I haven't spoken to my mother since I was 7 weeks pregnant, I don't know why she would be talking about this baby enough to be referring to her as anything but whatever.
2) when my brother and SIL went to our family reunion with my mother, she snatched my nephew and wouldn't let anyone hold him the entire time. My brother finally made her hand the baby over to someone else for a turn and she set a 10 minute timer and made that person give him back when it went off.
3) my brother and SIL took her out to the winery as part of their visit. They got too tipsy to drive so she was going to drive them back to the house. Only instead of doing that, she took their car and drove it to my little brother's ex girlfriend's house to demand she give back his hoodie WITHOUT asking first. There was nothing they could do about it because they were drunk.
So there you go. My mother is crazy and baby obsessed and seems to think she has a relationship with my fetus even though I've not allowed her to be a part of my pregnancy since I announced I was pregnant.
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
F @mytrueloves, that's nuts. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that and it came up at the visit with your grandparents. Glad to hear you're still holding strong, as tough as it is. I hope your DF is doing better now, I cannot imagine the pain and emotions of having to go through that conversation.
@mytrueloves this is just confirmation you did the right thing by cutting her out when you did. I'm sorry she can't get passed leaving you alone. It sounds like you have wonderful family who are supportive of you and DF though and I'm glad you have those relationships
@sammierose464 We had intended on not telling anyone that we used a donor, at least on my side of the family. But it seems my mom has been spreading rumors about it and other family members already have it in their heads that DF isn't the dad. So I don't know what we're doing from here.
It's been very hard for DF because his family already knows that he can't conceive a biological child. He was happy that at least on my side, no one would question the baby being his. It's a tough pill to swallow that that has been ruined for him. He's heart broken and upset and I'm very angry for him. I hate that my mother has been ruining things left, right, and center for us just because I asked her for more appropriate boundaries from her.
The animosity with her began when I told her it was ridiculous for her to call me 20 times a day from 4 hours away to tell me to brush ODD's hair or give her a bath or whatever. She was offended that I asked for space and for her to scale back and dramatically told me I'd never hear from her again. She then refused to speak to me at all until the party where we announced I was pregnant and she also met DF for the first time.
At that party my mother got angry for many reasons.
1) I was uncomfortable when my mother walked in to the house and immediately grabbed my DD and began to sob dramatically into her hair. ODD was clearly distressed. DF and I had a quick, quiet discussion about it where we mutually decided it was inappropriate and I personally removed ODD from the situation. Our DD has severe anxiety issues that we've been trying to handle for a long time and we didn't want my mother's behavior to trigger her getting upset. I explained this politely to my mother when I pulled ODD away.
2) My mother told me she had bought ODD a piggy bank. She failed to tell me the thing was going to be the size of medium dog. I was shocked when she pulled it out. At the time we were all sharing one bedroom while we were in the process of moving in together and making changes to the house. There was nowhere to put the damn thing because it was so big. I thanked her but told her I wasn't sure we had anywhere to put it.
She then instructed ODD to take it around to all the other guests and ask if they had change to put in it. This made DF and I extremely uncomfortable.
3) This one is the root of all of the drama going forward.
She asked me if she could take ODD for the ENTIRE summer. I immediately said no and explained that #1, we had already paid for her to have 9 weeks of day camp at a language immersion school and #2, I allowed her to take ODD for about a week and a half over Christmas before drama happened and ODD came back with major behavioral issues. I watered it down a lot when talking to my mom to avoid drama. But ODD came back saying some fucked up things, including racist things, and saying that my mother said ODD's home would always be with her instead of me. Among other things, she also hadn't brushed her teeth once the entire time she was gone, fed her every food on our do no feed list (which was created because of her reflux), and my mother convinced her that Santa Clause was real even though she knows we've always told ODD that Santa is just a person in a story and that we don't personally believe in doing Santa with our kids because we're pagan and celebrate Christmas differently. Finally, ODD was so out of it when she came back. She has never thrown a temper tantrum in her life but she threw hours long violent fits. She started hitting people out of nowhere. It was a mess. DF and I decided she was never spending the night there ever again. Also #3, she's my fucking kid and I don't want her to be away from me for that long. My kid, my choice. Case closed.
