Pregnancy Sex

libertymomrn · July 2018

It has been mentioned that our board is a little, well, boring. So I figured this topic may be well-placed.

What are your thoughts on pregnancy sex. Different? The same? Better? Worse? Words of advice from STM+?

libertymomrn · July 2018

H and I typically both have pretty high libidos, but when I’m pregnant, he just seems less interested. He claims it has nothing to do with my pudgier-looking belly, and theorizes it may be the pheromones. Still, it’s hard not to feel
rejected. We’re still “connecting” a few times a week, but definitely less than usual. Any words of advice? Do I push the matter? Just deal with not getting it as often as I’d like?

DLpanda08 · July 2018

Some guys are like that. They get a little hesitant about pregnancy sex for some reason. Honestly though, if you’re still getting it a few times a week I wouldn’t push it. It sounds like you have talked about it and his issue isn’t related to things like hurting you or the baby, so as much as it may suck I think you need to just respect his limits on this.

I’m having the opposite problem. My typically high libido has essentially disappeared and I have had zero interest in sex since finding out about baby. I haven’t been super sick or anything so I’m not sure why, maybe it’s a weird PGAL brain thing? Either way, DH (who typically has a much lower libido than me) has been patient and understanding yet is clearly hoping for some action soon. Maybe that second tri energy boost will bring back the sexy times???

mrsmang · July 2018

I feel bad because recently I’ve been feeling so sick that a lot of times I’m turning down DH when typically we’re both very active. I can tell he’s disappointed but he’s also been very sweet and understanding and not pushing it at all. I’m hoping in a few weeks I’m feeling better and we can get back into our old ways.

Two questions for STM+:

best positions as you starter to get larger?

Does it feel awkward once the baby is born and sleeping in your room? How do you keep up an active sex life once a kid is around?

kmvisioli · July 2018

Okay, super personal question for those who already posted: seems
like in general a lot of "high libido" or "very active" notes- what would you classify as very active? Like 5+ times per week, or higher than that? Lol, just not even sure what the classifications are any more!

kmvisioli · July 2018

And for myself- the first few weeks of pregnancy, I tend to want a lot more sex than normal (like, multiple times a day). Honestly it was one of the things that tipped me off that I was probably pregnant this time around. It does get a little weird once you can feel baby moving and are bigger, though. And typically my DH is not very interested the last couple weeks of pregnancy since it's "weird" which I totally understand.

Postpartum...I was an anomaly with my friends because I wanted to get back to it like 3-4 weeks pp. I think I just wanted to reclaim my body, feel reconnected with DH, and feel more normal again. It's a little weird with baby in the room, but you can either just get past that or sneak into your room while baby is napping in a swing or something in a different room. I think now that our kids are bigger our strategies are sometimes to get to it right after we put the kids to bed so we're not totally tired, or head to bed a little too early for it. Some days DH comes home for lunch, and if the kids are napping that works

kns1988 · July 2018

I have such little sex drive in the first trimester, but I was really sensitive and high drive in the 2nd and 3rd last time. I'm looking forward to that! Right now it's a struggle. DH and I are at a hotel for the weekend, and I'm just not on his level right now... lol

kns1988 · July 2018

mrsmang said:
Two questions for STM+:

best positions as you starter to get larger?

Does it feel awkward once the baby is born and sleeping in your room? How do you keep up an active sex life once a kid is around?

From behind was easiest when I got larger. I started to feel awkward once the baby was less of a lump and more aware of his surroundings, even though he was in his own crib and sleeping. That point was 3 months for me. We started DTD in the guest room instead.

gorgeousariel · July 2018

I'm still on pelvic rest because of my SCH and haven't DTD in almost 6 weeks. I have an ultrasound on a Tuesday but I don't think he will release the pelvic rest. Neither of us have a high libido, we are usually once a week people. Currently we will do lots of foreplay and end with HJ or BJ. We definitely want more but this is working for the time being. As far as PP, we didn't DTD until 8w after DD was born. I bled the whole 6w, went to the Dr for my check up and scheduled to get the Mirena a week later, then it took a week to become effective. Honestly I wanted to DTD but was scared and would have been ok with waiting longer. It definitely felt different and I had to work up to full penetration. But I'm 99%sure that it was because of my tearing.

bdream0916 · July 2018

I have felt so bad because I have had zero desire to DTD. Poor DH has been having a tough time with it. Before we were like 3 times during the week (because he works 12 hour days) and usually 4 times on the weekend. Now he's lucky if we do it once in the entire week.

