IF Benched/IVF Limbo w/o 5/14

suzycupcake · May 2018

This is a place for those of us who have been diagnosed with IF, but are either benched (doctor's orders/self imposed) or in IVF limbo. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on infertility. The road to infertility can be lonely, frustrating, and complicated, so let's make this a place where we can vent, ask questions, and support one another. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this as an ongoing conversation.

****TW aren't necessary in here unless you absolutely feel it's important to use one. IF is IF and it matters, even if you have a LO at home, so it's okay to mention that too in here.****

Read this.........Rule for this week. If you post, you have to offer emotional support to at least one lady in relationship to the fourth item below. Don't worry if you aren't sure what to say. This is not a contest. An emoji, hugs, a gif, or even a poem that you find online can be tremendously comforting.

Diagnosis:

If new to this thread, Why are you benched/in IVF limbo right now and how would you like to be supported here?

Any upcoming appointments?:

What fears/worries/anxieties are rolling around in your head?:

Any questions?:

GTKY: How has IF effected your relationship and what do you gies do to deal with it?

suzycupcake · May 2018

Where are you ladies at?

scully127 · May 2018

I’m a habitual bench warmer so I will post! (Even though I am allowed to TTC this month, but starting next month hubby is on Zika quarantine.)

Since I introduced myself on the last thread (unexplained IF, cyst/hyperstimulation problems while attempting IUI), I will answer the new questions.

Appointments: Going tomorrow for a Day 9 ultrasound. I was allowed to take Clomid this month, but was told it was pointless because it was too late (too big of a follicle on Day 4 from all the cysts). I am hoping the doctor will be wrong!

Worries? I am wondering how my husband and I are going to get through six months with limited intimacy due to Zika concerns. We waited five years until we got married (yeah, a long time) but now six months feels unbearable. We can use protection, but I am going to be one anxious and paranoid person in case protection breaks during the quarantine period. We are going to do frozen soldiers, but I am worried it is pointless since it is much less effective.

Questions: Anyone have good stories of an RE doctor being wrong and things turning out better than the doctor predicted?

GTKY: IF hasn’t affected much between my husband and me, except for the fact that we are sad not being able to start a family together. We used to brainstorm baby names when we were excited about TTCing, but we have given that up. I deal with it by avoiding triggers and distracting myself with my job as a lawyer or other activities. This past mother’s day, I skipped church just to avoid mothers and treat myself to something fun. I am also planning a trip to New Zealand for November. If I can’t have a baby, then I figure I should enjoy my freedom.

@suzycupcake your answers?

suzycupcake · May 2018

@scully127 Have no shame in keeping the bench warm! I'm sure the ladies appreciate not having a cold seat to sit on

Oh snap, your hubby has zika virus? I'm sorry that really sucks. How's he doing? Have you ever been to New Zealand?

Also RE wrong story. A couple of cycles ago, I was told I would need to take estrace because my lining needed thickened up. I didn't take it and the next u/s, I was told, "Your lining is so beautiful! Nice and thick!" /eye roll I know my own body dammeT! I was like can we please focus on what my body isn't already doing on its own and fix that?!

Diagnosis: pcos

If new to this thread, Why are you benched/in IVF limbo right now and how would you like to be supported here?

Any upcoming appointments?: I need to go check tsh soon. I've been blowing it off.

What fears/worries/anxieties are rolling around in your head?: I've been feeling insecure lately that my husband will leave me since I might not be able to have a natural child. It's stupid, I know. Mostly, there is anxiety that our 3 cycle break to try on our own won't work and then I'll have to decide whether I went to start iui again or move onto ivf. It's a really tough choice.

Any questions?: No

GTKY: How has IF effected your relationship and what do you gies do to deal with it? We've always been super close but I think this journey, in a way, is bringing us even closer together. We have reached out to our church recently to get some counseling or just to have others come along side of us so we don't feel so alone in it as a couple. We came to this church a couple of years ago when we bought our house. There are a lot of foster/adoption families there and I knew right away that God brought us there for a reason. I've always wanted to adopt anyways and not because of infertility, but I feel like I've been given a kick in that direction lately. My husband and I have been discussing it often to do while we go through treatment.

For us, we try our best to communicate. It used to be that we added a bunch of humor, but now, communication is becoming more important than anything.

scully127 · May 2018

@suzycupcake Luckily, hubby doesn’t have Zika but CDC says that if male partner travels to Brazil you can’t conceive for six months or have unprotected sex that long. My husband is staying only in São Paulo and Zika is mostly contained there, but there is no good test so we are playing it safe. Too bad my husband’s job is forcing him there now of all times.

Interesting story on the doc!

No worries, we all have unreasonable fears. But if you two grew closer as a result of this, I imagine that fear will never materialize.

