I want more kids, he doesn't.

taylorgoins1 · May 2018

Okay, so I'm posting this because I'm kind of hurt and confused by a conversation I had with my SO a couple of nights ago.

Ill start by saying, we have a daughter who is 14 months.

Also, we were together about 6 years when we found out we were pregnant.

But She was never very difficult her first year... of course we had a few trying times by being first time parents and obviously getting used to the parent lifestyle but over all I would say we were always excited seeing her mile stones and watching her grow and that mattered more.

So fast forward to when she was around 9 months, my SO brings up out of the blue, "I want another kid."... I said, me too, of course. But we both agreed to wait atleast until she was walking and a little more older(atleast a year we said) before we would try.

Well I talked to him 2 months ago and asked if it was okay with him if I set an appt up to get my birth control removed. He said yes. It wasn't just to get pregnant but I had side effects I didn't really care for. So, now I have no birth control.

well the other night, I brought up to him that, how about we start trying and throw out the condoms. Well his attitude about having a baby has completely changed. He is now not so sure he even wants another kid. And kind of just shrugged off the whole thing. I'm not saying he was dismissive but it's almost like he was unsure, if that makes sense.

I just feel hurt and confused because we had a conversation about this not to long ago about trying. And since our daughter was old enough, when the topic first came up, I feel that our reasons of having another kid were justified and it wasn't just baby fever.

But now, he isn't sure and I'm very sure! I've been sure, so I'm just confused when he changed his mind and didn't tell me. It's almost like he gots my hopes up and just tore them down without giving it second thought.

Of course, rationally I don't want to push or force the issue because I can respect the fact if truly doesn't want another kid. As one time, I never wanted kids, so I understand what that is like. But this isn't something he has always wanted and I just don't know what to do.

I don't want to get pregnant on accident because I'm not on birth control and he is upset or flat out mad. But we made the decision 100% together that getting of birth control was fine and now I just feel lost and confused.

Any advice or similar stories?

Should I give him time, bring it up again, respect his decision, or just keep using condoms and hope he comes around(if he does?)

meggyme · May 2018

It could be that he’s just not ready right now. Give him a little time and maybe ask him to think about it so he can sort out his feelings and talk about it again in a couple weeks. There may be a concern that he has which is preventing him from signing off on it or he may want another kid, just not yet. But only he can tell you what it is.

Once you both determine that you can move forward with a plan to either assuage his concern or choose a time that might be better suited for both of you.

jennyleigh16 · May 2018

I dont have any advice but my husband also decided he's one and done while I desperately want a second. We aren't using any kind of birth control other than him pulling out so honestly I'm just hoping for a happy accident. I understand how frustrating it is to not be on the same page, especially if he was on board initially. Is there a new stressor in his life that would make him think its too much? Work or finances or a health scare? Give him time and I hope he comes around. Good luck!

knottie0866555753cc4f07 · August 2018

I know how you feel too. My boyfriend was also initially so happy to dream ul having two kids with me. We felt like it was so right. Months later, I got pregnant now in my first trimester and he says he doesn't want to be a dad. It's just kind of disappointing that you would turn 180 on something like that and leave me out in the cold. But as you say, there are stressors here. He is still waiting for a divorce to come through before he can make these plans. I'm waiting for him. But sometimes life throws us a curveball and right now I need him to come through for us.I hope he will. Tough love.

PolarBear517 · August 2018

Before you got pregnant for DD, did you talk about if/when you wanted kids? Child spacing etc.? If so, what changed?

I don't think its putting pressure on him to explore his thoughts/opinions on this further. I'd ask him why he thinks he is one and done... financial reasons? worries about being overwhelmed? spacing too closely? If you find out what his worries are, that should give you some room to discuss and at least a benchmark for WHEN to bench the conversation. I'd be honest and say "Right now I'd really like a second child, but I understand if you're not ready to have this conversation. I'm not ready to close this door, but we can table the conversation. I just want to know what your thoughts and feels are at this moment."

lp_123 · September 2018

I'd bring it up again and see where he's at.

MzFergie77 · March 2019

I def wouldn’t do it if he isn’t on board. Resentment is horrible.

coffee-n-rainbows · April 2019

Hi. I’m in a similar situation. My husband got a vasectomy after our last child (we have three). I know he is done and I don’t want to try to keep after him to do something he has no interest in doing.

I would try to just be patient as best you can. I know it’s hard.

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