- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
October 2018 Moms
jomama1618
member
Official Crazy Family Thread (July/August)
jomama1618
member
As we entire the 3rd trimester, the crazy, thoughtless, and entitlement is sure to rear it's head.
Come share, vent, commiserate, and laugh at the crazy that is (because we all know that's about all we can do with it!)
Come share, vent, commiserate, and laugh at the crazy that is (because we all know that's about all we can do with it!)
Re: Official Crazy Family Thread (July/August)
Was told by step mom's brother "oh you're getting round, everywhere, even your face." Keep that shit to yourself! I'm actually still in shape everywhere else but my belly and only gained 20lbs so far Mr. two face lifts and a nose job!
*Forgive me, as I forget who said what!
Part of me REALLY wants to bring baby to the baby shower, because I am a petty asshole
*Re: the baby clothes and saving crap. I'm torn because part of me just wants the excess shit out of my house, and that's a way to do it! LOL But it also erks me to no end that it's expected. Like just nope!
Hmmm... Maybe I could sell them on a bst page or market place! (A bunch is getting sent to my younger sister, because my niece is due to be born 2 days beforey daughter!)
She totally believes she is entitled to another shower because her kids will be almost 10 years apart and separate sexes. (Which I have seen people do, because they are so far apart, and didn't keep stuff. It's just the entitlement she has to it that bothers me.) I hate to inform her that far less people are going to be "helpful" at providing all stuff when it's your second kid (his third), and you're adults both working full time! (Literally everything was provided for her last time. She was like 18... family came from states away and everything she could possibly need was provided. She didn't buy anything for him. She seems to think this will happen again and she can get away with just buying some cute clothes and nothing else. If you couldn't tell I'm a little salty about this. Not that we wanted stuff bought for us, I was super excited to buy things. I'm salty because our son is our miracle. They said he wasn't medically possible, and after 8 years he proved all the Drs wrong, born perfectly healthy. We had been happily married for years and just wanted to celebrate him. Most his family couldn't even be bothered to drive 20 minutes to come to his baby shower, or the hospital when he was born. Ya, still salty about that. I hate that my son is treated differently. )
MIL continues to do well in recovery. It's the damndest thing though. Her excuse for why she doesn't have more contact is that they have "basically no service" where they live... But has internet to her computer (that works fine and she plays internet games on) but "the WiFi doesn't work". All I can do is shake my head and think, that's not how ANY of this works! If you have functional internet and a router, your phone should have wifi. *Hand meet face*
Also, despite the "basically no service/wifi" she magically has videoed from her kitchen every morning with a (non) update on her progress. (Glad she's ok, but let's be honest, no need for a progress update when nothing changed.)
On to the more fun/crazy part. As I predicted, SIL has taken up the dramatics about having the stitch placed, since getting an actual date for "surgery" (it's a procedure, she's not going under general anesthesia or being cut in any way). Dr told her she will have to basically lay around and do absolutely nothing for 3 days (so the stitch has time to start healing and settle) and I've already heard multiple times how that will be so hard for her to do nothing, and then I'm the next breath talking about how she hopes she won't have to stop working (which would be a legit concern, if it was an actual concern. It's just how she said it. Like that hopeful it's going to happen but I want people to think it's not what I want type thing. They have already told her that most people work with one just fine after healing. That the only reason she was on complete bed rest last time was because she had dilated 2-3 and her bag bulging through her cervix before 20 weeks. Which is why they did the stitch in the first place.)
As soon as we got to GMIL's and she sees me setting DS's stuff down, she yells across the yard (GMIL has a very large property. A couple acres minimum) something about "Well now you definitely look big and pregnant." I stood there for a sec giving her a dumb look before yelling back "Being 6 months, I should sure as hell hope you can tell!" She obviously didn't expect that and looked slightly like a deer in the headlights. So she yells back "Well last time I seen you, you couldn't really tell! You only had the tiniest little bump." Again with the stupid look for her. I say "Well given the HG, and the 30+lb weight loss, not to mention that I was ONLY 18 weeks, of course you couldn't really tell." She looked kind of dumbfounded and didn't know what to say, so she walked away. Lol
*She keeps wearing insanely tight shirts/dresses etc to try to look more pregnant. She is only 13 weeks, and had a pooch before getting pregnant. So she doesn't look pregnant at all yet. At 13 I wouldn't expect her to, but it's driving her crazy that she doesn't "look" pregnant like me yet. The fact that I'm "stealing her spotlight" is killing her!
Ready for the craziest part? * I'm going to lead into this by saying everyone please hope she has a boy!
