@Katzalia and @katy0990 this might be a dumb question, but is it the norm to wake a baby every hour to feed it, or just when it wakes up and cries? I was thinking baby would wake up every couple hours on it's own to be fed....I feel so dumb. FTM. Sorry!
@scaredunprepared this isn’t a dumb question at all. All babies vary a little but most infants can’t go much longer than two hours without feeding. My DD was on the clock every two hours for.ev.a. I couldn’t get her to go longer. However I was told to wake her after three hour for the first month or so.
@scaredunprepared no you usually are feeding every 2-3 hrs. And should take 20-30 min.
But I had low milk supply and baby had a tongue tie and poor latch, and wasn’t regaining weight properly, so I had to do feedings on the clock every 2.5 hours. And the whole crazy feeding routine took like an hour ana half, so we only got at best an hour of sleep before we had to start again. So my experience was not normal and hopefully you get at least twice as much rest as I was getting.
@scaredunprepared I just had this conversation with a dear friend of mine who is having her first baby at the same hospital that I did. They gave us a worksheet that gave you estimated times to feed on one side and diaper outputs on the other for each day. I made copies of it and used them for weeks. Also if you feel you need a little more attention in the hospital to get your system down ask the nurses. Mine were all so willing to help.
Also my hubby bought the nurses food/coffee/snacks for each and every shift change as a little thank you. Call it bribery if you want but they went way above and beyond. I showed up scared and left feeling very ready for my new role as Mom!
@katy0990 you described our life! ABe ate SOOOOOO slow. I'd nurse for 15 minutes, then hand him to my husband and pump while he bottle feed him formula because I wasn't producing much. We also set the alarm! I didn't mind that because it became a routine!
@LLynde5 that hospital sounds wonderful! I hope my experience is as great as yours was. I will tell SO to make coffee runs each shift change as bribery if needed!
@scaredunprepared Typically, if your baby is gaining weight, they will wake about every three hours to be fed, at first. Many pediatricians (Including mine) will say to never wake a sleeping baby and to rest up if they don’t wake you. Our situation was unique (re: a nightmare) because for two months, we could not figure out why DS was not gaining weight. after almost 8 weeks of hell (nursimg/pumping/ bottle feeding sessions that took almost 2 hours during the day and an hour at night every 3 hours and twice per week lactation appointments), we discovered that being caught on my pelvic bone had caused damage to his head and an issue with his ability to suck. Thankfully, an OT was able to fix it in one session, once we discovered the issue. While our situation is not the norm, the most important lesson I learned, was to listen to my gut and to be persistent. I knew something was wrong. None of the doctors, nurses, Mom’s, or LC’s could tell me why he wasn’t transferring from the breast. Most of them told me to just stop trying and to bottle feed him. One pediatrician told me that I don’t have enough fat in my milk (?!). Some of our family members thought I was nuts, but eventually after 8 weeks and me crying in front of every medical professional I encountered (I was a mess) we figured it out. So, even if you think you are annoying them and asking too many questions, don’t stop because no one else knows your baby like you do! Okay sorry rant over.
@katy0990 I am so sorry you had to go through all that! It sounds terrible, especially because no one believed you/ listened to your concerns. And as a pediatric OT myself, I am happy to hear that an OT was able to help! Most people have no idea what OT even is. As a mom to be I am going to be so pushy if I feel like something is wrong. Thank you for sharing.
@scaredunprepared just to add to what everyone else said, our dr said to wake to feed every 3 hours until she got back to birth weight. I did that, but this time around I won’t. I would also recommend having ready to feed formula at home immediately because it took 5 days for my milk to come in and I had to supplement with formula during the first week because I just didn’t have enough. Definitely call your pediatrician even if you think you have a stupid question in that first week/month/year because everything is new!
What everyone else said. Also I wanted to second having formula on hand even if you plan to only breastfeed. I was in a desperate situation where my baby was feeding for over 5 hours straight and I knew I had nothing left and she was screaming for more food. Maybe she was cluster feeding, I don’t know. But having formula in my house was a life saver that day and that’s when I started supplementing. It saved my sanity.
@scaredunprepared not a dumb question! It can definitely vary from one to the next, but following your gut like @katy0990 said it your best bet. Which by the way girl, I'm so sorry you went through that hell for 8 weeks. DS was 8lb10oz at birth so even after dropping a lb by the time we left the hospital he was still a plump enough weight that my Dr never said to wake him if he sleeps for more than 2-3 hours. He woke up often enough that I never had to think about waking him. She also said once he reaches ~10 lbs that definitely don't wake him.
Re: long nights. They were so so hard for me. DH is gone 3 days a week & by the time night rolled around on night 2 he was gone I was so depressed, nervous, sad and just all the feels. It's like once night comes it was a lonely feeling for me. Thankfully I have lots of family around to come by and help/say hi, but at the end of the week I just wanted DH home.
