UO (Unpopular Opinion) 6/28/18

nononorman · June 2018

I refuse to commit to being the official weekly poster but I’m going to honest with myself and admit that I live for this shit.

nononorman · June 2018

I think it came up in this board a month or so ago that “you can’t know what kind of mother you’ll be” as a clapback to FTMs talking about things they will and won’t do with their kids (ie I would never cosleep etc etc). It bothered me because I have stuck to my guns with how I planned to raise my daughter (so far at least). So my UO is that just because some moms change their expectations/priorities and make decisions they never thought they would (nothing wrong w that either), that doesn’t mean ALL moms will do it ....so let the FTMs dream. Some will do what they say, some won’t. Just like anything else.

pttomato · June 2018

I think it’s more the attitude I get from moms who were able to do everything they way they thought they would. There are some things I have stuck to (no spanking) but some stuff just didn’t work. It doesn’t make my a worse mom for not “sticking to my guns” and doing something different because I have a challenging kid who needed something different. Then again they would probably say it’s my fault she’s challenging so

nononorman · June 2018

@pttomato I agree with you generally (but I think I’m the kind of mom you’re bothered by lol). I think it’s more everyone being lumped together that bothers me. Some will do what they said- for better or worse, and some won’t- again, for better or worse. The way I remember the last convo was something like “I’ll never cosleep” -FTM. “NEVER SAY NEVER- YOU KNOW NOTHING JON SNOW” -STMs whose plans changed.

I don’t usually go around bragging about “sticking to my guns”... I actually said nothing on that thread - I just get bothered by FTMs being shot down like they’re soooo naive. Nah, a lot of them are ready and prepared to have kids.

pttomato · June 2018

I get really tired of the “I’ve got it all figured out.” Cool, I’m glad you and your kids are perfect and everything you did worked perfectly the first time and somehow that makes you a better mom. My sister is like that and I have a difficult time taking her seriously when our kids have had different personalities since birth.

nononorman · June 2018

Not sure if the “you” is ME or the general “you”...

kns1988 · June 2018

Wow, that got heated fast.

My UO is that I think it's completely crazy pants to have anyone other than your SO in the delivery room. Mom, sister, friend, photographer, doula. Crazy. Pants. GTFO.

pttomato · June 2018

Apparently unpopular based on the comments I always get - thin people can get T2 diabetes. Every person I tell responds either “but you’re thin” or “but you eat so healthy,” unfortunately those things don’t correlate in my family. Most of the diabetics are thinner than the non-diabetics. Even doctors don’t believe me at first. With them it’s “You shouldn’t be diabetic” or “you’re atypical.”

peachy104 · June 2018

When I was younger, I definitely used the words “never/always” waaay too much. But we can’t tell the future and I’ve learned it’s foolish to say such things.

That said, as a FTM, I certainly envision a little about how I might raise my kids, based on watching how some others have done it. But then I get a serving of humble pie and remind myself I’m not a parent yet, I’m not in their situation, so how would I know how I’d do it?

I’m praying God gives me the wisdom I need when raising my kids.

saltedcaramel518 · June 2018

@kns1988 AMEN. Also, no one on social media needs a play by play of your labor.

My UO: I’ve had a couple of people tell me how great it is that I won’t be super pregnant in the summer, but when I think about dressing my bump in winter clothes (sweaters, layers, boots, etc.), I’m less than thrilled about a winter pregnancy. Give me all the maxi dresses.

sparkymcgeee · June 2018

I'm not rehashing that. I think it's silly to bring it up again.

peachy104 · June 2018

@kns1988 I have no idea who will be in the room aside from my husband. My parents live locally and weren’t in the room for my sister’s two boys but she had planned c-sections so... they haven’t asked to be in the room and I haven’t said anything either. My dad’s a professional photographer so I imagine he’d want to be there part of the time. But then I think that might be weird right?! idk.

molosmiles · June 2018

I will just say every child is different. What works for one won't work for another and THAT is why you change your parenting style. It's a necessity for each child.