Let me prelude, by adding in this relevant story. Earlier this week, on family group, SIL expressed disdain for her middle name (which is MIL's middle name) because baby daddy has been calling her "first name middle name" most the time (because he knows it messes with her.) Obviously MIL didn't like her disdain for sharing a middle name, and her and GMIL spent time on family group explaining what it was a lovely name, and the *tradition* of it being passed down (read as big guilt trip to do the same) and GMIL even went on to later explain why MIL got that name etc (not really some big tradition, just a name GFIL wanted used from his southern side, and was adamant about it. So GMIL was left to pick a name from her side that worked with it.) SIL says she likes it more now that she knows there is at least some history, and not just a random name.
*Also, it was known to everyone that our child would have a first name starting with an L to match DS. Before knowing it was a girl, we had short listed Luna, Lana, and Lillian (in that order of most likely to be used.) And had expressed (to everyone) that if it was a girl, we we're leaning toward Luna.*
As we are making our kids' plates for dinner, she is close to me and asks "What are you naming her again". No big deal, I don't expect anyone to remember until she gets here. I remind her that our daughter's name is Lana. She says "oh good! That's what grandma said, but I wanted to make sure! We finally decided on a name today!" (Again, funny they decided that morning before coming since they said before they we're waiting to find out like we did.) I gave a half assed "Oh cool" and kept making my kid's plate of food. She says "If it's a girl, we are naming her Luna! I know it's super matchy, but I figured it will be ok!"
SHE PICKED A MATCHING NAME TO MY DAUGHTER'S, WTF?!
I looked at her, I'm sure much like a deer in headlights and nodded. "Oh, that's the first name we had chosen for Lana." And walked to my table to feed my kid. I had no other words for her. Anything else I said shouldn't have been said, so I said nothing else.
Like you seriously had to choose a name that is 1 letter off from my daughter's? And it really doesn't "go" with any of their other kids names. Once again, just seems deliberate. (After we got home, DH said his sister is stupid and he hopes she has a boy
Then a short bit later, someone decides to ask what the middle name will be. And that's when their world imploded! Everyone was sure she would pass on her middle name (if it's a girl) and use a name honoring her Grandpa, boy or girl (pretty sure I already told you guys, but everyone assumed we too would be using a femanine form of GFIL's name since he passed. He was a misogynistic racist pain in the ass, who threw a huge fit that we weren't naming DS after him. Which really pissed DH off. DH said why would I name DD after him when I refused to name DS after him, just because he's dead now?! ) She informed them that there would be absolutely NO family names (from her side if it's a boy it will 99% be a Jr) in this kid's name. You would have thought the world was ending!!! Everyone was in an uproar about it. They kept going on and on about tradition and family names blah blah. (I laughed and walked away to let my kid play, but still in earshot). It got so bad she finally half yelled "well I guess l'll just have to have another girl (she's convinced this one will be a girl). Baby daddy's eyes looked like they may pop out with a look of cold chance in hell written all over his face
Random stuff:
*Baby daddy has said no more girls (like that some how matters) because his 2 are girls
*Baby daddy has now told her she isn't going to deliver at same hospital as me (closest one to her) despite it just winning a bunch of awards for being completely state certified baby friendly/low intervention and listed as one of the best L&D in the state. Smh So why go to a Dr here, that only delivers here... Makes perfect sense. They were also pissed off when I informed them of the hospitals flu precautions surrounding L&D (for babies born during the active flu precaution, there is only allowed to be 2 people visit in the hospital. And it has to be the same 2 people the entire stay. So dad and 1 other person. Not even siblings allowed, and no one under 14. She's already annoyed because my DD won't be born during flu precaution and her kid will. She was whining the other day that "no one will be able to come visit me and baby in the hospital!")
*I mentioned that I had my glucose test in a couple weeks (end of the month) and I wasn't looking forward to it. SIL says she doesn't think she will have one at 28 weeks like me, because she had one at 11 weeks. Her Dr couldn't believe her guess could be that far off. (4-5 weeks vs 11.5) Lol She was convinced it had to be a severe case of GD or something. Nope, just denial
But she thought since she passed that one she wouldn't have to do it again (she will. Our practice has you do it at 28 weeks regardless of super early tests.)