Back to the party, setting aside all the drama she caused related to my pregnancy, the next day she called me to scream in my ear about how much she hates my DF, how he's controlling and an ass, that I let him change me and change how I parent and how I always said I would parent, how she was disappointed in me for allowing him to get me pregnant. She then began to call DF horrible, vile things. I told her I wasn't going to listen to her disrespect him and hung up. She followed up by texting me message after message just reiterating everything she'd said before then. I blocked her and haven't spoken a word to her since.
I'm 100% certain that she created all the initial drama because she was angry that I wouldn't let her have her way regarding ODD. I know that all the rumors and drama and stuff she's created since then is her attempt to turn everybody against DF because in her mind he's the reason she doesn't have unlimited access to ODD anymore, instead of the fact that she's completely crazy.
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
@mytrueloves I dont even know what to say actually. I'm blown away that your mom finds her actions appropriate and doesn't see why you dont want her to have ODD for any period of time. You're very strong for sticking to your decision and keeping her out of families lives.
@mytrueloves wow... just wow. So sorry you and DF are going through that. I can’t imagine his feelings and I also feel so bad for you to be in the middle of that as well.
Thanks ladies! She's my sweet girl, and funny enough, she is also my mini me! (Most all the girls in my family look alike)
@spartan4life Yes! We we're pretty excited to not have to go there with the name thing! It just makes everything a little easier.
@mytrueloves bat shit crazy!!! Sorry her crazy messed with your little vaca! Definitely reaffirms you were 100% in cutting her off! It never fails to amazing me how baby crazy somehow believes they are entitled because they are *grandma* (or any other family!) Or that they will have a relationship with baby even though they don't have a good one with the parents. SMH. That type of crazy is part of the reason my kids are treated differently, because I don't let his family do whatever the fuck they want with them like SIL did (and made sure that was explicitly clear and sets boundaries and expectations while pregnant. They weren't happy!) I'm glad you are able to keep your kids and you guys away from all the bs. But sorry she is still being able to have an affect on your lives. I would honestly be a mega bitch and announce to your family that df is obviously the father and that your mother obviously needs mental help since she feels the need to lie to everyone, and apparently believes it. And inform them that she has had no info or anything to do with your pregnancy/baby since 7 weeks, so she knows nothing. People like that, you have to lay all their shit bare for everyone, and call them on it. I'm sorry she sucks much!!! *Hugs*
Thank goodness my brother is GONE as of earlier today (he was supposed to be coming to "visit" with 6 but instead spent 3 days with his friend and his 1st ex wife! (Friend is engaged to 6's bio mom, and they had their new baby taken by CPS. Last we were told, CPS is talking adoption. My mom just said they asked them to sign over their rights in about 2-3 weeks. 6's half brother is in foster care with my mom's close friend). He spent maybe 24hrs here to "visit 6" and slept most of it... Whatever, he's gone!
GMIL video commented that she was "so excited" (and looked like a little kid that is getting a new toy.) When she found out they are having a boy. Then added "very happy, girls, boy, so happy!" It was weird and random. And DH was annoyed because she didn't make a single comment about us having a girl (although they were all sad that we both had boys first, and they were hoping for girls). DH has had to deal with a lot of realizations since I was pregnant with DS, but I feel like it's more slap in the face stuff this time for him. He's finally getting pissed at the difference that is made between them (and always has been) and the fact that is carrying over to our kids. He's finally seeing their actions for what they are. It breaks my heart for him. Ugh, why do people have to suck?!
I fear family will be grabby with baby. I hope to baby wear to cut down on that but I know there will be demands and there are a LOT of relatives. any other tips for keeping family at a little distance? The baby is fussy won't work as they will all want their chance to be the one to 'fix' it.
@SweetSweetTooth they weren't happy, but anyone that didn't have a current DTaP and Flu shot weren't allowed to be around/hold baby. Lots of people aren't willing to get them, so that helped. Having flu season babies, we will be pushing that even harder (DS was a summer baby).
Stressing the importance of 4th trimester and why baby needed to work skin to skin with Mom and Dad during that time helped as well (after we had to explain the whole 4th trimester thing.
