Mental Health Check In June

nlc8424 · May 2018

**This thread has a general trigger warning.***

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.
Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in several dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.

This post can be replied to at any time during the week. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others.

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort.

If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:

Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?

How are you feeling?

**Note: Borrowed from June 2018 (stolen from July 2018) because this was the first structured check in I found.

nlc8424 · May 2018

As I said in the randoms, I want this to be a safe place to share but also it's okay if you just want to lurk and throw some love tits in here.

So I'm fairly sure I've dealt with untreated anxiety my whole life. There's a long history of anxiety and depression on my moms side of the family and some history on my dad's side as well. Not that this means much, but I've been exposed to it quite a bit.

I'm also pretty sure I had undiagnosed PPD/PPA to some extent after my son was born and just didn't check myself enough against a "what is normal" standpoint to catch it. I finally started prozac in December, just to have to stop it once I found out I was pregnant. I'm going to be starting a low dose of zoloft to help control some of the anxiety, but also looking to start some talk therapy soon too. I'd really like to feel good mentally, come up with some good coping mechanisms when I feel like my world is spinning out of control, and maybe enjoy the newborn stage a little bit more this time.

I'm really pretty good at masking my anxiety to the general populus and I'm well educated enough to have conversations that don't trigger any anxiety for me, so I think it's been hard for my health care team to pick up on. I'm hopeful that I can keep my general composure like I have so far, but that I'll truly start to feel some relief from all of the thoughts that flood my mind at times.

Not really looking for anything from anyone in particular right now, but just wanted to break the ice so others may feel comfortable sharing.

nackie · May 2018

I was diagnosed with depression about 18 years ago, but I haven’t actively needed treatment since college. It flairs up occasionally, but I’ve developed techniques to deal with it on my own.
After DS was born however, I had some major untreated PPD. It didn’t help that he was a very difficult baby and I was suffering levels of sleep deprivation that the UN has declared a human rights violation. But it was a good 6 months before I stopped feeling like having a child was the biggest mistake of my life. I’m pretty scared of going through the newborn phase again. I’m hoping that this time around I can actually enjoy parts of it.

nlc8424 · May 2018

@nackie the sleep deprivation definitely heightened any anxiety/depression for me too. It was miserable. I'm scared about the newborn phase as well, so know you're not alone. I'll do my best to keep this thread strong especially PP when all the hormones come crashing down and we're responsible for tiny humans who rely on us for everything. Thank you for sharing ❤.

pourmeanothermocktail · May 2018

I've had on and off depression and anxiety for years.Usually, talk therapy doesn't work great for me, but after my preemie high needs son with terrible delivery it did help for a while.

I've never tried medications because I have a tendency to react very very poorly or strongly to so many things and I stay home with kids. I'd be afraid that if I had a severe ridiculous over reaction hallucinations/delusions or similar, that it could happen while alone with babies. So I'm going to hope that I can manage without needing to try drugs while coping with sleep and hormone issues. Otherwise I'd want to find a way to have someone hopefully check on me in person during the day everyday for two weeks for safety.

My previa, potential accreta diagnosis is really my only extra stressor right now, so hoping that in a couple weeks we'll check again, and everything will be fine!!! I'm terrified that my mental state can't handle another section and the chaos of trying to find help at home from people that don't stress me out worse or cost money....so I'm pinning my hopes there for now.

I am benefiting from weekly group prenatal yoga though. So that's a plus.

smsaulino · May 2018

Growing up, I'm sure I had untreated depression and anxiety. I had a full-on mental breakdown when I had just turned 22. I was hospitalized for a short while and then was bed bound for almost a year and half afterwards. Neither of my parents were there for me during that time. The only good thing that came from the breakdown was that I finally was able to get some kind of help. I do believe at one time, I was taking several different medications at once. I do feel that I benefited more from talk therapy than medicated therapy. I finally weaned myself off of the medication when I was 26. I felt like it was making me worse. About a year later, I was approved to see the therapist on an as needed basis, and I never went back. I do think back now to what it was like back then, and it helps me to move forward. There is some worry that Polly will go through what I did, but I won't ignore her symptoms like my parents ignored mine.

