Omg WTF to your friend @zande2016. Instead of being supportive she is questioning where he got it? It's not like he's got an STD for God's sake. Sorry but you have all the rights to be oversensitive, that message sounded slightly accusatory to me but I'm the queen of reading between the lines lol
@zande2016 his services will begin late June early July so it will run at the same time baby is born. We are waiting for them to find a provider and they have 28 days to do so.
DH added that even if your son doesn't need extra help...getting extra help if it's offered is great. He said people get too caught up on what other people will think about getting services when it's really such a great thing that we do for kids and we need to embrace these opportunities. @wildtot and @zande2016. I'm glad my DH has such a positive attitude about EI and stuff like that. I think for him tho, it comes from having a younger sister with T21 Downs Syndrome and MIL is a services coordinator, so he gets it.
Also, I was showing DH the HDBD pics and he commented on how low @wildtot 's belly is, but also that you still looked small, aka, not like a cow! Hope the compliment makes you feel better about your pictures from the other day.
@zande2016 I feel like people think ticks only happen in the woods and are aghast that you found one if you aren't a forest dwelling daily hiker. She definitely should have been more careful of her words and you are not overreacting. My son had a tick embedded last year that I missed for almost the entire day AND It was a deer tick. He would have been 24-26 months ish, I'm lucky the tick either didn't carry Lyme or wasn't there long enough.
@wildtot That is beyond frustrating and I'm sorry you're feeling isolated in all your hard work, getting assistance for your LO is stressful enough even with support. DS kind of goes in and out of that, too. We just don't talk about EI, honestly, because he'll just get frustrated and say "everyone just over diagnoses today, there's a label for EVERYTHING." I get it, I do. Certain things doctors definitely over diagnose and medicate in a lot of cases, but speech delays and narrowing down sensory issues and determining ASD is not "over diagnosing" it's pinpointing how the kid works so parents can communicate best with them with little frustration on both sides! I know our kid is stubborn beyond compare, but that only goes so far. Sorry. Ugh, I get worked up. Just know that when you feel alone with DS you are not actual alone in the situation. Hoping he pulls his head out soon and gives you more support. Hey, the worst that can happen if DS is "labeled" is free preschool with a special bus that comes to YOU for pick up and drop off, and more patience and attention from the teachers. That would be a DREAM!
@zande2016 What a gross thing for her to say, especially with no kids of her own!!! Please try not to feel guilty. We get ticks in our backyard where DS runs around all day. We spray all is clothing and hats and shoes, etc., with OFF but we still found a tick behind his ear a day late. We were honestly just lucky that it wasn't truly imbedded. And baths are never everyday for him in our house because A. Who has the energy for that every night? Not me, that's for sure. B. Pediatrician even told me it's unnecessary. Even with a bath everyday ticks like to nestle in low visibility spots. So Do. Not. Feel. Bad. You're doing everything you can to handle it and that makes you an AWESOME mom.
@wildtot Last year my nephew (now 4) needed EI for fine motor skills. He also comes from two insanely smart Harvard educated parents. So EI shouldn't be a reflection on you or your child. It's there to make sure he is on track. Sure, he would have likely caught up eventually anyway, but why not make sure he's still pacing with his peers?
@zande2016 that’s ridiculous! Like others said- they just kind of find a dark place to lurk. My DS had one on the back of his head a while ago. It was in his hair at the base of his skull. He bathes himself and I don’t believe we were tromping around in the woods or anything. You never know where you could catch one. And really, you don’t know what the test results are yet! It could come back that it’s not Lymes! (My daily dose of optimism for you). Being a bad mom would be not putting him on antibiotics or getting the medical attention he needs. Obviously you’re trying to keep him healthy!
@wildtot stick to your gut! We didn’t have insurance when my DS was little and I worried about how much everything would cost so I never spoke up about the things that worries me and he agednout before I could get him evaluated. I really wish I wasn’t so worried about it because I think it would have helped him back then.
ETS- my H is resistant towards getting help too. I think it’s definitely a pride thing for them. Hang in there!
@zande2016 I'm sorry your friend is acting like that! On Sunday my DS had been playing outside in the evening, not in the woods, but our yard does back up to woods. Anyway I gave him a bath and didn't notice anything but then when getting his jammies on I saw a tiny spec on his abdomen. I thought it was dirt so I tried to brush it off and that's when I realized it was actually a VERY tiny tick. We got it off of course but point is if it was attached anywhere else it probably would have been missed. Please don't feel bad.
Speaking of EI...we recently found out my husband's 34 year old brother was diagnosed on the spectrum (he called it Aspergers, which technically doesn't exist any more, but basically it is high functioning autism). He's a smart guy and has been successful career wise and is married (though I am not a fan of his wife but that's another story), but from the day I met him I knew he was on the spectrum. The guy has zero social skills, and has done/said some pretty shitty things over the years because honestly he just does not know how to conduct himself properly in social situations. So I was not the least bit surprised by his diagnosis, though a little surprised he took the steps an adult to get evaluated and diagnosed. The point in relation to the EI discussion though, is that I think he would be a much happier, more well-adjusted adult today if he had gotten intervention at a young age. When he was growing up, my in-laws knew something was off with him,but they never did anything. My husband told me when he was a kid, he'd fall over and not have the reflex to stick his hands out to catch himself. If he was washing his hands and the water got too hot, he'd stand there screaming in pain but not pull his hands away from the hot water. Those are classic signs. Aside from his very obvious social issues. I don't know if his school/teachers referred him for evaluations and his parents chose to ignore it, or if the school somehow missed it too since autism wasn't as widely known about/diagnosed at the time, but I firmly believe his parents chose to bury their heads in the sand a bit and not look into these issues (I try not to blame/judge them, and I know times were different then, but I know for a fact that they knew something was off and chose to ignore it). If it had been identified and he had received services as a kid, his adult life would probably be a lot easier because he would have the social skills he needs to function as an adult. I'm not saying it's too late for him, as I am sure he can still make some progress, but I just can't help but think about how things might be different if he had gotten the help he needed as a child. Intervention in early childhood really makes such a huge difference.
