sorry about the mom drama ladies. I have a huge issue with parents / step parents / inlaws who don't respect boundaries inclduing posting YOUR news on facebook or booking consulted vacations. I have a family member like it and it drives me insane. You shouldn't have to deal with it.
This is really petty, but I’ll say it anyway. I’m annoyed still (a month later) that my MIL still hasn’t asked anything about how I’m feeling since we told them about baby #2. I mean, that’s what every woman I know who has had a child asks after finding out. She’s excited to have another grandchild but that’s the only thing she had to say.
It bothered me at the time, I told myself I was being petty and to get over it, but it still bothers me. It actually makes me want to avoid talking to her right now. I think I’m being ridiculous but still.
@Katzalia That is a bit weird. I have noticed the same thing -- almost every woman who has been pregnant asks how I'm feeling. Do you talk to her often? Maybe she just doesn't want to bother you?
@kadeephd we talk to them twice a week at least. I usually like my MIL and we have a good relationship. We talked tonight, which is what made me think about it again. And I actually heard her ask MH how I am doing..... how odd that I bitch about the 10x not asking and then she does!! Which actually makes me feel rather better now.
It’s funny, I mean I don’t particularly need to have a symptom discussion with her. If asked, my answer would probably be “better than I was, thanks for asking.”
I think a big part of what has bothered me about it is that it feels consistent with so much of the culture of dismissing women’s experiences to only care about babies in utero. Asking how mom is doing acknowledges that baby isn’t growing on its own, that mom is *seen* and valued too.
@Katzalia@kadeephd On the other hand, male co-workers asking me how I'm feeling is pretty funny and unexpected! I'm not really sure how to respond - I tell them I feel good and think about how it must be very obvious that I'm pregnant now (I didn't go around telling my whole office. I'm a pretty quiet person. So it must be the office rumour mill )
@maurenmce Wow, that is a long time. She definitely should have asked you first. I'd ask her to either change her reservation or cancel the trip altogether.
@Activebaby That's kinda crappy. You'd think she would have learned not to do that after the first time.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Now I have a mom related bitch fest. I spent 2 hours on the phone with my mom last night and most of it was her trying to convince me that if I don’t have a VBAC I will regret it for the rest of my life. I did really wanted a calm water birth with limited interventions last time, but after 40 hours of labor, 475785 bathroom breaks, pitocin kicked up to 16, and 4 internal monitors inserted, I ended up with a c-section. I really struggled with it at first, mostly because I did not get to hold DS for a while after he was born because I was shaking so badly, but now I’ve made peace with it. This time, we will most likely schedule a C-section, so the baby is born before the end of the year. However, if I go into labor on my own, I will definitely try to have the baby vaginally. It drives me crazy that she thinks this is such a terrible idea. I truly do not even understand why it matters to her because she will not be able to come, due to the fact that at that point she will have a warrant out for her arrest in the county I live in, because of some stupid legal matters between her and my dad, who divorced 10 years ago. I just wish she could keep her opinions and controlling nature to herself!
@katy0990 ugh, I'm sorry! You need to do what's best for you and baby. Don't let her sway you. And really talk to your docs to make sure they are on board with whatever your plan is. This is YOUR body, YOUR pregnancy, and YOUR baby. Maybe she has some of her own regrets and she doesn't want you to feel the same? But as long as you are happy though, her opinion isn't necessary and shouldn't matter.
@scaredunprepared Of course she doesn’t have regrets! She had 5 perfect deliveries after 5 perfect pregnancies and getting pregnant on the first try each time *eyeroll* I just can’t quite live up to the perfection!
@katy0990 Sorry your ma is being a butt about YOUR choices! Thanks to the internet it’s easy to find all the moms, Vaginal Only, VBAC, CS Only, Third Party (did I miss anyone?) and each group will have a tome of why their way is the best - and they’re all right. Your mom is right about VBACs being great for some, but you are right about a scheduled CS being right for you! *hugs*
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@katy0990 in that case, she is very fortunate, but apparently doesn't realize that's not how it is for everyone. I'm sorry. Be confident in whatever decision you make. This is about YOU, not her.