spottedginger · May 2018

I had undiagnosed and untreated PPA or PPD with DS. It took over a year to be myself again. Sleep deprivation aggravated matters, and I’m certain that the hormonal component of my IUD worsened things, too (I’d had poor reactions to some hormonal bc in the past but my ob assured me that the levels from the Mirena wouldn’t affect me). Things really started to turn around when DS was about 13 months old and I had the iud removed when he was 15 months old. The difference was clear to me within 48 hours. Like @nackie I’m scared about going through the newborn phase again and worried about the type of mother I will be to DS who would know something was different/ wrong with me vs a newborn who is okay with me crying during a diaper change. My midwives have spoken to me about potentially starting on Zoloft at 36 weeks to preemptively have something in my system before the hormonal crash at birth. I haven’t decided whether to do that or start immediately after birth. I need to do more research but that is a decision for another day.

klj0228 · June 2018

I have had severe anxiety since I was in high school. Over the years I have learned to cope mostly without medicine. I have been doing okay, but mostly because I have tried to be very much in control of what is happening. We started decorating and preparing the nursery pretty early, but it was a chance to make sure I am not stressing about it as we get close to the third trimester.

I have had a little depression so far in pregnancy, but have been coping okay. I know there is so much going on hormonally right now, but my biggest struggle is not biting DHs head off for the tiniest things. He actually said to me the other day that he is worried to talk to me because the tiniest things make me mad or annoyed. He is so so right! I’m getting a pedicure today and a prenatal massage next week. Hoping doing these two things for myself will help me feel more connected to self and less like simply an incubator.

nlc8424 · June 2018

Ok so this is what I'm currently struggling with:

I'm very much so a to-do list person, love making a list and checking off boxes/crossing things off of my list. Currently, my list feels insurmountable and I feel like I would feel better tackling some items (cleaning/prepping for DS's birthday party, and/or cleaning out DS's soon to be new room), but I KNOW I need some time to myself and do some serious self care. I'm so bad about creating boundaries with this, because I feel like if/when I take time for myself, that sets me behind with my to do list and stresses me out more. Does anyone have any tips on how to set these boundaries?

This is for sure my biggest struggle as a FT working mom with 1+ hour of commuting daily and a kid who doesn't go to bed until 9 pm (none of these things can be changed right now). I feel like our week nights are so unproductive because H and I are wiped out from work, and it just creates so much work for the weekend, which makes it hard to actually get ahead. I'm open to suggestions on how to be more productive during the week to help manage this.

spottedginger · June 2018

@nlc8424 the struggle is so real on both these issues (balancing tasks with full time work and child care as well as balancing tasks with self care). I don’t have a perfect solution, but have been trying to do small things during lunch at work (e.g. order diapers at target so I can pick them up on the way to daycare or book a prenatal massage over lunch one day and eat at my desk the next day). The only real self-care time I’ll take without chore-guilt is that that I create while DS is at daycare (lunch or en route to pick up). Once I’m home I’m either wiped out on week nights or rushing through to-dos on the weekends. Looking forward to hearing how other moms balance.

nackie · June 2018

@nlc8424 I’m with you on the feeling unproductive. I’m in the car at least 1.5 hrs/day (assuming it’s not a day I have to do daycare drop off or pick up - those days I’m in the car more like 2.5 hours). By the time kiddo is in bed by 8, I’m too exhausted to do anything but have a cup of tea and get myself ready for bed. Seeing the list of things I need to do get longer instead of shorter is causing me massive anxiety.
Im also really bad at self care. DH tries so hard to encourage it, but I just feel guilty knowing I could be spending that time with DS and I already don’t feel like I give him enough time. It’s really tough and I don’t have a good solution.