We also had a very strict rules of if baby is fussy,cries, etc he immediately goes to mom or dad. If someone disrespected that they weren't allowed to hold him again during the visit. Honestly just be super up front about boundaties and expectations, and baby wearing helps more than you would imagine. It puts people off to have to actually ask to hold them (and wait for you to have to unswaddle them from the wrap) versus being able to just get grabby hands on them of someone if just holding baby. The Moby/boba/sling style wraps (were they are completely bundle up tight against your chest, versus something like the ones where their legs/arms stick out, like the infantino style carriers) seem to be the most helpful. Like if they can't see/touch baby other than the little part of the face/head uncovered against your chest, it just seems to put them off a little more.
Also don't be afraid to just take baby back! More than once I found myself saying something like "Ok, baby needs Mama now. We don't want him overstimulated, and then no one to get to enjoy the visit!" If you phrase it like it's something to their advantage, that can help!
@mytrueloves So Sorry you have to deal with that with your mom. You have definitely done the right thing by cutting her out...it’s not worth dealing with. As for DF, it’s his child. You both chose to do what was necessary to have a child together which makes him a wonderful father already. IMO it’s none of anyone else’s business how you biologically got there, I would leave it at its most definitely DFs and not even entertain anyone else’s drama about the situation.
@mytrueloves You are every piece justified in your decisions. I'm really sorry that DF has to go through this. It is hard enough to accept not being able to have kids of your own and that you have to use a donor to get a child. However, it sounds like he's a great dad to DD and will be to this little girl. Your mom is just crazy and her actions are uncalled for.
@SweetSweetTooth I'm worried about that at DH's motorcycle club. They are all soooo excited we are having a baby. And I know they'll bug me to bring him up. I don't mind, but I will for the first few months. I plan on baby wearing as much as possible there. As it is my belly is a petting zoo there...
Thanks ladies! This baby will be the 12th grandchild so I know I will be going against a lot of what they are used to and DH will be on their side (his family ) and be like why can't they hold the baby?! And baby will be fine. Baby might be but mom is going to be a wreck! I finally have a kid I want to enjoy it and not share. Lol maybe I will try that. It took us so long I am not sharing yet. Edit add - @sammierose464 I am so thankful I haven't had any random belly touches yet. My mom is probably the only one as she just reaches out without warning. And then she says oh I shouldn't do that but then says...but I am your mom. Ugh still respect and boundaries!
*** Bumping this as it seems some people are dealing with more crazy family lately!
No real update here. Things have continued mostly quiet. SIL was being guilt trippy that no one was dropping everything they were doing, to help them move this week. (Both of us are on lift and activity restrictions, so we would be no help really any way.) She has been continuously talking about her "baby belly" (even though you still can't even tell she's pregnant, just looks the same chunky.) And trying to show it in video updates. That seemed to start way more intently after I did a side by side comparison of my being pregnant with DS vs DD at 28 weeks. (I was like twice as big with DS lol). After the handful of issues they found with us in the last 2 weeks, I think she is keeping quiet for the moment. GMIL randomly is trying to be more hands on ..it's weird. 2 years and now a small attempt. It's a little late. I think it's bc it's inching closer to the babies coming. SIL has Drs apps the day before and after mine this week, so that may bring out something. We'll see! For now, we are enjoying the quasi quiet, and attempting to follow our restrictions and keep baby girl and I healthy.
Re: Official Crazy Family Thread (July/August)
So as you can imagine, all we've heard is about is how hard SIL is having it since her procedure, and how going to her normally scheduled on appointment (a few days after procedure) was a complete waste of her time and now she's so miserable there is no way she could possibly do anything. (I don't doubt she's uncomfortable, just know her dramatics).
So, apparently before they did her procedure, they done an ultrasound. (She was 15 weeks this week) and told her the sex of the baby. They are announcing this weekend. So I guess that will be interesting...
She has actually said (in a few ways, and once directly) "I wish I could just tell you what it is so you can get me stuff I need this weekend! I already have 2 carseats given to us, but we need everything else, all the big stuff especially. We have nothing. I know it probably sounds bad, because we are having a baby shower, but people probably aren't going to get us the big things we need. Probably just some clothes and diapers. Little stuff". I really couldn't believe it. It was a good thing it was a recorded video and not live face to face. I believe my actual words where something along the lines of "What the actual fuck?! Are you actually fucking serious right now?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!" (for the record, this weekend is a huge multi county wide garage sale event. DH and I are going to look for stuff for our own kids. She could go herself and buy her kid some shit, knowing what it is, but still honestly thinks everyone needs to provide this baby's stuff and we need to/are going to pass everything extra and out grown to her.) I responded with no response. I couldn't. So sometime between tomorrow and Sunday night (waiting until my nephew is home from his dad's) we will know which way the crazy starts to go.
