FFFC 7/13

ladystout08 · July 2018

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ladystout08 · July 2018

I'm strongly considering going straight to formula this time around.

molosmiles · July 2018

@ladystout08 what are your reasonings?

I'm committed to making my SO help more with the night time feedings and can't decide if I want to pump and make him deal with warming milk or just go straight to formula for his feedings. Pumping sucks!

And no flaming from me whatever your reasons are! A Fed baby is a happy baby.

wkuandrea · July 2018

major props @ladystout08 -- you do what works for you and your family. I have my own anxieties about BF and recently talked to a friend (who I would usually classify as crunchy/earthy/granola/whatever) who had felt a lot of pressure and shame from the mom community for having to use formula because she wasn't able to produce enough breastmilk. Feeding your baby is what matters!

nononorman · July 2018

I had a bit of gender disappointment when I found out it’s a boy. I SO wanted DD to have a sister like I do. And I really don’t want to deal w another pregnancy etc to try for that. I know I’m supposed to be grateful for a healthy babe (and I am) and for being able to get pregnant so easily (I am) but there was definitely a little bit of a sigh from me when I heard the gender results. I guess there’s something to be said for getting the full range of experience -i cackled when I realized I probably get to be a MIL to a woman - but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t REALLY hope for a girl.

ladystout08 · July 2018

@molosmiles & @wkuandrea breastfeeding is super hard for me. I have super flat nipples so we have to use a shield and DS had a crappy latch and was super lazy. I hated pumping so much and having to reheat the milk. Formula saved us all. I tried for a solid 6 months before we went straight formula. DH says he doesn't care either way and it's my choice and part of me thinks maybe since I know what to expect this time it might be easier and that maybe DD will have a great latch and be a champion nurser, the other part of me says F it and just formula from the get go.

ETA - I'm also super scarred b/c it took a full week for my milk to come in, combine that with previously mentioned issues and DS had to be re-hospitalized because his bilirubin levels were so high and I was basically starving him. But I was SO SCARED to use formula b/c everyone, to include the LC made it seem like my colostrum was enough and if I used formula I'd screw everything up. Seeing DS in the hospital with a damn IV in his head at 5 days PP was horrendous and I never want to do it again.

ersh1010 · July 2018

@ladystout08 that's a terrible and scary story, sorry you had go through that. I'm really hoping to breast feed, as a first time mom I feel like I have little control over whether it will work or not.

My confession is i went to a pizza festival last weekend and ate all the pizza, including a slice or two of pepperoni, it was glorious and I didn't feel one bit guilty.

kaf1788 · July 2018

@ers7924 are you in the Boston area? I'm super jealous! Which was your favorite pizza?? (You can disregard that question if it's not actually the same pizza festival i'm thinking of..)

I had a breast reduction back in college so it's questionable whether I'll be able to breast feed. I guess my confession is that I'm more invested in breastfeeding working out for my own weight loss benefits than for the benefits to the baby.. Like I know baby will be fine no matter what, but if it's really the magic baby weight solution everyone makes it out to be then I want that.

skilouise · July 2018

@ers7924 Is pepperoni on the "don't eat" list? Why?

ladystout08 · July 2018

I'm super crampy today and it's freaking me TF out.

sparkymcgeee · July 2018

kaf1788 said:

@ers7924 are you in the Boston area? I'm super jealous! Which was your favorite pizza?? (You can disregard that question if it's not actually the same pizza festival i'm thinking of..)

I had a breast reduction back in college so it's questionable whether I'll be able to breast feed. I guess my confession is that I'm more invested in breastfeeding working out for my own weight loss benefits than for the benefits to the baby.. Like I know baby will be fine no matter what, but if it's really the magic baby weight solution everyone makes it out to be then I want that.

Not everyone loses weight during BFing. My body was like "Noooooo, I have to make sure we hold on to EVERYTHING!!" I actually gained a little because of that and since then I've talked to some docs and they say that's totally normal too.

tosh24 · July 2018

@kaf1788 I loved BFing for weight loss. It definitely didn't work right away - you actually need to eat more calories when BFing than when pregnant - but it did work for me as time went on. With DD, I lost a chunk of weight after birth and then my body held on to 20 extra pounds for the looongest time. It finished coming off when she was around 12 months and I ended up weighing less than pre-pregnancy. With DS it was sort of the same but once I started introducing solids I went on a diet (still added 500 extra calories a day for milk production) and upped my exercise and the weight melted off like candle wax. All that to say +1 for looking forward to BFing for the weight loss benefits. Hopefully it works just as well this time because I have a ton of weight to lose....