klj0228 · June 2018

@nlc8424 I’m with you on the to do list thing and feeling like I am checking things off. One thing that works for me is breaking some of my bigger tasks into smaller items. Then I can check things off and feel like I am getting things complete. So in your case preparing for the birthday party maybe break the cleaning into individual rooms or spaces. For cleaning out your sons soon to be room break it into smaller more manageable areas like clean out the closet, clean out/organize corners etc.

southernlady07 · June 2018

@nlc8424 I am also a list person, but I find what really helps me to get things done is to look at the list and then schedule items to be accomplished on my calendar. I use my work Outlook calendar for everything and it helps to block off time for each task and have the reminder come up on my phone. I would never remember everything I need to do otherwise. i.e. I know pick up from school, dinner and bed time routine will last until 8 p.m., then I can block off 30 minutes to fold laundry (or something else lower energy for during the week) while watching a show. We honestly do not get a lot done during the week with my DD's outside activities and just being exhausted at the end of each work day. On the weekends if I have to do something like cleaning, I will listen to an audiobook or podcast to make it feel more like "me time". I also try to do what @spottedginger mentioned about using my lunch break to order something online, make my grocery list/meal plan or run an errand.

With all that said, know that my house is currently a train wreck after MH being out of town last weekend and commitments every night this week; I'm exhausted and have no energy to do anything about it. Being a work-outside-the-home Mom with a long commute is hard and I try to give myself grace to let go of some of the anxiety my long list can create. I personally need to remember that quality time with my family, and my health, are more important than a clean house and it WILL get picked up eventually!

jhjocelyn · June 2018

One thing that helps me when lists get overwhelming is noting how long I think they will take, so -vac floors-20 min, dust-10, etc. it shows me that there really is time as long as I focus and stay on track in the moments I have to tackle them.

nlc8424 · June 2018

Thank you all for your responses! I usually do have larger items broken into smaller items for my to do lists and that definitely helps. I think it would be good for me to add some time frames on there too like @jhjocelyn said so I know although it seems like it will take forever to do, it really won't. I'm thinking about getting a super planner of some sort, something that I track home and work projects in, and can bring my multiple work schedules into one. I think much of this anxiety is from feeling spread pretty thin lately at work and having an impending due date for stuff to be done- both at work and at home.

I keep going back and forth like, I've got 3.5 months, that's plenty of time to do everything! Then the next second I have the opposite thought, oh crap these months are going to fly by! I feel like I'm stuck in a time warp of some sort.

rachel1008 · June 2018

Love this thread. Thanks for starting it! I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, episodic depression, and ADD. The first few weeks coming off meds (Celexa, Trazodone, and Adderall) after finding out I was pregnant were pretty difficult. Then morning sickness and winter got me pretty down, but since that's lifted, I feel better mentally than I've ever felt. Now I have occasional anxiety, especially seeing posts about abused, neglected, or hurt animals and at bedtime thinking about all the things that need to be bought/done. Job stress was the trigger for me, but I'm in a slightly better position professionally than when I was first diagnosed a little over 5 years ago, so that's helped. Unfortunately it completely zapped a lot of my executive functioning at home (organization and decisionmaking), so my house is atrocious. This is why we waited so long to start a family (I'm 34 and a FTM). I felt better prepared 5 years ago than today. A promotion at work was what started it all, so I'm not doing that ever again, not with this agency at least. DH has been a huuuuge help around the house. Feeling better has got me wanting to do more, but SPD is limiting my ability to act on that motivation. Most ofthe time I'm pretty zen about it.

Whew, sorry so long!

klj0228 · June 2018

I have really been struggling the last few days. Today I told my mom if I knew what it would be like to be pregnant I don’t think I would have ever done it. We tried for over a year to get pregnant and this experience is so different from what I expected. I am grateful to be pregnant and looking forward to having a child, but this has been so intense. I never expected everyone to feel like they have a say in what I do or that their opinion should even be expressed to me. If I could I would just go into hiding for the next 4 months and when the baby is born and we are settled I would come back around. I realize that sounds absolutely nuts, but I am so overwhelmed with everything and it seems like no matter what I say to people they dismiss me or pretend I never told them what I want to do. I know who I want around when I am in labor, I have made that clear so please stop acting like I never said it or that your desire to sit in a waiting room with people you hate for hours is more important than my desire to have no one there!