Super awkward question for any of you that have a... well endowed man. Have you felt like he's poking your uterus or something to that effect? I don't know if its because my uterus is swollen or what but it has been so uncomfortable and frustrating us both.

katethemom · July 2018

My libido has definitely gone down since being pregnant, but a lot of it just has to do with the nausea. DH is understanding and doesn't mind when I turn him down. We've still managed it maybe once a week or every other week. I hope to connect more frequently in the second trimester, because I know I will not be interested the last couple months of the pregnancy. I was so uncomfortable in the third trimester with DS, sex was the last thing I wanted to do.

@mrsmang I would agree with @kns1988 that from behind is the most comfortable position later on in the pregnancy. And as far as sex after the baby, it never bothered me when DS was in the room with us while he was still a baby. Maybe it was weird at first, but we quickly got over it and just did it whenever we could find the time, even if DS was napping 2 feet away. When he got older, we had to find other ways to work it in, usually after DS went to bed because we knew he'd be asleep for at least a few hours.

mrsmang · July 2018

@kns1988 @katethemom thanks! I figured that behind would be more comfortable. I’m still feeling a little weird about sex when baby is in the room but I’m sure we will probably get over it.

@bdream0916 I have definitely felt some uncomfortable poking at times and feeling like I’m swollen or something. Whenever that has happened we just try to change up positions to get an angle that doesn’t hurt.

Before pregnancy we were at least once a day people, normally 2-3, especially on weekends, so feeling not up to it has been a big adjustment. I’m hoping come second tri I’ll feel back to normal. I’m sure once baby comes we will have to find a new normal around bedtimes and naps, but I’m hoping we can still keep things pretty regular (at least as far as timing

drabong88 · July 2018

After having DS we became 1 to 2 times a week people, sometimes more if we had the weekend off together. We work opposite schedules since I work night shift so we are only home together half of the week. We have stayed pretty much the same since becoming pregnant maybe a little less often. When pregnant last time I felt fine DTD up until I delivered. After baby I was really nervous to have sex and waited the full 8 weeks and it was still uncomfortable, but I think that's because I had some tearing. It took a while for everything to feel back to normal

skilouise · July 2018

*sitting over in the corner quietly wondering when some of you high libido folks sleep*

merostomata · July 2018

I've been a little of the opposite of most folks on here it seems! I've actually been feeling a bit more frisky with pregnancy

However, it definitely comes and goes- sometimes I'm just not interested at all. I was also super exhausted until the last couple weeks or so, but somehow the libido would generally remain.

I think it's an increase in hormones and just feeling fertile and earthy (stupid, but we're real talking here) mixed with having bigger boobs, which is a new experience for me. Maybe also increased blood flow to the pelvis? It reminds me of how I'd feel on my period. lol.

I also have been feeling fat/bloated most of the time, but somehow with my H is translates to feeling sexier. He's been so supportive and awesome through this process, and that increases my desire as well. He's also been making me feel better about the weight gain and such, and I just appreciate his body positivity. He's out of town now so I'm missing him and feeling it.

merostomata · July 2018

kmvisioli said:

Postpartum...I was an anomaly with my friends because I wanted to get back to it like 3-4 weeks pp. I think I just wanted to reclaim my body, feel reconnected with DH, and feel more normal again. It's a little weird with baby in the room, but you can either just get past that or sneak into your room while baby is napping in a swing or something in a different room. I think now that our kids are bigger our strategies are sometimes to get to it right after we put the kids to bed so we're not totally tired, or head to bed a little too early for it. Some days DH comes home for lunch, and if the kids are napping that works

That's good to know that you wanted to get back to it 3-4 weeks postpartum, and figured out some ways to connect that work for you guys. I've been worried about how that is going to go, and obviously everyone is different and we'll have to play it by ear. If you don't mind me asking, did you feel physically healed by that point? Do most people wait to have sex until a certain point just because everything is crazy and you're adjusting to new parenthood, or is it more physical?

