Who else has an unplanned pregnancy?

libertymomrn · June 2018

How are you dealing with the surprise of getting pregnant? Are you excited? Scared? Sad? All? Other? How are you coping?

We have 3 great kids; the 3rd was a surprise, too. Sometimes I feel like I’m coping pretty well and looking forward to adding another member to our family. I imagine the fun of another child and how amazing it is to hold and nurse a newborn. Other times I feel overwhelmed and burnt out and wishing I wasn’t having another one. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way. But still exhausted. Tonight is one of those times. I just finished a 12.5 hour shift at work. Two of my kids have colds and are extra needy and whiny. I have a crazy busy week coming up between work and summer activities for the kids. I feel too tired to keep up with what I already have, let alone adding another child. I know that once the baby is here, I will be so glad and grateful that we had one more child. It just sound so overwhelming and exhausting.

DLpanda08 · June 2018

I think that’s the craziest part of being a mom... being exhausted and overwhelmed but still so in love with our little ones. I completely understand where you are coming from and I’m actually relieved that someone else has these thoughts.

DH and I were convinced we would never have babies... adoption was the only route to a family for us and we had accepted that. Embraced it! We adopted older children with special needs because we knew we could give them the time and resources they need to meet their individual goals. That longing for babies I had during our IF struggle turned into stamina for helping our youngest through his rage and determination for helping our daughter get the educational services she needs.

Now that we have this little one on the way I’m both thrilled and terrified. Thrilled that we get to experience this miracle and for the chance to raise this baby. Terrified for how it will impact our family dynamic. Both kids are very excited about the baby, but I don’t know how excited they will be once the baby arrives and needs our attention.

LCRbelle · June 2018

This pregnancy was a complete surprise! I have a history of loss and my DS was conceived through a fertility specialist with lots of help! I never thought I’d be able to keep a pregnancy without the extra help but here we are with things going well so far! I’m still very nervous mostly that things will end unhappily but if I ever allow myself to think about everything being ok that freaks me out too. My DS just turned one so they would be about twenty months a part which is terrifying!

kns1988 · June 2018

LCRbelle said:

My DS just turned one so they would be about twenty months a part which is terrifying!

Same boat in the 2 under 2! We tried for both though. It took us two years to have DS, so we started trying when he was 9 months old. We figured it would be a while until something stuck, but here we are! My sister and I are 21 months apart, like my two will be, so I think it's pretty cool.

LCRbelle · June 2018

@kns1988 I did want to start trying soon ish but was thinking more like the fall! Haha
Even though I’ve been super sick I think I’m still in denial.

kns1988 · June 2018

@LCRbelle, which BMB were you in last time? I was in May 17, but DS came in April.

PolarBear517 · June 2018

I am also headed for 2 under 2. We were NTNP so while it wasn't entirely unplanned, I was frankly pretty surprised that we conceived so quickly. I am finding myself conflicted about this pregnancy while my first pregnancy I felt mostly excitement. I'm hoping it comes back around to mostly positive thoughts, but I am also feeling tired and we are going through transitions with DD (to her own bedroom) and I'm starting to worry a lot more about what life will look like for all of us with 2 little ones. I'm worried about taking attention away from DD and worried about the financial strain doubling the daycare bill. I knew there would be difficult transitions but now they feel like more of a reality & I've probably been stressing more than I should. I believe that ultimately having children spaced so closely will work to my advantage, but I think the first year will be really tough.

LCRbelle · June 2018

@kns1988 I was in May 2017 BMB as well! I joined a Facebook group that formed off of the board I’m wanting to say around November so I didn’t remain as active on the bump after that!

kns1988 · June 2018

LCRbelle said:

@kns1988 I was in May 2017 BMB as well! I joined a Facebook group that formed off of the board I’m wanting to say around November so I didn’t remain as active on the bump after that!

Oh okay, I'm in the late fb group

achays11 · June 2018

@LCRbelle I was also in May 17 and am in the late FB group with @kns1988. This baby was a surprise for us as we weren’t going to start trying until late summer. But MH seduced me, haha and this happened. I’m a little scared for 2u2, but I think it could be fun too!

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt · June 2018

Not totally unplanned but happened a lot sooner/quicker than we were anticipating. I was thinking a March/April baby would be ideal especially with the holidays and the travel we usually do...well that didn't happen. We are excited though (after the initial shock wore off....!).

LCRbelle · June 2018

@kns1988 @achays11 sad to have missed out on y’all last time but hope to get to know y’all on this BMB!

