Mental Health Check In 7/11

SmashJam · July 2018

Thought this might be great for the struggle post partum and the struggle waiting to give birth!

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread.

If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below (but don't feel like you have to!):

Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?

How are you feeling?

wildtot · July 2018

I’m off to a better start PP this time around. I feel a bit more relaxed and prepared despite the lack of sleep. I started taking Celexa as a precaution right after delivery for anxiety and i have a follow up with my OB to see how I’m doing with them. So far i seem to do better with them if i take them at night otherwise i feel super drowsy during the day. BFing is going better this time (still some challenges) and i think that plays a big difference in how i feel this time. Hoping ppd stays away.

zombiehoohaa · July 2018

@wildtot I'm glad you are feeling better!! I hope the celexa helps in the short and long term. Its always a toss up with medication management. Fx for you!

Afm...I'm mentally and emotionally on edge because I'm just done being pregnant. This whole waiting game is a total mindfuck. I've been off work for a week and a half. I miss working because i was able to focus on other things than just "when is baby coming". I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and hopefully he will be able to give me some advice on how to manage. Hopefully, i will be able to go back on all my meds after baby is born. I know there are some concerns with bf and the meds. I may not bf for this reason. I know they say bf is best for baby however I need to also make sure I am stable and "okay" enough to be a good mother for my child. Wow...I kind of feel shitty for saying I might not bf for my own mental health. Goodness...I know it will all work out. Taking it day by day.

rkk0002 · July 2018

@wildtot So glad you feel like your neds are working!
@zombiehoohaa I'm sorry you're struggling, this last week is dragging out for me too. And so sorry you feel like you have to choose meds or BF, I don't know what I'd do if I had to go off my meds during pregnancy and BFing. Luckily I can just lower my dosage during the last trimester and then continue with regular dose after birth. Hopefully your dr can help you find an option that works for both.

I'm just hanging in there this last week, helps knowing I only have to make it till next Tues and I get to hold my little boy.

crabcake18 · July 2018

I go back to work this weekend (I work very part time) and mil and my mom will be watching the three boys. I’m glad both grandmas will be here because mil is very nervous to take care of them alone (it’s for about two hours which seems like nothing really) and I’m super anxious leaving my babies anyway but it’s so much worse hearinghow not ready mil is. Between not sleeping and my days being getting one twin calm just before the other begins to be upset I’m just tired. This pp has been so much better than last time though, we have limited visitors and it’s really helped my anxiety!

@rkk0002 I bet having a countdown helps, that’s exciting! @zombiehoohaa sorry this week has been tough, the last bit of pregnancy can be so overwhelming! @wildtot I’m glad you found a way to take meds that works and the bfing is going better

SmashJam · July 2018

@zombiehoohaa I understand the waiting game and went out early with both my pregnancies (first time I was worried about getting to the hospital, second time I hated my job and it was making me stressed) and the waiting was SO HARD, especially since I was induced eventually. Also, don't feel like a shitty mom for not breastfeeding. I know someone with two kids who was on lithium prior to pregnancy for bi polar disorder and did not even attempt to breastfeed so she could get back on her meds. It is ABSOLUTELY more important for you to be mentally capable of being present in your life and be happy than it is for you to breastfeed. That's just my two cents.

@wildtot so glad to hear that getting right back on your meds is helping. That's so awesome. I hope breastfeeding continues to go well!

noideawhatshesdoing · July 2018

@wildtot yay for feeling more positive this go round! That in itself should help everything!

@zombiehoohaa do not feel bad about taking care of your mental health! You have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of baby.

afm I'm still in survival mode because bf isn't going well yet, making progress and trying to stay positive but some issues plus no sleep make for a serious mind f. Hoping that the power of positive thinking and knowing LO isn't starving will help keep the anxiety down.

wildtot · July 2018

@zombiehoohaa as i mentioned in another thread don’t feel guilty about not BFing especially for your own mental health. As long as baby is healthy it doesn’t matter if it’s through BFing or Formula. You also have to take care of yourself.
@noideawhatshesdoing hope BFing gets better for you soon! It’s definitely a tough journey.
@crabcake18 good luck with going back to work! Glad both grandmas will be helping out with the kiddos. It can be so hard leaving the babies at first but it’s nice it’s only for a few hours.

gingerbride26 · July 2018

@zombiehoohaa +1 for mental health > breast feeding. Feeding/nutrician is only 1 of a babies needs and you at your best possible will help take care of all the others
@noideawhatshesdoing one day at a time
@crabcake18 good luck going back - in what way do you feel MIL isn't ready? I will admit grandma-care is a big anxiety trigger for me. I try to just lay everything out and write it down as clear as possible regarding routines etc.

