@emjohn517 It was definitely easier for me to be more assertive with family/visitors the second time around. If I want to hold me baby and not let anyone else — that’s what I’m going to do. Sorry not sorry. When I need a break and am okay with someone else holding her, I’ll let you know. If I don’t want visitors or to go to a family function because my baby won’t stop crying, I’m not going to go. When I want visitors, I’ll let you know. My first was admittedly an easier baby overall, but my milk never came in and I was devastated, and just becoming a mother and adjusting is exhausting, and you want space but help all at the same time. My second cried for the first 8 months of her life.
It was definitely easier to be assertive about that as a second time mom than a first time mom, at least for me. It’s also easier to know what you want in hindsight and hopefully keep perspective of it once the second one is born.
at the end of my 36th week, my ob thought my fundal height was measuring small, so she had me schedule an ultrasound. she didn’t seem too concerned, so i wasn’t, but i packed up my hospital bag just in case. went in for the ultrasound and found out that dd had gone from 45th percentile at 26w to < 5th percentile at 37w and her amniotic fluid level was concerningly low; doc came in to tell us that we were to head straight over to l&d for an emergency induction. got checked in around 3pm. at 5pm, got a dose of cytotec shoved up my nether regions, then again at 8pm. around 10pm, i stood up and noticed this tiny pinkish trickle running down my leg and i said “ugh i think something weird just happened.” that was my water breaking. after that, i didn’t get anymore medicine to further my induction. the contractions started and things progressed on their own. at some point, a nurse added something to my iv bag (i don’t remember what) and told me that it may make me feel nauseated, then 15 seconds later i was vomiting in the trashcan. i was super hungry at that point, but wasn’t technically allowed to eat anything. nurses told me i could have chicken broth on the downlow, but that was it. the nurses periodically did cervical checks—i had no idea how much cervical checks hurt, but they do, A LOT. i still cringe. contractions were manageable for a few hours, which dh and i spent walking the l&d hall. around 1am i was tired and asked for the epidural so i could sleep. in the meanwhile i was writhing around on a labor ball. the anesthesiologist couldn’t come until 3:30am, and by then i was in quite a bit of pain and begging him to wait until just after a contraction passed before sticking me with the needle. he was pretty grouchy, but he got me in one stick, and it was the perfect epidural experience afterwards. i still felt my legs and also the contractions, but with zero pain. i got a few hours rest afterwards. i also had to get a catheter put in because of the epidural. in the morning, i was still progressing steady and slow. i was put on oxygen and they placed a fetal monitor on my stomach. at 11:45am i reached 9/10cm. by noon doc arrived and i was pushing with nurses’ guidance. dd was born at 12:21pm. she was 5lbs1oz. i had a small tear and 1 stitch.
after she was out, she took a bit of time to cry and had a poor apgar score. i honestly can’t remember if i got to hold her right away because it was so crazy and emotional at the time, but i absolutely remember seeing them taking her away for monitoring. dh asked me if i wanted him to stay with me or follow dd, and there was no doubt in my mind that i wanted him to go with her. i don’t even remember pushing the placenta out, or anything else after she left. i was really worried about dd. i didn’t get an update for a couple hours, until dh came back to tell me she was ok and they were going to bring her back soon. it was another hour before she came. i held her and we did skin to skin and tried to nurse with no luck. she was too sleepy at that point. we eventually moved to a second room, a smaller maternity ward room. dd roomed in with me. the first night i couldn’t stop staring at her, and had zero desire to go to sleep. pain-wise, i was fine with extra strength ibuprofen and turned down the super pain meds. those post natal uterine massages were frequent and sucked. peeing was no fun because of the lingering pain from the removed catheter. pooping was absolutely terrifying. everything felt really really swollen down there. i remember asking the nurses to check a couple times to make sure everything was ok because it felt so wrong.
breastfeeding was a struggle to say the least. dd couldn’t stay latched and she was visibly upset whenever we tried. nurses couldn’t really help, neither could the lactation consultant. and everyone tried, but eventually said “looks like you’re doing everything right, keep trying and she’ll get it.” she didn’t, she wasn’t getting a single drop, but every nurse came in and kept saying the same thing making me increasingly frustrated. after a day, she had become jaundiced and gotten down to 4lbs9oz. we had a pediatric ent come in to severe a tounge tie she had in a quick laser procedure. she did latch a little better, but not for long enough. by that afternoon i was beyond ready to start giving her formula. she ate small amounts pretty regularly after that. at some point we ran out of the 8 bottles we were originally given, then i had to hunt down a nurse for every feed after for a single bottle and new nipple. they had started hoarding them because they were running out (it was easter weekend). between feeds we kept on trying to latch. i was also given a hand pump, then an electric pump to express milk when it came in. electric pump > hand pump.