And the baby shower...I don’t want one!! I am so thankful my mom and SIL are throwing it, but because they live out of state it is at my house which means I have to clean and get things ready for a party. Also, if one more person tells someone they want to be invited I am going to scream!

Oh and aside from the continued vomiting I am struggling with my growing body and all the changes it is going through. I feel like all I am to the rest of the world at this point is pregnant! It is what defines me and everything revolves around it. Apparently the old me does not exist. Believe me when I say, I do not need anyone to remind me I am pregnant. It is impossible to forget I have a tiny human growing inside me, and I I think about it non-stop. Just treat me like I am still as smart and strong and independent as you did before I was pregnant.

pourmeanothermocktail · June 2018

@klj0228 I'm sorry. Being pregnant is hard enough, idiots just make it so much harder.

Parties at your house are hard too. We have my son's second birthday party here this coming weekend, and idk what I would do if my dad wasn't organizing food and my mom wasn't here to help clean, and I chose this idea. Hang in there, but know that you can complain here whenever you need. It's totally hard.

Also, TW: birth trauma
I'm having a really hard time because my son's traumatic birth was now 2 years ago. All my bad memories are coming back, worse than last year because I'm pregnant again. Sucks that I get awful PTSD style flashbacks from what I wanted and feel like should have been a happy day...but it wasn't happy and I didn't meet him that day anyway. I mostly have gotten past my guilt at not being happy about it, but I know it's hard to celebrate with him and friends and family when it feels like an anniversary of a violent crime. Two days to go. Deep breathing.

nlc8424 · June 2018

@pourmeamocktail I'm sorry that your sons birthday is overshadowed by your delivery. I hope you're able to find joy on his birthday and during his party.

@klj0228 I'm sorry about all of the stress over your shower. If anyone else mentions it, I'd lie and say that you already had to let the caterer know how many people to expect and the numbers couldn't be changed.

Have you always had a hard time balancing what makes you happy vs making others happy?

I'd like to give you a little silver of hope. Before child me made it a really big priority to work with everyone else's schedules and try to make others happy, regardless of what kind of impact it had on me. During pregnancy I grew a little more vocal about what I wanted/needed. But after DS was here, I had no problem putting me/my family first before catering to other peoples wishes. Advice about baby stuff? I learned to trust my own gut. Family get togethers on the weekends but I was too tired? I learned to say no and have my H go by himself, or better yet, stay home with me and help me out. It's a fine balance trying to find your voice to advocate for what's best for you and your baby, but you'll get there. I really and truly hope this is the case for you too. We're here if you need to chat or vent more.

Patience7150 · June 2018

@klj0228 I'm so sorry girl. I think I typed nearly that exact same message when I was pregnant with my first and cried to H about it numerous times. It is so, so tough and annoying and frustrating and just sucks. Is your shower soon? Things got a little better after that passed for me since I no longer felt like I needed to put on this show or that I was a zoo animal on display. I could go in to hiding for a bit and it was a nice relief. I cried on the way to my shower because I didn't want to go, but it turned out to be lovely and not as bad as I anticipated. After the stress of the shower was gone, I could deal a little better with the small prying annoyances since they weren't piled on top of a huge stressor. Sending you creepy internet hugs!!

klj0228 · June 2018

@pourmeamocktail I am really sorry you are struggling with the anniversary of your birth experience and it of course coincides with your sons birthday. I am hoping you get to have a much better birth experience this go round.

Thanks for the support everyone. @nlc8424 I have always been one to put everyone else’s wants and needs above my own. I am starting to see a shift as I go through pregnancy, but what a shock it is to everyone else that I am saying, no this is about me! I hope that I will continue to get better as my pregnancy continues and after the baby comes.

