Telling Work You're Pregnant

greenhillgirl · July 2018

I hope its ok I started a new thread- I know there's been a little talk about this but I thought it might be on multiple people's minds.

Has anyone had it widely announced/known they're pregnant at work yet? What about veteran moms in previous pregnancies? My boss knew the basics of me going through IVF cause of so many appointments so I told her I'm pregnant at 10 weeks. She's very supportive and keeping it private. I have a mild condition that makes my joints overly loose and lower muscle tone and I didn't realize that may be contributing to me showing early. I'm 12 weeks and starting to show in the lower belly- no strong abs to hold it in I guess? haha When should I tell HR and when should I tell my direct report? It's a small and supportive organization. I don't want people to start wondering and don't mind telling. But at the same time, it feels weird to say "Hey, I'm pregnant and will be out for a few months 6 1/2 months away in 2019 but me and my boss have no idea what the plan is yet."

Advice and thoughts about sharing at work generally welcome!

rooonilwaazlib · July 2018

I just told my direct supervisor yesterday. She was very supportive, asking how I was feeling, etc. I will tell my other colleagues maybe next week at our team staff meeting. Although the prego rage part of me wants to passive-aggressively wait until the absolute last minute with them. They're a pretty self-involved bunch and I just wonder how long before they even notice something is different.

saltedcaramel518 · July 2018

I told my boss this week (I’m 10 weeks) because I was going to have to be out on Thursday morning for my dr appt. It’s my second pregnancy, and she was super supportive and flexible with my first, so I had no anxieties about telling her.

I’ll probably make an office-wide announcement when I’m 12ish weeks. Last time, I made a batch of cookies and put them in the break room. I put a sign on them that said “I can’t be the only one with a big belly; have a cookie! Baby lastname is on the way.”

peachy104 · July 2018

My boss found out at 7w when my MS kicked in during a business trip. She is super happy for me and kept it secret until I was ready to announce. I’m 13+2 and got my NIPT results back and let her know I’m ready to announce. We’ll have to get a back-up in place for while I’m out on maternity. It’ll be easier to set that up sooner rather than later.

DLpanda08 · July 2018

I told my boss super early (6 weeks) because she was asking me to step into some new leadership roles for this upcoming school year as well as pursue additional endorsements on my certification and I felt it was important to be upfront with her. She was super supportive and seemed appreciative of having the information sooner rather than later. It also got me a new classroom closer to the bathroom and the copier for this year, so woohoo!

My grade team knows as well as all the coworkers I’m friends with on Facebook, which is a lot of them. The rest will find out during our welcome back breakfast at the end of this month. They are all very excited and supportive. We are an extremely close-knit school and my coworkers know about our insane journey with infertility and adoption. They were there last year when I experienced my loss, and have been like family to the four of us.

sparkymcgeee · July 2018

I already told people. My boss knew super early because I'm high risk and I had two losses last year. She was aware of both of those because I was out for about a week with each one. She's been in my shoes with loss and she had the added pain of IVF. So she was super supportive. Then because of sickness and stuff it just started getting out. I told our team when I was 11 weeks during our biweekly meeting. Now it's just word of mouth. Everyone has been really great. No one has said anything unsupportive at all.

Kabazaba · July 2018

Everyone at my work already knows. I work for a very small business (there's 9 of us total), and my MC in February happened at the office, so they all know way more than they needed to. After that, a coworker's wife opened up to me about their struggles to have a second, and when we ran into each other 6 weeks later and I ordered a soda she asked if I was pregnant and I AM A HORRIBLE LIAR. So everyone in the office knew around 8 weeks. They have been supportive, and it's kind of nice they know because I didn't have to feel bad for leaving for appointments.

kaf1788 · July 2018

I told my boss pretty early (6 weeks) because we can only request new employees two times a year and I needed to stress that waiting until January would be too late for me to get a new hire and be able to train them. I haven’t explicitly told anyone else mainly because I recently transitioned to a new team and I’m not really close with anyone yet so it just hasn’t come up. Part of me just wants to see how fat I can get before someone gets up the balls to ask

kmos816 · July 2018

With my first I told 4 colleagues in my team at about 12 weeks and then my boss after who worked in a different office- I was just hired and was a bit nervous so told my colleagues first! Word sort of spread from there and I told people hear and there during casual conversations.

