Telling Work You're Pregnant

leighbrek · July 2018

A guy I work with has a wife that is due around the same time as I am, and he told everyone that he intended to take the full year+ off. Not long afterwards, he started getting notices for being screened out of various jobs he'd applied for. He told me that he fully believes it's because he told everyone he'd be taking time off, and he regrets it immensely.
Gonna keep my trap shut with upper management until I don't have a choice, because I'm also applying to other positions where I work!

MrsHudson2014 · July 2018

I had planned on waiting until 12 weeks...then we found out it was twins. I immediately had to tell my boss because my Dr had to write me a note allowing me to eat every 2 hours and have water on me at all times. I also needed to prepare her for the fact that I would most likely be on leave during our busiest time of the year and a time when my job kind of becomes crucial.

Just give realistic expectations to the best of your ability and make sure you keep communication open if anything changes.

greenhillgirl · July 2018

leighbrek that must be nerve wracking! But honestly, I don't think telling everyone you plan to take a year off is very professional. This early on where I work, we should really only be talking to HR and our supervisors about our leave plan. Once I get a better idea of what the plan is, then I'll be talking to my direct report. At some point in the few months before I leave our team will find out I'm taking several months off. I've only reassured people that I'm committed to coming back because I am. Him going around talking to anyone and everyone about a plan that could completely change at this point sounds silly.

skilouise · July 2018

@leighbrek I disagree. I think holding your plans close to the vest and then springing news of an extended leave on your co-workers at the eleventh hour is far more unprofessional. I can understand circumstances where it might be necessary because of a bad work environment, but generally I think honesty is the best policy in most circumstances. In my case, disclosure is critical because my leave needs to be taken into account for trial schedules and case staffing.

leighbrek · July 2018

@greenhillgirl @AshVA
We're in Canada, where a year of parental leave isn't abnormal. It's a bit abnormal for the husband to be the one on the full leave, but good on his family for being able to do it. I do find it a bit off-putting that he was telling the whole planet of his plans... But I guess that's up to him.
Personally, I'll speak up when it's pretty obvious something is up. I still look like I've eaten too many bagels, so while some people might be suspicious, most haven't clued in. If I don't really show by month 6, I'll say something at that time.
There are only two supervisors in the area where I work; me and the other one. I'm sure he'll be flying high on supposed power when I'm out of the way for a year, so I'm not super concerned with how he'll feel about finding out later.

skilouise · July 2018

@leighbrek

Oops. My "I disagree" was supposed to be directed at @greenhillgirl 's comment, not yours. Sorry about that!

Thanks also for clarifying how your coworker told everyone. Based on your first post, I was thinking it was something like a "hey, just fyi" at an all hands meeting. I agree that if he's walking around telling everyone individually, even if they don't need to know for work/ planning purposes, that could be pretty obnoxious.

tosh24 · July 2018

@leighbrek Um, can he even take 12 months through EI? Pretty sure fathers are only entitled to the 35 weeks of parental leave, not the 15 weeks of maternity leave. That's only for birth mothers.

leighbrek · July 2018

@tosh24 I have no idea. I started to read about it on the Ontario government website, and it said all new parents (who have not taken pregnancy leave) are entitled to 63 weeks leave... But how much of that is actually paid, I don't know.
Adding more info I found... Up to 33% of pay can be received up until 61 weeks. So there you go. You'll be sad and broke, but you could technically do it.

ersh1010 · July 2018

This is tricky and I can see both sides of wanting to be honest with your team/ coworkers and the other side of being penalized for your honesty. I have yet to confirm this with hr but i've heard from others at my job that if I don't intend to come back after maternity leave I can't use my sick leave time (different from vacation time which they would have to pay me out for) . Right now I have no intention of returning after leave but i've avoided answering the question for now.