dd was heel pricked about a million times checking for this and that because of her iugr and trouble eating. when we weren’t holding her, she hung out in the bilirubin bed for her jaundice. before we were discharged, she had to pass the carseat oxygen test, which she failed a few times. she passed after we got her a different car seat. by the morning of discharge, i had been at that hospital for nearly 5 days.
the post partum hormone change after i got home was really surprising to me. i had intense night sweats and chills. i was uncontrollably shaking sometimes. i ended up getting “mother’s thumb” and saw three orthopedic specialists who couldn’t make the pain go away. it was my dd’s pediatrician who gave me advice that actually worked within a week. i exclusively pumped to feed for the first few weeks, until dd was finally latching well. i screamed at my dh (the only time ever) during that first month because he didn’t get recycling trash off the counter. i was never depressed. just so tired. we tried sex after my 6w post partum checkup, and it was a no-go, even with lube. sex wasn’t enjoyable for months, and wasn’t back to normal for over a year and a half.
@highsteaks I feel like mine was fairly similar to your experience in a lot of ways. I didn’t realize how traumatizing and emotional your baby being taking away from you immediately following birth would be. It still makes me cry remembering how much I missed her, like, physically missed her for those hours.
The post partum hormones rocked me. I can’t say I was depressed, but in hindsight definitely postpartum anxiety, rage, so many emotions all at once. The weight of the responsibility hits you, no matter how prepared you think you are.
@runningyogimama I’m hoping this time it’ll be different. People, well my in laws, made me feel like I was crazy for being “territorial” as they called it. Well, duh, motherhood is very primal, my body grew, carried and delivered her!
@offtoneverland Yes! Those moments of lounging on the couch with your baby on your chest, all is right in the world in those moments!
I'm going to write mine, but be aware that this whole post has a lot of TWs and is long.
At 26 weeks I was diagnosed with Intrahepatic Cholestatsis of Pregnancy (ICP). From that moment my normal, happy go lucky pregnancy became hell. At my first monitoring appointment two days after Christmas, my labs were awful. My liver enzymes were over 200, my bile acids were over 20, and I was showing some pre-eclamptic signs. I was 27 weeks and my Dr took me to his office and said I was going L&D triage for real time labs. If they came back even a point worse than they were a week ago he was taking the baby. I freaked out. I broke down crying begging God, DH, my dr, his medical student, anyone who would listen to not take him yet. I ended up being admitted for 3 days, for 24/7 monitoring. Ds got to stay in, but I was told that any week that could change. I set a goal of 30 weeks. I received steroid shots while in the hospital and my Dr said that if I passed 30 weeks, I would get another round at 32 weeks. Every week I went in for twice weekly NSTs and once weekly Bpps. My labs were checked every 3 weeks to see how I was doing and if my liver was getting worse. I made it to 30 weeks and my whole care team breathed easier.
At 31 weeks, I was at my monitoring appointment and the nurse was reading the readout, when she commenting that I was having contractions. I was cramping, but honestly didnt think anything about it. Having contractions and getting an u/s is both cool and weird. You literally see it! I was told to keep an eye on things and if they got worse, go straight to hospital. I contracted all day and by 6 that evening, I was actually in pain. All my contactions were in my back and they were coming about 5 minutes apart. We drove the 30 minutes to hospital, DH trying not to freak out. Let me say this, if you are a high risk pregnancy and contracting, you don't even sit down in the ER. We had barely registered before I was whisked off to L&D triage. I was hooked up to monitor, which pissed ds off. He hated that thing. I was checked, super unconfortable, and admitted. I was given some meds to stop contractions, all they did was make them irregular, but it allowed me to released the next day. That was the beginning of the end.