drabong88 · July 2018

@merostomata for me it was physical. Sorry if TMI but I had a 2nd degree tear and a labial tear so it just felt uncomfortable even to sit for a few weeks. When we DTD for the first time it was awkward and uncomfortable so we just waited a week and tried again. We bought some KY jelly for the next time and I think that helped ease things along

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt · July 2018

@merostomata we waited until I got the all clear from the doctor, at 6 weeks. I def did not feel like having sex before then. I was sleep deprived and I just didn’t want someone touching me (since I was holding a baby and BF all the time). There was a lot of pain for me, I felt really “tight” (I had tearing with the birth). I had to use the breathing exercises during sex more than during the labor, lol.

kmvisioli · July 2018

merostomata said:
That's good to know that you wanted to get back to it 3-4 weeks postpartum, and figured out some ways to connect that work for you guys. I've been worried about how that is going to go, and obviously everyone is different and we'll have to play it by ear. If you don't mind me asking, did you feel physically healed by that point? Do most people wait to have sex until a certain point just because everything is crazy and you're adjusting to new parenthood, or is it more physical?

I think it depends on how your birth goes- I had a tiny tear but already healed and "cleared" by dr by 3-4 weeks pp, and my bleeding would basically stop for a few days then start again. It definitely was different and a bit tender at first, so take it slow and gently, and buy lube if you don't already have it.

libertymomrn · July 2018

One of the big reasons they have the 6 week rule of thumb for no sex is because of the risk of a uterine infection. It takes awhile for everything to close back-up tightly after birth, and you don’t wants germs getting up ther and into your uterus. It generally doesn’t take a full 6 weeks, but they are err-in in the side of caution. If your provider checks you and clears you before then, you should be fine.

I had a co-worker who didn’t take the warning seriously, had sex about a week after giving birth, and she ended up in the hospital on IV antibiotics.

sweetyjenj · July 2018

@libertymomrn some guys are weird about sex while pregnant, though it usually isn't about the body changes. I would say knowing there's a baby inside can be a part of it. Also, there IS a thing called "sympathy symptoms" where guys can also experience some "hormone changes", which could lead to low sex drive.

@mrsmang questions for STM+:

best positions as you starter to get larger? I could only do it with me on top, or laying on my side once I got big.
Does it feel awkward once the baby is born and sleeping in your room? How do you keep up an active sex life once a kid is around? When they're newborn, they aren't really aware of anything going on, and their vision is horrible, so that helped it not feel awkward at all. We wouldn't do it while she was awake, though. Honestly, so long as I was breastfeeding my hormones kept my sex drive to a minimum, so it wasn't an issue often anyway.

@bdream0916 yes! I need to be really into the sex (because then the vagina opens up more and allows for deeper penetration) in order for it to be comfortable or feel good. if he starts going in hard too soon, it hurts, so we take it slower than usual so my body has time to adjust. LOTS of lube. Also, so far after each time, I get some mild cramping.

sweetyjenj · July 2018

So far, this first trimester my sex drive has gone to basically none...except in weird times. This morning I woke up in the middle of a sex dream and had DH roll over and take over

But generally, just not into it. Last time I wanted sex a lot in late 3rd tri, but a majority of that is because I know that semen thins the cervix and can lead to labor faster. Didn't really work, but we had more sex the last month of pregnancy than the following 6 months following birth

I feel bad for DH, he's SUPER supportive and not pushing anything, but I know he's missing more sex. We DTD probably 1-2x/wk before pregnant, and now about once every other week, though I'm trying to do a little more frequent than that going forward. I'm hoping my libido returns!

molosmiles · July 2018

Super impressed at how often most of you ladies are having sex...and feeling a little bad for my SO. Although he's usually the first one to fall asleep. It often becomes a middle of the night thing and we are both so tired! I feel like it gets harder with older kids because they don't sleep as long or as hard as the little ones. Probably doesn't help that my oldest isn't my SO 's daughter so we definitely don't like to DTD when she's awake (she's 9).