@zande2016 She was very insensitive in her text, but it's possible she had no idea she was being insensitive. Crossing the life-experiences boundary with friends can be really tough. I've lost a few friends because they just can't understand what it's like to be a parent and it wasn't worth the drama to explain why we can't do late dinners and last minute stuff like we used to. Hell, I'm even going through it with my SIL right now because she wants to go to a vinyard for Father's day and doesn't get how that's a problem with me 34 weeks pregnant on orders to stay off my feet. It sucks when you're supposed best friend doesn't seem to make an effort to understand your life situation, if you are that close it would be worth a sit down chat after things calm down. +1 for not bathing DD every day (thought that was an UO glad to hear we're not alone) and if it was a tiny deer tick we would have easily missed it, especially if it was in the fold of her ear.
@wildtot I'm sorry DH is adding to your stress, I know it can be hard for some people to ask for help even when they really need it. When my dad got laid off it was really hard for him to ask for state assistance; he was raised that you were a failure if needed one of those programs, so absolutely see how SIL and potentially parental attitudes could be deeply grained in him. I do think sometimes we are quick to over-medicate or label things, but I do also think there's been a boom in knowledge and research in mental and physical medicine and are getting better at recognizing certain things. To Zande's point - I just dont' think autism was recognized or talked about much when we were kids - so yes the lacking instinct to protect self does seem like a thing anyone would talk to pediatrician about and there may have been some head burrying, but I'm not sure they would have made the connection to something on the spectrum in the 80s or 90s.
@gingerbride26 she definitely has no idea she was being insensitive. But that's one of the things that has honestly made it difficult to remain close with her over the years, aside from just the different places we are in with our lives, she is very much the type of person who cannot really see things from anyone's perspective than her own. This is the same friend who asked me to go on a girl's weekend this August, knowing i'll have a 2-3 week old haha. And re autism, you're completely right that it was not recognized like it is now, but the fact that his whole family talks about these stories from when he was a kid and burned himself with hot water, etc., shows that everyone knew something was off but it was not investigated. Again, totally not trying to judge or blame, but I do think they looked the other way. But today we are so aware of these symptoms and signs, and the real point of my post is the amazing things we can do by addressing issues early on
@zande2016 that's tough, I've had to walk away from some close friendships in the last few years - including the girl that was supposed to be my MOH but "didn't feel she could give a speech" and asked to just be a bridesmaid a year after agreeing. We haven't even talked since DD was born. And I totally agree that someone should have asked something about BIL's young behavior and early intervention is key. Same page
Re: WTF Wednesday - 6/6/18
Also, I was showing DH the HDBD pics and he commented on how low @wildtot 's belly is, but also that you still looked small, aka, not like a cow! Hope the compliment makes you feel better about your pictures from the other day.
Edited words
@zande2016 What a gross thing for her to say, especially with no kids of her own!!! Please try not to feel guilty. We get ticks in our backyard where DS runs around all day. We spray all is clothing and hats and shoes, etc., with OFF but we still found a tick behind his ear a day late. We were honestly just lucky that it wasn't truly imbedded. And baths are never everyday for him in our house because A. Who has the energy for that every night? Not me, that's for sure. B. Pediatrician even told me it's unnecessary. Even with a bath everyday ticks like to nestle in low visibility spots. So Do. Not. Feel. Bad. You're doing everything you can to handle it and that makes you an AWESOME mom.
*Sorry for the essay.
@wildtot stick to your gut! We didn’t have insurance when my DS was little and I worried about how much everything would cost so I never spoke up about the things that worries me and he agednout before I could get him evaluated. I really wish I wasn’t so worried about it because I think it would have helped him back then.
ETS- my H is resistant towards getting help too. I think it’s definitely a pride thing for them. Hang in there!
Okay sorry stepping off soap box now.
@wildtot I'm sorry DH is adding to your stress, I know it can be hard for some people to ask for help even when they really need it. When my dad got laid off it was really hard for him to ask for state assistance; he was raised that you were a failure if needed one of those programs, so absolutely see how SIL and potentially parental attitudes could be deeply grained in him. I do think sometimes we are quick to over-medicate or label things, but I do also think there's been a boom in knowledge and research in mental and physical medicine and are getting better at recognizing certain things. To Zande's point - I just dont' think autism was recognized or talked about much when we were kids - so yes the lacking instinct to protect self does seem like a thing anyone would talk to pediatrician about and there may have been some head burrying, but I'm not sure they would have made the connection to something on the spectrum in the 80s or 90s.