@Patience7150 my shower is still four weeks away. I am glad it is early in my 3rd trimester (I’ll be 28 weeks) so that when it is over I can hopefully live a quiet life the remainder of my pregnancy. I hate that you felt this way with your first too, because it is a terrible feeling and so overwhelming, but it is nice to know I am not alone.

smsaulino · June 2018

@klj0228 same girl same!!!! Everything you just wrote. DH has even brought it up that he'd be ok if Polly is our only child. He really hates to see me so sick. The stress of the shower has just made the sickness worse. We're really hoping for an easy third trimester... but let's all just take a moment to laugh together on that note.

tpeci · June 2018

@klj0228 wow I just read your post and I don't think I could have worded it better, thanks for putting into words so much of what I feel. It's so hard to be seen as just pregnant and have all the rest of your identity literally erased. People don't even let me lift cushions when they're around because I'm pregnant... like What?!?! It's always a balance between recognizing and accepting the help offered and when it's just overkill. I do know I will appreciate it once baby comes and we're both in school again. But yeah I think we will be adopting next time around, I'm not sure I want to go through this again. We will see when the time comes.

lpq0309 · June 2018

Reading these posts has made me feel better-in that I'm not alone with how I feel. Anxiety & depression runs in my family, I was non-formally diagnosed with anxiety, low self-esteem & depression during high school but it's lingered since. During the beginning of this pregnancy I was overjoyed & so excited to become a mom. But the past month I just haven't been myself. The stress of my baby shower, a roommate finally moving out my house (I've been married over a year & he's finally moving since I'm pregnant) and my changing body. I've been more worried about how I'm going to lose the weight I've gained (so far 25 lbs @ 27 weeks) than the actual labor and delivery of my child. Which makes me feel terrible. My husbands side of the family has made comments about "watch what you eat, the weight is so hard to lose." I've also been so overwhelmed with the unnecessary advice and the constant need to control me & my husbands actions on becoming parents. I wish people would be more supportive rather than negative. I just don't feel like myself, have no motivation to do things I did before like yoga or gardening. I just hate feeling this way when I should be excited for the arrival of my baby girl.

lpq0309 · June 2018

@klj0228 Thank you for writing that because I definitely understand where you're coming from. I wasn't suppose to plan my own baby shower but my SIL decided to move & drop the whole thing..thankfully my husbands aunt took over to help. I hate when people keep saying "oh you didn't invite this person?"
Like no I didnt, it's my baby shower so shut up. If I could, I would hide under a rock for the next 2.5 months too...

klj0228 · June 2018

I am so glad my post could capture the way so many of you are feeling too. It also helps to see your responses saying you feel this way. While I wish none of us felt like this, it’s good to know we are not alone. We are all in this together! 3-4 months go until we are holding our sweet babies in our arms.

I am so grateful for this mental health post and knowing it is here. I don’t always want to post these things on the randoms thread because they can get people down, but for myself I need to get it out there. Thanks for being an awesome group of ladies!!

nlc8424 · June 2018

@klj0228 I am grateful too. I'm not shy about what I'm struggling with, so I wouldn't mind putting it in randoms, and I have before, but at least this thread sets the tone for what's going to be discussed.

I had a really heavy appointment this afternoon with a teenager and her mom and it was a bit much on me emotionally. The girl has been bullied for the last couple years because of her weight and image and I'm so so worried about imparting a negative body image onto my daughter as she gets older. It's not worth worrying about right now and I realize that, but I've got a lot of baggage with my relationship with my mom as a teenager. I'm looking into setting up an appointment with a therapist where I'd like to "unpack" some of these thoughts and feelings. The hard part is working with my schedule (after work) since it just isn't convenient for me to leave in the middle of the day for an appointment. I'm really trying to use a minimal amount of time off before my maternity leave so that we're in a good spot financially and not stressed, but it really sucks in the mean time.

mauishay · June 2018

On December 25th of last year, my dad killed himself.

He had always battled with alcohol and even though we weren’t super close growing up, we became closer over the last few years because I knew he wouldn’t be around much longer. I didn’t think that he would do this but his health was failing and I thought one day he would drink himself to death.

It’s such a weird place to be in. Other than my grandma, I’ve never had anyone close to me die & I think about him everyday. I don’t know if that’s normal or just because he left the way he did.