@achays11 That’s funny because MH keeps saying I seduced him. Haha!

sareej521 · June 2018

This one was for sure a surprise! While I'm fully aware pull and pray is not a reliable method of bc even with what we figured was perfect timing, I'm still quite blown away with how much the stars had to align for this little peanut to happen!!! I had such horrible perinatal and PPD with DD2 that I was still on the fence of even having a third baby and said that if we did, I wanted it to be a winter baby with 3 years between it and her... Well I'm getting my winter baby, but it's a year earlier than I had hoped! I feel all over the place about it so far and in a way whatever the outcome I'm likely going to struggle a bit... This wasn't planned and I'm not crazy excited about going through pregnancy again and am really nervous for my mental health continuing on and after the baby comes, but I'm even more fearful for another loss because I know that played a huge factor in everything in the first place

BitterBetty12 · June 2018

Hi! 2 under 2 club here as well. DD was June 2017 so they’ll be 18 months apart.

While it was not a complete surprise, it was our first month of NTNP after a super unexpected CP the month before. It took us 10 months of active trying (with a MC in there) to get DD so I did not think one month of pulling the goalie would get us here.

I defintiely still struggle a bit to feel connected. I try not to think about the tough parts to come like how do I juggle two kids in diapers and a super active toddler with a newborn baby. And we just bought a house so money wise we will be strapped.

But other times I think about the first moment
of seeing and holding your new baby. Or their first smile. First giggle.

I think it’s defintiely a balance and the most important thing to remember is that all of the feelings combined are normal and ok and you don’t have to feel bad for having some of
those more negative thoughts.

lmfs90 · June 2018

We were trying for a while and had talked about not trying anymore starting in May because I didn’t want to be super pregnant or have a newborn for my BFFs wedding. We obviously made a mistake somewhere and I’m due a week before her wedding, and I went a week late with my first two so, that should be fun. Right before I got my BFP H and I talked about being one and done and we were totally ok. I am pretty happy about this pregnancy though, I really did want to have two.

helleebellee · June 2018

Very unplanned. The H had talked about another, but I wasn’t on board. I told him I’d entertain the idea in a year. I’m absolutely positive that I ovulated twice. I expected the first, obviously not the second. My life is crazy right now, so I can't help but feel that the timing couldn't have been worse.

The H works out of state and is usually gone for a month at a time. He’s home for two days and gone again. I have our 8 kids, plus all house work, yard work, and paper end of our business to take care of, alone. Sometimes I go work with him, although I've stopped for now. We've been trying to find a home closer to where he works so we can finally be together, again. He hasn’t lived at home for 4 years. He’s never lived with the 2 year old. She has no idea what it’s like to have a dad at home every night, and I really didn’t want to put another child through that, or the H. But housing in a small town is difficult to come by, apparently. Especially when you have 8 kids.

I have no family support. Both of our families think that they should have more say in what goes on within our home than we should. They hate us having kids and just last week my mom told me that I better not ever get pregnant again. Not sure why she thinks she has a say. With my last, from the moment she found out, all she could talk about was the fact that my sister was having twins. She never congratulated me at all. She just ignored it. And the H's mom didn't talk to him for two whole months after we told her. In fact, most of everyone in both of our families treats us this way, which is why we don't tell until I can no longer hide it. I have one sister who I can actually talk to about any of this, and she is super excited, but she lives in Hawaii, which sucks. I'd love to have someone closer who actually cares.

So there's that. My emotions are everywhere. I don't even know how to feel about it. Some days I just cry, others I'm excited. I just have to keep reminding myself that January is a long way off. Hopefully things are better by then.

hnhmomma · June 2018

We are very unplanned. We are fairly young (I am 23 and DH is 24), and I am in law school. We are due the day classes start up again for my last semester. I also have a part-time job at a firm that I am hoping to stick with. I will be looking for a post-grad job while pregnant, and the legal field is not known to be incredibly family friendly.

Thankfully we have a ton of familial support, but we are very nervous about managing my final semester and studying for the bar exam.

We are thrilled about the pregnancy, but these are definitely not the plans we had in mind!

drabong88 · June 2018

Definately unplanned here. Originally DH and I wanted 2 kids, but after the first DH was unsure if he even wanted another one. I breastfed DS until around 13 to 14 months and stayed off birth control at that time as it seemed to affect my supply. We were using condoms and/or pulling out. Planned on starting BC back up after my yearly appointment. Went for my yearly in the middle of April, got my script, found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant! The doctor said I was probably there just a week too early to detect the pregnancy. DH had a hard time coping in the beginning but is coming around now. I'm nervous thinking about taking care of a needy toddler and newborn but am getting excited about them growing up together.

tosh24 · June 2018

hnhmomma said:

We are very unplanned. We are fairly young (I am 23 and DH is 24), and I am in law school. We are due the day classes start up again for my last semester. I also have a part-time job at a firm that I am hoping to stick with. I will be looking for a post-grad job while pregnant, and the legal field is not known to be incredibly family friendly.