AFM I'm doing surprisingly well, therapist has been very impressed with me rolling with all the ups and downs. This prodromal labor is tweaking my anxiety about making it to a C section and not just dropping a baby in the foyer or car. Trying to take it 1 day at a time but still having these sort of physical-panic attacks on top of nightly contractions and it's a total mindF.

SmashJam · July 2018

@gingerbride26 ugh to prodromal labor! I hope you the contractions give you a break soon and stop messing with your mind. I know you had a really fast delivery and are going to have a c-section this time, but FWIW, my delivery was pretty fast round 1 (6 hours) and only went down to like, 5.5 the second one. So it didn't get too much faster and even if you do go into labor before the c-section hopefully you'll still have time to make it to the hospital!

AFM, my days have been so much better since being back on the zoloft. I'm able to talk to myself more about what is setting me off and calm down. I've been able to rationally talk with my husband about things. I don't have crazy spirals anymore, and I feel like I'm able to tell when things are getting to be too much and slow down or back away. I've been way less on edge with DS and that was the main reason I went back on the Zoloft to begin with, I felt I was too snappy.

gingerbride26 · July 2018

@SmashJam thanks - labor with 1 was 3 hours but I slept through 2 of them and she came an hour after my water broke - so even 30 min less when the hospital is 20 away (assuming no rush hour city traffic) is terrifying when everyone agrees I shouldn't labor but don't seem to be doing much to prevent it either - though I absolutely understand the strict guidelines everyone's put into place regarding CS/Induction before 39. The dr's have also said that if I show up in active labor they're not sure they'll get the CS before I deliver with my history - so it ups the anxiety majorly on catching labor early enough if it does spontaneously start. I am very thankful though that this time the hell hours are like 730-1030 - makes bedtime with DD tough but at least it's not keeping me from sleeping.

SmashJam · July 2018

@gingerbride26 wow yeah 3 hours is quite the difference! I understand your worry!

stillcozy · July 2018

It has been really reallg hard this week. this has been my first full week by myself with both girls. My anxiety and depression have definitely amped up from sleep deprivation and stress and unfortunately my celexa had not built up enough. i recieved a call from my ob's nurse that they are switchig me to zoloft since im nursing. I want to cry it means anotber 6 werks before i feel results and zoloft tends to make me sick for a few weeks and I reallg cant afford that.

also i had my first both girls melting down at the same time today and it was hell. I made it through though and pretty well too so i do feel proud of that.

wildtot · July 2018

@lindsayleigh1989 aw I’m sorry your had a rough week! Hang in there. Bummed that you have to start over with a new med. May i ask why they are switching it? I’m nursing and also take celexa. Dr said it was safe to take.

SmashJam · July 2018

@lindsayleigh1989 take comfort in small victories! I am so sorry that you have to switch meds and wait for them to kick in! That's incredibly frustrating. Hang in there mama, you're doing great!

stillcozy · July 2018

Thanks all! @zombiehoohaa sorry you are having a hard week too!

stillcozy · July 2018

@wildtot they put me on zoloft. It didnt work well my first go round at it but they are startinf me on half dosage for a week to see if easing it slowly helps prevent side effects. They said the celexa can at times contribute to weight loss and since she was still under birth weigr at her first dr appt they dont want to risk her dropping more, even though she was gaining well.

wildtot · July 2018

@lindsayleigh1989 oh ok i knew weight loss was a side affect but totally didn’t think about it affecting baby (personally hope it’d help me lose weight lol). So far i have noticed a loss in appetite though which isn’t good.
bump cut me off... hope Zoloft helps you and doesn’t contribute to the weight loss.