merostomata · July 2018

This thread is actually super helpful- thanks so much ladies! It's good to know roughly what to expect PP.

libertymomrn · July 2018

For those who’ve asked about those of us with high libidos; H and I may be daily people now (or were, before I got pregnant this time) but it ebbs and flows. We were daily people for the first 5 years of our marriage before we had kids. It tends to dip a bit during pregnancy (because of H) and we tend to dtd 2, maybe 3 times a week at most when we have an infant. (Because of me.) It eventually gets back to more once our babies get to a certain point where they’re sleeping well and are less labor intensive to care for.

luckymay2x · July 2018

My H isn't into sex once he can feel the baby sort of in the way. To be honest, I'm not super into pregnant sex, either. Even first tri it felt really uncomfortable this time.

I prefer head

saltedcaramel518 · July 2018

I have a low drive anyway; it almost disappears when pregnant/breastfeeding. Especially during this first tri when I’ve been going to bed almost as soon as DS goes to sleep. He has what I assume is a normal sex drive, and our opposite libidos are a big issue in our marriage.

texasmommie · July 2018

Wow, yall ladies are amazing. I have been on pelvic rest for the last 5-6 weeks. My poor DH. I told my DH I would give him a BJ and I could still please him, but he says its not the same... blahh, and that I got too much going on down there right now for us to both do oral sex. I guess he thinks if I please him, he wants to please me. Even though I have stopped bleeding my placenta is still lying low covering my cervix, so the doctor still has to me pelvic rest..... tell me this can't last the wholeeeeee pregnancy!

merostomata · July 2018

@Texasmommy aw, he should be thankful for you putting in the effort with everything you're going through

Hope you feel better soon! Glad the bleeding has stopped.

gorgeousariel · July 2018

@Texasmommy yes the pevlic rest is awful! I had another ultrasound today and am still restricted. I saw a different midwife today so I had to specifically ask about it and she said to continue with it. I have another ultrasound in 4w so maybe then it will be lifted... It's been 6w so another 4 will be 10 and if it's not lifted then we will check again at my A/S at 20 w so 14w total. Poor DH... That's almost twice as long as when it was PP.

libertymomrn · July 2018

Wow 10 weeks would be awful! I would be crawling out of my skin if I had to go 10 weeks with no sex! Of course, a healthy baby is worth it.

gorgeousariel · July 2018

@libertymomrn it's not fun but we make it work. DH told me he had a sex dream and instead of actual sex he got an HJ.

needless to say we will be jumping each other's bones when it gets lifted. DD will spend the night at Grandma's. Lol

Kabazaba · July 2018

Pelvic rest sounds horrible! We are usually a 2-3 times/week couple (more on vacation, less when stressed). Well, we have been stressed lately for various reasons. Woke up this morning and told DH: it’s getting bad. Had a sex dream and it was just us having regular sex in our regular bed. Haha. Thank you 4th of July for a midweek break

achays11 · July 2018

MH and I were DTD every night, sometimes more than once and that’s how we ended up here, accidentally. Before that, I lost my drive when I got pregnant with DD1 4+ years ago. We were everyday people before and after we got married and then BAM(!!) I hit a wall and didn’t want it. I gave in when he asked, but I wasn’t all that into. I finally have my groove back now, but we’ve both been holding off until they check on baby again.

The best position for me when the belly is bigger is me on top. He prefers from behind.

We don’t DTD with baby in the room, but our babies are usually in their own room before I get the ok from the doctor. We also close and lock our door now when we do do it.

sareej521 · July 2018

So far the sex this pregnancy has been fantastic! Which is great because we were in a really great groove before we got pregnant haha so it is nice to continue on for once! I'm sure once I get bigger it will be a different story though

LeahNicole · July 2018

I have been on pelvic rest since 5 weeks, 12 weeks 5 days now. It's been difficult, we are typically 2 times a week people. I haven't been feeling very connected to H, so I was really excited to get the ok to get off rest...then I initiated it with H and he decides to mention then that he isn't ready because he is nervous from something to go wrong. I can respect his feelings, but I wish he would have talked to me about it before I was laying in bed waiting. Lol

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