With this one I told my boss right away at about 8 weeks (a different boss this time!)- I told a couple of colleagues on my team already, and will tell the rest when we have a large team get together at the end of this month (we all work in different offices across the country). I'm already showing a little so by end of July I'm sure they will all be wondering if I don't say something!

I work in a large company and our entire department is about 200 people, so I figure the others I work with in our department will just figure it out, and when I get closer to going out on maternity leave I'll make sure those I work closely with will know who to contact while I'm out.

Everyone has been very supportive and excited for me (both pregnancies), so whatever works best for you!

KLS123 · July 2018

I told my executive team fairly early (~10 weeks) because I needed to negotiate a maternity leave policy and it was stressing me out a lot to wait until later to figure that out. I have told a few others here and there when it seemed appropriate but I don't plan on making a big announcement ever. Ditto @kaf1788 on just seeing how big I get before someone finally brings it up

I'm in no hurry to be on the receiving end of the inevitable commentary.

amongthewildflowers · July 2018

My boss and I work in separate locations, so I will tell her in the next few weeks when she makes her next visit out here. Last time I saw her, in casual conversation she asked if I was planning to have another child, and I told her it would probably happen in the next year. So, that conversation should go well.

I will then tell the director who I am assistant to, and I wont say anything to the rest of my group in the office I work in and just wait for that first brave soul to ask me if I'm pregnant. I feel like I'm already showing, but I haven't gotten any weird looks yet. I probably look like I've just gained a few pounds.

PolarBear517 · July 2018

My coworkers know, I just sort of revealed the news conversationally about a week ago (I was 10 weeks). I actually haven’t told my supervisor yet. I am new to my position & was supposed to have my first review after 6 months, it’s now been about 7.5 months and no review. That’s where I’d intended to tell her. Otherwise, I don’t actually see her frequently. All of my coworkers know this is the case (and nobody has a close relationship with her, she is more separated from the workers and travels frequently), so I don’t worry about the news traveling to her. I won’t apply for leave until I pass my anniversary date, which falls about 2 months before my due date. Coverage for my position won’t be difficult to arrange (there are 3 people who do my job & any mandatory responsibilities from a vacant position are just divvied up between the other 2 workers) so, there’s not much benefit to the organization knowing far ahead of time.

achays11 · July 2018

With my first I told my previous boss right away because I had to take time off for appointments. With my second I told my current boss in the first tri that I was going to have to take extended time off in May. She laughed. She and I are pretty close, so it wasn’t an issue.

I’m currently 11+4, and while I’ve told a few coworkers, I haven’t told my boss. Our company was sold and I’m not sure what’s going to happen to my position, so until I know I won’t say anything.

dragonette505 · July 2018

I'm not really worried about announcing here.... our office is downsizing (again) and i will be leaving in about a year and a half, so its not like there are any important upcoming projects. But I plan to tell my boss in either 3 or 5 weeks providing there are no complications in the meantime. Mostly so my doctors appointments can be prioritized. As for the rest of the office, I'm keeping it quiet as long as possible. I just have always disliked the office culture and how they often treat preggers women. Over the years here ive had so many of my friends come crying about how men will tell them how fat they are getting and other stuff like that... touching their bellies. No one ever wants to say anything to the people because they don't want to make them uncomfortable... i don't have that issue.... i wish someone WOULD comment on my weight or touch my body. I'm keeping it secret for their safety. The moment someone does any of those things is the moment everyone knows NEVER to do those things to me again... momma is NOT in the mood.

nononorman · July 2018

I told my boss last week (at 11+6). He’s been waffling on hiring a young lawyer to help us with lower level work and now he’s got sone motivation. We are pretty close and there is absolutely no cover for me if I’m out so all the work falls on him... I felt like I needed to tell him sooner rather than later. I was a little concerned to tell him truthfully since I just had DD less than a year ago and he did tell me I suck (yes really the first words out of his mouth were “you suck”) but he immediately went back to the doting dad type telling me to go home early and not lift heavy things. He’s made several comments already that basically he’s just afraid I’ll leave which would really put him in a bad place. I have no intention of leaving but his wife stays at home with the kid so I think he thinks that’s the expectation.