Rachel2066 · July 2018

In my company if you tell them you don't intend to come back after maternity leave they will start the search to replace you the moment you tell them. And if they find someone before you have the baby, (even if you are still months away) then you are out a job! Which sounds illegal, but its not- they aren't firing you for being pregnant, they are firing you for saying you intend to quit. Not to mention you don't get to use short term disability as you would no longer be an employee as of the date that you leave. I feel like its a policy that encourages people to not tell HR they aren't coming back until they are most of the way thru their leave. I like most things about my company but this part kind of sucks.

leighbrek · July 2018

@Rachel2066 Totally wasn't loving the truth of what you were saying... Just agreeing with you that it sucks.

ersh1010 · July 2018

@Rachel2066 that's awful! But that's exactly what I'm worried about.

tosh24 · July 2018

@leighbrek Yeah, sorry, I was just assuming we were talking about the 12 month leave. But same goes for 18 month leave. On the Service Canada website, it says only birth mothers can take the first 15 weeks of leave, no matter the length of leave you choose. So he may need to do some fact checking

leighbrek · July 2018

That's interesting @tosh24. It's not something I looked into because I'm the one who will be on leave. It makes sense, though, since the guy isn't the one ripping himself open to push a baby into the world.

BitterBetty12 · July 2018

I ended up emailing my supervisor on Friday at the urging of my assistant principal. I wasn’t nexceaeily ready - but I did understand that he needed to know for planning purposes. He seemed very happy for me. I have a lot of guilt for avoiding telling him so that I could take my honors class back for this upcoming school year (I lost it last year because I was on maternity leave with DD for the first 12 weeks of school and he didn’t want a maternity leave teacher starting the class) knowing I would be out on leave again. But at the same time I don’t believe I should be punished for having children.

Ghostie625 · July 2018

I told two of the other teachers at work that I'm friends with fairly early, maybe 8 weeks or so? I told my principal and HR rep the last day of school before summer break when I was right around 12 weeks. I initially wanted to wait until after the first u/s but that wasn't scheduled until after school ended. The former principal has since left for a new job. I'm not sure if he mentioned it to the assistant principal before he left or not, but I'm going in to talk to our HR rep about maternity leave on Thursday so I plan to stop by the asst. principal and let him know if he doesn't already. We go back in about 3 weeks (I'm not ready! lol) at which point I won't be attempting to keep it a secret.

wkuandrea · July 2018

I told my boss today — we all work remotely and he likes video calls, so I did it on video and then cried

he was really excited and supportive — it helped that he had just asked about what I wanted next in my career, lol. Since I’ll have been at the company for less than a year when baby gets here, I was really nervous, but he said he’d help navigate all the HR stuff (very large company). PHEW.

ChasingTheDog · July 2018

I work a physical job with animals so I told my boss ASAP. I had to stop doing one thing when I asked the doc and she was like “uh maybe don’t do that?” As the SDS wasn’t much help lol. (Which I actually emailed the company a list of typographical and grammatical errors on their SDS. It’s a major pharma company too! WTF) The rest of coworkers I told around 11.5 weeks after I got the NIPT results back. Some folks had guessed because I’d stopped doing dips and I looked like shit every morning lol

brmivimo914 · July 2018

Sorry I’m late - but thank you for your replies! So very helpful. Hope everyone has had mostly positive experiences sharing with bosses!

furmama1986 · July 2018

I told my boss at roughly 8 weeks... I'm now 14 and have only told a couple close coworkers. The rest can be catty, so I'm going to put it off a few more weeks.

galactickates · July 2018

I just discussed our plan for my maternity leave and I feel so relieved. I get to work from home. I'm happy to keep my salary and benefits while not having to pay for daycare. I really really like having my own money and contributing to my 401k. I'm happy not to lose that.

oaklandava · July 2018

So....I interviewed for a job this week and did not tell them I was pregnant. I know it's discrimination to not offer based on that, and they'd used another excuse to not give it to me. Not saying I should get it, but saying I don't want to not get it because I'm pregnant. So, if they offer it to me, I'm sure they'll notice soon because I was wearing a t shirt today and someone asked me how being pregnant in the summer was going. I wore a black dress to the interview because it's the only thing that fits right now. Has anyone else had any experience with this?