AliKay20 · June 2018

I don’t like Summer. I thought I did all my life until recently. I much prefer Fall over Summer. Idk if it’s the DC humidity or what but the bugs, super humid and hot days, and sweating are just not my thing. Sure, there are pools, smores, and other fun adventures but I’d rather skip the season. If I want all that fun, I can go somewhere warm for a week or two and that’s plenty of “Summer” for me!

nononorman · June 2018

@saltedcaramel518 I’m dreading the cost of the winter maternity wardrobe. Also dreading all the “well meaning” people trying to force me into coats because they think it’s cold. Happens every winter but I imagine this will be worse.

libertymomrn · June 2018

saltedcaramel518 said:

@kns1988 AMEN. Also, no one on social media needs a play by play of your labor

I actually love detailed birth stories. All kinds- from the birth that turned emergency C-section to the peaceful homebirth in a tub, to the “oops, baby was born in a car on the way to the hospital!” I love hearing (or reading) about how our little miracles made their journey here.

When some good friends of H and I had their last baby, H said, “Oh, they had their baby.” Me- “That’s great! How did things go?” H-“I dunno.” Me- “Is it a boy or a girl?” H- “I dunno.” Me- “Do you know how much it weighed? I know she was worried about that with having gestational diabetes this one around.” H-“I dunno.” Me- Was she induced or was it spontaneous?” H- “I dunno.” Me- “She was hoping to make it past a 4 before getting an epidural, I wonder how that went for her.” H- “Yeah, definitely don’t know. All I know is that the baby was in yesterday, and now it’s out.” Me- “I need to call her.”

kns1988 · June 2018

featherchicki said:

My dad’s a professional photographer so I imagine he’d want to be there part of the time. But then I think that might be weird right?! idk.

It'll be weird! Just say no! All of your business is on display. It's messy and painful and you are not going to want your DAD in there!

drabong88 · June 2018

@libertymomrn lol that sounds like my husband. He's not one to pay attention to details so I get the I dunno answer a lot.

@featherchicki my dad came in the room periodically while I was in labor but left durning the actual birth. For my younger sister he stayed in the room until it was time for her to push. While she was being checked during labor he would hide behind the privacy curtain lol. My older sister had my aunt who is a photographer take birth pictures of her 2nd and she loves them so much she said she regrets not having pictures taken with her first

nononorman · June 2018

@featherchicki I had a really messed up labor experience (no doctor or midwife present due to short staffing). My dad was there up until the very end - and then came back basically right after she was out because we needed extra hands (like I said, messed up). So he didn’t see all my “goodies” if we can even call them that anymore but he was present in the room while I was being stitched up etc for quite a while. I think it depends on the pics you want... if you want some pics up the gun then no way, but if it’s all from your perspective or just looking down beyond the sheet, then I think you can make it work depending on your comfort level with your dad. You can always ask him to leave if labor positions are going to get revealing... I squatted so not a lot of action to view.

pttomato · June 2018

My dad wouldn’t even stay in the room when I was breastfeeding, I can’t imagine him in the delivery room.

jgil85 · June 2018

I actually had dh, mil and my mom in the room when I delivered and while I'm glad they were all there, my mom royally pissed me off and she wont be invited back this time. It was nice to have them all there because ds was born prematurely and we all didn't know what to expect so I felt like they were especially a good support system for dh.

I told dh this time around no one will even know I'm in labor except mil, and she'll only know because shes watching ds. And I honestly hope that the hospital has flu restrictions in place because I don't want anyone to come and visit me. I just want to birth my baby and hang out in peace.

jgil85 · June 2018

@libertymomrn I LOVE hearing birth stories and I always love telling people mine! DH kept a detailed timeline of my birth with ds so that we can always look back on it and reminisce.

peachy104 · June 2018

@Potterphile yikes! That does sound like a less than ideal labor/birth situation! And LOL I definitely DO NOT want my dad to see my goodies nor do I want pics of my goodies either.