And she totally means everything! She honestly believes that everything should be provided for them. (Whether bought for them at the shower and passed down through the other kids) Because "faaamily" and baby is a blessing for an entire family etc.
And ya, completely ridiculous since our kids will be approximately 10 weeks apart. So even if I felt generous, my DD will still be using all those things for some time!
And you made me laugh! I really legit had to toss my phone to the side and walk away. I'm biting my tongue for DH at the moment, because as frustrated and pissed off as he is, he is trying to just step back for now. We try really hard to do the whole "you deal with your side of the family" thing. Which is stupid complicated when they interact more with me than him! Now if it's a girl and they stick with using the name one letter off of ours, I'm not sure he will be able to keep his mouth shut. Lol
@cdepperschmidt Some people really don't! Your friend's SIL sounds just lovely
Patiently waiting to find out the sex of their new child...either tomorrow or Sunday. Stay tuned lol
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
My MIL even came from Texas for my niece’s birth but weren’t planning on being here for my daughter’s (they’re 4 months apart) but they just happened to be here since she came 3 weeks early. This time around, I fully don’t expect them to and to be honest, I’m probably going to be happier that way because it’s tough enough trying to adjust without extra people underfoot. My parents were very excited for my first two pregnancies (first grandson, first granddaughter) but I know they will be far more excited for my sister when she gets pregnant than they are for me in this third pregnancy, since it’ll be her first.
Now everyone did get very excited once E was actually here, as I assume they will be once Squish makes his appearance. Hopefully that’ll be the case for your inlaws as well!
BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016
BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
Speaking of crazy in-laws. First I was going to post this on Stabby Saturday and then got distracted at home. Then I was going to wait until WTF Wednesday because it's seriously WTF. But I think it will fit here too. I'm pretty angry. Let me know if I'm being ridiculous. Seriously. Please. lol
Here goes:
My in-laws are on my last nerve. Hubby and I have had an insane, busy, stressful as hell, work-filled summer and really need to take some time for us. Our 10 year anniversary was this past June too and we havent been able to celebrate yet. ALSO, would love some us time before this 2nd baby arrives. So, we asked hubby's parents if they would keep our daughter for us while we took a long weekend and went to the beach to celebrate all of the things. We decided to ask them because my mom has been a FANTASTIC Nana and always is willing to watch her, come play with her, take her to do things, etc. (Which hubby and I both thought it would be the opposite way- his parents doing all the things and my mom sucking it up- so we've both been super surprised). Anyways, we decided to see if they wanted another chance to spend some time with her (they only come when it's convenient for them *eye roll*). My MIL's reaction was literally- "I dont think your daughter is ready to be away from her parents that long. I'll talk to FIL." WTF. FIL talks to my hubby and says "yea, we just dont think your daughter should be away from her parents for that long." Ummm. 1) EFF YOU for judging my parenting. 2) It's for 3 1/2 freaking days. 3) my mom has kept her for 2 1/2 days and she's been more than fine. 4) my hubby responded with- well it's happening with or without you, just wanted to see if you wanted to spend time with your granddaughter. UGH.
So at this point, I'm like nope. They are not keeping her. We'll find someone else. I dont want to worry about her the entire time and if they dont act like they want to spend time with her, I dont want her there.
We had not told them they are not keeping her yet and get a picture text of tons of toys they went and got at yard sales with a caption reading "getting ready for our big weekend." So my thought was- well maybe they were just scared? (bullshit, but whatever- they dont make sense to me anyways). I thought my husband would be all "aww okay, they are trying, she can stay with them." NOPE. He was actually MORE pissed. We found out recently that my SIL in pregnant too! She's older than my hubby and it's their first. So hubby's reaction was "WTF, they've had almost TWO YEARS to do this and now they do it? It's because my sister is pregnant." So, I'm back to being pissed.