Told HR a couple weeks ago bc were good friends. Also told her she needs to put up another pregnant person parking space because the other office preggo is (1) more pregnant than me and (2) am early riser apparently. So once that’s up I’ll park in it and everyone will know.

tosh24 · July 2018

I told my boss after my NT scan so that she can plan for recruitment while I'm off (I'm in Canada and our mat leave is 12-18 months so they need to find a longer-term replacement for me). She told me she won't say anything until I'm ready to have the info out. I'll be waiting another 2 weeks to get the NIPT results back before I ditch the baggy sweaters/cardigans. I won't be formally announcing - I'll let people figure it out on their own. We've had 3 wonen go out on mat leave in the last 6 months. Two of them took the "people will figure it out" approach and the other one went to each person's office individually to announce which was super pretentious. Honestly, nobody here gives a shit about the state of one's uterus.

kerryann124 · July 2018

I told my direct manager at 8 weeks because I was so sick while on a business trip to Ireland for 2 weeks. I felt like I was slacking, so I wanted to explain myself. She has 3 kids so she was very supportive. I'm telling the broader management team today (eek!) and I'll be 15 weeks at the end of this week. I waited so long as I just found out I got a promotion I was trying for and didn't want that to influence the decision (also, unfortunately its mostly older men). Now I'm super nervous because it seems like I'm saying "thank you for the promotion, and by the way I'm pregnant and will be out for a bit next year." Ugh hoping they will be supportive.

Mandamay1414 · July 2018

I told my direct supervisors early (5 or 6 wks) because I'm a pharmacist and the IV room where I work occasionally exposes me to chemotherapy. We had to work out a plan about how much I was comfortable with regarding checking/handling the drugs. They have both been very supportive. Everyone else I'll let figure out on their own, but if someone directly asks me, I'm a terrible liar.

merostomata · July 2018

I told my two closer coworker friends early (~6 weeks) and my two direct supervisors around 9 weeks. Then, at our team's weekly meeting that I missed as I was on vacation, my supervisor and coworker accidentally told the whole team I was pregnant!

Basically my coworker asked if I should be using a certain chemical for a procedure I usually do, and my supervisor freaked out and thought my coworker had just spilled the beans to everyone, and then proceeded to explain to the group that I was pregnant. However, my coworker said she thought my supervisor would get the hint on what she was talking about and move on, without ever mentioning pregnancy. No one else had asked or anything what she meant about the chemical. *Sigh*

Luckily I was at around 11 weeks by then and wasn't really upset, although it was funny. They texted me after the meeting and apologized, ha.

@saltedcaramel518 that's a good idea about bringing in cupcakes to explain! I told my supervisors they could feel free to tell the rest of the department now if it came up for some reason, since they meet with the other bosses and admins regularly. They said "You should tell them yourself! It'll be so good to hear their reactions!" But really I'm too lazy and don't feel like explaining to the rest of the department that I'm friendly with but not really close with. I don't think they'd be super excited or anything, probably just say congrats and it would be awkward after that. Eh. So maybe bringing in a treat would be a nice way to convey the message, sans me awkwardly having to tell everyone individually.

kns1988 · July 2018

I told my boss this week at 11 weeks pregnant, and he was so excited for me. He's great. I was just out in 2017 for maternity leave. The paperwork for leave didn't have to be submitted until the 3rd trimester. They give you a sheet to fill out that says your expected leave date, but my baby came 5 weeks early. They just adjust it for reality at that point. I kind of wanted to hide this pregnancy because I didn't want unconscious bias impacting my potential promotion in the fall, but I definitely couldn't hide it for that long. Hopefully I still get the promotion that I'm expecting (otherwise, I'll cause a scene.. lol).

bb2510 · July 2018

Hearing these stories about supervisors being mostly supportive is reassuring.
I was wondering...has anyone ever *started* a new job toward beginning of second trimester or halfway through pregnancy?