@drabong88 I’ll have to think about what pictures I would want ... having grown up a photog’s kid, we have zillions of pictures. But, I’m not trying for National Geographic either!

emmaaa · June 2018

I think it's ridiculous to bring up a past UO to rehash the details because you're still salty. I mean, just get it out the first time and move on. It's an opinion and people aren't going to always agree.

nononorman · June 2018

emmaaa said:

I think it's ridiculous to bring up a past UO to rehash the details because you're still salty. I mean, just get it out the first time and move on. It's an opinion and people aren't going to always agree.

Is this about me? Was it an UO before? I just thought it was in a random post but if it was UO sorry for rehashing!

sparkymcgeee · June 2018

I love birth stories too. I don't need to know how dilated you are or other super personal details but I love a good story about how a baby came into the world. I was actually featured in the bumps magazine for my birth with DD. That was like 7 years ago but I still keep the free copies on a bookshelf so I can give it to her when she's older.

emmaaa · June 2018

Potterphile said:

emmaaa said:

I think it's ridiculous to bring up a past UO to rehash the details because you're still salty. I mean, just get it out the first time and move on. It's an opinion and people aren't going to always agree.

Is this about me? Was it an UO before? I just thought it was in a random post but if it was UO sorry for rehashing!

I mean, yes, in general I thinks it's ridiculous. But it is more related to you bringing up an old UO from weeks ago.

You don't need to apologize to me for it though, you can post what you want and if you want to rehash it, then go ahead. I will be stubborn and think it's ridiculous but will (in the future( just not participate. I'm sure others don't mind bringing things back up

galactickates · June 2018

emmaaa said:

I think it's ridiculous to bring up a past UO to rehash the details because you're still salty. I mean, just get it out the first time and move on. It's an opinion and people aren't going to always agree.

Cause this BMB is just riveting...
I don't think it's a big deal to bring up past U/Os. This board has gotten extremely boring and if people want to talk... let them. At least they are talking.

Speaking of... where are all the one off threads everyone was dying to post?

emmaaa · June 2018

galactickates said:

emmaaa said:

I think it's ridiculous to bring up a past UO to rehash the details because you're still salty. I mean, just get it out the first time and move on. It's an opinion and people aren't going to always agree.

Cause this BMB is just riveting...
I don't think it's a big deal to bring up past U/Os. This board has gotten extremely boring and if people want to talk... let them. At least they are talking.

Speaking of... where are all the one off threads everyone was dying to post?

That's fine, like I said above (which I'm sure you were posting this as I posted it so you didn't see it), if people want to do so, then GOOOO AHEAD. I will just think it's ridiculous. Because you know, that's my opinion. And last time I checked this was an unpopular opinion thread. So my opinion on another opinion is unpopular?

galactickates · June 2018

You're right I didn't see your response. Mine wasn't even really directed at you, it was just the latest response. I honestly don't care what people talk about. I'm pretty bored with our bmb in general.

kns1988 · June 2018

This BMB is different than others I've been in. I don't know if it's because the bump app sucks now or if people are just too afraid to post or what.

emmaaa · June 2018

I'm hoping it picks up here as people feel more comfortable. But it is pretty slow...especially on the randoms post.

And yes, The Bump app absolutely sucks and I only get on the desktop at work

galactickates · June 2018

@kns1988 I was on another bmb for a month before my loss and it was great. It was a lot of fun, there was lots of activity. It was great. I've lurked a lot of other bmbs while I was in ttgp and you're totally right. This one is different, not in a good way though. To be fair, there are people here I really like which is one of the few reasons I'm sticking around.

BitterBetty12 · June 2018

I have regrets for not joining my BMB with DD because of PGAL anxiety, and I was really hoping that I would get that community this time around. There are a select few of you I DO feel I’ve gotten to know, and I’m hoping as time goes on I’ll feel that way about more people. But overall we are REALLY tame. It’s boring in here A LOT.