@kadeephd yep it's really hard! Also, it easily takes 45 min to an hour to feed, so it's not like the 2 hours starts after you get back to bed, it's typically counted from the beginning of the feeding session. AFM, this only lasted a couple of weeks to a month before he started stretching it out more.
@kadeephd unfortunately yes. Some babies wake up every 2-3 hours for MONTHS (my niece woke up every 2-3 hours until she was 1 ). It took maybe 4 weeks or so to get longer chunks. I was really worried about my ability to fall back asleep after feeding, but luckily I was such a zombie as soon as I hit the bed I was out. Which is why it is SO very important to have your husband/family/friends/partner/hired help/anyone to help out in the beginning. I remember being exhausted but surviving, and I had a lot of support. I did MOTN duties alone, because I was nursing, but I made sure to put the baby down a lot in the bassinet in the beginning to try to get some rest whenever the eff I could.
@kadeephd Honestly? Maggie only got to the point where she was regularly sleeping through the night about three months ago; she turned two in April. That said, it varies widely by kid, and we never once had to wake her up just to feed her, every two hours or otherwise (biliruben normal, lost only a little weight in the hospital, exceeded her birth weight by 1 week old, my supply was pretty much fine from the time my milk came in). From the get-go it wasn't super unusual for her to go 3, 4, a few times even 5 hours at a time (which doesn't sound like much, but you'd be amazed how refreshing 5 hours feels with a newborn); she'd just nurse what felt like non-stop all day while she was awake.
It's definitely good to be prepared for the worst, but it's by no means a guarantee.
@kadeephd Yes, girl. It’s hard. I can’t say exactly when she started sleeping more than 2 or so hours. The first 6-8 weeks were the hardest for me. It got somewhat easier after that. I think that’s probably when she started sleeping a 4 hour stretch. 4 hours sounds like nothing but it’s amaaaaazing. She woke up a couple times a night, sometimes more, until we sleep trained around 6 or 7 months. Better after that.
Sleep is hard. I go to bed early (just after my kids) because I know I’ll be up as they wake up in the night. They don’t wake up because they are hungry now, but instead because they are scared, are just looking for us, have growing pains, etc. Also IME as soon as you think you have it down...they change or go through a different phase.
@kadeephd if you want to keep your supply up you’d have to be pumping while the baby was feeding so you’d be awake anyways. I know some people in my previous BMB would have their husbands change the babies and hand them to the moms once they were ready to eat so that it wasn’t all them at night. Or for babies who need help to get back to sleep after eating the husbands would help with that.
Having kids will teach you how little sleep you really need It sounds awful now, but you will get through it when it comes. And then after a bit you'll forget all about it and decide to have more kids
@kadeephd it is rough when you are going through it, but those first few months really do fly by when you look back. It really varies by child. Some sleep in 4 hour stretches from the beginning and others take weeks or months to get there. One thing I would recommend though, is not to turn on any lights and make the feeding as uneventful as possible. That way, as they get older, they only want to get up to eat and don’t expect to be up playing before or after. I feel like what you mentioned about pumping is one of the hardest parts that people don’t realize until they do it. Your body is programmed, for lack of a better word, to produce the amount that your baby takes. So, if baby is waking up at 2 AM, you need to either feed baby or pump then, so your body produces milk at that time.
@kadeephd one thing that really helped me was getting up right when DD started her hunger cues. We used a sidecar bassinet so her face was literally right next to mine and I would hear her just starting to stir. Change the diaper first so then when you nurse you won't wake up baby having to change the diaper. Also, I know it's really tempting to jump on FB or TB but if you stay off you'll fall asleep faster too.
I recommend downloading games on your phone. I would fall asleep when nursing my LO in the night which just isn't safe. You spend a lot of time just sitting nursing that first 6 months.
I also second the needing less sleep. Before kids I needed minimum 8 hours of sleep a night. My son has never been a good sleep and I've learned I can function just fine on just a few hours. I don't enjoy it but even with no sleep you have stuff to do.
Back to the camping... I love camping! We're actually about to leave for our one and only camping trip of the summer. But... we're bringing two twin-sized air mattresses, all the pillows, and I've pre-chopped and pre-cooked as much of the food as possible so we're not just eating hotdogs all weekend. Ha. Fajitas tonight! As a city dweller, it's amazing to get out into nature for a few nights. We go for two nights usually, do a 4-5 mile hike on the Saturday and then play board games the rest of the day at the campsite. Lol. It is work though to get ready for, so we don't go more than 1-2x per year.
@kadeephd Don't worry, you totally will survive. I remember when I took my first breastfeeding class and they explained how often newborns fed and how long each feeding took I was like...completely and totally horrified. Like, when do you sleep??? But that phase does pass quickly and, to echo others, you will be shocked at how restorative 4 hour chunks of sleep start to feel. You will find a rhythm too between you and your husband as far as what works best for nighttime feedings. Some people like to have their husbands do the diaper changes and everything else so literally all they have to do is feed, but I preferred to have my husband sleep so at least one of us could be fresh during the day and I could nap as much as humanly possible. But you'll find what works for you. And the craziness of the newborn period does fly by - don't worry!