Susan2685 · July 2018

I know I’m not a regular to this board- I posted around March I think with past anxiety ( off meds since Sept) and relationship issues. ( something I’m trying to get past). Have seen my psychologist every other week or month. Edd on 25- has stretch and sweep done on Thursday and have been uncomfortable since. Yesterday was a shit show in my house- my oldest (2 boys) is having problems with self hate ( waiting to hear back from a psychologist ). He breaks down a lot. Dh did not handle it well yesterday. He has apologized but I’m a terrible mess this morning thinking about welcoming a baby girl potentially this week. Geez... I didn’t read all the posts but maybe my plan should be to start celexa after birth like the first post. I’m not overly anxious I’m just dealing with a tremendous amount of shit right now. ( of and my sister told me that my niece had 3 suicide attempts this past 2 weeks—which is how my other sister passed) I wonder if I should call my psychologist and see if I could get an emergency phone call appointment ( I live an hour away and our plan was to have a phone call appointment on August 20).
any advice /support would be great. Hoping no labour today

elizabethrn87 · July 2018

Not sure how many this will help but helped me during my last birth.

Self care falls to the side when my depression acts up. I was determined last time to have a plan. That said I maid a daily care checklist and each day checked my
things off. Brush teeth, shower, etc. it seems silly but It truely helped me and I’ll be doing it again this time.

rkk0002 · July 2018

@Susan2685 Please do call your dr and tell them everything, and good for you for realizing you need a bit of extra help and being open to trying meds. And I love my psychologist, but you should see a psychiatrist to manage your mental health meds. They focus only on the meds, while a psychologist does the therapy side. At least that's the way it is where I live, and with every practice I've been to.
And great advice @elizabethrn87. The baby blues have hit me today cause my Mom is leaving, so a self care checklist will be very helpful to remind me to take care of myself, not just LO and DD.

Susan2685 · July 2018

I think I will tomorrow. My ob and psychologist communicate when needed and prescribe/ change dosage of meds. I have never been depressed just anxiety since age 7- but only medicated for the first time 3 years ago after having my second. With therapy I was good to come off in September. Just worried about postpartum now. Today has been better/ though I still feel weepy and hoping she stays put right now.

gingerbride26 · July 2018

@elizabethrn87 I think this is a great reminder - completely agree that we let ourselves go and then it can spiral more the less "human" you feel because you've let the little things go like washing your hair and brushing your teeth.
@Susan2685 I just want to say it's great that you are self-aware and proactively thinking about reaching out - when I was having PPA with my daughter I was in denial and it took me way too long to reach out and see someone. I have never been on medications, but talking to a therapist has been a huge help and I made it clear to DH that I don't want to miss a single appointment post delivery this time to ensure I'm on top of it.

I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday. I've been staying positive and thought I was handling everything with the NICU and such really well, then had this perfect storm yesterday evening and just broke down crying (which btw holy OW 1 day post c-section!). Yesterday they put DS on an IV and back on the cpap and we weren't even allowed to hold him because the goal was to keep him calm and still. DH and I spent some time by his isolette holding his hand but he kept getting too excited hearing our voices and staring at him without holding him was just too hard so I didn't go back to the NICU all day. DH came to visit with DD while SIL was keeping me company around dinner and went to go see DS in the NICU with his sister while leaving DD with me. She's a good girl but is only 2 and kept jostling me and trying to cuddle on top of my incision, suddenly I started having basically a migraine without the headache part (nausea, auras, shakes, sensitivity to light) as well as pain spike because it's the hell hour between meds wearing off and new dose, and only getting 3 hours of sleep at a time between checks. Well DH and SIL are trying to leave and DD is being a PITA and DH is trying to talk me into going down to the NICU to sit for a while and I just start crying. Of course this is also shift change and my new nurse walks in in the middle of this 3 ring circus shit show. I didn't even realize I was blaming myself for him being in the NICU until I said something and got 3 pairs of angry eyes telling me to stop it. Since he came all my issues magically stopped just like they said it would, but now he's the one struggling and I'd happily take it back if it would spare him. I've also been pushing pumping a little too much which is causing cramping/pain and DH got mad at me since I said I wasn't going to let pumping/BF stress me out. The NICU called my room around last night and I got to cuddle him for an hour to try to calm him down which was good for both of us. I only left because it was midnight and my eyes were crossing - but I checked on him when I woke up at 4 and they said he's been fast asleep since I left and they've been able to turn down his O2 a bit which is good.