leighbrek · July 2018

@oaklandava A lot of our discussion above was exactly about that type of thing. Sure, it's illegal to discriminate, but only if they admit that pregnancy was their reason to reject a candidate.

libertymomrn · July 2018

I was 4 months pregnant with my second baby when I got a new job. I just wore clothes to the interview that made me look like I was a little
heavier rather than pregnant. I got the job and told them a few weeks after that that I was expecting. But I just brought it up casually in conversation, not like some big announcement. I wear scrubs, though, so I was able to hide it for a little bit longer than I would with most jobs.

oaklandava · July 2018

@leighbrek Yeah, I'm kind of more curious about the "if I get it" situation maybe. I am hoping they couldn't then revoke it. I dunno. @libertymomrn that's pretty much exactly where I am right now. I guess I feel semi-guilty like I'm lying through omission, but at the same time, I know that they can discriminate without owning their discrimination. I dunno. I don't like feeling morally wrong, but I don't want to be treated morally wrong either lol

leighbrek · July 2018

Sorry @oaklandava, I'd misunderstood!
You're not doing anything morally wrong by accepting a position while pregnant, or by not disclosing.. Since they're not supposed to allow a pregnancy to sway their judgement, there's no reason in the world for you to bring it up until you're giving notice about taking leave. Morally wrong is definitely discriminating against the pregnant woman.
Just my two cents!

BitterBetty12 · July 2018

@oaklandava you’re absolutely not doing anything wrong by not disclosing, but I can commiserate with your feelings of moral ambiguity. I waited to tell my supervisor that I was pregnant so that I could get the classes I wanted back and I still have all sorts of personal guilt about ommiting information.

oaklandava · July 2018

@leighbrek No worries

It's fine. Thank you for helping my conscience a bit!!!! @bitterbetty12 yeah, exactly. It's such a weird feeling!

sarahsaurus-2 · July 2018

I JUST got hired on for a new part-time job. I feel sort of bad because I'll probably only be there for a few months until the baby comes, but I've been looking for jobs for months already...and I could really use the extra income. I'm already a bit chubby and I'm not really showing yet, so I figure I have a little time before its obvious... but when should I tell them I'm pregnant?

Overall, I'm really excited because the job is easy and really close to home. And this fall semester I'm doing a program at my community college that will help get me certified as a pharmacy technician, so in the future I can start working in pharmacies.

leighbrek · July 2018

@sarahsaurus-2 Love your screen name!
Look up the labour law in your area for minimum notice, then gauge your timing from there. Also be conscious of any special work accommodations you might need or time off for appointments ( if you can't get appointments during your regular time off). These things might sway you to say something a bit sooner.

oldiebutgoodie80 · July 2018

So, I received an email from my supervisor last week that said: Hey, I heard through the grapevine that you have some exciting news! Congratulations! I wasn't ready to announce my pregnancy to work just yet, because I didn't want to have to un- announce should anything happen. I guess the cat is out of the bag, but it is definitely not how I wanted it to go down. And now I worry that they think I was trying to hide it?

leighbrek · July 2018

@oldiebutgoodie80
Don't over think it.

Most people who have had children understand how it is about announcing. If it really weighs on your mind, just be direct with your supervisor. "Hey, thanks! I haven't announced yet because I didn't feel ready, but things are going well!"

Just my two cents, because I really believe in direct communication. You know your situation, though, so do what's right for you!

Mandamay1414 · July 2018

@sarahsaurus-2 yay for going to be a certified pharmacy technician!!! I'm a pharmacist and I love most of my techs (especially the ones who are good with math!) Having amazing techs really makes my days so much better.

BitterBetty12 · July 2018

Mandamay1414 said:

@sarahsaurus-2 yay for going to be a certified pharmacy technician!!! I'm a pharmacist and I love most of my techs (especially the ones who are good with math!) Having amazing techs really makes my days so much better.