@kadeephd Sorry if we scared you!! @maureenmce is right, you’ll be ok. We all are back for more so that should tell you something. It sucks, but you also get oddly used to it. I think I just kind of adjusted to not doing much moving during the day to save energy, and lots of coffee obviously.
@kadeephd you will survive and thrive and later forget about how hard it is, because your baby is just.that.cute.
But on a sociopolitical commentary level, taking care of a newborn is 3 fulltime jobs and then some. Which is why I eyeroll so hard at some of the old school guys I work with, who did nothing while their wives raised their kids, and subsequently consider 3 months of maternity leave “a vacation” rather than the incredibly important and exhausting labor of love that it is. *gets off soapbox*
@Katzalia It sure seems like 3 full time jobs. I'm worried about my plan to go back to school and my GAship full time after 4-5 weeks. My husband will have 10 weeks off so he will be able to help a lot the first six weeks I am back.
@kadeephd Can you take online classes? I continued with my online grad school classes when DS was born. It actually gave me something to do during 2 am nursing sessions.
@katy0990 I can't do online classes in my program. I have to finish certain requirements next year too and won't have much flexibility at all on the timing of classes since they only offer one section for PhD courses.
@kadeephd That stinks! Can your husband take the first week and then go back to work while you are home, so he can use his additional 9 weeks after you are already back to school?
@katy0990 No His work requires the leave to start the day the baby is born! I don't see why they aren't more flexible about it, especially because 1.5 of the weeks soon after the baby is born will be off for Christmas break (he works at a school) and that counts towards the 10 weeks. I guess we can't complain too much since it's awesome that they provide paid leave at all.
@kadeephd You’d be surprised at what you can do when it’s needed. You will have time in class that you aren’t available to be a mom. And then you will have study/prep time at home when you can potentially be wearing baby and take a break to feed etc. then go back to your studytime/writing.
Also having your husband able to be home will help a lot and you can be really focused and get stuff done while you are at school/work (except for pumping time if you’re going to bf).
Re: UO Thursday!
But I had low milk supply and baby had a tongue tie and poor latch, and wasn’t regaining weight properly, so I had to do feedings on the clock every 2.5 hours. And the whole crazy feeding routine took like an hour ana half, so we only got at best an hour of sleep before we had to start again. So my experience was not normal and hopefully you get at least twice as much rest as I was getting.
Also my hubby bought the nurses food/coffee/snacks for each and every shift change as a little thank you. Call it bribery if you want but they went way above and beyond. I showed up scared and left feeling very ready for my new role as Mom!
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
Our situation was unique (re: a nightmare) because for two months, we could not figure out why DS was not gaining weight. after almost 8 weeks of hell (nursimg/pumping/ bottle feeding sessions that took almost 2 hours during the day and an hour at night every 3 hours and twice per week lactation appointments), we discovered that being caught on my pelvic bone had caused damage to his head and an issue with his ability to suck. Thankfully, an OT was able to fix it in one session, once we discovered the issue.
While our situation is not the norm, the most important lesson I learned, was to listen to my gut and to be persistent. I knew something was wrong. None of the doctors, nurses, Mom’s, or LC’s could tell me why he wasn’t transferring from the breast. Most of them told me to just stop trying and to bottle feed him. One pediatrician told me that I don’t have enough fat in my milk (?!). Some of our family members thought I was nuts, but eventually after 8 weeks and me crying in front of every medical professional I encountered (I was a mess) we figured it out. So, even if you think you are annoying them and asking too many questions, don’t stop because no one else knows your baby like you do! Okay sorry rant over.
Re: long nights. They were so so hard for me. DH is gone 3 days a week & by the time night rolled around on night 2 he was gone I was so depressed, nervous, sad and just all the feels. It's like once night comes it was a lonely feeling for me. Thankfully I have lots of family around to come by and help/say hi, but at the end of the week I just wanted DH home.
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
It's definitely good to be prepared for the worst, but it's by no means a guarantee.
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
I feel like what you mentioned about pumping is one of the hardest parts that people don’t realize until they do it. Your body is programmed, for lack of a better word, to produce the amount that your baby takes. So, if baby is waking up at 2 AM, you need to either feed baby or pump then, so your body produces milk at that time.
I also second the needing less sleep. Before kids I needed minimum 8 hours of sleep a night. My son has never been a good sleep and I've learned I can function just fine on just a few hours. I don't enjoy it but even with no sleep you have stuff to do.
But on a sociopolitical commentary level, taking care of a newborn is 3 fulltime jobs and then some. Which is why I eyeroll so hard at some of the old school guys I work with, who did nothing while their wives raised their kids, and subsequently consider 3 months of maternity leave “a vacation” rather than the incredibly important and exhausting labor of love that it is. *gets off soapbox*
Also having your husband able to be home will help a lot and you can be really focused and get stuff done while you are at school/work (except for pumping time if you’re going to bf).