Now everything they do annoys the shit out of me. I mean, they wanted us to have kids for YEARS and were SO excited when we finally announced we were pregnant. And then they barely come and spend time with her, refuse to help out if we need it (wont change many diapers, give her a bath, freaking play with her or take her to do things unless we are in the room). I just dont get it. I feel so bad for my hubby and for my daughter. Not the grandparent experience I wanted for them. I’m worried it will just get worse when my SIL has her kid. They’ll spend all the time with them. We are due with #2 3 months before SIL has her baby. I’m just anticipating all of the hurt feelings.
*rant over- thanks for listening!*
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
You totally have a right to be upset.
@mamabearcj yea, I think we'll either have her stay with mom or my brother. She'll be fine with whoever it is- she's super easy going. She just needs to be entertained. lol. My mom came and watched her all day Saturday so we could work on the new nursery and my daughter would barely come to me or hubby. She was so excited Nana was there. She's 20 months old and can definitely be clingy to us, but she also does fine with others. I hate the judgement from the in laws. ugh.
@SawyerRichardson right?! I dont think there is anything wrong with going away. Honestly, we'd go for longer if I had enough time for that and maternity saved up. (Dont get me wrong, I'd miss my daughter like a crazy person, but I also believe in some 1:1 time with just hubby!)
@jennybean80 yea, I completely understand. Part of me feels bad for always relying on my mom, but she swears she loves every minute of it. I used to feel bad that it seemed like we just always asked her and never my in-laws, but they did that to themselves as far as I'm concerned. We've tried over and over.
Nope, you didn't miss it @spartan4life! It poured rain all weekend so they couldn't do their reveal until last night after he got off work/dinner (he is very outdoorsy, so we wanted to do it with his hunting stuff, and a paint filled balloon so they could hang the paint splattered canvas for baby. Couldn't do that in the rain)
Since I know you all have been patiently waiting!!!...
.
Drum roll please...
...
....
.....
......
It's a BOY!!!
Literally everyone but her wanted it to be a boy. It's a damn good thing she had the camera pointed away from her, because you could hear the disappointment in her voice! I nicely asked if they had decided on the name (him being a Jr or a name with daddy's first name as his middle) and she said that baby daddy said that is yet to be determined. (She seems oddly more focused on it being a Jr than he does... But then blames it on him saying she couldn't possibly imagine taking that away from him. The other name is freakin adorable.) After that it has been complete radio silence. Granted it has only been a very very short amount of time. It's eerily quiet, and the disappointment is noticeable to everyone. (She hasn't even posted anything on her FB about it. And she posts about everything for attention.) He's posted about baby a few times. It should be interesting...
GMIL hasn't commented a single thing about it being a boy. She hasn't seemed to comment on much about either currently gestating child, honestly. (She's never had much interest or even commented about Lana being a girl. I think she's still salty she isn't getting a baby named after her. Since his side obviously has a preference for girls. Unfortunately so does my step dad's side...)
MIL was pming me about her check up (that was for this morning, to see if she can go back to work) throughout the whole ordeal (and I wonder where her daughter got it.*eye roll* Once again, no one can have their own moment...) And saying how they won't be able to come down for either kid's birthday, because winter babies... again (Her husband works for the state and is basically on call all the time once it starts getting cold.) I had to bite my tongue. Again? Wtf? My son was born mid summer! Right after 4th of July! And she was there through my nephew's birth (like in the room). So I don't know why the word again was thrown in there...
She said we'd have to send pictures, and that she promised she wouldn't put them on like last time. (We had a rule that no one could announce, talk about him or put pictures on until we did. Because we announced DS pregnancy to family in person first. And barely caught them before someone posted online. That rule got later construed, but I digress.) She said she's "so excited" for more grandkids and can't wait to meet them (didn't meet DS til a week-ish before his first birthday, don't see this being any different. Not that I want them to make a difference between them. That's actually our fear.) But still shows no real interest in how Lana is, appointments etc.
Every one else has been pretty quiet about it. It's kind of weird, but not much time has passed, so we will see...
I told DH it probably sounds petty that I'm glad it's a boy. (Because a small part of me does feel a little bad for her because I know she did want a girl) BUT with her theatrics and crazy, I couldn't help it. He said it wasn't petty, that her whole attitude and everything surrounding this has pissed him off, especially the name thing. I honestly believe her having a boy now is for the best.