My DH is a pharmacist as well and great techs (or lack thereof) can make or break a day!

greenhillgirl · July 2018

oldiebutgoodie80 it's kind of weird your supervisor emailed you and called you out like that rather than wait for you to tell them. but maybe it also means they are a direct type of person since they told you they know. hopefully you can make a positive of it and have a conversation- you could keep it general and say you will want to take leave but plan to return after (if that is true) and look forward to discussing details. How will you respond?

KLS123 · July 2018

greenhillgirl said:

oldiebutgoodie80 it's kind of weird your supervisor emailed you and called you out like that rather than wait for you to tell them. but maybe it also means they are a direct type of person since they told you they know. hopefully you can make a positive of it and have a conversation- you could keep it general and say you will want to take leave but plan to return after (if that is true) and look forward to discussing details. How will you respond?

I agree. That was weird. And maybe kind of passive aggressive? I was in a situation where a lot of higher-ups knew fairly earlish without me telling them explicitly since I had to go to the board to negotiate a maternity leave policy. Everyone kept their mouth shut until I was ready to announce and then they tastefully acknowledged that they knew since they voted on the leave policy but were waiting to congratulate me until I was ready.

ETA: Once the front desk girl found out, the rumor mill just went wild and EVERYONE knew. People I have literally spoken to maybe once are coming up to say congratulations and one lady even touched my stomach. And a literally mean stomach, not baby bump, because I am a FTM and it's practically non-existent still. yikes.

oldiebutgoodie80 · July 2018

@leighbrek @greenhillgirl @KLS123 I appreciate all of your input and perspectives. I am definitely an over thinker, and don’t want them to think I’m shady. I responded with the truth. I told her thank you, and that I was waiting until later in my pregnancy to tell them because I didn’t want to have to untell them, since I’ve had losses in the past. She was really sweet about it, and said her lips are sealed. I am a contractor, and work from home... nobody can see this big ole belly. I just wonder... who told her! I’m at a loss, and just feel weird about the whole thing.

sfgiantsgamerbabe · July 2018

@sarahsaurus-2 I was in the exact same boat as you. Looking for a new job is nerve wracking in itself and adding pregnancy makes it even more so. I was starting to show when I interviewed so I wore a shirt with ruffles on the front that hid my bump and a jacket. I just got a new job and I told them after I had signed the paperwork. It went really well. Good luck in your job search!

dragonette505 · August 2018

I finally pulled the trigger and told my boss.... I just have a lot of appointments coming up and i need work to be flexible if i need more time (my most recent appointments have been mostly 30 minutes in and out).
She was great about it and super supportive (as i expected) and told me to do what i need to do.
My company is downsizing and i have already gotten my end date range (December 2019 or Jan 2020), so I was never worried they will be concerned i might not come back. But the deal is i get a years severance only if i remain employed till my end date (which hasn't precisely been landed on). Naturally i will come back after maternity leave because who doesn't want a free years pay and insurance!??!? But after that i would have a whole year at home if i want.

al_vy · August 2018

My co-worker joked I was pregnant almost 2 weeks before I took a test (she's actually correctly predicted 4 different people's pregnancies thus far... convinced she's a wizard or something).
I was going to wait to tell my boss until I was further along, but ended up telling her around the 12 week mark when we found out we're having twins. We're a relatively small gym, so my boss is also the owner. She was really excited for me and has been more than accommodating of my needs, allowing me to make the transition from hands-on work to office work as needed. And, once the babies are here, she'll have someone covering my position until I'm back. I know I've 100% lucked out on the job side of things, and I'm grateful.
She kept it a secret, and I was so thankful. I made the announcement to my co-workers and athletes via a chalk message written on the floor around 16 weeks (when my bump started getting firmer). Lots of excitement all the way around.

... now if only my boss would invest in air conditioning.

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