@katy0990 Gahh that is so frustrating to have someone who had zero issues trying to make you feel like you're wrong about your feelings/choices. You make your choices about your own body and pregnancy, and try not to let her get to you.
*TW* We had a semi-similar, but not quite as annoying as yours, conversation with my FIL earlier on. He basically told H we were ridiculous for being nervous and repeatedly insisted we could just relax and enjoy everything and had absolutely no reason to worry, because H's mom had 5 uncomplicated pregnancies and no losses. Now, I have no loss history (but this is my first pregnancy ever, so I have no background at all) but I'm realistic and I know the chances, so I'm pretty much expecting it to happen at some point in my life. This was around week 8-9 when I was spotting for a week and a half and was so nervous I could barely function. And now I'm having potential cervical issues. I'm glad I wasn't the one speaking to him because I would have just told him to f*ck off.
@katy0990 so why exactly would you be spending your life regretting any method of delivery that gets your baby healthy and into the world with you? I would be seriously annoyed if anyone spent that much time trying to influence my decisions about really personal medical choices. Sorry you spent 2 hrs listening to that kind of thing from your mom. Ugh.
@katy0990 I came to basically say the same as scaredunprepared. Your mom may think she's looking out for your best interests but at some point she needs to realize this is your pregnancy and your choice. If your medical team is happy with your choices, she needs to be supportive. If she can't do that, we are here for you!
My BF: I am annoyed because I did all this research on breast pumps and decided on the one I wanted and it turns out it isn't available in Canada. I wanted the Spectra, but it turns out it isn't Health Canada approved . And no, I don't think I can just get a friend from the States to ship it to me, since I want to go through my benefits to cover it We do have a range of Madela pumps available, and I guess that has worked for a bunch of moms, but I feel bummed because it was my second choice...
@katy0990 why does she even care how the baby comes out??!? My SIL has had three c-sections, two of which were scheduled. She LOVES that she basically gets to pick the birth day, and only has to go to 39 weeks, and her recoveries for baby # 2 & 3 were so much easier than #1. At the end of the day, she is no less a great mother, or whatever (I actually think she is a MUCH better mother than I, so calm cool and collected with whatever life throws at her) because she's never had a baby vaginally. I can't stand this crap about how people should have babies.
@katy0990 Oh my gosh I would be livid! It is absolutely none of her business what type of birth you have! It's entirely up to you! Don't let her make you feel bad or second guess any decisions you've made or will make. Hugs!
Thanks for the support, ladies! I know how she is, but spending hours listening to her tell me the many ways I am wrong about everything still wears me down sometimes.
@ab_canada I’m sorry the pump you wanted isn’t an option. For what it’s worth, I liked (as much as anyone can like a device that makes you feel like a cow) my medela pump in style last time.
@katy0990 That line of thinking is so bizarre to me. Why exactly would I always regret having my baby be born healthy and in the most trauma free way possible (for my circumstances)? I have no regrets. I think the medical interventions we have are amazing and we are so lucky to live in a time that they are an option. So the naysayers can put that in their pipe and smoke it! You can tell her to butt out, we’re all behind you.
Speaking of mums, mine surprised me today! She’s pretty impractical, but sent a box of practical baby things! Sure, LO doesn’t need a stuffed tardigrade, but I’m happy he has one. And I hope to actually use the portable booster seat
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
Long story short: I told my husband we are going to the local fireman's fair on Saturday and I want him to come (he works for himself and all the time and is barely around, I basically am a single parent). He then proceeds to call me at work (I work in an office with four other people, two were at lunch) and talk about how he has zero free time (NOT my fault) and how Saturday is his only day off. Then said I have "free time/time off" every afternoon (NOT REALLY BUD. I work til 4, pick up our daughter, get home at 5, make dinner, clean the dishes, clean the house, get her bag ready for tomorrow, make my lunch, then go to bed) and said I'm "RELAXING" at home even though I watch our 13 month old. THEN proceeded to get upset because he "hates the fireman's fair" and "wants to go to the xxx fair" THAT HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET. SORRY I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO THE FAIR LAST YEAR SINCE I HAD A SIX WEEK OLD. I guess I'll just continue to be a single parent and have our daughter NEVER SEE YOU. Sorry I figured you'd WANT TO FUCKING BE AROUND.