Thankfully we have a ton of familial support, but we are very nervous about managing my final semester and studying for the bar exam.

We are thrilled about the pregnancy, but these are definitely not the plans we had in mind!

I was in a similar situation with my first. Luckily, I was in my last semester of university so it didn't affect my schooling, other than that I didn't go back for grad school like I had planned. I was 22 and my BF (now DH) was 25. I had similar worries to you since I am in a STEM field, but it's all worked out amazing. Coworkers my age may be a little further along in their careers than I, but really not by THAT much. They are all having their first babies now and I'm likely on my last, so while they're taking time off over the next 5-10 years to build their families, I will be working straight through and closing the gap. Glad you have lots of support and good luck!

MrsPyrowiz · June 2018

My youngest isn't even one yet. My oldest isn't even 3yo. This was not what we planned.

That being said, I've already fallen in love with this new life. We haven't told ANYONE (except my work) yet. We definitely won't be telling my family any time soon. We'll probably wait until they ask. They won't be excited, so I don't see a point in trying to make them excited.

My in laws have been asking when #3 is coming since before I had #2, so I know they'll be excited. My husband wants to find out the gender before we tell them though. Which I think is weird, especially since I get BIG when pregnant, so they probably already think something's up. But whatever dude. Lol

LauraK33 · June 2018

Hi! Unplanned here as well. We have four already ( 3 and 4 are twins). So I am anxious and will find out on the 27 if it's 1 or 2...that is adding to my nerves. Financially, we will be fine and we always wanted a large family, but my last delivery was horrific. All of it will be fine, I'm hoping to get more excited once I get to see this LO at next week's appt!

libertymomrn · June 2018

I would be anxious about the thought of having twins, too! I mean, in some ways it would be fun, and twins are so cute. But twins also sound overwhelming.

I’ve been worried that after this baby, extended family is always going to be looking for signs that I’m pregnant again, because they all know we were done having kids before this baby. We thought.

Russiandea12 · June 2018

This pregnancy was a surprise for us. I was actually scheduled to get an IUD and my OB didn’t get insurance approval during my cycle. The plan was to call during my next cycle to cycle implantation. Then after more than a year of nothing abdb2 prior losses I am pregnant. I will be a mom of 4!! My son is 7, daughter 3 and our foster son is 6 months. I will have a newborn and a 1 year old!! Lord help me

eshcf · June 2018

We have been saying this was a "surprise" pregnancy because, even though we weren't exactly preventing it, I had been trying to track my cycle because of years of struggling with irregularity and did not think we had done anything around the time I would have been fertile but I guess someone was waiting around in there to make some magic happen.

We were very shocked when we found out but are so excited. I was very concerned that we would have difficulty conceiving because I wasn't even convinced I was ovulating every month.

We are, however, a bit anxious because we moved into my parents after our wedding 9 months ago to save money for a house and now we feel very pressed for time to find something. All of our upcoming expenses are sending us into a bit of a panic but, all in all, we feel very blessed to be on this journey and are hopeful everything will fall into place.

molosmiles · June 2018

@eschuff that's why we say 'surprise' too. We definitely didn't plan it but we weren't doing much to prevent it either. I had my daughter in October 2016 and since I got pregnant with her in January 16 I've only had about 4 periods, plus I had radiation, which they said could make me have infertility issues....plus it turns out I'm a week further than I thought so tracking my period didn't help at all!

molosmiles · June 2018

Oh and don't stress too much about the finances, things have a way of working out and it's awesome you have the support of your family. Save as much as possible now!

BethK93 · June 2018

This one is definitely a surprise. Our protection failed lol. Happy though- we definitely wanted another baby, we were just hoping to wait longer

BethK93 · June 2018

Oh yeah and my youngest is only 6 months so they’ll be about 14 months apart. Freaking out there lol

sweetyjenj · June 2018

This was unplanned for us this early. We were going to start trying in August or September, but it happened earlier. there's several reasons I wanted to wait, but we were being risky, so there's only so much we could be surprised. I guess I was less surprised than just "we should have known better". We're excited, of course, and we're totally ready for it.

Who else has an unplanned pregnancy?

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