*DS's birthday is in a few days. No one ever said anything about if they would come. I got pissed said fuck them! I pitched the idea to DH that we take DS (who will be 2 and loves animals) to the zoo, and then have cake at home, just us (my mom, 6, my sister and maybe his dad will come have cake, because they want to be apart of all things in our kids lives) and say fuck everyone else. He loved it! I think when they refused to even answer about if/when they could come and I refused to plan it on the 4th when most everyone was there (DH would never ask that. He's all about the kids having their own days. He has a December birthday so it was always lumped in with Christmas. But you could tell that's what they were expecting.) It was a major nail in the coffin for him. He said he doesn't get to see us much (works 3rds and there is tons of mandatory over time right now. So 7 days a week!) And he would much rather spend a day doing an amazing experience with all his attention on us. So fuck them for not wanting to celebrate with us. (Especially since they always whine they never see him/he's getting so big/doesn't know them etc. Not my problem!) Can't wait!
I'm sure I forgot a bunch. So I will add more if I remember. SIL's procedure is in under 2 weeks, so I will probably have more from that. Then in 3-6 weeks (from now) she will find out what she's having. So things should continue to be very interesting!
I know you guys love reading this, but it's so cathartic to get all of the crazy out! We live in the middle of no where, and I have no one to talk to but you guys. So being able to share all this is so helpful!
She is definitely something else. Lol
I'm not sure if I'm more insulted that she told me to kill my baby or if it was just a fucked up way of calling me fat. Either way, what the fuck mom in law!?
But if you do go, just roll with it, enjoy the time and make a clear ask for your husband and MIL to take on additional responsibility for your toddler.
I'm sorry your mom is such a pain, but I'm glad your aunt is being supportive. Hopefully your mom will come around.
We rarely ever see that SIL except on the occasional holiday and she doesn't have a phone, so she found out about us being pregnant again through our social media announcement mid-April. Well last week my 4yo niece came over to play with DD and as soon as she walks into the living room, she tells us that her mom is having a baby and that shes going to get to live with her. It ended up being true and apparently DH knew about it, but didn't think to mention it to me. So basically I found out from MIL that shes due January 27th, which would mean she got pregnant end of April/early May. I don't think shes trying to 'steal my thunder' or anything like that and obviously coincidences happen and babies happen and people don't just go out and get knocked up because other people they know are, but WTF.. twice now? I genuinely hope she gets the help and support that she needs to be successful. So I guess the rant part of this is that even though MIL knows that I'm a social worker, but have never practiced child welfare social work in my life, she will not stop calling/texting to ask me questions about legal custody, taxes, kinship care benefits, etc. The answer to every question has been "I don't know" every. single. time.
BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016
BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
What type of social work do you do? I understand the struggle when trying to get answers about those issues, as I'm sure you're aware that social services are tricky to navigate.
I'm not sure what state your MIL is in, but I'd be happy to try and locate her some resources if you would like.
BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016
BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
Just a touch of back story: DH has 4 siblings, the youngest 2 are girls and the older of the two is married (I'll call her 'A' for clarity) with two kids. Her oldest (E) is 5 and is special needs, has Coffin-Lowry syndrome, is barely verbal, just starting sitting up on his own recently, does not crawl really except from squirming around, fed with a feeding tube thru a 'button' in his stomach. Obviously, comes with a lot of expenses and work to take care of. He just got a wheel chair but can't move it at all on his own.
(We're not allowed to tell anyone what syndrome he has, because... She doesn't want advice from anyone, but I figured you guys are safe. The Drs also told her that googling it won't be accurate, so don't trust anything found online.)
They get some benefits from government stuff and kids connection, one thing being what is called respite care.
MIL just told DH and his older brother, that they are going to have to put something in their schedules to help with E because she is exhausted. 'A' is over with her kids daily and if not daily at least 5-6 times a week she leaves E and the younger 2 year old, with MIL so she can run errands, like going to the store or paying bills, or working in her yard, etc. If there is a Drs appt, usually in Denver, MIL has to go and take of the younger or help with E. He has therapy, I think every other week, one day and MIL has to go. He just started HIPPO therapy once a month, which is near Denver in Loveland with a horse.
'A' has two girls that come once a week (Different days) and help. She has someone come clean her house and doesn't do any of her own sewing (I know that seems extra, but she makes MIL do it all).
MIL has a greenhouse (closed now), and sews slips for anyone who orders one, along with her own household stuff, sewing for her other daughter and herself.
MIL doesn't EVER say no. The two girls run her absolutely ragged. Our kids basically don't have a grandma because she is taking care of the girls.