I guess that was sort of a long story anyways lol. But I yelled. Then hung up. Then got angry, called back and yelled and cried. And told him he was wrong 100 different ways.
@Jens_Hoes Sorry you’re having a bad day *hugs* If it’s any matter, I think you’re right. You are working too, even when YH doesn’t perceive it as work. Have you read the The Five Love Languages? It’s a quick read about emotional give & take, and it has helped me understand others. Meanwhile, I’d go to the fair with some friends if possible, have a blast, and he can work all damn day by himself.
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@echo-charlietango I had to google what a tardigrade is and now there is a stuffed one sitting in my Amazon cart because it's SO CUTE! It reminds me of my pug who is very round haha
I finally thought of a good one! DS1 is supposed to be getting a 2 hour nap at school and they are letting him sleep 2.5+. Seriously. If y'all keep this up you're gonna have to come put him to bed. srsly.
I'm sorry @Jens_Hoes for his response. First and foremost, you're completely valid in how you feel about it. It's so rude when anyone especially your SO downplays how much work a child is & pretends it's relaxing time. HA. A day off should include your family Hugs
@Jens_Hoes I’m sorry your husband is being a jerk! He absolutely should want to spend time with you both. Also, nothing about raising a family and chasing a toddler is relaxing.
@texas_t Have you asked them to wake him after 2 hours?
Re: Bitchweek • w/o 7.16
It bothered me at the time, I told myself I was being petty and to get over it, but it still bothers me. It actually makes me want to avoid talking to her right now. I think I’m being ridiculous but still.
It’s funny, I mean I don’t particularly need to have a symptom discussion with her. If asked, my answer would probably be “better than I was, thanks for asking.”
I think a big part of what has bothered me about it is that it feels consistent with so much of the culture of dismissing women’s experiences to only care about babies in utero. Asking how mom is doing acknowledges that baby isn’t growing on its own, that mom is *seen* and valued too.
On the other hand, male co-workers asking me how I'm feeling is pretty funny and unexpected! I'm not really sure how to respond - I tell them I feel good and think about how it must be very obvious that I'm pregnant now (I didn't go around telling my whole office. I'm a pretty quiet person. So it must be the office rumour mill
@maurenmce Wow, that is a long time. She definitely should have asked you first. I'd ask her to either change her reservation or cancel the trip altogether.
@Activebaby That's kinda crappy. You'd think she would have learned not to do that after the first time.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!Thabk you for the affirmation!
Your mom is right about VBACs being great for some, but you are right about a scheduled CS being right for you! *hugs*
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
*TW*
We had a semi-similar, but not quite as annoying as yours, conversation with my FIL earlier on. He basically told H we were ridiculous for being nervous and repeatedly insisted we could just relax and enjoy everything and had absolutely no reason to worry, because H's mom had 5 uncomplicated pregnancies and no losses. Now, I have no loss history (but this is my first pregnancy ever, so I have no background at all) but I'm realistic and I know the chances, so I'm pretty much expecting it to happen at some point in my life. This was around week 8-9 when I was spotting for a week and a half and was so nervous I could barely function. And now I'm having potential cervical issues. I'm glad I wasn't the one speaking to him because I would have just told him to f*ck off.
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@ab_canada I’m sorry the pump you wanted isn’t an option. For what it’s worth, I liked (as much as anyone can like a device that makes you feel like a cow) my medela pump in style last time.
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
I guess that was sort of a long story anyways lol. But I yelled. Then hung up. Then got angry, called back and yelled and cried. And told him he was wrong 100 different ways.
Meanwhile, I’d go to the fair with some friends if possible, have a blast, and he can work all damn day by himself.
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
@texas_t Have you asked them to wake him after 2 hours?
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
@katy0990 I don't see what it's any of her business how your baby is born. It's no one elses business.
@hkom Some people just don't get it.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!