Church has been a good source of inspiration for us. Our priest and his wife adopted due to PCOS, and she picked up on my infertility after Clomid caused me to have sharp spasms in my stomach one day during services. She shared her advice on when she thought the right time to adopt was (she pursued both in parallel, but back then adoption was a whole lot cheaper and easier than it is today). She is cute - she even brought me some special blessed ointment to address infertility so I have been saving that for when I undergo my next big treatment cycle. She is one of the few who understands what this is like for me.

Haven’t been to New Zealand but can’t wait to go explore Mordor and Hobbiton!

ndz2018 · May 2018

Diagnosis: MFI

If new to this thread, Why are you benched/in IVF limbo right now and how would you like to be supported here?

Any upcoming appointments?: Meeting with the Clinics social this morning. After that next app till 6/6

What fears/worries/anxieties are rolling around in your head?: I think I was Nervous about today’s appointment idk why?!? I pretty Much didn’t sleep last night at all! I’ve got giant bags under my eyes this morning. The main clinic isn’t about 25-30 min drive with no traffic and we have to be there at 8 am

Any questions?:

GTKY: How has IF effected your relationship and what do you gies do to deal with it?
Ehhh it depends on the day ... some days we are super supportive and other days we bicker about the dumbest things.

J1006 · May 2018

I introduced myself last week.

Any upcoming appointments?: today I have a SHG and possible bloodwork.

What fears/worries/anxieties are rolling around in your head?: not really. I just kind of want to find an answer as to why I lost my last pregnancy. Hoping to find some answers. I know my SHG will be clear as they always are. Hopefully I get to have bloodwork today. They are running everything through insurance first before they draw so I might have to gonna I later.

GTKY: How has IF effected your relationship and what do you gies do to deal with it? Luckily it really hasn’t negatively. I’ve always been thankful that even though we keep failing and having obstacles every step of the way it hasn’t negatively affected our marriage.

kristimh80 · May 2018

Diagnosis: Anovulatory

If new to this thread, Why are you benched/in IVF limbo right now and how would you like to be supported here? Failed April FET, so today started my estrogen for my ERA cycle.

Any upcoming appointments?: May 29th - lining & progesterone check

What fears/worries/anxieties are rolling around in your head?: Well my boss announced yesterday that she's 6 months pregnant. I'm super happy for her, but I struggle how I can be so elated for her, but so sad at the same time. It sucks, for a long time I've thought as work as my "safe place". So I struggle how to mentally cope between that and our couples church group with all the babies and one having a baby next month. It's a constant reminder...so lots of times I just want to hide at home.

GTKY: How has IF effected your relationship and what do you guys do to deal with it? It's actually made us stronger and a lot closer. My husband has been super supportive and it's made up be very open with our feelings. I'm usually the time that keeps everything inside, but it's forced me to be vocal for once.

@scully127 Sending hugs! That must be tough going thru the Zika quarantine on top of everything else. I am really glad you brought that up though. Our friends are getting married in Cabo in July, part of me was wanting to say the heck with it and risk just going, but I can't put my treatments on hold for 6 months...so thank you for saving me for being reckless!

@ndz2018 I hope today's meeting goes well and it ends up being very good for you both!!

@J1006 FX they find some answers for you!! My RE mentioned doing extra bloodwork as well, so I think I'm going to push for that soon as well. I wish they did it all from the get-go!

@suzycupcake I understand your fears. I use to think the same thing, but remember, you're i this together! Speaking of church...my small group started reading a book called "The Good and Beautiful God". I listen to it on the way to work and it's been very helpful. I was shocked when they started talking about child loss and infertility in it...I thought it was just another random study - read. Of course, since then...I can't stop listening. Not sure if something you'd be interested in

J1006 · May 2018

@kristimh80 I know! My BIL said the same thing. He was mad at our doctor for not doing everything at the beginning but we just had to explain to him that it’s juat not the way things work. Plus I guess this blood work is expensive. Our insurance has been good with diagnostic tests so hopefully they consider this diagnostic.

Well I’m sitting here waiting and possibly won’t get my SHG done this month. Apparently a new policy was formed at my clinic last week that you have to take a pregnancy test the morning of and no one told me. So hopefully since they just had my HCG at zero on Friday that I will still be able to do it today. I’m going to be super bummed if I have to wait until next month to do this.

kristimh80 · May 2018

@J1006 Since your beta was at 0, Friday....it doesn't make sense that you'd need another one done right before. Let us know how things go! FX for you!

suzycupcake · May 2018

Thank you @kristimh80 really sweet of you to recommend a book

@ndz2018 Geese, sorry you had to do all of that this morning after not getting any sleep. I hope the appointment went well this morning and that you'll get a nap or something soon.