I do understand we DON'T know what it's like to have a special needs child. We have no idea how much work goes into all the day to day stuff that we take for granted. That said, it doesn't look like 'A' does either. She has never just been home doing it on her own. She is extremely picky with the help she gets. I know for a fact that there would be other Mennonite ladies that would come at the drop of the hat to go help her, but 1. She won't ask 2. She would NOT like it at all, cuz they might do something different than she does. For example, one girl she had helping out, 'A' just stopped calling her because she was folding her husband's shirts wrong, and rather than telling her they don't fit in the drawer that way, 'A' just called her less and less.
She has this respite care that is completely paid for by the government, but will not get anyone else, for no reason that we can figure out. MIL said it's only 18 hours a month. But I'm like THAT'S 18 HOURS A MONTH YOU WOULD BE FREE.
MIL looked completely done in. Her health is far from good and her nerves are shot. 'A' just refuses to notice. It's going to kill MIL yet.
I don't get to drop my kids off every time I need to go to the store, but I know that's not really apples to apples. But I also don't leave them daily for whatever reason pops into my head. He was going to pre-school this last year and it helped MIL out a lot.
I'm just so over the blaming that goes on because no one else helps with E, but no one gets a chance! We don't even know how to do his feeds, because it is always MIL!
And it's not like we can always drop everything and run to her aid, because we have families too. Now with this cyst on my baby, I know there's no way that MIL will be of any help whatsoever.
I know I sound like a total jerk, I just get so frustrated. We definitely get the feeling we're not allowed to have opinions on ANY of it cuz we don't know what it's like.
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
If so, does she work additional hours beyond what she's paid for?
I hate to say this, but even though it's insensitive of your SIL not to recognize the toll it's taking on your MIL, it's your MIL's responsibility to set boundaries and limitations for herself. No one can do that for her. @coffee-saur
Just to clarify did MIL tell DH and his older brother that they need to help out because she's exhausted??
Yea MIL told DH and his older brother, while we were together for supper (not A and family) on Tues that they had to put in their schedules to help out, because she was exhausted.
I totally agree that MIL needs to set the boundaries, I just don't know what it's going to take for her to do it. Meanwhile, we get blamed for not doing ???? Insert epic guilt trip, crying, overwhelmed look here.
After we ate supper, MIL said she had to go home and cut out and sew an entire dress THAT NIGHT YET. We know good and well, it wasn't for MIL, it's just a toss up which daughter of hers it was for.
I'm so over the not saying no thing I could barf.
SIL that is not married is 22 and is extremely demanding and orders MIL around like it's cool. She's a whole another trip down entitled spoiled brat lane that just blows my mind. For some reason she can't stay at a job for a year, so she's broke half the time and folks have to pay her bills and help her out when her bank account goes overdrawn. This last winter, she all of a sudden went on a trip to visit the other brother in WY and stopped and had a shopping spree, comes home to no job and her account is overdrawn almost $1000. I don't have any idea how she spent that much, cuz she lives at home, her car is paid for, so her only big bill would be insurance. Guess how she put her account back in black? FIL gave her what she needed. I don't know if she had to pay back or not, but she's never had to in the past, so...
Sorry I'm so epically grouchy. I had a trying day and it's just not getting better. DH had to go to a work evening at our school this evening so I'm at home with DD-6. And feeling really stabby if you can't tell
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
I try not to think about anything to do with the two girls, cuz I just get upset and it makes my brain hurt.
@mamabearcj I really appreciate your reply! I start to really feel like I'm just the world class worst Daughter in law, for just thinking it's ridiculous. It finally gets so much that I kinda explode like I did on here, and it feels like I'm going crazy.
And everyone else's reply, too. Sometimes, just having someone say 'I see how that can be frustrating', helps me think I'm not the worst person in the world!
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
I realized too that I said that MIL said that Tuesday, but it was actually on Saturday... I get my days mixed up more than I don't anymore...
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
DIL's answer to her quitting her job is she'll do all the housework so MIL doesn't do any of it, and they'll pay her. She lives ther. And she might take over running the greenhouse that MIL usually does. If she'd actually do the work that'd be one thing, but the likelyhood that she'd do it so MIL wasn't doing it all, is so unlikely, it's laughable. MIL will still do all the work but not get the income anymore.
DIL called DH on his way home from work yesterday and let him have it again. We need to just accept her and not be so hard on her don't tease her, because she's pretty sensitive right now. It's the boy's fault that she isn't accepted better.
That evening, after we'd messaged the whole family what's going on with the baby, DIL had the nerve to call DH and ask if we wanted them to come with us to the extra ultrasound. Why on earth would we want them along with all their negativity and literally just telling us they're too busy for anything!
DH is just as sick of it as I am. He said last night he's not even going to think about folks and his sisters, because we have more than enough on our plates to think about.
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!