KariAnn323 · July 2018

@bb2510 Pregnancy is a protected "disability" so companies in the US can't not hire you because you're pregnant. However, you are not eligible for FLMA protections (can take 12 weeks unpaid leave and still get your job back) until you've worked there for a year. Obviously I haven't worked at every company, but the few companies I've worked for that provided paid maternity leave also had the "must work one year to be eligible" policy. I have heard from some people that they were able to negotiate time off with their manager if they had to start maternity leave before they had worked there for a year. You just have to remember that if you do that then you don't have any protections if they choose to let you go while you're on leave.

sweetyjenj · July 2018

At my job there's a lot of people that have to know and it effects a lot of people. I'm a marriage and family therapist, so all my clients need to know. Thankfully I work for a big organization, so there's other clinicians who can work with my clients while I'm on leave. I told my clinical supervisor right away (6 weeks), since being pregnant limits my work with aggressive kids (many of our clients are kids with behavioral issues) and I didn't want to be issued new clients that I wouldn't be able to stay with for that reason. Then I told my other 2 supervisors and HR at 12 weeks after my first ultrasound. I've already told 2 of my clients, since I see those couples bi-weekly, and since I'm already starting to show at 13 weeks it could very well be more obvious just the next time I see them. I have one young client with aggressive behaviors (hitting, kicking, throwing, spitting, flailing) and I told that mom on Friday so she could be more active when he becomes aggressive.

For me, I like to have alternate plans laid out so when I tell me clients, I can right away assure them that they won't just be without support for 3 months. While I don't know WHO the interim clinician will be for each person, I know that one will be offered and they can choose a therapy break or have the interim clinician, that's their choice.

ETA: I was kind of nervous because 3 of our other clinicians recently announced they are pregnant, but everyone was still supportive

2 of the 3 will be back from leave before I go on leave anyway, and the other will be back soon after I leave. Regardless, we are an agency with hundreds of clinicians in multiple locations all over the twin cities, so us going on leave won't effect anything besides our direct clients. That's what you get when you're in field that's 80% women.

jandd2014 · July 2018

I’m a special ed teacher. I told my principal and the director of special ed at my end of the year check out meeting- I think I was ten weeks. They were both supportive, but told me to try to find a long term sub to cover my class while I’m out. I haven’t actually emailed HR yet, but with DD, I told her super early and she told me to let her know in a few months when I had a better idea of how much leave I was going to take.

sseth89 · July 2018

My boss and I are pretty close outside of work, so she flat out asked me around 10 weeks when I was starting to look a “little bigger” in her words (I had also just finished telling her very specifically what I wanted for lunch, and no other alternative would do haha). She knew we were considering trying for a second, so I don’t think she was very surprised.

She was awesome during my first pregnancy and has continued to be super flexible with me. So far I’m seeing the same level of support this go ‘round

I am also half the HR team, so HR already knows lol. Some of my coworkers know and some don’t. I figure the news will get around to everyone eventually and I’m not concerned with doing a work announcement. My boss and I have already started talking about the plan for after baby #2 arrives, and we are leaning toward a work from home option right now...which would be AMAZING.

BitterBetty12 · July 2018

So I’m in a weird situation because I’m a teacher and it’s summer. Technically I could get away with not telling them until September as long as I didn’t make any kind of social media announcement. My principal and my AP know already because I was going to a lot of early appointments. I considered telling my direct supervisor but the reason I waited to begin with is because this past year I lost my honors class because I was out on maternity leave with DD for the first three months of the school year. This time I’ll miss 4 months in the middle, but I was afraid he would take the class away again, and I felt like if I lost it two years in a row I might not get it back.

All of that is to say I think waiting until September is my best option so he really can’t switch the schedules up and take the class.

