TTA/Benched 6/18

nmbrcrnchr1 · June 2018

This thread is for those who have started TTC but are now TTA or Benched. (There is also a TTCAL "sister" thread.)

***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.*** This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons

TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________
Are you benched or TTA?
What brings you here?
How long do you think you'll be here?
How have things been going?
Any R/R/CS/Q?
GTKY: How do you get through your Monday?

nmbrcrnchr1 · June 2018

I’ve been so MIA lately. I’ve been lurking but my job sucks so I’ve had no time to post. I’m hoping I’ve turned the corner on my job, but we’ll see

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? EP in Feb, benched for 6 months... 1 1/2-2 months left!!!!
How long do you think you'll be here? Oh, see above
How have things been going? Things have been going. I finally opened up to my close girlfriends so everyone knows and honestly it feels so good. (Unfortunately) my close group of friends is familiar with IF/TTGP so it is nice to have that support. But now I’m getting anxious bc we are almost thru our bench probation
Any R/R/CS/Q? Nope
GTKY:Any upcoming travel plans? We are heading to a lake house for the 4th of July so I’m pretty excited about that. Also excited for July, bc the month of August means we are.off.the.bench!!!!!!

lin0442 · June 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 You’re almost there! It would be better if they didn’t, but I’m glad your irl friend group understands and is a good source of support. So many of my friends aren’t at the TTC stage, so they’re sympathetic but don’t really get it, even just the basic TTC frustrations.

Are you benched or TTA? Benched
What brings you here? Recovery from septum surgery in May
How long do you think you'll be here? Another week or so- wfaf once I finish my progesterone
How have things been going? Pretty well, the oral progesterone is giving me some nasty chin acne but that’s small potatoes. It’s been a good break, but I’m ready to be off the bench and start IUI next cycle. Also, tmi but I’ve been stuck on pelvic rest during this time so I’m looking forward to being able to BD again lol.
Any R/R/CS/Q? Rave: Finally got my drugs approved by insurance so I’ll be ready to go! I was worried about having to coordinate at the last minute- and I know DH would not have wanted to pay out of pocket if we just needed to wait an extra cycle instead.
GTKY: How do you get through your Monday? Trying not to think about how it’s Monday! Sometimes I get a donut for breakfast on the way into work- so healthy.

holly321 · June 2018

Are you benched or TTA? Started as self TTA, then, because life, medically benched.

What brings you here? Life caught up with me. The last year and a half have been horrible, and I try and act like they weren't, and couldn't take it anymore. I won't get into my ridiculous amount of health issues, but I am having surgery in September, so that adds to my benchedness.

How long do you think you'll be here?
Hopefully until sepSeptem/October

How have things been going? FatheraF day hit me a but hard, with the realization that we should have had a baby. Otherwise, I had a list of goals that I needed to accomplish for my mental health, before TTC again, and several of them.are working themselves out nicely.

Any R/R/CS/Q? No

GTKY: How do you get through your Monday? I am off work this week, so it has been a great day so far. Otherwise, while I never want the weekend to end, Mondays are my busiest day at work, and I like that, so they generally go quickly.

@nmbrcrnchr1, I am glad that you opened up to your friends, and that that is helping. Coming to the end of being benched (since I did that recently, and then rebenched) was really emotional and stressful for me, I hope it isn't too bad on you, I am sorry you are anxious.

@lin0442, I hope your recovery is going smoothly, have fun getting off the pelvic rest bench. (No pun intended, lol)

LJMoon6 · June 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 I’m so glad you decided to open up to your friends. We were open with everyone from the start (I had a big life decision to make and needed advice). I’m glad to have the support of my friends but I almost wish we wouldn’t have told our families. They’re supportive but in a “side-eyeing-us” kind of way, if that makes any sense. Anyways, I’m glad your friends irl can be there for you, but also sorry they understand IF/TTGP too well.

@lin0442 You’re getting so close! Sorry about the acne. I like your attitude tho! Small potatoes! I’m glad you got your meds approved. I hate having to deal with my insurance. It seems like every appointment I have I end up having to call them because they screwed something up.

@holly321 Oh friend, I’m so sorry to hear you’re benched till September. I had noticed you disappeared but was hoping it was for other reasons. You really have gone through so much. I’m so sorry it all came crashing down. Feel all the feels. Take your time healing and don’t feel bad about leaning on your loved ones for support (I don’t know why but I get a feeling from you and your writing that your loved ones are usually leaning on you for support. You’re such a strong person). Hugs.

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? I’m on strong antibiotics for a sinus infection that could cause birth defects, so my OB benched us.

How long do you think you'll be here? I only have 3 more days of the antibiotics so hopefully when the next cycle starts in a couple of weeks we can get back at it. I am a little worried though because I’m not getting any better from this sinus infection. I just has a CT of my sinuses done last night so I’m just waiting for those results.

How have things been going? OK. I Oed yesterday. I also had an ultrasound yesterday to check out my uterus and ovaries. Everything came back fine. This was the last test my OB wanted before she would feel comfortable starting me on clomid or sending me to an RE.