Most of days it’s something that will remind me of him or a brief thought before bed while my mind is shutting off but others, like right now, just consume me won’t stop till I get a good cry or write something down.

I think this month has been tougher, just knowing that Father’s Day is only a couple weeks away. I’m lucky that I have a wonderful bonus Dad and my incredible husband to celebrate, I just can’t help but be sad about all the things he’s missing. I didn’t even find out I was having this baby until two weeks after he died.

He came to visit me in a dream about a month after he died and I know he’s ok. I know that he’s not struggling anymore and I know that I wasn’t going to change this outcome. I just wish I had reached out more.

The last time we talked was about a week before he died. We had been playing phone tag and caught him on my drive to work. He had been sober for a little while and sounded like he was doing really good. We talked about my trip home and how he couldn’t wait to show Oli (my son) the sheeps and goats on the ranch he had been working on. When I pulled into work I said “I have to go but call me any time” and he said with a obvious sadness in his voice “but then I’ll call you all the time” and I said “that’s ok, call me all the time”.

I should have called him, I should have reached out and knew that the holidays would be hard. I know I can’t beat myself up and tomorrow I will be fine, it’s just a tough night for me.

My sister and my son visiting the sheep the day we cleared out his house on the ranch.

nackie · June 2018

@mauishay I’m so, so sorry about your dad. I think it’s pretty normal to be thinking about our lost loved ones frequently when they first pass. It gets easier as time goes on, but I don’t think that pain ever really passes. At least it hasn’t for me. Please know that there was nothing you could have done to prevent it though both alcoholism and depression are powerful diseases and no amount of love in the world can cure them.

pourmeanothermocktail · June 2018

@mauishay Very sorry for your loss. It's hard to lose anyone. It definitely wasn't your fault. I do think it's perfectly normal to have rough days especially when you know your loved one isn't going to meet your new addition. My grandfather passed in February. We were pretty close to had even lived with him a few times in my life. It's just hard. Creepy internet stranger hugs!

southernlady07 · June 2018

@nlc8424 That's really hard...I'm sorry you had a difficult appointment and that she's going through those things. I also think often about raising my daughter to have a positive self-image in a world that is so focused on looks. I hope you are able to find the time to make an appointment and work through some of those feelings related to your Mom.

@mauishay I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost a loved one shortly before finding out we were expecting this baby. It has been a new experience for me, dealing with grief while simultaneously experiencing such joy. I am glad to hear you will be able to celebrate Father's Day with some other great Dads in your life, even though your heart may be heavy on that day.

nlc8424 · June 2018

@mauishay I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I had more to contribute other than what the other ladies have said, but know that I'm thinking of you too. I imagine it's quite normal to think so much about it especially with fathers day coming up, I hope you find some peaceful moments on that day.

LizzaBuffy · June 2018

Hi ladies, I'm brand new to this thread. Was looking for someone to "vent" to this morning but felt embarrassed to talk to anyone.
This is my second pregnancy. I'm having a baby girl this time and this pregnancy is so hard. Currently working 4 days a week and feeling so unprepared and feeling like I will never have things ready. I want to nest but I'm often so tired or in pain that I don't have energy or time to work on stuff in the evenings. And weekends are full of getting chores done because we worked during the week. I feel like a crazy woman mich of the time and mentally I'm jist struggling tbis pregnancy. I have 3 more months left and I know it's not that long, but it feels like forever. Yesterday I felt great and so happy and today I feel so down and negative and can't snap out of it. Anyone else in the same boat? I feel crazy like 80% of the time.

Thanks ladies for this thread.

klj0228 · June 2018

@lizzabuffy welcome to this board. I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed right now. You are not crazy, this has been a tough pregnancy for me too and I am a FTM. We have had a couple discussions on here about writing a to do list and breaking the tasks down into small manageable items so you can pretty easily mark things off. Please keep coming back to this board and others for support. This is a pretty awesome support system. You may want to get involved in the STM+ board as well because many of those moms are going through the same stresses as you too.

nlc8424 · June 2018

@LizzaBuffy I do know how you feel with trying to attend to my current kid and prepping things for #2. I work fulltime and don't have a short commute so I get how exhausting it is! I would also recommend breaking projects down into smaller tasks and even assign some dates/times to it to help make it more manageable.