ETA: that all being said, once they know my bosses are all incredibly accommodating about everything from needing to be flexible with time out for appointments as well as breaking dress code to wear more comfortable things, etc.

ladystout08 · July 2018

My team and people I see every day know, I told them at 9 weeks when I graduated to OB from the RE. I will tell everyone else as soon as I get the NIPT results back in the next week or two.

wkuandrea · July 2018

@KariAnn323 and @bb2510: thanks for explaining FMLA and leave so well KariAnn323! I am in a situation that I will be at my new job and company for less than a year when the baby arrives, so it's definitely something I need to talk to our HR about. It's a large company, so it's pretty clearly spelled out (they will give us 6wks of leave, unpaid), and I have no reason to think that they'd give away my job, but it's good to know ahead of time regardless.

kianarain · July 2018

I told one of my bosses at 9 weeks, because our client is restructuring their business so we're making changes too. I wanted to be up front in hopes that when we make changes, they'll keep in mind that I may need more WFH flexibility and maybe even a tiny bit of a lighter workload. (Ad agency life isn't the most forgiving at times.) My other boss is CONSTANTLY spilling the beans on other people's private lives, so I'm waiting until I'm ready for the team to know to tell him.

Our company is small (<15 people), so we don't have an HR department to go to with questions. Kind of frustrating, because I have no idea what our disability or maternity policy is. Our team is pretty young, so they haven't had to figure out maternity leave yet and I'm anxious to be the guinea pig. When I told my boss, she seemed happy/excited, but I'm not feeling like it's super genuine. They have a way of promising the moon and then guilt tripping you when you need to take advantage. Nice.

The boss in the know and I are having a 1:1 this Friday, and I'm hoping that I can gain more clarity then. Currently working on my list of questions, ugh. Any tips on having to navigate this new water? Any ladies here spearhead the maternity policy at their company?! #halp

greenhillgirl · July 2018

@kianarain that sound so stressful. We are an org of about 85 and have a policy, but I will say that only 3 people have had kids in the last 4 1/2 years that I've worked here and only about 5 total have kids at all. No one in my building of about 25 people has kids and no one in my department of 17 has them. So I feel a bit of a guinea pig in that respect. I hope you find some good resources. It's good you're getting going on this now- that would be my only advice. Plan early, know your state law, and get it in writing?

kianarain · July 2018

@greenhillgirl jeez - that's crazy! Only 2 people here have kids, but I still feel like that ratio is abnormally low on your end! Totally stressful, I'm just proceeding like they're going to give me nothing and saving accordingly - then anything they provide is an unaccounted for bonus. Really freaking hope they do the 60% for first 6 weeks though, that seems to be standard. Keeping my fingers crossed for both of us!

greenhillgirl · July 2018

kianarain yea totally- NYC in the arts and tons of DINKs for life. I finally called my mom last night and vented about how anxious everyone at work knowing is making me. I think its some combo of years of infertility related trauma and going public plus an environment where no one has kids that's making me nervous. She basically told me to be excited and try to get an email out to my dept if I'm allowed so that I don't have to wait for the gossip to roll around and can be in control of the info. Telling HR today and then hope to proceed with that- it feels good.

That sounds like a really good plan. Smart!!!

brmivimo914 · July 2018

Sorry to be a bad poster - I started a new job a few weeks ago and haven’t been able to be online.

Im in a tough situation. I just started a great job 7 weeks ago and in my first week found out I am pregnant with twins. Financially I cannot continue to work when the babies come so I will have to quit before they are born. I’m 14 weeks now and am already showing - so have to tell my boss soon but am dreading it because I just started! Any else been in a similar situation?

kianarain · July 2018

Ugh just confirmed....we have no short-term disability policy. Lovely

KLS123 · July 2018

@kianarain yep I had to spearhead a maternity policy at my work. We did have short term disability coverage already but no specific paid maternity leave so I had to negotiate with them to put that in place.