That being said, my UO is that it’s really not anyone’s ‘fault’. Sometimes a group of people just don’t click. And maybe that’s what’s happening here? I think there’s a lot of ‘blame’ and fighting happening for something that really is just an unfortunately natural phenomenon.

ETA - though I will say it is also possible that the hostility and fighting is pushing some people away too.

nononorman · June 2018

I’m gonna go w both @kns1988. App blows but it’s been that way for 1.5-2 years right? My post was called silly and ridiculous because I didn’t realize it was the topic of an UO a month ago that completely devolved into insanity. Honestly didn’t realize that was the basis of the blowup since it seemed to be about other stuff by the time I read it. It won’t stop me from posting but it’s certainly not a pleasant discourse. Esp since the underlying point of my whole UO was why are we jumping down FTMs throats.

AliKay20 · June 2018

I sort of agree w @galactickates in that there hasn’t been a whole lot of activity lately and it’s not as exciting as I had remembered compared to my first BMB. However, I do think it’s still early to tell what the outcome of all of this will be and hope to get to know some of you a lot better bc I too like some of the people on here.

My other UO is when people refer their births as “natural” without epidural or pitocin or what have you. Maybe that’s the correct term for it, Idk, but reading that as their birth announcement on FB status or what have you makes me cringe. C-section, vaginal, epidural or not, I think it puts this false impression that having a “natural” birth makes you stand out from others. Birth is birth no matter what method to me and if people are proud that they went through it without any meds, then whatever and I get you’re proud but when your birth announcement is “baby X born xx/xx/20xx. Mom is doing well and was a champ not needing an epidural. Was in labor for 22 hours and had a NATURAL birth just as planned,” I can’t say I won’t roll my eyes bc that just sounds like “hey give me some recognition that I’m special/stronger/better than others.”

BitterBetty12 · June 2018

@AliKay20 Yess! As a C-section mama I can’t stand when people say ‘natural’ especially when they’re referring to vaginal delivery.

peachy104 · June 2018

@AliKay20 My birth plan is “out” LOL. As much as (right now) I don’t want drugs, I have absolutely no idea what to expect with labor except for pain and more pain. I don’t think it’s necessary to brag about how the baby was born. The good news is the baby was born and mom and baby are healthy, right? That’s all that really matters.

My UO: I think people use the words “love” and “hate” way too much and without regard to what those words actually mean. People will say “I love my children, I love my parents, I love my spouse.” And then they’ll say “I love coffee, I love my house, I love to run.” I’m sorry but no. You cannot use the same word to describe your affections toward your children/family/spouse as you use to describe your affinity toward food, objects, activities, etc. “Hate” is such a strong word, but people use it flippantly. It hurts my heart to hear people saying “He/She hates so-and-so.” Really? Hatred unchecked is a very dangerous thing. Is it really hatred or just a major disliking?

katethemom · June 2018

I agree that this board has become a bit boring. I'll admit I have been lurking more and have not been posting as much because I have just not been feeling well. I really need my symptoms to ease up now that I'm almost at the end of first tri. I'm hoping that's why it's been so quiet on here - maybe a lot of us are just feeling too blah right now to participate much. It definitely was more exciting a couple weeks ago when the vaccine debate was happening.

molosmiles · June 2018

I'm with you ladies @BitterBetty12 and @AliKay20 how your baby came into this world does not make you better than any other mother. What happens happens! Same for feeding your baby, making sure your baby is fed is number one, it doesn't make you a better mothers to feed one way or another or for how long. I hate the pressure we put on mother's. It's so unnecessary and so many women stress themselves out.

BitterBetty12 · June 2018

@katethemom I’m having the too sick go post issue too. Like I haven’t participated in my weekly ticker check in for two weeks because as ridiculous as it sounds, the idea of typing up that much makes me tired before I even start. But doing quick things like this is a bit more bearable.

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