At 35 weeks I went in for my monitoring appointment. My lab work showed not so great things. My liver enzymes from 3 days before had climbed to over 300, so after my monitoring at the Dr, I was sent to L&D triage for real time labs. When they took labs and I wasn't immediately released, I knew something was wrong. When the nurse came rushing in and asked me to basically chug a coke to see if baby woke up, I almost lost it. Luckily, he did and I managed to somewhat rest on those awful stretchers. The nurse came in to check on me and I just asked her if I was having a baby today and she nodded. Next thing I knew my dr came in and said that my liver enzymes were over 900. They had tripled in just 3 days and he didnt want to induce. It could take days and while he didn't say it out loud, it was implied that if I induced, I may not make it. So I was immediately prepped for a c section. I told H that no matter what, he was to stay with the baby, to make sure he was ok. The OR was crowded with my team and the NICU team. Luckily everyone was amazing and they did a lot to put us at ease. Ds came out and took a moment to scream and I didn't know I was holding my breath until I heard him. He was immediately checked and H was over there with him telling me everything while I was being stitched up. He was perfect. 6llbs6oz and 18.5 inches. He scored great on his apgar and didn't need NICU time! I didn't get to see him until recovery and finally getting to hold him was the best day of my life. He was perfect in every way.
My birth story wasn't beautiful and perfect, nor was it what I wanted at all. It was a little traumatic and I still cry when I think about it, but it is from the sheer joy that my body finally produced a live baby. Ds had a very hard time breastfeeding, and I ended up triple feeding him for the first 6 weeks of his life. He ended spending the calories he took in suckling, so he didnt gain his birth weight back until 6 weeks. Luckily, we prevailed and he became a champion nurser. Postpartum was hard on me, stress from the nursing, lack of sleep, and the damn hot flashes did not a happy mama make. Plus, when ds was born, we only had a car seat and PNP. So, it was a mad scramble to get some stuff when I was released.
Because of the ICP, I may never be able to have a full term pregnancy. I credit my dr for saving my life, and saving ds as well. He is the reason I have ds and the reason that I am a bit more relaxed this go round even though I know what's in store for me. ICP will always be a part of my life and pregnancy will always present a challenge and be the scariest thing I do. But the end is worth it, hearing that sweet cry and holding the baby, makes everything worth it.
DD was due Feb 6, 2016. On Wednesday morning, Feb 3, around 2:00 a.m. I called DH to come home from
work since I was having contractions about 5-10 min apart. At around
4:45 a.m. we got to the hospital and they checked me and said I was
about 3.5 cm and 90% effaced. They had me walk around for about an hour
and a half, checked me again and I was at 4.5 cm so they admitted me.
Well wouldn’t ya know, my contractions pretty much stopped. My midwife
came in, checked me, said I was about 3-4 cm, had me walk around for
another hour, but in the end, sent me back home. Told me to take some
Tylenol and Benadryl to get some rest. Contractions were the worst when
I was laying down so I didn’t really get much sleep.
We went to DH’s moms since she lives about 2 miles from the hospital. I was
timing contractions from about 7-11pm and while they were increasing in
intensity, they were still fairly far apart. We decided we were going
to go home and sleep in our own bed. At the last minute I said I’d
rather just stay there and sleep sitting up on the couch. I took some
more Tylenol and Benadryl and almost as soon as I did, the contractions
started getting much worse and about 3-5 minutes apart. By 1am Thursday
we were back at the hospital…I was staying this time. Midwife said I
was 7cm and 100% effaced. I got the epidural (even though they all
thought I could go without since I was “doing so well”) and started
pushing around 5am. I watched the whole thing in a mirror and we
basically stared at the top of her head for about an hour and a half,
she wasn’t moving. FINALLY, around 7:10 on Thursday, Feb 4th, DD essentially popped out on her own with a contraction. I had
minor tearing.
All in all, everything went pretty great. The epidural worked like a charm, although I feel it may have slowed things down, but whatever.
Recovery was fine. I didn't bleed for too long and it wasn't that bad. I think I took some Motrin at the hospital and that was it.
DD had a horrible latch so breastfeeding wasn't fun and I only lasted about 6 weeks.
Re: Birth Stories/Postpartum - The good, the bad, the ugly, and everything we wish we knew STMs to FTMs
It was definitely easier to be assertive about that as a second time mom than a first time mom, at least for me. It’s also easier to know what you want in hindsight and hopefully keep perspective of it once the second one is born.
after she was out, she took a bit of time to cry and had a poor apgar score. i honestly can’t remember if i got to hold her right away because it was so crazy and emotional at the time, but i absolutely remember seeing them taking her away for monitoring. dh asked me if i wanted him to stay with me or follow dd, and there was no doubt in my mind that i wanted him to go with her. i don’t even remember pushing the placenta out, or anything else after she left. i was really worried about dd. i didn’t get an update for a couple hours, until dh came back to tell me she was ok and they were going to bring her back soon. it was another hour before she came. i held her and we did skin to skin and tried to nurse with no luck. she was too sleepy at that point. we eventually moved to a second room, a smaller maternity ward room. dd roomed in with me. the first night i couldn’t stop staring at her, and had zero desire to go to sleep. pain-wise, i was fine with extra strength ibuprofen and turned down the super pain meds. those post natal uterine massages were frequent and sucked. peeing was no fun because of the lingering pain from the removed catheter. pooping was absolutely terrifying. everything felt really really swollen down there. i remember asking the nurses to check a couple times to make sure everything was ok because it felt so wrong.