*edit: typos

drabong88 · July 2018

+1 for not losing weight while breastfeeding. I was actually pretty upset because everyone said it would happen but it never did for me.

jgil85 · July 2018

I just watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians (I know, I know) and I just straight up bawled my eyes out because it was the episode where Kourtney gives birth to her second baby and shes crying because she was saying goodbye to her son. Also, I cried while listening to Cranberries "Zombie" yesterday. Maybe my confession is that everything makes me cry now.

KLS123 · July 2018

Potterphile said:
I had a bit of gender disappointment when I found out it’s a boy. I SO wanted DD to have a sister like I do. And I really don’t want to deal w another pregnancy etc to try for that. I know I’m supposed to be grateful for a healthy babe (and I am) and for being able to get pregnant so easily (I am) but there was definitely a little bit of a sigh from me when I heard the gender results. I guess there’s something to be said for getting the full range of experience -i cackled when I realized I probably get to be a MIL to a woman - but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t REALLY hope for a girl.

Arg I can't figure out how to get out of the quote box...
Anyways it made my LOL to think of being a boy mom/future MIL to a woman

wkuandrea · July 2018

@ladystout08 since apparently we're having the same pregnancy, I'm also crampy today and have some brownish discharge... going in for a Dr appt. I have kidney problems so I can never rule that out, and if it's a UTI or bladder infection I need to get ahead of that, too. Plus it'll be nice to peek in on the bean (I've only had the one US). **TW** I had placental abruption with my pregnancy in 2010 and resulted in loss at 20wks, so we're also super watchful about any cramping or bleeding **TW**

nononorman · July 2018

+1 to never lost weight due to BF. Lost 35/50-55 in the first 2-3 weeks and still holding the last 15-20- been nursing for 11.5 mo including 9-10 of EBF. I hear more women actually lose weight when they stop BF. Also warning that a lot of women’s arms get bigger when they BF... as I was losing that 35 lbs my arms popped up a few stretch marks that I didn’t get during my pregnancy. Dr Google told me that BF and increased blood flow to that area was why.

galactickates · July 2018

My FFFC - I literally had no idea that our cycles were broken up by 2 weeks before joined TTGP on TB - The WTO and TWW after ovulation. I know that's not perfect and people's cycles are different. Spare me the correction. But I had thought ovulation was totally at random. I didn't even know you could test for it. It's not something I ever studied or thought about. Thanks ladies of TTGP!

parentingishard · July 2018

+1 for BFing to lose the weight. I lost all the baby weight and was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes when I returned to work at 13 weeks, but then I developed pretty severe PPA partly because of the stress of BFing, pumping, and working FT. I'm going to try BFing again but closely monitor my mental health. I'm already sad about losing the weight loss benefits!

ersh1010 · July 2018

@kaf1788 yes! It's the same one you are thinking of, don't know if I'd go not pregnant as im pretty calorie conscious but I thought it was worth every penny. I have to say I would get pizza from almost every where I tried except the flying saucer pizza co, I took one bite and threw it out. Wicked cheesy was very good!

@AshVA I read about the nitrates in pepperoni. I have tried to stay away from bacon, sausage, pepperoni, hot dogs etc for that reason. I'm not sure if they are on any official don't eat list or if it's more limit intake

kianarain · July 2018

My confession is that I might just screw my job over as hard as I can after the baby comes.... They're being so unreasonable about maternity leave and it makes me want to hit 'em right where it hurts. I'm an account manager and have been specifically referred to as one of our company's biggest assets by our most lucrative client.

We have a morning meeting on Fridays and each person gets to bring something interesting up. Well one person brought up European maternity leave policies. (No one in that meeting knows I'm pregnant yet, so I was just quietly seething.) Comments along the lines of "wow I can't believe Europe is so LIBERAL with their policies. That whole economy is going to crash. There's no way WE could ever give mothers a year's worth of leave. That's ridiculous! Why would they even need that? Seems excessive." OH IDK, YOU TRY GIVING BIRTH & RAISING AN INFANT THEN LET ME KNOW.

Would it be petty? Yes. Unreasonable? Debatable. Tempting? F*** yes. #triggered

Anyone support my pettiness and have additional thoughts on the best ways to go about this?

nononorman · July 2018

@kianarain I support everything you say because of your profile pic.

I have another FFFC - I do think a year of mat leave is a bit long. I def think 12 weeks is too short but the right length of time is prob somewhere in the middle. I think I like the idea where it’s one year between both parents. I would have liked more than I got but I can see from the company’s perspective (I guess by virtue of what I do) that a year is a long ass time to be without an employee. And our economy and job market just isn’t set up for one year long temps. Some jobs it would take a whole pregnancy to find someone who could cover for that employee. Prob should have saved this for a UO though

skilouise · July 2018

@Potterphile I also agree that a year of paid maternity leave is excessive. I think US policies are ridiculous, but think Canada and Europe have swung too far in the opposite direction. I have to imagine that such a long maternity leave has to result in an implicit bias against hiring women of childbearing age.