Also totally understand how it feels like every chore is done on the weekend leaving no time for anything extra. I'm trying to be a bit better about that myself, whether it's throwing in a load of laundry, or cleaning out more of our third bedroom. Just chipping away at things one at a time.

On a separate note, I was really struggling the first 1.5 weeks after starting zoloft because of insomnia and GI symptoms. It seems to have balanced out a bit now, and I'm feeling really good today. I actually woke up before my alarm and got to take my time getting ready this morning and not feel like I was in a mad dash to get out the door. This may seem like a little thing but I'm by nature a morning person and I prefer to get some alone time in the morning and I've been missing it because of disrupted sleep, so it was refreshing to feel ready to wake up before my alarm this morning. I hope this is indicative of how the medication will ultimately work for me.

Lucky2K13 · June 2018

I was diagnosed with depression when my mom was diagnosed with cancer about 13 years ago and put on antidepressants for a few months. The dr said it was likely a temporary response to my mom's issue and not a permanent thing I needed to worry about. However, I have gone through 3 other definable bouts of depression since then, so while it's not something I have to manage on a daily basis I don't think the first bout was an isolated event.

My saving grace was having my daughter 6 years ago. The responsibility I feel to her to be a good mom has encouraged me to work through my issues and notice the warning signs before I get swallowed by the depression. I do think I suffered from postpartum depression as well, but I believe it was made worse by a declining relationship with my husband once she was born. It seems my depression is triggered by a reasonably sucky situation, and if I don't recognize that I need to address my feelings the depression can take over. A couple of the earlier bouts landed me in the bed, exhausted and unable to function, for about a week.

I am currently in the process of separation and divorce from my husband (I initiated it). I have my sad days but am leaning on my support system to stay positive. I would have never imagined I'd be doing this pregnant, but knowing it's the right thing to do, with the motivation of doing what's best for my daughter and unborn child, I know I'll be ok! Thank you to everyone sharing their stories. Depression is such an isolating thing.

klj0228 · June 2018

My mom just called to tell me that she has started to get RSVPs for my shower in 3.5 weeks. That made me start having serious anxiety and a panic attack. Doing what I can to take deep breaths and “go to my happy place”, but I’m afraid it will get worse until the shower has come and gone. I’m glad I’m getting it over with relatively early (28 weeks) so I am not stressing about it the rest of my pregnancy.

If we decide to have a 2nd I think I will refuse any type of sprinkle or shower. I want so bad for this to be a very private experience and time and in turn it feels like a show.

Patience7150 · June 2018

Still just trying to give you hope @klj0228 but outside of both of our jobs, we've told eight people about this baby! 6 of H's brothers and sisters (biological, he's one of 9) don't even know!! You can do it, your shower is so close to being over and then you can be a little more private until baby gets close which will cause people to probably start to pry again. Hang in there and sending you creepy internet hugs!!

klj0228 · June 2018

@patience7150 thank you! Wow, one of 9?! I hate feeling like I am complaining, but it’s also something that our loved ones don’t fully understand because they are so excited. I do remind myself if I can get through the shower then I should be able to be mostly private for the majority of third trimester. Especially since it will be so hot and I will be big I’m hoping I can just tell people I want to stay in or don’t feel up to doing much. I appreciate the support and knowing I am not crazy for really wanting this to be a quiet private time.

lpq0309 · June 2018

@klj0228 I completely understand. I wanted our shower to be small and intimate with just close family...my SIL ended up inviting more people without telling me. After the shower I plan on keeping to myself to get ready for baby. I will be 31 weeks at my shower. Hubby & I don't want anyone at the hospital with us during L&D. We want this to be a private experience for just us two. Hang in there girl!!!

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