I feel that my reaction was completely understandable - mom guilt is a bitch and having a baby in the NICU is probably the most emotionally grueling thing I've gone through. I *know* it's not my fault and we made the best medical decision possible to take him at 39 weeks by c-section, but as a mom I can't help *feeling* like I could do more to ease his suffering. One day at a time... writing it out helps

alleydee · July 2018

I am 9 days postpartum today.
I had a beautiful pregnancy and also a beautiful labour experience, I had an amazing midwife deliver my baby girl.
My labour was only 5 hours long and I dialated so quick I ended up not having an epidural, which was a great thing.
She is healty and beautiful, I never thought I could love someone the way I love her.
The next day after coming from hospital, I woke up having a minor panic attack, had trouble breathing and felt anxious.
I miss being pregnant, I missed my midwife, missed the hospital, doctor's exams etc.
I am so happy and blessed to have her, but cannot understand why am I missing all the things, connected with pregnancy and labour.
When I see a photo of pregnant woman, I start crying immidiately.

I am trying to understand where these feelings are comming from? Maybe it's because I become attached to certain people and situations so quick and the fact that I had a beautiful pregnancy and labour only maked me miss it more.
I love having my baby girl in my arms, but I so want to be pregnant again and again...
Is it normal, has anyone had similar experience?

bearmomma1 · July 2018

@alleydee I didn’t love being pregnant but i didn’t hate it. I was so anxious to be done being pregnant by the end and I’m happy that it’s over. I was 5 days late, had a 26 hour labor after being induced that ended in a c-section. Baby spent an extra night in the NICU on the day we we were supposed to be discharged due to low blood sugar. Nothing in that birth story went as planned..... yet I totally have the same feelings you do. Every nurse we had during L&D, post partum, NICU, etc were all so amazing and wonderful. They made the best out of a bad situation. I miss being at the hospital and being checked on and them always saying everything is going to be alright. I literally want to go back to the hospital to thank everyone there and hang out with them or something. It’s weird to understand and put into words.

I think it’s just part of the baby blues mixed with a bit of PPA. I’m so happy to be home now but am scared shitless at times at what the future holds and have a lot of anxiety about how different my life is going to be. Being pregnant was full of the unknown while still being your old self mixed with getting lots of attention for it.

You got this girl. Just breathe and take one day at a time. And if you want, maybe get pregnant again as soon as you can! Lol

Susan2685 · July 2018

I am now almost 7 days postpartum. My anxiety can be kept at bay but I constantly worry that I might shake her or drop her while feeding. This sounds pretty bad but this is my anxiety- it’s always about me losing control and going crazy- I’ve had it with all 3 of my kids. The issue is a thought will come in my head and instead of thinking I’ll never do that I get fixated and worried about it which causes more. So I decided why live with it this time and instead I’ll go back on celexa on Tuesday at my next appointment. After some googling baby centre says celexa is risky for a newborn- I am doing really well this time because I have extra help and good sleep so far. Should I touch it out?

stillcozy · July 2018

@Susan2685 If you feel you need some extra help try a different med? That is what I am doing

Susan2685 · July 2018

What meds are you on?

stillcozy · July 2018

@Susan2685 im currently doing zoloft

wildtot · July 2018

@Susan2685 I’m in celexa for the first time and OB and pedi said they are fine for postpartum while BFing. I’m currently only on the lowest dose and hoping not to increase mostly because it makes me super tired. I have to take them at night or else my eyes will literally close during the day and i can’t have that whole driving or going back to work. I still have a few flares of anxiety like during the start of a feeding or some thoughts of omg what if this happens but it tends to pass quickly. With DS i never got medicated and it was super bad I wish i did. Definitely talk to your doctor on the best meds for you.

rkk0002 · July 2018

I take 40mg prozac for depression/anxiety and like @wildtot said I have to take mine at night cause it makes me sleepy, but I'm lucky cause prozac is proven safe for pregnancy and bfing so I haven't had to change my meds in years besides fine tuning the dosage every now and then. Unfortunately finding the right meds is different for every person, I highly recommend seeing a psychiatrist for these types of meds since that's what they do full time, and I love my OB but even he will admit my psychiatrist knows that area of medicine better. It's a lot of trial and error but so worth it when you find the right one, so hang in there!

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