breastfeeding was a struggle to say the least. dd couldn’t stay latched and she was visibly upset whenever we tried. nurses couldn’t really help, neither could the lactation consultant. and everyone tried, but eventually said “looks like you’re doing everything right, keep trying and she’ll get it.” she didn’t, she wasn’t getting a single drop, but every nurse came in and kept saying the same thing making me increasingly frustrated. after a day, she had become jaundiced and gotten down to 4lbs9oz. we had a pediatric ent come in to severe a tounge tie she had in a quick laser procedure. she did latch a little better, but not for long enough. by that afternoon i was beyond ready to start giving her formula. she ate small amounts pretty regularly after that. at some point we ran out of the 8 bottles we were originally given, then i had to hunt down a nurse for every feed after for a single bottle and new nipple. they had started hoarding them because they were running out (it was easter weekend). between feeds we kept on trying to latch. i was also given a hand pump, then an electric pump to express milk when it came in. electric pump > hand pump.
dd was heel pricked about a million times checking for this and that because of her iugr and trouble eating. when we weren’t holding her, she hung out in the bilirubin bed for her jaundice. before we were discharged, she had to pass the carseat oxygen test, which she failed a few times. she passed after we got her a different car seat. by the morning of discharge, i had been at that hospital for nearly 5 days.
the post partum hormone change after i got home was really surprising to me. i had intense night sweats and chills. i was uncontrollably shaking sometimes. i ended up getting “mother’s thumb” and saw three orthopedic specialists who couldn’t make the pain go away. it was my dd’s pediatrician who gave me advice that actually worked within a week. i exclusively pumped to feed for the first few weeks, until dd was finally latching well. i screamed at my dh (the only time ever) during that first month because he didn’t get recycling trash off the counter. i was never depressed. just so tired. we tried sex after my 6w post partum checkup, and it was a no-go, even with lube. sex wasn’t enjoyable for months, and wasn’t back to normal for over a year and a half.
The post partum hormones rocked me. I can’t say I was depressed, but in hindsight definitely postpartum anxiety, rage, so many emotions all at once. The weight of the responsibility hits you, no matter how prepared you think you are.
@runningyogimama I’m hoping this time it’ll be different. People, well my in laws, made me feel like I was crazy for being “territorial” as they called it. Well, duh, motherhood is very primal, my body grew, carried and delivered her!
@offtoneverland Yes! Those moments of lounging on the couch with your baby on your chest, all is right in the world in those moments!
At 26 weeks I was diagnosed with Intrahepatic Cholestatsis of Pregnancy (ICP). From that moment my normal, happy go lucky pregnancy became hell. At my first monitoring appointment two days after Christmas, my labs were awful. My liver enzymes were over 200, my bile acids were over 20, and I was showing some pre-eclamptic signs. I was 27 weeks and my Dr took me to his office and said I was going L&D triage for real time labs. If they came back even a point worse than they were a week ago he was taking the baby. I freaked out. I broke down crying begging God, DH, my dr, his medical student, anyone who would listen to not take him yet. I ended up being admitted for 3 days, for 24/7 monitoring. Ds got to stay in, but I was told that any week that could change. I set a goal of 30 weeks. I received steroid shots while in the hospital and my Dr said that if I passed 30 weeks, I would get another round at 32 weeks. Every week I went in for twice weekly NSTs and once weekly Bpps. My labs were checked every 3 weeks to see how I was doing and if my liver was getting worse. I made it to 30 weeks and my whole care team breathed easier.
At 31 weeks, I was at my monitoring appointment and the nurse was reading the readout, when she commenting that I was having contractions. I was cramping, but honestly didnt think anything about it. Having contractions and getting an u/s is both cool and weird. You literally see it! I was told to keep an eye on things and if they got worse, go straight to hospital. I contracted all day and by 6 that evening, I was actually in pain. All my contactions were in my back and they were coming about 5 minutes apart. We drove the 30 minutes to hospital, DH trying not to freak out. Let me say this, if you are a high risk pregnancy and contracting, you don't even sit down in the ER. We had barely registered before I was whisked off to L&D triage. I was hooked up to monitor, which pissed ds off. He hated that thing. I was checked, super unconfortable, and admitted. I was given some meds to stop contractions, all they did was make them irregular, but it allowed me to released the next day. That was the beginning of the end.