I do like the idea of a set pool of leave of some amount to be shared between the parents. That way it's, at least in theory, equally likely for either parent to take an extended leave, reducing hiring bias.

libertymomrn · July 2018

I exclusively breastfed my first 2 babies, and ended up exclusively pumping for baby #3. I’m greatwful for all that I learned from exclusive pumping, but I am really hoping this baby latches on well and will breastfeed “straight from the tap.”

kianarain · July 2018

@Potterphile haha! He really is the cutest

And I'm a huge HP nerd so back at you!

I agree that a year would be logistically difficult from the company's perspective. But just knowing that other countries pull it off tells me that's it's not undoable. And I honestly probably wouldn't want a whole year - I like/value adult interaction, and I feel like it'll help me get back to myself after being so focused on baby for an extended period.

That said, my company is giving me a total of $0.00 for maternity leave (no STD policy, no internal policy) and doesn't even have to hold my job (<50 employees). I think they will hold my job, but largely because I'm client-facing and the client would look down on them if they cut my position. And we have such a high turnover already because the work style & demand here is nuts. If they were meeting me in the middle, it would be different. But now I'm just like welp, if they're leaving me out to dry - why should I bust my butt and cover all the bases for them?! Like I said, petty for sure. Still not totally ruling it out though

leighbrek · July 2018

@kianarain I fully support you!!! Bunch of a**hats where you work. I do get a paid year off for maternity leave (employer subsidized with employment insurance benefits). Someone in another thread mentioned how it feels that women are punished for having babies (which is true); I haven't told my manager about my own pregnancy because I feel that if news gets around, it'll compromise my chances of being promoted.

So go ahead - be petty as f***!!!

libertymomrn · July 2018

Potterphile said:

@kianarain I support everything you say because of your profile pic.

I have another FFFC - I do think a year of mat leave is a bit long. I def think 12 weeks is too short but the right length of time is prob somewhere in the middle. I think I like the idea where it’s one year between both parents. I would have liked more than I got but I can see from the company’s perspective (I guess by virtue of what I do) that a year is a long ass time to be without an employee. And our economy and job market just isn’t set up for one year long temps. Some jobs it would take a whole pregnancy to find someone who could cover for that employee. Prob should have saved this for a UO though

I actually think somewhere between 16 and 20 weeks would be perfect. Unfortunately all I get is 12. And I’m working my butt off picking up extra shifts at my PRN job to earn extra money because all 12 weeks will be unpaid. I would love to have 18 weeks even paid half my current salary. I would be so much less stressed. Alas, that is not reality for me.

Mandamay1414 · July 2018

@Potterphile I sort of agree with you. 12 weeks is too short, but I can't imagine being out for an entire year. Not only would a year be tough on the company, but I feel like it would be difficult personally to get back into the swing of working. After DD, I was itching to go back by the end of my 12 week leave just because being at home with a baby all day by myself was very isolating. It might be different this time since I have several mom friends who also work part time and would likely be able to do things during the week with me. Ideally, I'd like to take about 4 months off (at least enough to get us well into May/June) before sending #2 to the daycare germ cesspool. I also only work part time now, so going back to work won't be as big of a change as it was with DD. What I'm really not looking forward to is pumping at work again. Ugh that was so stressful.

kianarain · July 2018

@leighbrek yesss!! Totally feels like I'm now more of a liability than an asset, even though I've taken ONE day off total the last 3 months and have been continuing to kick a** in my role. I told one of my bosses a couple weeks ago, and now it feels like she's testing me/treating me differently. Is it too much to ask that people aren't jerks? Seems like it.

@libertymomrn same! All 12 weeks unpaid, and I still haven't determined that they'll "allow" the 12 weeks. I'm not saying give me a paid year, but to scoff at the idea that some moms need extra time (oh and money during that time) seems absurd.

nononorman · July 2018

I think in a perfect world I’d like 5-6 months of leave so the baby doesn’t feel like a tiny defenseless thing when I send it to the cesspool. But yea I get looked down on enough by a lot of colleagues for taking 12 weeks. Then my Canadian colleagues can’t believe I’m back. The CEO of the company asked my boss last week if I was back from leave (he’s British). I’ve been back for about 9 months... Figure if we took 12 mo of leave ... I wouldn’t even be back from my previous maternity leave right now. Not gonna fly in the male dominated legal field (or many/most others).

tosh24 · July 2018

One year of mat leave has been shown in research to have a number of positive effects on everything from increased infant health, lower infant death rates, higher mental well-being of parents, higher breast-feeding success, and increased EQ, IQ and achievement of children throughout their lives. One year hasn't been chosen because ppl are being "greedy" or because of some socialist agenda - it's actually science based. There's been a buttload of research done on mat leave length and outcomes so it's just a quick Google search away.

