Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: TTTC Check-In 5/31/18
QOTW We’re off to Iceland this weekend! Just 3 full days, but I’m excited. The rest of the summer we’ll be traveling to visit family.
AFM: We don't have any more real travel plans for the summer after our vacation last week. We were planning a trip to DC in August but have canceled due to potential cycle timing (plus I didn't really want to go anyway). So we might do a few short trips here and there but nothing formal planned.
TTC History in spoiler Instagram
Married Oct 2007
TTC Since Oct 2010 - MFI Diagnosis 2012 (Morphology 1% + High DNA Frag)
IUI x2 in 2012 - BFN
IVF #1 Feb 2018 - 9 Retrieved - 8 Mature - 5 Fertilized - 2 Snowbabies - no testing
FET#1 March 2018 - BFP - MMC May @ 10w4d
FET#2 July 2018 - BFN
IVF #2 Nov 2018 - 10 Retrieved - 10 Mature - 8 Fertilized - 2 Snowbabies - no testing
@ChristenMA83 Can't beat just lounging around for vacation.
QOTW: Any summer vacation plans? We are getting married in 29 days at a farmhouse which we have rented for the week. So that will be our vacation. It is gorgeous though and I am excited to pretend it is mine for a whole week
TTC History in spoiler Instagram
Married Oct 2007
TTC Since Oct 2010 - MFI Diagnosis 2012 (Morphology 1% + High DNA Frag)
IUI x2 in 2012 - BFN
IVF #1 Feb 2018 - 9 Retrieved - 8 Mature - 5 Fertilized - 2 Snowbabies - no testing
FET#1 March 2018 - BFP - MMC May @ 10w4d
FET#2 July 2018 - BFN
IVF #2 Nov 2018 - 10 Retrieved - 10 Mature - 8 Fertilized - 2 Snowbabies - no testing
So glad you had the FET yesterday and keeping FX for you.
In all honestly, I'm pretty sure you are going to get pregnant this round, so part of me (very very selfishly) will be a little sad to lose your calming, sensible, and grounded presence on these boards. But then I think: "Whatever will be, will be."
So yeah, that's how certain I am that this is the one for you!!!! xoxoxox Have fun in Iceland!
And thank you soo much for the kind words last week. It meant a lot to me.
@ChristenMA83 - ugh, I hate cancelling things to potential cycle timing. Hoping you can do some short trips here and there, and I have to say - it sounds like you have been a real trooper these past few weeks, in spite of great personal pain and disappointment. Keeping FX for you, and hoping you have happy news soon.
@meri-mac - a wedding?! Exciting!! ps. you made me laugh with your comment about the penis museum. DH would love that too.
@emmasemm - any updates?
@BWhitta - glad to hear all went well with your lap!
@oklahomak - welcome! I hope your stay here is short.
@mirabelle33 - you really touched me last week with your comment on bravery. Thank you so much.
ps. I didn't think your comment about being "forced to deal with it" sounded irresponsible AT ALL. The IF testing we have to do is wild. Early on, I tested positive for some crazy antibody that I'd never heard of, that no doctor seems concerned about and would only be a risk if my husband had a specific, rare blood type and our baby inherited it. So (of course) we had DH tested, and it was negative. I felt like a crazy person! You do all these things to prepare for "what ifs" and chase all these phantom threads. Now, when doctors tell me I should test for "x", I'm just like: "Fine, whatever. I'll get to it when I get to it."
QOTW: We spent this past year investing a bit more in DH's favorite hobby: boating. Hopefully we will boat it up all summer!
AFM: Feeling a little sad today. Some very, very small part of me had hoped I'd get KU-ed this cycle. I even had some unusual cramps last week, and I thought: "Maybe? Maybe?" But then today I had some tell-tale cramps today and I realized that this cycle is going to be another bust. I'm just waiting on CD1. Ugh. Go away, AF. Go away!
Welcome @elisek, hope your time here is short. When is your next blood test?
@meri-mac hope the wedding plans are going smoothly, wedding are so exciting!
@funkykey I'm so sorry this cycle isn't looking hopeful any more. I will keep some hope for you. Lots of hugs
Afm second bloods tomorrow but given how slow I am to respond I'm not expecting anything. I have spent this evening making a dinosaur cake for my niece's 3rd bday tomorrow,feeling a bit anxious about the party.
Qotw it's winter over here so hoping for a get away at some point. Was considering Japan for a few weeks but don't like the idea of planning thing too far out. Our typical holiday activities aren't generally preggy friendly
TTC History in spoiler Instagram
Married Oct 2007
TTC Since Oct 2010 - MFI Diagnosis 2012 (Morphology 1% + High DNA Frag)
IUI x2 in 2012 - BFN
IVF #1 Feb 2018 - 9 Retrieved - 8 Mature - 5 Fertilized - 2 Snowbabies - no testing
FET#1 March 2018 - BFP - MMC May @ 10w4d
FET#2 July 2018 - BFN
IVF #2 Nov 2018 - 10 Retrieved - 10 Mature - 8 Fertilized - 2 Snowbabies - no testing
QOTW: We're going on a Scotland/Iceland trip! We try to do an international trip each year, always saying it's, "One more big vacation before we have a baby." This is year 4... maybe that will be a true statement this time
@Bababatty Looks like your Iceland trip is before ours — if you have any tips when you get back, I'd love to hear them! Fingers crossed for a successful FET! So happy to hear it's looking good!!!
@meri-mac Congrats! I bet it will be beautiful. Side note, now DH is planning a visit to the penis museum lol
@funkykey Thanks for the welcome! I'm sorry to hear this cycle isn't looking hopeful
TTC History in spoiler Instagram
Married Oct 2007
TTC Since Oct 2010 - MFI Diagnosis 2012 (Morphology 1% + High DNA Frag)
IUI x2 in 2012 - BFN
IVF #1 Feb 2018 - 9 Retrieved - 8 Mature - 5 Fertilized - 2 Snowbabies - no testing
FET#1 March 2018 - BFP - MMC May @ 10w4d
FET#2 July 2018 - BFN
IVF #2 Nov 2018 - 10 Retrieved - 10 Mature - 8 Fertilized - 2 Snowbabies - no testing
2. What is your diagnosis? Recurrent miscarriages. then found out a few things in 2016 but they aren't sure they caused our losses. But I have hashimoto's, a little bit of PCOS, low vitamin d and low iron, PA1 4g/5g
3. What is your current Rx plan? Waiting to ovulate. CD7 today.
QOTW: Any summer vacation plans? Vacation trips with hubby to the beach and smoky mountains probably. Not sure yet.
So I'll get to day 31, and I think: "Maybe these PMS symptoms are a pregnancy!" and then day 32 & 33 I feel, finally, hopeful. Then BAM! No dice, sorry. Not pregnant again.
For me, that aspect of the treatments has been one of the hardest, mentally - just the wait between day 31-34.
I'm in that now, I keep thinking: "Maybe, maybe." Because I'm about 2 days late now. But the last time I went through this, and the time before, it was nothing. Just my body adjusting after all the different treatments. And I'm so traumatized from my last few HPTs, I don't want to ever see another again.