1) If you feel like you are in a position to push back and ask for it, then do it.
2) I would suggest writing down your ask (and probably ask for a little more than your willing to settle on knowing they will low ball you aka if you think you need 10 weeks, ask for 12). Make the first proposal, don't let them do it. This will anchor the starting point for negotiations skewed in your favor from the start.
3) Do your research for comparable/competitor companies and what their policies are, have that written down as well and make sure your ask is in the realm of what they are offering so it doesn't seem unreasonable.
4) I also was armed with facts and stats on benefits of offering a ML to the company (like how much recruiting, training and sign-on bonus would cost to replace me if they don't accommodate me; hint: way more than they would pay in ML benefits), how my work would be covered while I'm out, benefits to the economy to keep working mothers in the workforce, etc. so just be prepared to counter each argument you can think of.
5) I went in with a full list of what I wanted/needed so I wouldn't have to keep asking for accommodations again and again. My list went something like: A) Maternity Leave paid at 100% for 12 weeks B ) WFH flex schedule after leave C) Office modifications needed to make a private pumping space for when I am in the office.

For the record, I started with 6 weeks at 60% as the STD. I went into negotiations asking for 12 weeks at 100%, settled on 8 weeks at 100% and an additional 2 weeks at 50%, a hell of a lot better than the original STD.

Best of luck, you got this.

thisnthat314 · July 2018

My boss knows but a I am second to her and have not told my team. I plan to wait until the first week in August IF possible.

parentingishard · July 2018

brmivimo914 I was in a similar situation with DD1. I was pregnant within 30 days of starting my job and waited close to 18 weeks to tell my boss. The hardest part was not taking any time off during the first trimester and suffering through dry heaving in work bathrooms. Most of my company did not find out until 24ish weeks because it took forever for me to show. We have a good maternity leave policy, but you have to be at the company 12 months to qualify. DD1 was due 8 weeks before my 12 month mark. My boss (male) is amazing and stood up for me and my leave was granted. I did come back after my leave though so slightly different situation. I would inform your company but do not inform them of your plans to leave after the twins are born. While it seems like financially you will not be able to return to work, I wouldn't burn any bridges before it's time to truly make that decision. Do you have maternity leave policy you could use after their birth?

I'm now pregnant with #2 and told my boss around 11 weeks because I'm already showing. My boss was excited and thanked me for planning to be out during our slow period this time, ha!

Augusta108 · July 2018

I told my boss super early because I had my yearly appraisal meeting around 7 weeks and we usually talk about the year to come as well...she knew we were doing IVF in April, so it felt like it was a good time to share the good news with her. I’m planning to bring in cupcakes to tell my coworkers tomorrow and I’m surprised by how nervous I feel! I’m confident they’ll be supportive, though. I work in a really great department...(hmm, Autocorrect tried to change that to “Great Depression!” I hope not!)

bb2510 · July 2018

@KariAnn323 Thank you for letting me know of this! Sorry for the late reply -- was out with food poisoning so just got around to posting this. I was considering returning to the U.S. and working (I'm abroad now) but the maternity leave update makes it slightly less enticing...

ladystout08 · July 2018

@JLYoung08 there's some great FMLA info in this thread.

merostomata · July 2018

@brmivimo914 gosh, that is a really tough situation! I can't say I've been in there (perhaps someone else here has been or knows someone who has), but will just offer some initial thoughts in case it helps.

If you have a good relationship with your employer (this is key), I think just setting up a one-on-one meeting with your boss over the next few weeks would be good. Carefully worded honesty hasn't ever steered me wrong professionally. Explaining your pregnancy, being clear that you will need to leave at X time, and emphasizing that you really want to make the transition as smooth as possible for the company (training your replacement, helping screen applicants, etc) will make you look good, responsible and considerate in a difficult situation. If you anticipate wanting to go back to work in the coming years, doing a great job and maintaining your professionalism will keep the door open for you to come back to this company later. At minimum, your boss can give you a good recommendation for your next job and cite your proactive communication and helpfulness through the transition.

This is all only if you have a good relationship though and you wouldn't fear being let go early. If that's the case, I'd just lie low and keep the news to yourself as long as possible.

Either way, documenting your interactions after you tell your boss is a good idea, *just in case* things go south and you have to involve HR.

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