Any R/R/CS/Q? If the CT of my sinuses comes back fine then we should be unbenched next cycle. But I’m possibly going on a work trip next month that just happens to be during FW. It would be to Stanford so I’m really looking forward to it, but the timing is awful!

GTKY: How do you get through your Monday? I’m currently not working Mondays (10 hour days Tue-Fri), but I will be switching to Mon-Thu next month. So for my “Mondays” I usually don’t do anything special. Just another day at the office/lab.

holly321 · June 2018

@LJMoon6, I am sorry you have been unwell, if the CT scan doesn't give the hoped for results (FX it does) do you have a next step planned? Good luck with either the clomid or seeing an RE. What is your decision process for each option? (I know many don't agree with using clomid without seeing an RE, but I did, and will again if it is needed)
Hopefully your FW works out differently to not interfere with next cycle.

Afm, thanks for your kind words. My parents have leaned on me a lot the last year and a half, but I get it, since they have lost so much, then with my sickness, they again needed me to be strong, which, I am not overly emotional and tend to not worry easily (although, at times I can be a bit of a hypochondriac) it comes naturally. It is how I deal with stress. But it has it negativity too, since everyone (myself included) thinks everything is fine, then I burn out.

LJMoon6 · June 2018

@holly321 I totally understand about being a hypochondriac. It’s good that you can be so strong for your family. Sometimes just knowing that they need you is so rewarding. Do you have an outlet to help you distress? Leaving it all inside and letting it build up can be so painful. I’m sorry you’re going through that now. I’m almost the complete opposite. I wear my heart on my sleeves. I can’t hide my emotions. If I’m upset everyone knows. If I’m stressed everyone knows. If I’m happy everyone knows lol. Which is weird because I’m so introverted.

For me, the CT scan came back showing no sinus infection. I’m so frustrated. I had been on antibiotics for 2 weeks when they took the scan so it could have just cleared up by then. But I was still having some drainage and pain in my forehead and ear so I thought it wasn’t clearing. Or it could have been just an ear infection and the other symptoms were from something else, which is what the doctor is thinking. I will admit that the pain in my forehead could easily be from my Chiari malformation and the ear pain could just be residual pain from the infection. But what had been killing me was the post nasal drip and a sore throat that I developed on the antibiotics. So I went down the rabbit hole with Dr Google and my hypochondriac self broke out. I wont go into detail lol. I’ve come to the conclusion that my mucus had gotten so thick (because I was also using allergy meds because the docs keep insisting that I have allergies) and my throat muscle were just getting sore from trying to swallow so often. I Googled a little more and realized that because I was treating my symptoms like they were allergies I was just making it worse. When you have a post nasal drip from allergies your mucus is thin and runny. Allergy medicine dries you up. If you don't have allergies it just dries it up even more making it super thick. I’ve now switched to Mucinex that’s meant to thin mucus and my post nasal drip is gone! So Happy!

As far as the OB vs RE. I understand the reasoning for going to the RE only for clomid but I think we are leaning towards trying it with my OB for a cycle or 2. I mean, I could get clomid for next cycle with no other appointments, no time wasted, or money spent on more test. I would rather start there especially since we’re unexplained. I understand the risks of this and know the odds aren’t really any better, but it’s worth a shot for me anyways. My work trip next month is going to be on CD 10-12 and I usually O on CD13-18 (O day changes every cycle but the earliest would be CD13). So I know we won’t completely miss the window but it’s too close for us to try a medicated cycle.

suzycupcake · June 2018

@holly321 and @LJMoon6 I can certainly relate to the hypochondriac part, especially when holly mentions it as a way to deal with stress. Googling and researching seems to bring a sense of control when your body is going haywire from having a chronic condition to deal with. It's important to remember that being diagnosed with something like we have, is traumatic. So it makes sense that we'd be in a frenzy about it. Sometimes I think that most of the anxiety that we feel comes from feeling scared of what might happen next and the googling starts because either we have this desperate need to find an answer that does not equal what we know we have or we think that symptom x must be due to something they are missing and if we don't figure it out, we might die. <-----that right there is a repeat of what it felt like to be diagnosed. That tunnel that it felt like we were dropping inside of our chest cavity and down the rabbit hole when we first heard those words. And all of the time, we 100% wish that some doctor will just come along one day and say, "Guess what? You don't have ____. All you have to do is stop eating red grapes and you'll be fine."

That's the trauma circle with these types of diagnoses. They are life altering and it's really really hard to not have people to talk to about it on the reg for support because, with the rest of the population, it starts to feel like they are saying, "God, this girl has this and this and this, what else can she possibly have? Surely she is making it all up!" Or when people say, "But you look so good!". Then it feels so gross and we beat ourselves up over it as if it's our fault. Well, it's not. We didn't ask for this. It's here. All we can do is keep fighting to feel better. We get tired of that sometimes and that's okay too. It is not your fault and you're not a hypochondriac. Hugs to both of you

holly321 · June 2018

@LJMoon6, I hope you continue to feel better. FX the clomid works for you. It worked well for me. I ovulated both cycles I took it, and did get pregnant on the second one.

@suzycupcake,

, thank you. I needed that. You are so amazingly uplifting, I need to print your posts and carry them around for support.

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