@J1006 That's ridiculous if they make you wait until next cycle especially because you just had a test on Friday. What happened at your appointment? I assume you are out now?

J1006 · May 2018

I was able to get it done. Thank God! I was going to be so mad if I had to wait because of that. Unfortunately it wasn’t a clear scan. There was something at the top of my uterus. Possibly leftover tissue from my loss last week. So next month she said I have to be put under and she will go in with a scope to look at my uterus and clear out whatever is in there. I don’t know if this is going to push back my timeline further or not. She asked again how many embryos we have left. I could tell she’s not as optimistic as she has been in the past.

suzycupcake · May 2018

@J1006 Hugs. I'm so sorry. It might push the timeline but maybe not. Either way, be kind to yourself and allow your body to heal. That's so much easier said than done. I know it's not really my place so hopefully it's okay to say this. Don't let yourself make up that story in your head about your doctor's optimism. She may have been having a bad day or has something going on in her life that came out in her tone or expressions today. Maybe she's exhausted and simply forgot how many. Ask her what her optimism level is before leaving that story to fester in your mind. It's not worth it.

kristimh80 · May 2018

@J1006 I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! I know you just want to move forward at this point. Nevertheless, I know you'd want everything to be 100% good to go before transfer time though. Is there a reason that she wants to wait till next month?

J1006 · May 2018

@kristimh80I guess the procedure has to be done between cycle days 7 - 10. Tomorrow is my CD10. I call on CD1 for instructions.

@suzycupcake very true. She did say I’m putting a lot of pressure on her since we only have one frozen. I honestly don’t mind if this doesn’t work. I’m at a point where I just want it to be successful or fail so we can move on to adoption. It’s all the little set backs that are just frustrating at this point.

ndz2018 · May 2018

Things went well with the clinics counselor yesterday, other than feeling exhausted from no sleep. I think she just wanted to make sure we were on the same page moving forward, which we had discussed before hand and we are. It's been a tough couple months and I think we just need his break to remember why we are doing this in the first place, sometimes you just need to press the reset button on your relationship and remember why we started this journey.... because two people fell in love and want to start a family. I'll tell you guys one thing as much as my SO can get on my nerves, i wouldn't want to go through this with anyone else... even with all the ups and downs!!

@j1006 Oh no! i'm so sorry to hear that there's something in your ute. I know it feels like time is crawling right now waiting to get to your next FET but i can promise you once you get into the groove of life it'll fly by! Plus you have all of us to wait with so that's a plus:)

@suzycupcake Why the hold up on the tsh test? Are you just scared to results wont be what you need them to be?

@scully127 Isn't refreshing when you have someone to talk to about IF that actually REALLY gets it??? I am lucky enough to have one of my besties who has gone through IVF a few years ago, unfortunately she never wound up conceiving but from the very beginning she has been super supportive always checking up on me, its been really nice to have someone there.

@kristimh80 so glad you got this cycle going! Hopefully this next month will fly by for the both of us

kristimh80 · May 2018

@J1006 Ahh gotcha! In the back of mind...I want to call them for you and tell them you need some come in today! lol But like @ndz2018 said...soon enough with life and esp the holiday coming up, things should fly by for you! Did she say if you should do your FET during the same cycle you have the procedure done?

@ndz2018 You're so right!! Having a break this last time made me forget about the IF craziness a little and get back to thinking about myself and focus on my husband. Plus we've gotten so much random stuff just at home done lately that had been put off b/c minds were always in baby mode.

ndz2018 · May 2018

@ndz2018 You're so right!! Having a break this last time made me forget about the IF craziness a little and get back to thinking about myself and focus on my husband. Plus we've gotten so much random stuff just at home done lately that had been put off b/c minds were always in baby mode.

EXACTLY!! We had put all this stuff off too!! And now we are being more proactive with gettin sh*t done!

J1006 · May 2018

@kristimh80. I will go on birth control for the start of my FET cycle. I believe I can start that and get my procedure done within the same timeframe. So hopefully it’s not going to set it back. I really wanted to get this transfer done this summer before I start back at work in August. The beginning of the school year is always crazy and I don’t want to add to the crazy haha. I just pray my cycle behaves and starts on time or early

suzycupcake · May 2018

@ndz2018 I think part of blowing off getting tsh rechecked is wanting to take a break from all of the medical stuff and the other part is thinking that my body will go back to normal on its own since it was only subclinical and has never happened to me prior to fertility meds and a miscarriage. I wanted to wait at least a cycle to give my body time to adjust after the last treatment cycle. I want to see if I'll end up being right. We are taking a few cycle break and trying on our own with supplements, bbt, opks, soft cups and TI.

IF Benched/IVF Limbo w/o 5/14

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