At 35 weeks I went in for my monitoring appointment. My lab work showed not so great things. My liver enzymes from 3 days before had climbed to over 300, so after my monitoring at the Dr, I was sent to L&D triage for real time labs. When they took labs and I wasn't immediately released, I knew something was wrong. When the nurse came rushing in and asked me to basically chug a coke to see if baby woke up, I almost lost it. Luckily, he did and I managed to somewhat rest on those awful stretchers. The nurse came in to check on me and I just asked her if I was having a baby today and she nodded. Next thing I knew my dr came in and said that my liver enzymes were over 900. They had tripled in just 3 days and he didnt want to induce. It could take days and while he didn't say it out loud, it was implied that if I induced, I may not make it. So I was immediately prepped for a c section. I told H that no matter what, he was to stay with the baby, to make sure he was ok. The OR was crowded with my team and the NICU team. Luckily everyone was amazing and they did a lot to put us at ease. Ds came out and took a moment to scream and I didn't know I was holding my breath until I heard him. He was immediately checked and H was over there with him telling me everything while I was being stitched up. He was perfect. 6llbs6oz and 18.5 inches. He scored great on his apgar and didn't need NICU time! I didn't get to see him until recovery and finally getting to hold him was the best day of my life. He was perfect in every way.
My birth story wasn't beautiful and perfect, nor was it what I wanted at all. It was a little traumatic and I still cry when I think about it, but it is from the sheer joy that my body finally produced a live baby. Ds had a very hard time breastfeeding, and I ended up triple feeding him for the first 6 weeks of his life. He ended spending the calories he took in suckling, so he didnt gain his birth weight back until 6 weeks. Luckily, we prevailed and he became a champion nurser. Postpartum was hard on me, stress from the nursing, lack of sleep, and the damn hot flashes did not a happy mama make. Plus, when ds was born, we only had a car seat and PNP. So, it was a mad scramble to get some stuff when I was released.
Because of the ICP, I may never be able to have a full term pregnancy. I credit my dr for saving my life, and saving ds as well. He is the reason I have ds and the reason that I am a bit more relaxed this go round even though I know what's in store for me. ICP will always be a part of my life and pregnancy will always present a challenge and be the scariest thing I do. But the end is worth it, hearing that sweet cry and holding the baby, makes everything worth it.
@wildrainbow your experience is truly incredible. here here for wonderful doctors and nurses who save fragile lives everyday.
DD was due Feb 6, 2016. On Wednesday morning, Feb 3, around 2:00 a.m. I called DH to come home from work since I was having contractions about 5-10 min apart. At around 4:45 a.m. we got to the hospital and they checked me and said I was about 3.5 cm and 90% effaced. They had me walk around for about an hour and a half, checked me again and I was at 4.5 cm so they admitted me. Well wouldn’t ya know, my contractions pretty much stopped. My midwife came in, checked me, said I was about 3-4 cm, had me walk around for another hour, but in the end, sent me back home. Told me to take some Tylenol and Benadryl to get some rest. Contractions were the worst when I was laying down so I didn’t really get much sleep.
We went to DH’s moms since she lives about 2 miles from the hospital. I was timing contractions from about 7-11pm and while they were increasing in intensity, they were still fairly far apart. We decided we were going to go home and sleep in our own bed. At the last minute I said I’d rather just stay there and sleep sitting up on the couch. I took some more Tylenol and Benadryl and almost as soon as I did, the contractions started getting much worse and about 3-5 minutes apart. By 1am Thursday we were back at the hospital…I was staying this time. Midwife said I was 7cm and 100% effaced. I got the epidural (even though they all thought I could go without since I was “doing so well”) and started pushing around 5am. I watched the whole thing in a mirror and we basically stared at the top of her head for about an hour and a half, she wasn’t moving. FINALLY, around 7:10 on Thursday, Feb 4th, DD essentially popped out on her own with a contraction. I had minor tearing.
All in all, everything went pretty great. The epidural worked like a charm, although I feel it may have slowed things down, but whatever.
Recovery was fine. I didn't bleed for too long and it wasn't that bad. I think I took some Motrin at the hospital and that was it.
DD had a horrible latch so breastfeeding wasn't fun and I only lasted about 6 weeks.
No post partum depression.