So pretty uneventful for the time being (I think everyone honestly believed we would both have girls and are kind of in shock still.) So I will continue the updates as they come!
On a non in law related note, my brother is here. He just got here and I'm hoping he leaves soon... I know, you're thinking "that's nice but irrelevant" but it isn't...
My brother is 21 months younger than me, on the higher functioning side of the autism spectrum. Has married and divorced 3 times (that I know of) before 27. Has at least 3 (possibly 4/5) kids. Signed over guardianship for oldest kid (both parents did. It was really for the best), one he pays cs for but can't see (distance) and the last is 6. I think I've talked a little about 6 on here before, but I'm going to get really real for a minute.
*** *** *** Very serious TW *** *** ***
We have raised 6 basically her entire life. We all lived in the same house when she was born. Somewhere around 6 weeks, her mom physically abused her one night. Hit her, threw her etc because she woke up to eat (my mom and I had physically had 6 for over 24hrs. She hadn't even had her back for 6 hours) my brother called the cops, and she ended up being taken to an in patient mental health facility (she's crazy, like legit gotten a check since she was about 5 or so. Shouldn't have had kids, narcissistic as they come, crazy manipulative). My brother was granted full emergency custody . (She had a reunification plan in place, just wasn't compliant. So she never got anything more than supervised visitation since.) Well given that my brother can't care for himself, that meant we got 6. He knew we were struggling with infertility and was happy 6 had a loving "Mommy and Daddy" to care for her and give her stability. Things were ok for awhile, until he met the girl that eventually became wife 3 (I'll come back to that). She was also crazy, and had been stripped of all her rights to her own child. So she was desperate to play Mommy. This started the cycles of him taking 6 so she could play Mommy. It was always random, never healthy, frantic calling to come get her when they couldn't handle things. It was killing me, but we couldn't do anything. He knew he still had custody and used it to his advantage. That blew up later, then came wife 2. That was the first semi normal of their "family" lives. He eventually left her to go back to the crazy (that ended up wife 3. The desperate want to be Mommy, that left him for her ex while he was on a 1 week jail hold for back support.) They move in with my step dad's brother. We begged him not to take 6.
****** *** SUPER MEGA TW *** ******
Multiple triggers from here...
.
.
.
Because this perverted asshole had molested me, my cousin, my dad's best friend's daughter (we later found out that happened for 15 years...) And another friend's daughter, all when we were young. I personally was 9. Dad's friends daughter started at 3...
My brother refused to believe it, because the douchebag bought his trust with money and gifts. So he said we lied about it or misunderstood, that he would never hurt his girls. Plus with added pressure from crazy wife, they took 6. We'd randomly got her when they were tired of playing house.
Then one day I got a frantic call. My mom got there first. CPS had taken 6. If we didn't come get her immediately, she was going to Foster Care. Needless to say we went straight away. Charges were pressed against said asshole for molestation of a child under 14, and 3 other charges. 6's physical showed sexual trauma and her story was consistent and exact every time (the CPS worker later said she had to take sabbatical after her case, that it's the most clear evidence she's ever seen reported and 6 broke her). 6 was four years old when we got her from CPS...
My brother was charged with neglect and something else. They dropped the other charges if he would willing sign over his rights (he did). So because of that (along with trauma he caused me as a child) I basically hate my brother, and can't wait until he's gone... (Staying at my mother's ATM, so I can't make him leave.)
6 turns seven soon (calling her 6 has nothing to do with her age) she is a completely different child now, in many ways. But she will always be mine.
Sorry that got really heavy.
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
@spartan4life Yes! We we're pretty excited to not have to go there with the name thing! It just makes everything a little easier.
@mytrueloves bat shit crazy!!! Sorry her crazy messed with your little vaca! Definitely reaffirms you were 100% in cutting her off! It never fails to amazing me how baby crazy somehow believes they are entitled because they are *grandma* (or any other family!) Or that they will have a relationship with baby even though they don't have a good one with the parents. SMH.
That type of crazy is part of the reason my kids are treated differently, because I don't let his family do whatever the fuck they want with them like SIL did (and made sure that was explicitly clear and sets boundaries and expectations while pregnant. They weren't happy!)