Also, I don't know if it's common knowledge, but mat leave in Canada doesn't HAVE to be 1 year - you can take as much or as little as you want/need. All it means is that the legal framework is in place to have the leave subsidized (paid) and to keep your job safe for you for one year if you choose. And calling it maternity leave is actually a misnomer - it's actually called 'parental leave' as birth (or adoptive) fathers are entitled to split the leave with the birth (or adoptive) mother in whatever way the parents choose (only birth mothers can take the first 17 weeks for physical healing, but the remaining 35 can be taken by the father if the mother decides to go back to work after the 17 weeks). I took 8 months with DS and then decided to go back to work and DH stayed home for the next 4 months of the 1 year leave. Fathers get the same pay and job protections as mothers. Having a longer leave, and the ability for mothers and fathers to split leave, has also been shown to decrease the gender pay gap and to promote the return of women to the workforce (contrary to popular belief - again, look it up...tons of research).

Please don't get me wrong, no one is wrong for having their opinion of Canada's parental leave policies, but I just want to make sure that people have the facts as it seems there's a lot of misinformation floating around. If I only want to take 12 weeks of leave (and I know women who have), I can go back to work whenever I want. But my government protects my job for a year if that's how long I choose to stay out. All around win.

skilouise · July 2018

@tosh24

Is there a minimum gap of working time before someone can use the benefit again? In other words, can someone take a year of leave, come back for a year, then take another year of leave? So they're gone 2 of 3 years, but still have their job protected? That seems like it would be a significant burden on employers.

Also, does the increased leave length also increase the percentage of jobs that are short- term temp positions (which presumably aren't eligible for the same maternity leave/ job protection benefits)?

leighbrek · July 2018

@tosh24 Exactly! Spot on. And we have to pay back pension benefits, etc. when we return.

@Potterphile I am a supervisor in a male dominated field. They'll learn to get along without me while I'm gone.

kianarain · July 2018

@tosh24 girl the amount of knowledge you just dropped is music to my ears. PREACH

tosh24 · July 2018

@AshVA parental leave policies apply to full-time, part-time, casual, and temporary workers, so no economic fears in terms of jobs. Temporary workers (so someone who is working on a fixed contract) would not get job protection, but they would still get paid by the government during their leave. You have to meet an 'hours worked' requirement in order to qualify for leave which is 600 hours in the year prior to your leave starting. So if you work 40/week, that's 15 weeks. It just has to be hours worked, not hours worked for the same employer. And the employer is not on the hook for paying parental leave coverage - it's the government that does that. The employer will just hire a replacement for the duration of the leave so will still be paying for only one employee.

If you are pregnant when you come back from your leave, you would have to work the required 600 hours before going out on leave again to qualify.

wkuandrea · July 2018

not to detract from the awesome mat leave policy convo but to follow up, went to Dr and all is well (except for a yeast infection) and baby did a flip which was super cute

nononorman · July 2018

@tosh24 I said I think I like that option- what it sounds like Canada has. And I know that it’s better for the family and better for even certain other societal things (gender pay gap etc) but seeing as how it’s seems unlikely it’s going to be federally mandated, it’s up to companies to take the charge on it and those are not the only considerations for companies. Maybe especially since it’s not how our system is set up, it’s a huge deal for anyone to be out for that period of time. And absent people really taking advantage of it, many (older gen) would definitely be looking down on people who do. My husband actually gets up to 16 weeks of paid leave - he took one- and people who take EVEN TWO are mocked.

Mandamay1414 · July 2018

I didn't realize that the Canadian policy can be split between mothers and fathers... sounds perfect!!

kns1988 · July 2018

@ladystout08, @molosmiles, you both mentioned warming milk being a pain, but you could try straight out of the fridge. I was an exclusive pumper for 4 months before DS learned how to direct nurse, and he took cold bottles right out of the fridge. Formula is totally a valid option, too, just saying that cold milk is worth a try to avoid the PITA of warming it up.

alexandraseattle · July 2018

@kianarain I’m over here brainstorming ways to screw them over. Haha. Is it possible for you after maternity leave is done to go work directly for the client? Ideally so they no longer need your firm and fire them. Boom.

molosmiles · July 2018

@cait32 @kns1988 yes, I always gave both my girls milk straight from the fridge and never had issues either. But in the off chance we forget to defrost or baby rejects the cold milk. We also never heated up formula, just room temp water. I think for me I'm just not looking forward to pumping so much! I'll probably end up pumping got as long as I can stand and SO can use whatever he feels like using at the time. Let him make that choice!

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