I'm glad you are able to keep your kids and you guys away from all the bs. But sorry she is still being able to have an affect on your lives. I would honestly be a mega bitch and announce to your family that df is obviously the father and that your mother obviously needs mental help since she feels the need to lie to everyone, and apparently believes it. And inform them that she has had no info or anything to do with your pregnancy/baby since 7 weeks, so she knows nothing. People like that, you have to lay all their shit bare for everyone, and call them on it. I'm sorry she sucks much!!! *Hugs*
Thank goodness my brother is GONE as of earlier today (he was supposed to be coming to "visit" with 6 but instead spent 3 days with his friend and his 1st ex wife! (Friend is engaged to 6's bio mom, and they had their new baby taken by CPS. Last we were told, CPS is talking adoption. My mom just said they asked them to sign over their rights in about 2-3 weeks. 6's half brother is in foster care with my mom's close friend). He spent maybe 24hrs here to "visit 6" and slept most of it... Whatever, he's gone!
GMIL video commented that she was "so excited" (and looked like a little kid that is getting a new toy.) When she found out they are having a boy. Then added "very happy, girls, boy, so happy!" It was weird and random. And DH was annoyed because she didn't make a single comment about us having a girl (although they were all sad that we both had boys first, and they were hoping for girls). DH has had to deal with a lot of realizations since I was pregnant with DS, but I feel like it's more slap in the face stuff this time for him. He's finally getting pissed at the difference that is made between them (and always has been) and the fact that is carrying over to our kids. He's finally seeing their actions for what they are. It breaks my heart for him. Ugh, why do people have to suck?!
Stressing the importance of 4th trimester and why baby needed to work skin to skin with Mom and Dad during that time helped as well (after we had to explain the whole 4th trimester thing.
We also had a very strict rules of if baby is fussy,cries, etc he immediately goes to mom or dad. If someone disrespected that they weren't allowed to hold him again during the visit. Honestly just be super up front about boundaties and expectations, and baby wearing helps more than you would imagine. It puts people off to have to actually ask to hold them (and wait for you to have to unswaddle them from the wrap) versus being able to just get grabby hands on them of someone if just holding baby.
The Moby/boba/sling style wraps (were they are completely bundle up tight against your chest, versus something like the ones where their legs/arms stick out, like the infantino style carriers) seem to be the most helpful. Like if they can't see/touch baby other than the little part of the face/head uncovered against your chest, it just seems to put them off a little more.
Also don't be afraid to just take baby back! More than once I found myself saying something like "Ok, baby needs Mama now. We don't want him overstimulated, and then no one to get to enjoy the visit!" If you phrase it like it's something to their advantage, that can help!
@SweetSweetTooth I'm worried about that at DH's motorcycle club. They are all soooo excited we are having a baby. And I know they'll bug me to bring him up. I don't mind, but I will for the first few months. I plan on baby wearing as much as possible there. As it is my belly is a petting zoo there...
) and be like why can't they hold the baby?! And baby will be fine. Baby might be but mom is going to be a wreck! I finally have a kid I want to enjoy it and not share. Lol maybe I will try that. It took us so long I am not sharing yet.
Edit add - @sammierose464 I am so thankful I haven't had any random belly touches yet. My mom is probably the only one as she just reaches out without warning. And then she says oh I shouldn't do that but then says...but I am your mom. Ugh still respect and boundaries!
No real update here.
Things have continued mostly quiet. SIL was being guilt trippy that no one was dropping everything they were doing, to help them move this week. (Both of us are on lift and activity restrictions, so we would be no help really any way.)
She has been continuously talking about her "baby belly" (even though you still can't even tell she's pregnant, just looks the same chunky.) And trying to show it in video updates. That seemed to start way more intently after I did a side by side comparison of my being pregnant with DS vs DD at 28 weeks. (I was like twice as big with DS lol).
After the handful of issues they found with us in the last 2 weeks, I think she is keeping quiet for the moment. GMIL randomly is trying to be more hands on
..it's weird. 2 years and now a small attempt. It's a little late. I think it's bc it's inching closer to the babies coming.
SIL has Drs apps the day before and after mine this week, so that may bring out something. We'll see!
For now, we are enjoying the quasi quiet, and attempting to follow our restrictions and keep baby girl and I healthy.